Scott is sleeping with an arm flung over his eyes.
He reaches out to touch him, to clamp his hand around his wrist and pull it away so he can look into them for that one second when he's jolted awake just before it happens. He wants him to see, to know that he was right not to trust him. That's all Cyke's been asking for since the day he got here.
Mess up, prove me right, prove me right… just give me an excuse to blast you through a wall…
Before he can make contact Scott shifts with a heavy sigh and his arm falls away on its own. Moonlight splashes across the surface of his visor as he turns his head towards the open window.
Jean is there.
She's sitting in a straight-backed chair beside it, the drapes billowing around her, brushing against her bare legs but she doesn't stir. Her eyes are closed, her breathing even…
Jean giggles. It makes her sound like a little girl. Her shoulders shake and a hand splays over her mouth, her deep red hair falling into her eyes. He reaches out to brush it back half hoping Scott will walk in.
Pissing off Cyclops is fast becoming a favorite pastime.
She stops laughing and blinks at him. He leans in closer and she doesn't pull back, she just puts a gentle hand on his chest and says, "What do you think you're doing?"
"Payin' f'm'room…"
She gives him a soft smile but keeps her hand firmly pressed over his heart.
"You don't have to do that here, Gambit."
"Y'mean y'don' wan' me t'put out?"
"That won't be necessary."
"You sure?"
She laughs, shoves him back.
"Yes."
He likes that he hasn't made her uncomfortable. He knows she won't tell Scott and he likes her for that too.
She turns back to the Mr Bean marathon on Comedy Central.
Jean says "I'm a sucker for British comedy," and he makes a big show of looking around to make sure they're alone, and nods his head towards hers whispering confidentially, "I seen everyepisode of Absolutely Fabulous…"
Jean snorts like a pig and he chuckles as she covers her face with her hands, embarrassed.
"Dose ladies know how t'party…"
That makes her laugh harder and he feels good, really good to be here. He's quiet for a moment thinking about that, how strange it is that he feels so comfortable here, that even though he doesn't belong, he wants to. He feels like maybe someday he could.
"Why are you here, Gambit? I mean with the X-men…?"
He taps his forehead, "Why ask when y'can jus' take?"
"I'd never do that… Anyway, you're shielded." He grins. "It's not what you think! I haven't tried to get in. I can just feel them. They're strong."
"Dat make you suspicious?"
"No… just… curious. Ororo trusts you and that's more than enough for me, but you don't really seem interested in what we do here so why…?"
He pulls at the chain around his neck, slides the pendant back and forth. He'd gone back to the lab to find it, sifted through the rubble on his hands and knees. It didn't take him very long. The place had been cleared out, all the bits and pieces of equipment, all the papers and files had disappeared, and that could only mean one thing - Essex was still alive and was setting up shop somewhere else.
And he had an unpaid debt hanging over his head.
He'd gone to the mansion that night, took Storm up on her offer.
He looks at Jean patiently waiting for his answer and he decides to tell her the truth. He doesn't know why. Maybe because she invited him to stay up and watch TV with her. Maybe because she snorts when she laughs. Maybe because she has green eyes.
He looks into them, he thinks of Essex, he says, "Cause I'm 'fraid of who I turn out t'be if 'm not here. 'M making a choice t'try an be better den I am."
He stops, his naked hand hovering over Jean's bare shoulder.
Jeannie a good girl… Dey all good people… even Cyke…
I can't do dis… I wan' be better dan dis…
He drops his hand and she clenches her eyes shut, swallows hard.
Ah… Ah ain't… Gambit.Ah ain't got no loyalties to these people…
She reaches out again, her hand shaking, its shadow vibrating on that pale, pale skin.
Ah almost betrayed Mystique t'night…an' fo' what?
Fo' a lie.
He lies 'bout everythin'. He lies t' everyone. He lies t' himself.
Dey all good people…
Compared t' who? T' you, Remy?
You jus' mad cuz I beat y'at y'own game.
Fuck you.
Now, we know datain' never gon' happen don' we?
Her eyes burn, but her hand is steady and a breath away from contact.
