She of Memories Past and Fading
By: OtakuSailorV
Chapter 2: Strong Hearts
(A/n:: Everything will be from Akito's POV from now on unless otherwise noted. Thank you.)
I asked Arisu many times what her curse was. What it was that I would someday take from her. I had never thought it was something awful. For her always to smile despite having this curse, it couldn't have been too horrible.
Yet she would never speak of it. She would become instantly silent whenever I asked. Her eyes would shadow as if she were in deep, pained thought, and her smile would fade, her lips forming a thin, white line across her face. Suddenly, she would pull herself from her inner reverie and smile at me softly. Simply telling me, "It is nothing for you to worry about yet."
I could tell that whatever the curse was, she didn't want to speak of it, and seemed to despise the idea of giving the curse to me.
I remember one such conversation about the curse many, many years ago. . .
* * *
I was but a child still then, getting used to having someone spend so much time with me. Especially someone who was so chronically ill as Arisu.
I remember one day, it had just stopped raining, and she went out with me.
"I love it right after it rains, the world seems so calm and peaceful." She drew in a deep breath of the misty air and sighed, smiling at me.
"I used to go out after the rain all the time, my caretakers would get so mad at me. They were sure that I would get sick." She laughed and flexed her skinny arms underneath her thin sundress. "But I never did."
I think we both laughed then, for sometime we laughed just for the sake of laughing. I started to feel like she was sharing something with me, trying to tell me something without actually saying it aloud.
"Arisu-san. . .why don't you ever go out in the rain anymore?" I asked tentatively, eyeing her to see her reaction.
She didn't narrow her eyes or get angry like I thought she might, instead, she sighed and ruffled her hair with her hand. "Well, because I haven't been in the right health lately. Just a bit of walking gets me to coughing like I'm dying."
We stared into the wet leaves and grass for sometime, listening to the drip of water and the cool whisper of the morning air.
"Is it. . .because of the curse?"
She nodded in reply. "Yes."
"Will I be like that when I have the curse?" I felt for the first time a curious overwhelming sadness form inside myself. My heart ached at the thought of not being able to do things that seemed so simple for me to do right then.
She patted my back from her seat on the wet grass. "No. I won't let you be like that Akito-chan."
I think tears started to fall from my eyes, and I remember biting my lip against a sob that formed inside of me. I wanted to wail into the morning light, but I didn't want to ruin Arisu's first day out in months. So I forced the sobs down, and let the tears fall silently.
* * *
I grimace at that memory now. She had told me, practically promised that I would NEVER be like her.
I feel my heart going into a rage, and I slam my fist down on the table in front of Hatori, who is in the room with me at the time that my memories started to seep back into view.
Sometimes I wish that Hatori would just erase my memory of Arisu. At times now, I hate her, I wish she were eliminated from my memory. I don't want to remember her, the one who had smiled despite this curse that causes so much pain to those that bear it.
But the reason I hate her most is because she could do things I still can't. She didn't blame anyone for her immense pain. She never became angry with or asked more of the Zodiac members than they could do. She always smiled, despite her pain, and she always, always cared for those around her. She never once wished death upon herself so that she could escape from her pain. She never wished for escape, because that escape would only be through me.
But that is also the reason why I admire her. For all those reasons, I both love and hate her for them. She is so much different than me. . .
"Akito-san?" Hatori is watching me curiously as I fume from my inner torment. "Are you feeling well?"
I shake my head and tell him to go. "I am fine. . .it is only. . memories. . ."
He glances one final time before he slides open my door, and leaves.
I wait until his footsteps have diminished before I take time to notice that tears have started to fall down my face.
Damn that Arisu for letting me cry!!! Why did she have to tell me that it is not weak to cry, that those with strong hearts cry often?! And not for themselves, but for the sake of others, for that is what people with strong hearts do. . .they care. . .
I slam my fist down on the table again. Her words and smile echo in my mind and make me want to beat my head open to get them out.
My heart screamed in pain as memories came flooding back in, and I wished for Hatori to come back and take the memories away.
But a soft smile floated into my mind suddenly, and all thoughts of making the memories leave diminished. How could I make the memories leave, if what I needed the most at times, was her soft, knowing, comforting smile to lead me?
I sigh softly and let my mind drift into sleep. Before my eyes close fully, I hear one last thing she told me when I was younger. . .
"Akito, don't ever think you are weak. For bearing pain for others is a great thing. A man who lays down his life for his friends, is a very strong man. He is not weak, for he cares so greatly, that he would die for those he loves to live."
"And what if I died, but those that I sacrificed for were not my friends?"
"Then that makes you stronger, for you would die for a stranger, someone you didn't even know or cared very little for."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Heh, sorry that the chap is so short, and that it might be a bit confusing. If it is, tell me, and I'll try to clear it up during the next chapter. ^_^ Ok, ja!!
