Chapter 23

The Longest Lunch

With a sigh of relief Hermione shut her bedroom door. She'd put Jamie down and now she needed sleep. She changed and got into her luxurious bed. It hadn't gone too badly she reflected, not as bad as she'd thought. Dumbledore had been supportive, hadn't judged her and had been thoroughly delighted when Jamie asked him if he could call him "Grandpa Albie". McGonagall had been ready to pounce into a speech that Hermione could guess would start and end in how irresponsible they had both been, but Jamie had got to her first and wide-eyed asked her if she really could turn into a cat as his new favourite uncle had promised. Hermione and indeed the rest of the room had been shocked when McGonagall obliged Jamie's interest and his characteristically enthusiastic response to her transformation had led to McGonagall following Jamie around for the rest of the afternoon – Ron had even commented on how he'd never seen McGonagall act so Motherly before.

And then there was Molly.

Her old professors, Hermione knew she would be able to handle; the head of the Weasley clan, however, was a totally different matter. Molly had arrived with Arthur, Ginny and Mark who had all been delighted to see her again, and in Mark's case to meet her for the first time. And they'd all loved Jamie of course. But Molly had hung back and waited, when Hermione expected her to be at the front of the queue. Molly had gone to Harry, to check on him and Mother him, and hadn't wanted to know her. She was hurt, but not totally surprised, she couldn't honestly say that if she were Molly she'd want to speak her either. So Harry had introduced her to Jamie, with Hermione watching from across the room, her heart breaking and her head telling herself not to cry. She had watched Jamie and Harry and saw how happy they were. She'd never felt sicker or sadder in her whole life.

Hermione had kept herself busy; offering food and catching up with Ginny and Luna, who arrived eventually. She loved little Arthur already; he was so much like Ron except that he was so much calmer, like Luna. Ginny was so happy with Mark, who Hermione thought was a really nice and caring guy. When the twins arrived they actually made her laugh; she'd forgotten what fun they were.

"Mummy, Mummy..."

"Yes sweetheart?" Hermione'd said turning from George to look at her son.

"Dad said we can go to Diagon Alley this week, if its ok with you. Is it? Is it ok Mummy? Can we go? PLEEEEEASSSSSE!" He'd begged.

"Ok" She'd said smiling, watching as he'd gone off to tell Harry who was out in the garden. And that was when she'd made the mistake of going into the kitchen.

"Hello Hermione." Molly Weasley had said.

Hermione hadn't noticed her when she walked into the kitchen and so spun on her heels feeling very shocked.

"Hello Molly" she'd managed eventually, tears already forming in her eyes.

"Can't you even look at me child?" Hermione had raised her eyes from the spot on the ground and willed herself not to be sick all over Harry's new kitchen. She'd been terrified she remembered, terrified of what Molly would say and terrified of how she'd look at her. But she'd been wrong. When she'd looked in Molly's eyes she only saw sadness. The same sadness she'd seen when Percy was killed and if anything that had made Hermione feel worse; someone else she loved that she'd hurt so badly. So they'd cried together and Molly hugged her in one of those Weasley hugs that for the first time made Hermione feel glad to be Home.

Of course Molly had said they would talk later, and she knew then she'd have to face questions about the past eight years, but it seemed to be enough for Molly that she and Jamie were here with Harry; that Harry was ok with the situation. The rest of the day and eventually evening was spent happily, catching up with her friends and second family, without ever feeling like they hated or resented her for what she had done. And now she could relax. It was a pleasant kind of exhaustion; the kind you get from spending happy hours chatting and laughing. It was a kind of exhaustion Hermione hadn't felt in a long time, only it was tinged with sadness and regret. Knowing that they would have accepted her back years ago made her reflect on all the times she nearly written to Harry to tell him about Jamie. She rolled over on the bed and a tear ran down her cheek. She was tired, but her mind was awake and it kept reminding her of how it all could have been.

xxxx

Hermione usually put Jamie to bed. It was what Jamie was used to and Harry didn't want to upset his routine. But since Jamie had moved in Harry had dropped in to say goodnight to him every night; to tell him he loved him. Harry never had that as a child and he was surprised at how determined he was to make sure his son knew he loved him. Tonight was no different. Jamie was asleep before Hermione even laid his head on the pillow, but that didn't stop Harry from kissing him goodnight and saying "I love you Jamie" before leaving Hermione in Jamie's room.

