She of Memories Past and Fading

By: OtakuSailorV

Chapter 4:: Pain

"They say that Arisu Sohma was someone very important to him."

What do they know? What do they know what is and is not important to me? I could care less if I died right now. It would show them, then they'd be sorry.

But why. . .why do I want them to fear me so much? Why do I feel like a mad man whenever I laugh, whenever I smile? Was it. . .was it that woman that did this to me?

Was witnessing her death such a mortifying thing that I can no longer act like a sane person.

How could this be when I do not even remember witnessing the death of that woman like everyone told me I did?

I do not even remember that day. My memories skip completely over it, as if it did not exist.

One day, we were playing together in her quarters, a nice card game, because it had been raining and she told me she was not feeling well enough to play anything else. Then there's a black spot, and it hurts whenever I think about what the spot might be for too long. The only thing I remember that day was hearing: "Akito, Akito listen. Arisu-san is dead, you are the head of the house now."

Some sort of pain hit me in my heart at that moment. Those words. The words I had never wanted to hear anyone say to me: ". . .Arisu-san is dead. . ."

I must have blacked out then, for everything after that is a blur. But still, that does not tell why I cannot remember what happened before that, or even the face or voice of the one who had spoken to me.

I had put it all to rest years ago that it was simply that I had received the curse, the full-brunt of it and – still a child – could not take it, so the immeasurable pain was blacked from my mind. Still. . .it feels like there was something more to it than that. . .

Crash

"Quickly, quickly, this way. Be careful!"

Heavy footsteps rammed against the wooden floorboards, pounding in synch with my heart. My mind raced, no clear thought evident as people ran passed me in every direction, shouting orders and looking quite frantic. For whatever the reason though, I was still rather calm until someone nearby shouted something that made me just as frantic and lost as the others.

"Arisu-! It's Arisu-san!! Quick, we think she's dying!"

Time seemed to stand still as my life blood chilled in my veins. Arisu was. . .Arisu was dying. . . ?

Before I knew what was going on, my body was filled with a purposeful energy, and I streaked through the halls to her room, my feet barely touching the ground in my frantic race to get to her. I knew it, I was sure of it, as soon as I got there that she would be fine. Everything would be ok. Arisu wasn't dying. Those people had to be mistaken. . .Arisu. . .Arisu couldn't die. I wouldn't let her. . .

I stopped at the door, panting for air, my heart pumping as fast as it could, straining and creating a weird squeezing feeling in my chest as I raised one shaky hand to the frame and pushed it open a touch.

There was a flash of light, and my heart beat suddenly faster. There was something inside the room. Arisu-san was there too, but there was something else. Something dark. It lurked inside, peering at me with ghastly pale, glowing eyes. I gasped, fearing for myself and Arisu-san. The creatures turned their eyes on me, and suddenly. . .

I sat straight up in my bed, gasping for breath as cold sweat poured from my body. I looked about me and stopped as I noticed that I was safe in my own room.

"Another nightmare."

I have been having the same nightmare for many years now, and still it scares me. There is no doubt in my mind that the nightmare comes from the day that Arisu died, but I have no recollection if this is just a dream, or if I am trying to remember something long condemned.

I calm myself, my breath finally evening out as I wipe the sweat from my forehead. Such a strange dream. . .

What are those things that I see writhing in the room around Arisu's laboring body? Why did I feel so frightened by something other than the possibility that Arisu was actually dying?

I put two quavering hands to my face and let out a sigh, trying to compose myself.

I should not be acting this way. It was just a nightmare. . .just a dream. . .

. . .So why did it seem so real. . . ?

I let out another sigh and lay back down on my bed, a hand pressed to my forehead as I think this over. Such a troubling nightmare. . .

'So why allow it to keep repeating itself?'

A deep, dark voice inside of me speaks what I have been thinking for sometime. Why should I let this dream continue? Why do I let myself relive such painful things? Why not just have Hatori erase whatever is causing me to have such dreams? He can do that, can't he?

'Why not just get rid of all your memories of her as well?'

Another notion that I once thought of. But it was only briefly, and I had dismissed it as soon as my mind had come back to me. How could I ever think of erasing such memories?

'Don't they hurt you?'

My memories of Arisu? No. . .no, they don't hurt me. Arisu made me stronger, didn't she? Arisu was like my mother, she cared very much for me, and I don't ever want to forget her.

