Chapter 6
Explanations.
Harry was not breathing. His mind was trying to take in what Hermione had said to him. Pregnant-baby-ohmygod!
"What?" he heard himself say.
"I was pregnant when I left you – it was the reason I left..." she said quietly.
His brain was trying to process this. She left me because she thought I couldn't handle it. After all he'd said about being so grateful for his freedom and she'd taken it to mean that. His head hurt, his heart hurt, as he forced his eye back to hers. There were tears there. He felt himself crying. He'd gotten her pregnant and she'd had to deal with it all alone.
HANG THE HELL ON HARRY POTTER! WHAT DOES SHE MEAN DEALT WITH IT?
"What- Did-you... well-"
"He's seven now."
There was a moment's silence and then everything rushed through Harry as he collapsed to the floor.
Surprisingly, Hermione panicked for a few minutes, her mind racing with all the information Healers had told her about Harry's condition years before. How he'd survived Voldermort's attempts to kill him-but only just. But Ginny had always said he was much better now. That he was fit again, that he was all right.
She was gibbering, calling Harry's name over and over again in blind panic, begging him to wake up and praying to any and every god she could think of. After a few minutes though she got a grip of herself and with a final touch of his face she levitated him onto the couch.
Please God, just let him be shocked.
When Harry came to he was laying on the couch, head under a very soft pillow with his shoes removed. His focus was blurry as he felt someone gingerly place his glasses on him. And then –WHACK!
Hermione.
Pregnant.
Seven.
He felt his chest tighten again and he reminded himself to breath as he lay there, looking intently at Hermione.
When they were together, before then even, he remembered he could read almost all of her moods, tell what she was thinking almost and it was the same for her. Buts in those last few weeks she was so distant and brooding that he couldn't tell the simple difference between angry or sad or happy. All the unhappy feelings he'd felt about loosing her, being inadequate because she'd stopped loving him were brought right to the front of his mind. He remembered he'd put it all down to her losing her parents; her blaming him. Only she swore she didn't and now it looked like she was telling the truth.
He studied her face, looking right into her soft brown eyes and saw pain and maybe even shame, as she returned his gaze. He heard her take a deep breath and start –
"I don't know if you want to hear this right now Harry, but I need to tell you why I did what I did-
"I thought you already did that-" he almost spat back at her "-remember – you thought I wouldn't want it! It was for the best!"
There was a ringing silence. Hermione breathed again.
"I thought you deserved a life Harry. After everything you'd been through I didn't want you to have to give up living to take on the drudgery of sleepless nights and nappies at two am. You were happy Harry and that's all I wanted for you."
She spoke these words softly he noticed – it always got to him more than anything. He felt all hollow inside and he had to force the words out of his mouth-
"So what you're saying Hermione is, that when you found out about-" Harry breathed to try stop it hurting. "-When you found out that you were pregnant you decided that you would leave to stop me loosing my new-found freedom."
"Yes."
He winced. "So you decided that the best way to make me happy was to take away the one thing I had always wanted?" He looked right into her eyes and noticed her frown.
"A family Hermione. My own family."
She felt like he'd hit her. Smack right there in the mouth. She hadn't realised. She'd not even thought of it like that. But now, looking deep into his eyes she realised the truth of his words. She'd known since the first year of Hogwarts that his most longed for desire was to have a family – something everyone else took for granted. But when she found out about Jamie it hadn't even entered her head that Harry would want a baby – a family – she was just so shocked, they were so young and she thought it best to deal with everything on her own.
"...I-...I didn't even think..."
She was starring, he was starring back and neither said a word.