He waited for her outside Jamie's room, but she was so tired she didn't notice him and went straight into her bedroom. Harry wasn't quite sure if he should knock on her door or not. He knew she was tired and drained from the day, and to be honest so was he. Even though he couldn't remember a happier day in his life, Harry was tired and wanted to sleep. But he wanted to talk to Hermione more.

He'd tried to make sure that everything went smoothly; that Hermione wouldn't feel stressed or worried, just happy to be home, and for the large part he felt he'd achieved it. But she still seemed sad. And he needed to know if that was because of him; because of the kiss or because of moving home, he wanted to know; he wanted to make it better – to make her happy. So he'd figured they'd talk. And at least that way he'd know if it was him that was making her sad.

Now he was stood in front of her door. He wasn't sure how long he'd been stood there trying to work up the courage to knock but he knew he'd have to soon or she'd be asleep.

KNOCK KNOCK

"Come in sweetie-its ok" came Hermione's voice.

Harry, bewildered, opened the door.

"Hi" he said lamely.

"Oh-Harry... I-I'm sorry – I thought you were Jamie." She was sat up in the bed looking at him. He blushed.

"Sorry – erm..." Great now you don't know what to say. "I was just wondering- well- if you were ok – after today I mean."

Maybe it was out of habit, but he'd moved to sit with her on the bed almost without noticing. She noticed, he thought, but since Hermione didn't seem to mind, Harry wasn't eager to move.

"I'm ok" said a voice, not quite sounding like Hermione.

"Sure?"

"Yeah- just..." She breathed out heavily "well- just a bit overwhelmed I guess. Take a bit of time to get used to everything again." Harry nodded, but remained quiet. He'd known her for long enough to realise that if he kept quiet, and she did want to talk, then she would. "Molly was really good about it actually. They were all really nice."

Harry frowned. "Why wouldn't they be? They all love you..."

"I know but- well considering-"

"Considering what?" He turned to look at her, directly in her eyes.

"That I left you. That I took you son that you adore, away from you. That I hurt you so badly – you want me to go on?" She said it full of anger, like he'd been needling her to make her suffer.

"Hermione."

"What?" she said, quieter this time.

"Did you think they'd hate you?" She didn't say anything. "Do you think I hate you?"

"I wouldn't blame you – I wouldn't blame them." She was so lost, so desolate that he took her in his arms and held her tightly. She made to pull away, but he held her there.

"I love you. I could never hate you and that's how they feel too. I won't lie and say I wasn't hurt when you left, because I was. I never got over it. But now- you're back. And it hurts that I missed so much of Jamie growing up – it does. But I don't hate you. I realise that you did what you thought was best for me. I think you got it wrong – but you know that, and whether you think in hindsight that you were right or wrong, it doesn't really matter. It's done. It can't be undone." She snuggled into him, probably because she's tired he thought absently. "I want to move on Hermione. I want to put the past where it belongs – in the past. I want to be with you – not because of Jamie, because of us. I want what we had. I know it won't be easy, won't be straightforward, but it never has been with us has it? I know you said no, because you don't want Jamie growing up in the same type of environment you did – but it really wouldn't be like that – we're not you parents. I want you to think about it – think about what I've said – what do you say?" He looked down and sighed. She was asleep. Fantastic. Harry sighed and hoped that she'd heard most of what he'd said, but knowing his luck she probably fell asleep right away.

He laid her head on the pillow and was going to leave when he looked at her sleeping and decided to snuggle down with her on the bed. At least that way she'll have to talk to me in the morning he thought, while returning her to his arms and falling asleep.