'But so much pain has been caused from your memories of her, right? Don't you remember all the pain you have inflicted upon your little Zodiac members when you in pain from memories of her? You did all of that because you were furious at her. You hurt them, caused them so much pain, caused them to hate you, because you could not control your anger over her death.'

My slight frown deepens.

'Don't deny it, you know it's true.'

No, it's not.

'It is true. The things you have done to them have haunted your every thought. You may not act it or say it aloud, but it does. Don't deny it, it is truth.'

It is not! I never hurt them because of Arisu. I hurt them because they would not obey me. Do not twist my mind!

'I need not twist it, I AM your mind. And I know what dark secrets and thoughts you have even ones that you yourself do not acknowledge.'

". . .Shut up. . ."

'Her memories haunt you, and you know it. There is something dark and secret you keep hidden from the others; what is it Akito Sohma?'

"Shut up."

'You hate her, you hate her for leaving you alone, for leaving you so soon, for just leaving you when she knew how much you needed someone by your side. You hate her, and in your hate you have committed acts of violence against your fellow Zodiac members. Erase her memories Akito, erase her from you before something bad happens.'

"Shut up!"

'You HATE her. She is dead, Akito; there is no reason for her memories to linger. Destroy the memory, and you destroy her altogether. You won't hurt anymore if you destroy her.'

I have already sat back up, my brow furrowing deeper and deeper as I listen to this strange voice lie like a snake to me. "Shut up!!" I yell loudly, raising my hands to either side of my head and squeezing my eyes shut tightly as I try to force the voice out. But there is no stopping the inner voice; it is louder than I can hope to be in my condition.

'Destroy her Akito. Destroy the witch that haunts you. Destroy all those that would replace Arisu, that would appear to be Arisu. Don't let any part of her remain. Do not let any of them be reminded of her. Destroy every last shred of her existence, Akito. DESTROY HER.'

Hatori has arrived to my aid just in time to hear me scream at the voice in my head.

"NO!! Shut up!!!"

I let out a few painful gasps for breath as the voice finally fades away. I cannot hear it however, I go on screaming, yelling at the top of my lungs as Hatori goes to Shigure and some of the others for their help.

They arrive swiftly, looking me over as I scream, cradling my head and lashing out at them as they draw near. I can no longer tell if the voice in my head is speaking or not, I'm in a mad rage. How dare it order me around like that?! And for all things too!! Erase Arisu from my life?! Why would I do something as stupid as that?!

She meant the world to me. Even if her memories pain me, I will not allow them to be destroyed. I will not allow anyone to take her memories from me.

"You must take her memories away, Hatori. She'll be better off that way."

What? Did I. . . ? I said something like that to Hatori once, didn't I? Something about that woman of his wasn't right? Her name was Kanna?

She had been so much like Arisu. . .

I stop in mid-swing as Shigure and Hatori pin me down, trying to calm me, or to at least subdue my flailing arms.

I allow myself to be stopped, drawing deep, pained breaths as the world slowly fades to black.

. . .No one is allowed to be like Arisu. I will not allow another Arisu to enter this household. . .never. . .

Ok, mainly there, I was trying to make a connection between Kanna, Tohru, and Arisu. Since they all pretty much act the same. It's supposed to be like, Akito was so distraught by her death that he won't allow any more people like Arisu to come into contact with him. While 'him' might extend to others, as in Tohru and Kanna. He doesn't want anyone like Arisu to come into contact with his 'his family'. The Zodiac members or any of the Sohma's that he has power over for that matter.

Finally, then there comes the little dark-minded side of him that kind lurks around and knows all of his dark little secrets that he won't even think about. This 'dark' Akito is a nagging creature that often comes out when Akito is in a foul mood, or when he thinks back on old memories of Arisu sometimes too. 'Dark' Akito doesn't like Arisu and rarely has a point in his speech besides 'destroy Arisu and all those like her'. This is where Akito goes mad at times and attacks. You could say when Akito 'snaps' (like those times around Tohru and Kanna). Does everyone understand this? I'm trying to make it simple, but I'm not doing a very good job, am I?

Anyway, if there's need for a better explanation, I'll try and give on in the AN for the next chapter.

Thanks for your reviews also. They make me a very happy person. And Everyone likes it when V-chan is happy. Cuz everyone in the vacinity suffers when V-chan gets angry.

But enough about that, I'm starting to make myself sound psycho. . .Thanks for the reviews and hope to see you all soon with another chapter. Ja'ne.

Review please!!