Chapter 18

The Fear and the Moving

He apparated a little before nine o'clock. They'd not set a time for the moving and whilst Harry was desperate for it all to get going, he knew Hermione would be stressed and he didn't want to get there too early again. He'd showered, dressed, eaten a small amount of breakfast [he felt sick with excitement], inspected the house a few times and paced the study a few hundred times before leaving.

He apparated in front of Hermione's place, rather than straight inside, because he was so desperate not to upset Hermione in any way shape or form. So he pushed the doorbell on the front door and waited.

But no one came.

He waited a few minutes and pressed the button again. Then, thinking that the bell must be broken, he knocked on the door. And then he knocked again. But there was still no answer. He looked through the window. There was nothing in the living room. Nothing.

Harry began to loose control of his breathing-She wouldn't of left? Where is she? I've scared her off-it was too quick. I rushed her. Now she's gone. I won't see her again. I'll never hold her again. Jamie. I'll never see Jamie again. I'll never see my son again. Tears were streaming down his face, but he neither noticed nor cared. I'll never hear him say Daddy again. I won't be able to teach him to fly. He'll think I left him. Why's she gone? What did I do?- He was sat outside the front door, head in hands when-

"Harry?"

"Daddy?"

He looked up and a tremendous amount of relief washed over him. They were here. She hadn't gone again. His chest hurt and he remembered how to breathe again. He looked at them. Hermione had a confused look on her face, and Jamie looked anxious as they both surveyed him. He wiped his eyes quickly and a smile formed on his face-

"Hi." He said, his voice sounded normal, and he saw Jamie's anxiety vanish as he came to give Harry a hug. Harry picked him up and held him really close, before putting him back down and turning to Hermione. She was starring at him, a look of confusion still on her face and something like guilt appearing in her eyes.

"Are you ok?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah I'm fine – you?"

"Fine thanks"

"Good." Harry turned towards Jamie again, praying Hermione wouldn't realise he'd been crying and even more that she wouldn't realise why.

xxx

"Babe – go check your room one last time, and then the study ok?" Hermione said when they were stood in the kitchen.

"Ok Mummy" Jamie replied happily and set off upstairs. Harry stood where he was a shuffled his feet uncomfortably. He wasn't sure she'd seen him, but if she had she was definitely going to want to talk about it now, and he didn't want to make her mad.

There was an uneasy silence; Hermione surveyed Harry and Harry surveyed his feet.

He heard her sigh. She'd noticed.

"We went to the café... you know where you first found me again?"

It was all he could do to nod.

"I won't take him from you again Harry." She said quietly and he looked up. She wasn't mad with him; she was crying.

More out of instinct than anything else Harry moved forward, closed the gap between them and brushed away the tears from her eyes. The guilt was evident now, and it made him feel ashamed that he'd thought she'd leave.

"I won't take him now I know you're happier with him. I promise."

"I know" he heard himself say.

His hands were still on her face brushing away tears that were falling from her eyes and without thinking he closed the gap and brought his lips to hers. She didn't stop him and he kissed her gently. He'd not intended to, he just wanted to comfort her, to say he was sorry for making her cry. But then she kissed back and he couldn't help it, he kissed her back with all the passion he'd kept locked up for so many years.

Harry wasn't really aware of anything except Hermione and how much he wanted and needed her. His hands were on her; hers on his and it was all they wanted.

And then reality kicked in-

"Mummy?" Yelled a voice from upstairs. They stopped kissing and pulled away from each other, but their eyes remained locked; each trying to read what the other was thinking.

"Mum?" said the voice from beside her. She and Harry had been so busy staring at each other that she'd not even noticed Jamie bounding down the stairs to fetch her.

"Yes Honey-sorry- what's the matter?" Her eyes had left his, but she could feel him watching her.

"I found some more books in your room, but they're ones I'm not allowed to touch."

"Thank you sweetheart... why don't you show Harry-your Dad which stuff needs moving first?"

"Ok Mummy. Come on Daddy." Harry's head whipped around to look at Jamie, a huge grin on his face. Jamie took Harry's hand and started to drag him away, but not before he'd turned to look at Hermione again, with a look on his face that clearly showed that they would be talking about this later.

It took Hermione a few minutes to compose herself. When Harry had been kissing her she felt alive again, but now she had to deal with the consequences. He'd only done it, she told herself, because he was upset, because he'd arrived at her place and finding it empty had thought she'd gone, and had taken Jamie with her. Jamie. He was what was important in all of this. He deserved a Mother and a Father. Now he was going to get that and her and Harry kissing couldn't possibly be a good thing as far as he was concerned; She and Harry would fall out or argue and that would make life uncomfortable for them and Jamie. That's not fair she told herself. Besides he was just upset. He doesn't want you like that anymore, not after what you did too him. She pushed her thoughts away and set off towards her room. It doesn't matter if you still want him like that. You don't deserve him. Had your chance and blew it. But his kisses...She took a deep breath and scolded herself for allowing her thoughts to once again drift.

It was going to be difficult living with Harry just being friends. Very difficult indeed.