Ah know where Ah stand now. Ah know where my loyalties lie. Ah know who Ah can trust, who really cares about me. Ah was a fool to ever think it could be you…
She drops her hand onto the sleeping woman's shoulder.
-/-
It's…different.
She's conscious...
She thinks she's conscious.
She's looking at the room, the bedroom, but there is no one here. The window is still open but the drapes do not move. There is no breeze, no sound. The bed is empty. The chair is empty.
She doesn't know yet if she is afraid.
She sits in the chair to gather herself.
Her feet aren't touching the floor anymore. There is no floor. She looks down and
Stars… millions upon millions of stars… faces in the stars… comet tails whispering secrets, conversations, confessions… milky ways of memories… planets of hopes and dreams, fears and regrets… black holes…
She watches them swirling below her, all around her…
A comet shoots by, it's voice soft, it says We love you so much, honey… don't be afraid… Professor Xavier will take good care of you…
A face…
Hidden eyes, shy smile… stars in his hair, falling out past his lips…
I love you, Jean…
I love you, Red...
Another face… different… he shakes his head with a forced smile… his eyes are gentle… She's the only one in the world who can make him look like that…
I'll make it easy for you, Jeannie…
He turns his back, opens his arms up to the abyss, stars shooting from his fingers, six straight lines that tear into the sky… he disappears…
Logan… Where are you… where did you go…
"Who are you?"
She turns sharply towards the voice.
"What are you doing here?"
The ceiling is a blue sky and Jean Grey is descending from the clouds, coming down fast, eyes blazing.
She falls from the chair. She falls through the stars.
So many faces, so many friends, so many words of encouragement, love…
She doesn't understand why she isn't in the memories, why she feels like a spectator.
Jean Grey reaches out to her, tries to catch her, and she doesn't understand why she is solid, why she can actually feel her fingers brush against the sleeve of Gambit's coat before she disappears into one of the black holes…
She lands with a thud. She's on a street. There's a car racing towards her. It's not stopping. She can't move.
It passes through her before she can scream, b ut someone else does.
"Annie!"
She turns to see a little red-haired girl huddled over something in the middle of the road. She's sobbing, she's saying "nonononononono…."
There's a shoe lying on the ground.
She picks it up, she goes to the little girl and kneels down beside her. She's holding another girl in her arms, her hair matted with blood.
And suddenly the little girl stops crying.
Her mouth opens in a silent scream. She lets go of her friend, her hands flying to her head, her palms pressing against her temples…
"It hurts… mommy… daddy… it hurts…"
A hand curls around her collar, yanking her up off the street. She drops the shoe as the red-haired girl whimpers, "I'll miss you, Jeanie…"
"Get out of there!"
She's back in the empty bedroom, back in the chair. Jean Grey floats before her, her hands still holding onto the collar of Gambit's coat.
"Who are you?!"
"Ah'm… Rogue."
"What are you doing here?"
"Ah don't know… This's never happened b'fore… Ah'm… Ah'm in y' head…?"
Jean's grip loosens, she steps back, folding her arms in front of her chest. She looks around at her surroundings and frowns.
"No… I've never been here before."
Rogue looks at the room again.
It's her room. Her old room with the Bennetts.
She gets up from the chair. It's a rocker.
"This is an antique, sugah… my momma gave it t'me on mah weddin' day… it was mah nanna's…"
Sunlight streams through the open window, splashing onto the lemon yellow bedspread. She can actually feel the coolness of the hardwood floor beneath her feet. She looks at Jean.
Jean says, "We're in your head…" She nods at the mirror hanging above the dresser and her memories are reflected back at them. The different foster homes, an endless parade of faces and fists, disappointments and longings.
The first time… it shimmers across the surface of the mirror.
Jean watches as she absorbs her best friend. She watches her huddled in the rocking chair crying "get outta mah head get outta mah head…" over and over again. Jean turns away from the mirror to look at her and says softly, "That happened to me too…"
She points at the floor and the wood suddenly looks transparent, milky. Beneath it the stars are still there and Jean shows her herself, alone and crying and trying to understand where all the voices are coming from…
She stares down into the galaxy of Jean's mind swirling beneath the floorboards of her old room and suddenly she understands.
