Chapter XII: Memories

Haldir walked angrily through the forest. He was in a foul mood, and most were avoiding him because of it. His brother Rumil, foolish and impetuous as he was, had attempted to inquire as to the reason for his mood. Haldir had scowled and snapped at him, causing Rumil, and everyone else, to avoid him for the remainder of the day. One did not further aggravate an already angry March Warden and expect not to suffer the consequences.

Haldir sighed heavily. He hated quarreling with Alexa. It always put him in a horrid mood, especially if the argument was prolonged. He had not seen her since this morning, when they had argued. He had gone to her talan several times in an attempt to speak with her, but it had been to no avail, for she had not been there all day. Where had she gone? His question was quickly answered, for he saw her jump from a Mallorn branch a short distance off. She landed with her back to him and began walking away, but he called to her. She froze momentarily, then slowly turned around. He walked over to her and stopped when he was a few paces away.

"Hello," he said softly.

"Hello," she whispered in return.

They remained silent for a moment, both of their gazes moving uneasily from the ground to one another. Haldir shifted uncomfortably and sighed. He looked up and met her eyes. They held one another's gaze for a moment before they both spoke.

"I am sorry," they said in unison.

They both smiled slightly, some of the tension between them relieved. Alexa looked at Haldir, and swallowed what remained of her pride.

"I am truly sorry, Haldir. I should have not gotten so angry with you."

"And I should not have said what I did. I am sorry, beloved." She smiled, and he felt the weight that had been pressing so heavily on his heart, lift from him. He took her hand, and they sat back against the Mallorn tree.

"I do not understand your avid defense of Dwarves, though," he continued.

Alexa sighed. She needed to tell him the truth. Perhaps then he would understand her respect for Dwarves. "Have you ever known a Dwarf, Haldir? Personally, that is." He shook his head. "Well, I have. Many, in fact. Garin was the first, for I met him when I was a slave."

Haldir sat forward and listened intently. It was so rare that she spoke of her past, and he was glad that she was now. It showed that she still had trust in him.

"Dargon had many slaves of all races, classes, and genders. Most he sold, but he kept enough to manage his large estate. Owning slaves of all races gave Dargon a sense of power, a power that he relished. He believed that by owning and selling slaves of all races, he could somehow control them all. Oddly enough, I was the only Elf in his house and Garin was the only Dwarf. Garin was captured and brought to Dargon's estate, not two years before the escape."

She paused, and Haldir studied her. He knew that she was trying to remain emotionless as she spoke; yet she seemed unable to prevent the pain and bitterness from creeping into her voice. He squeezed her hand, encouraging her to continue.

"Dargon only kept the slaves he found that he could gain the most pleasure out of beating and torturing. He would kill the slaves after he tired of them; after they had lost their souls and had spilled their life's blood on his cold, marble halls for all of their days. Dargon chose Garin as one of his slaves because of Garin's stubbornness and pride. Garin would never obey him or show pain no matter what Dargon did. This intrigued Dargon enough that he made Garin one of us. Yet, through it all, I remained the one that Dargon delighted in beating the most."

She shuddered as the memories washed over her like a painful flood. "The day that I killed Dargon was the day that everything changed...."

Alexa stared at the dagger that she held in her hand. It was covered in Dargon's blood. The dagger fell from her hand and clattered onto the marble floor, the sound reverberating throughout the silent hall. Alexa stared numbly at the blood covering her hands. She had never had another's blood on her hands before. She glanced down at the body lying on the floor. He was lying in a pool of dark blood. Dargon's lifeless body stared up at her, his eyes bulging and his face contorted with rage and shock. The long, deep slit along his throat had finally ceased its fervent gushing of blood.

Alexa stared at the body for a long while. An overwhelming emptiness consumed her, but one final emotion rang true: satisfaction. She felt satisfaction for just a moment as she looked at the body. But then the emotion faded, leaving behind nothing but an empty, dead shell of the person she once was. She felt nothing now. No pain, no rage, no peace. Nothing. She slowly raised her eyes as someone entered the room. Garin. He just stood there for a moment, staring between her and the body, his mouth gaping. After a moment, he regained his voice and began to speak.

"Alexa—What—Did you—How?" he asked, questions pouring from his mouth.

"I killed him," she said tonelessly. "I slit his throat."