By: OtakuSailorV
Chapter 2: Strong Hearts
(A/n:: Everything will be from Akito's POV from now on unless otherwise noted. Thank you.)
I asked Arisu many times what her curse was. What it was that I would someday take from her. I had never thought it was something awful. For her always to smile despite having this curse, it couldn't have been too horrible.
Yet she would never speak of it. She would become instantly silent whenever I asked. Her eyes would shadow as if she were in deep, pained thought, and her smile would fade, her lips forming a thin, white line across her face. Suddenly, she would pull herself from her inner reverie and smile at me softly. Simply telling me, "It is nothing for you to worry about yet."
I could tell that whatever the curse was, she didn't want to speak of it, and seemed to despise the idea of giving the curse to me.
I remember one such conversation about the curse many, many years ago. . .
* * *
I was but a child still then, getting used to having someone spend so much time with me. Especially someone who was so chronically ill as Arisu.
I remember one day, it had just stopped raining, and she went out with me.
"I love it right after it rains, the world seems so calm and peaceful." She drew in a deep breath of the misty air and sighed, smiling at me.
"I used to go out after the rain all the time, my caretakers would get so mad at me. They were sure that I would get sick." She laughed and flexed her skinny arms underneath her thin sundress. "But I never did."
I think we both laughed then, for sometime we laughed just for the sake of laughing. I started to feel like she was sharing something with me, trying to tell me something without actually saying it aloud.
"Arisu-san. . .why don't you ever go out in the rain anymore?" I asked tentatively, eyeing her to see her reaction.
She didn't narrow her eyes or get angry like I thought she might, instead, she sighed and ruffled her hair with her hand. "Well, because I haven't been in the right health lately. Just a bit of walking gets me to coughing like I'm dying."
We stared into the wet leaves and grass for sometime, listening to the drip of water and the cool whisper of the morning air.
"Is it. . .because of the curse?"
She nodded in reply. "Yes."
"Will I be like that when I have the curse?" I felt for the first time a curious overwhelming sadness form inside myself. My heart ached at the thought of not being able to do things that seemed so simple for me to do right then.
She patted my back from her seat on the wet grass. "No. I won't let you be like that Akito-chan."
I think tears started to fall from my eyes, and I remember biting my lip against a sob that formed inside of me. I wanted to wail into the morning light, but I didn't want to ruin Arisu's first day out in months. So I forced the sobs down, and let the tears fall silently.
* * *
I grimace at that memory now. She had told me, practically promised that I would NEVER be like her.
I feel my heart going into a rage, and I slam my fist down on the table in front of Hatori, who is in the room with me at the time that my memories started to seep back into view.
Sometimes I wish that Hatori would just erase my memory of Arisu. At times now, I hate her, I wish she were eliminated from my memory. I don't want to remember her, the one who had smiled despite this curse that causes so much pain to those that bear it.
But the reason I hate her most is because she could do things I still can't. She didn't blame anyone for her immense pain. She never became angry with or asked more of the Zodiac members than they could do. She always smiled, despite her pain, and she always, always cared for those around her. She never once wished death upon herself so that she could escape from her pain. She never wished for escape, because that escape would only be through me.
But that is also the reason why I admire her. For all those reasons, I both love and hate her for them. She is so much different than me. . .
"Akito-san?" Hatori is watching me curiously as I fume from my inner torment. "Are you feeling well?"
I shake my head and tell him to go. "I am fine. . .it is only. . memories. . ."
He glances one final time before he slides open my door, and leaves.
I wait until his footsteps have diminished before I take time to notice that tears have started to fall down my face.
Damn that Arisu for letting me cry!!! Why did she have to tell me that it is not weak to cry, that those with strong hearts cry often?! And not for themselves, but for the sake of others, for that is what people with strong hearts do. . .they care. . .
I slam my fist down on the table again. Her words and smile echo in my mind and make me want to beat my head open to get them out.
My heart screamed in pain as memories came flooding back in, and I wished for Hatori to come back and take the memories away.
But a soft smile floated into my mind suddenly, and all thoughts of making the memories leave diminished. How could I make the memories leave, if what I needed the most at times, was her soft, knowing, comforting smile to lead me?
I sigh softly and let my mind drift into sleep. Before my eyes close fully, I hear one last thing she told me when I was younger. . .
"Akito, don't ever think you are weak. For bearing pain for others is a great thing. A man who lays down his life for his friends, is a very strong man. He is not weak, for he cares so greatly, that he would die for those he loves to live."
"And what if I died, but those that I sacrificed for were not my friends?"
"Then that makes you stronger, for you would die for a stranger, someone you didn't even know or cared very little for."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Heh, sorry that the chap is so short, and that it might be a bit confusing. If it is, tell me, and I'll try to clear it up during the next chapter. ^_^ Ok, ja!!