Ah… Ah thought Ah was in her head but… mah mind was jus' mimickin' hers… Ah usually f'get who Ah am when that happens… but Ah didn't this time…
She looks up at Jean who is solid, who is not a memory.
Because she wasn' there when Ah did it… she wasn' there, she-
"I was on the astral plane… I came back and I thought this was my mind, but it's not… It can't be, but you have…" she gestures at the galaxy beneath their feet, confused, disturbed, "You have everything… When I leave my body I lock away all my memories… if there's any kind of problem, if anyone tries a telepathic probe they're not supposed to be able to get past the room…"
"Ah ain't got no telepathy. Ah touch an' Ah take mem'ries, powers. That's why mah mind is… set up like yours now, Ah think…? An' why Ah'm here with ya on the… what d'ya call it?"
"The astral plane… we're at the entrance," she whispers looking at the mirror again.
Bruce is there now.
Bruce's face contorted with pain as she sucks the life out of him…
"You touched me…"
"Ah'm in ya room at the mansion right now. Ah'm prob'ly passed out at ya feet."
"How did you even get in… Why…"
"Mystique, what happened?!"
Jean turns to stare at the window now. More memories are reflected there in the glass. Memories of the Brotherhood, Mystique.
"We found hostages… Men, Women, and children test subjects… they were being used as lab rats for a demo to be given tomorrow for investors... We released them, They were running to get free and the guards started shooting… and then they showed up..."
"What…" Jean goes to the window, presses her hands against the frame, watching, listening.
"Who are they?"
"Mutant terrorists who specialize in terrorizing other mutants. They call themselves X-Men. We believe they work for the government, a kind of strike force to keep groups like us in line…"
"That's not true!" She whips around pointing at the window that is now showing Remy.
Remy looking down at her with those smoldering eyes… looking right into hers and lying…
She turns away from it.
"There were no hostages! Just the guards… they slaughtered them…" Jean is fuming, pink energy rising off of her like steam. "We're the terrorists?!"
No hostages?
"Wait, there had to've been hostages. They must've got 'em out before ya-"
Jean grabs her, yanks her through the floor and back into the stars. A blood red moon hovers before them and the warehouse is reflected on its surface. She sees the Brotherhood picking off the guards, toying with them as they destroy the tracking devices.
"We were informed of the location as well. We were coming to get rid of the devices too - hopefully without alerting any of the guards. They weren't members of the MCA, they were just doing their jobs…"
She watches one of the guards screaming, in flames, running in circles.
Pryo laughing.
The X-Men storming in, attacking the Brotherhood, trying to get the remaining guards clear, trying to keep them safe.
No hostages.
None.
She turns away feeling sick, shutting her eyes against the images. When she opens them again she's sitting on the yellow bed and Jean stands before her, her eyes hard.
"She sent you to kill us."
"Ah… Ah was s'posed t'touch ya first so Ah could use y'powers t'control all the psyches when Ah absorbed the others…"
"So you didn't touch anyone else?"
"Remy… Ah touched Remy…"
"Remy?"
"Gam… Gambit."
"Is he… did you…?"
Her eyes burn.
"Ah don't know," she whispers. "Ah don't know how long we-"
Jean doesn't say a word. She pushes up off of the floor and flies away, back into the clouds, back into the astral plane to find her way back to her own body.
She closes her eyes tight and thinks herself out of her mind.
-/-
She's lying on the floor, crumpled in a heap at Jean's feet. She stays that way for a moment, watching the early morning sunlight creep across the carpet. She sits up when it reaches her and Jean stirs, her eyes fluttering open and meeting hers.
They stare at each other, neither saying a word.
She slowly gets to her feet, turns toward the open window.
Jean weakly says, "Wait," but she's already diving out of it.
She thinks, "up," and suddenly she is. She's flying high, high among the clouds haloed in the pink haze of Jean's power.