Katie: -taps foot impatiently- Where is Kath?
Big Muscular Man #3: -shrug-
BMM #1: -shrug-
Katie: -sigh-
Audience Man #1: Ah, come on! Start the show already!
Audience Woman #1: Yeah! We've got places to be!
AW #2: People to meet!
AM #2: Laws to break!
-Awkward silence-
AM #2: I mean... uhh... -pulls Kath out from under his overcoat- Fine! Here!
Kath: -spits out sock- You. Are. Pure. Evil.
Katie: Okay, ew...
Kath: -hurries onto stage- Anywho... let's introduce today's guest, Kate.
Katie: Does it not bother you in the slightest that he tried to kidnap you under his overcoat?
Kath: Meh, it happens. But onward, today's guest is Lieutenant/Ensign/Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris. The only one of the Voyager crew to have a full name to make fun of!
-BMM drag Paris out-
Katie: Uh... why are the Eiffel Tower and a bunch of people in berets here all of a sudden?
Kath: Other Paris, you twits!
Whole city of Paris: Oui!
Kath: Indeed.
-BMM groan and proceed to drag out the correct Paris. Tom Paris that is-
Paris: Ah, come on, where's my B'Elanna?
Katie: -shaking finger- Nu, uh, uh! Not until we get some questions answered!
Kath: Darn tootin'!
Audience: -blank stare-
Kath: Uh... sorry... -hides Bonanza tapes-
Katie: Anyways... a few questions, right. Well. One from an avid reviewer, and the rest from us.
Kath: We don't get many questions. That's why we're going to have to bring you back in the future for another interview, along with everyone else so we get round 2 of things. Maybe they'll understand before then and ask something for the rest of the crew.
Paris: Ah, so who's left on the list of guests?
Katie: Tuvok, Seven, the Doc, Naomi, Chell... ummmm... Neelix... a few random asteroids...
Harry –backstage- : -whines-
Kath: I have this strange feeling that we're forgetting someone...
Harry: -plays loud, squeaky notes on the clarinet-
Katie: -tosses random flame thrower behind curtains- Funny, same here.
Harry: -screams-
Paris: Well it sounds like you got everyone. Now let's get started, I have to fly to the Alpha Quadrant and all that good stuff.
Katie: Can't you just put it on autopilot for a straight and narrow path there?
Paris: Is that one of your questions?
Katie: ... Yes.
Paris: Because there's stuff out there that disrupt a straight path. Aliens, planets, moons, asteroids, anomalies, and such.
Kath: You're a major prankster on the ship, no?
Paris: I tend to get myself in troubling situations that relay humorous results.
Kath: A simple yes will do, thank you very freaking really much.
Katie: Um... you okay?
Kath: I WAS ALMOST KIDNAPPED AND YOU DIDN'T NOTICE THE FACT THAT A KATH-SHAPED BULGE WAS STICKING OUT OF THAT MANS COAT!
Katie: But you said-
Kath: Since when do you all of a sudden listen to my babblings?
Katie: What?
Kath: Exactly!
Paris: Is this a bad time... cause I could-
K & K: YOU STAY!
Paris: Right, of course. Wasn't even thinking of leaving... -sighs-
Katie: Just go to your happy place for a second, and then come back to reality with us, okay?
Kath: FINE! –marches off set-
Katie: Well... I didn't mean it literally. But... the show must go on!
Audience: -silent-
Katie: Thanks for the loving support guys. So... here's the question from CaptainKJ: Haven't you loved someone besides B'Elanna before?
Paris: Well yeah.
Katie: Oh. Well... that kinda does answer it. I'll take it a step further. Have you loved someone else other than B'Elanna on Voyager?
Paris: Well yeah.
Katie: Oh. Umm... like.. who?
Paris: A few night shift pilots, a couple engineers, Seven, Janeway, a few states and nations of girls in general, and... and twins!!
Katie: Wow, saw that cheesiness coming.
Kath: EW, you liked Janeway?
Janeway –backstage- : Is that Katie girl bad-mouthing me again??? LEMME AT HER!
Katie: Okay, two things. A, when did you get back, and B, who the heck is supervising the Janeway pen??
Kath: Um, I never really left. Just sat in the audience for a while. And Janeway pen duty was assigned to ... -takes out clipboard- umm... Big Muscular Man #2.
Katie: I haven't seen him all day.
Paris: Do you just keep us backstage after you interview us, occasionally feeding and watering us so that we'll answer your questions in order to get out, but this is never fulfilled since you only give out false promises?
Kath: Why would we feed and water you? You're from the future, you can get that your own way.
Paris: Like what?
Katie: Don't you have those little ration packs?
Paris: Like on the shuttles and the ship, but no like in our pockets.
K & K: OoooOOOooo... crap.
Kath: -whistles- Hey, you! BMM # 47! Go feed and water those nasty people!
Janeway, Chakotay, B'Elanna: -terrifying war monger growl/scream-
BMM #47: Two words. Hell. No.
Katie: Aw, come on, we're busy. –looks around- Hey, where'd he go?
Kath: -eating a sandwich- Who?
Katie: Tom, you dunce!
Kath: -mouth full- Tum whoed?
Katie: Thomas Eugene Paris, you twit!
Whole city of Paris: Oui!
Kath: Oui, oui!
Whole city of Paris: -cheers-
Katie: What did you say?
Kath: Not a friggin' clue.
Katie: Well... we're out of time... this is kinda of a cliffhanger episode I guess, since Paris ran off.
Whole city of Paris: We did not! Hawn, hawn! We are not of the cowardly nature!!
Kath: Yeah, they're right there Kate. What are you talking about?
Katie: Thomas EUGENE Paris!
Kath: Oh... right... I doubt it's the last we've seen of him...
Okay, so not my best work, but I wanted to give you guys some 'chuckles' and 'pleasant thoughts'. I have the PSAT tomorrow, and I have to go to bed, so meh!
Paris: -laughs darkly from darkness-
OooOooOO, where's Tommy boy?
NEXT TIME: Tuvok!