Garin stared at her for a moment, and then took her hand. Alexa looked at his hand for a moment, and returned her gaze to the body. Garin began to pull her towards the door.

"Come, lass. We must leave now, while we have the chance," Garin told her.

Alexa removed her hand from his grasp and walked over to Dargon's body. Leaning down, she removed his house keys from his belt. She rose and slowly began following Garin down the hall. Garin grabbed her arm and pulled her along with him, for she needed the support, and they had to hurry.

As they passed the library, Alexa could see Galdor, the house master, arranging papers on Dargon's desk. He turned and stared at them as they walked by. He ran from the library, and quickly tore down the hall after them.

"Alexa? Garin? What are you two doing?" Galdor asked. He frowned as Garin kept running down the hall, dragging Alexa along with him. He pursued them, calling out, but they paid him no heed, much to his ire. Several other servants had heard the noise and were peering out from various rooms watching them. He scowled at them, and they quickly returned to their work.

Galdor finally caught up to the pair as they reached the back entrance. He frowned as they stopped before the door. What do they think they are doing? he wondered. No one can open that door but Dargon. But to his great surprise, Alexa unlocked the door, Dargon's keys dangling from her hand. His mouth dropped open, and she turned to him. It was then that he saw the dried blood on her hands and dress. His eyes widened in disbelief. Alexa? Shy, meek, timid Alexa? She could not have done it. Could she? She reached out and handed him the keys.

"Get everyone out before it is too late," she said, her face and voice devoid of all emotion.

He continued to gape at her, but managed to nod. She turned, and she and Garin left the house. He watched them until they disappeared from his sight and into the forest.

"Farewell," he whispered. He turned and entered the house, and began his task of freeing the other slaves.

Garin continued to pull Alexa along, as they weaved through the trees. He glanced up at her in concern. Her face was expressionless, and her eyes were empty. He sighed deeply. I hope killing that monster did not destroy her.

"Alexa, you are going to stay with my wife and I for awhile," he told her.

Alexa stared down at him. "Stay with you? For how long?"

"For as long as you need to, lass."

Alexa shook her head. "No," she said quietly. "I will be fine on my own."

"Alexa, you have spent your entire life as a slave to that man. You have never been on your own, so how can you expect to know how to survive? You need someone to teach you how to fend for yourself." He sighed. "You have helped me, lass. Now let me help you."

Alexa glanced at him and sighed. She knew that Garin only wanted to help her, however, kindness had been so sparse in her life that she could not help being suspicious. But she knew that he was right. She did not know the first thing about how to live on her own. She did not know how to hunt, or fight, or even how to ride a horse. However, she did know one thing: how to kill. She looked down at Garin and nodded slowly.

"Good," he said gruffly, and looked at the forest around him. "Come. We have a two day journey ahead of us."

She nodded, and they continued on their journey to freedom.

Alexa glanced up at Haldir, who was listening intently. "I stayed with Garin and his wife for a long while. They taught me how to rely on myself and how to survive on my own. Without their guidance, I do not know what I would have done." She looked into his eyes. "That is why I respect the Dwarves so greatly, Haldir. I consider many of them to be dear friends of mine, and many have aided me when my need was dire." She bowed her head sadly.

"Balin, the Lord of Moria, was another that I count among my friends. He and I met in the Misty Mountains during one of my journeys to Lothlòrien. Balin, his people, and I shared a cave to protect ourselves from a violent snowstorm. It was there that Balin became my friend."

Haldir reached out and lightly ran his hand across her back. He looked at her, his eyes full of shame. No wonder she had gotten so angry with him.

"I am sorry for everything, my love," he told her. "Elves and Dwarves have had a distrust of each other for many years, and I was overcome by old feelings of anger and hatred."

"I know, Haldir. Gimli told me of the quarrel between our peoples. I am sorry I was so angry with you. I did not know."

He smiled gently and traced his finger along her jaw. "Neither did I."

Haldir reached out and pulled her close to him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tightly. He could feel her tension. She was always upset when she spoke of her past, for it greatly troubled her. He began to gently knead her shoulders and felt her relax against him. He smiled and lightly kissed her ear.

"I love you, meleth nin," he whispered.

She covered his hands with her own and squeezed them gently. They remained in each other's arms until the sun rose, gracing the world with another day.