The Horrors of Biscuit-Dough-Hands-Man
Chapter 1 – The Movie
On a dark and stormy Wednesday night, which was weird enough, for it never rains in Free Country USA, Homestar just came back from work (you know, the office where Homestar is the dullard) with Pom Pom. They entered Homestar's house and went to the living room where the TV was (the toons menu).
"Okay Pom Pom, hit the lights," said Homestar.
Pom Pom bubbled about they never even turned on the lights.
"Weally? Anyway, pwepawe to be haunted beyond all haunting as you watch this wental tape: The Horrors of Biscuit-Dough-Hands-Man!" (Homestar pronounced it "The Howwows of Biscuit-Dough-Hands-Man!")
Pom Pom just sat on the sofa, not bubbling at all.
"Weady for the video?" asked Homestar.
Pom Pom bubbled about snacks.
"Oh wight," remembered Homestar as he dashed to the kitchen, made a bowl of bronco trolleys and two glasses of melonade, and ran back to the living room in less than ten seconds.
Then Homestar put the tape in the VCR and used the remote control to start the movie. On the TV screen, the words "The Horrors of Biscuit-Dough-Hands-Man" in blood were splattered on the screen.
"Scawy, eh?" asked Homestar.
Pom Pom bubbled a question.
"What do you mean this'll scawe me easily? I'm a bwave, gwown up man!" answered Homestar.
Pom Pom bubbled about Homestar's grammer.
"So what? Ooh, it's the beginning! Scawy!" exclaimed Homestar as he ate a bronco trolley and drank a sip from his melonade.
An hour later, this is what happened in the movie. A man who isn't a Homestar Runner Website character ran down a hallway with a woman (also not a HR Website character), looking scared, with scary music playing. Unfortunately, they came to a dead end. Then they heard footsteps and turned around and screamed.
"Biscuit-Dough-Hands-Man!" screamed the woman.
Biscuit-Dough-Hands-Man, with his messy hair, clothes, an evil grin, and biscuit dough hands, he stepped towards the couple.
"Hahaha! Once I steal your stuff, which I have done, then I'll steal your life, which is what I'm going to do now!" cackled Biscuit-Dough-Hands-Man (or BDHM).
"Oh yeah? What are you going to do to me?" asked the man as he stepped towards BDHM.
"I'll show you," answered BDHM.
The next moments of the movie were so violent with the killing of the man in the most brutal way possible a man with biscuit dough hands could do, that they're not going to be mentioned, especially since this is Rated G. So, we'll visit Homestar and Pom Pom.
Pom Pom just looked normal, not minding the violence (what a brave Pom). Homestar was freaked out by the horror, more freaked out than ever. He was scared.
"Oh Pom Pom, I'm so scawed, I'm going to pee in my pants," said Homestar.
Pom Pom bubbled about something.
"So what if I don't have any pants? I'm scawed, scawed!" cried Homestar as he spilled the rest of his melonade.
After the movie was over, Pom Pom left to his house. Homestar went to bed.
"Okay Homestar, whoa! My grammar's correct. Okay Homestar, try to sleep, whoa! My R's are okay! Just sleep, and this'll all be imagination," said Homestar as he went to sleep.
Homestar instantly had nightmares about the movie. Homestar dreamt he was the man in the movie, being assaulted by Biscuit-Dough-Hands-Man. Then Homestar woke up suddenly and screamed so loud, everyone woke up in Free Country, USA, as well as some in other neighborhoods, which are not so important.
"Ugh, it just has to be midnight when Homestar's trying out for a rock-and-roll band," complained Strong Bad as he tried to go back to sleep on the couch and dream about video games, which he did.
"Pokemon Green Version, Super Mario World, Max Payne, Double O Seven Goldeneye, Space Quest, Tetris..." muttered Strong Bad in his sleep.
It was Thursday, meaning Strong Bad has to do community service. Today, he was supposed to mow the lawns of his fellow citizens' houses. Right now, he was mowing Homestar's lawn.
"Stupid The Cheat, purposefully getting us in jail. Stupid Poopsmith, leaving a trail of whatsit for Homestar and Pom Pom to follow. Stupid Strong Sad, for telling Homestar and Pom Pom where to go. Stupid Strong Sad, for existing," muttered Strong Bad as he was mowing the lawn, very badly.
After mowing the lawn, Strong Bad observed the lawn.
"Very good Strong Bad, you're the best."
The grass was uneven, there were some spots where the grass was as tall as Strong Bad, and there were some spots where Strong Bad moved it too much, so now it's a patch of dirt.
"Now to mow Pom Pom's lawn," said Strong Bad when Marzipan came.
"Strong Bad, do you know where's Homestar?" asked Marzipan.
"Why should I care, he just cost me two minutes of sleeping last night, trying to try out for a rock-and-roll band," answered Strong Bad.
"Well, I promised to meet him at Marshmallow's Last Stand for our second try on a date, when Homestar didn't come. Is he sick?" asked Marzipan.
"I dunno, why won't you break into his house, like he does to mine," said Strong Bad.
"Why won't you do it? You're the criminal mastermind, who tried to break into Bub's supply room," retorted Marzipan.
"Will you just shut up about that stupid event?" asked Strong Bad as he went to Homestar's porch and opened the door, "See? Unlocked, not broken in."
So Marzipan and Strong Bad went to Homestar's room. There, they saw a lump in the sheet on the bed.
"Okay Marzipan, you go first," ordered Strong Bad, noticing Homestar's room was more boring than his.
"Homestar, are you okay?" asked Marzipan as she approached the bed.
"B, b, b, b, b," muttered Homestar.
"What is it? Too much cinnamon on your ugly face?" asked Strong Bad.
"Bis, bis, bis, bis..." muttered Homestar.
"Afraid Biscuit-Dough-Hands-Man is going to get you?"
"DAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Homestar as he jumped from his bed and fell and fainted on the ground.
"See? Problem sighted," said Strong Bad.
Then Marzipan slapped Strong Bad, using her ponytail.
"Homestar, how many times did I tell you not to watch horror movies?" asked Marzipan.