All that I knew
Never your faultDreams by The Cranberries
Chapter OneThe second last day before summer holidays had been extremely nerve wracking for me. It wasn't because of exams, or some new found plot that He Who Must Not Be Named planned, those I knew I could handle, but an obstacle of a different kind.
For the past three years, I Hermione Granger have had a crush on one of my best friends, loyal companion and partner in crime, Harry Potter.
No, I believed it was more than a crush, I believed he was my soul mate, my one true love.
This in itself was hard enough to handle, but the thing that really got to me was the fact that he was with a new girl every two weeks.
I didn't understand why he could be with them, but not me.
What was it that was wrong with me? It obviously had to be something to do with me, because Harry could never do anything wrong.
Was it my looks? I was far from ugly, with my brown curly hair, (which I will admit does go a bit fuzzy sometimes) and chocolate eyes. I was no knockout, but still.
Could it be my personality? Sure I was a bit obsessive sometimes (so I don't want to fail my exams, who can blame me) and I do tend to try and stick by the rules, but seriously was my personality that bland?
Is it that I'm just not appealing? Or maybe because I'm not all that popular? Could I even dare to say that he didn't like me because I'm a mudblood? I know if I asked either Ron or Harry they would both flat out deny all of these possibilities (for the sake of being polite, I told myself)
Despite all of the doubts I had about myself, I still needed to tell him.
At least then, I would know if he had any feelings for me. I knew if he said no I would probably be embarrassed, humiliated and downright annoyed at myself for thinking some one as godly as Harry Potter could have any interest in me.
But still, how many times had I dreamed about Harry's fingers gently caressing my skin, his lips gently brushing against my own, his body pressed up against mine. I had to know.
My chance arrived on that exact day, exactly two days before summer holidays. Harry had just come in from Quidditch, and he looked positively eatable. His black hair was messier than usual, and his emerald eyes were clouded over as he recapped the Quidditch practice they had just had. As Riley would modestly say, he looked like sex on a stick!
I had been sitting in the Gryffindor common room writing a letter to my parents, when suddenly the portrait swung open, and in walked Harry.
He was making his way to the boys dormitory, obviously wanting to clean up. It's now or never I thought to myself, and with that I got up and walked quickly over to Harry. You can do it Hermione, just like you practised, I told myself.
"Harry" I called out when I was half way towards him.
"Oh Hermione, wasumatta" he asked, still obviously recapping the practice.
"Oh um.... Nothing really ... I... ah ... I.... I just wanted talk to you about something" I blurted out.
"Are you ok" Harry asked, giving me a funny look.
"Yeah" I said giving him a quick smile.
"Can it wait, I'm really tired" he asked, looking longingly at the boys dormitory.
"Well its kind of important" I said closing the gap between us.
"Ah, ok" he said, and walked over to stand in front of the fire. I followed him and sat down on the edge of the couch.
"Well, we've been best friends for six years" I started, "and we've battled all sorts of obstacles."
"Yeah" said Harry smiling.
"And in that time we've grown close" I continued.
"Real close" Harry agreed.
Feeling a bit more confident in my self I continued "what I'm trying to say harry is, well, I like you" there it's out.
"I like you too mione" Harry said back smiling.
"No Harry I mean I like like you" I repeated.
I waited. Ok why aren't you saying something, anything. I began to sweat. Indeed Harry was just standing there starring at me. I starred back at him.
He finally seemed to snap out of the trance he was in "but...but your Hermione!" he stuttered.
"Yes" I said suddenly wishing I hadn't said anything. I starred down at the ground.
"But you can't like me, you.... your....your Hermione!" he almost shouted.
"Why not" I asked him standing up.
"Because, because, because YOUR HERMIONE" he shouted.
I couldn't handle it any more I fled. Out through the portrait, down one corridor and through the next, I had no idea where I was going. I reached the oak front doors, flung them open and ran down to the lake.
The night warm, the perfect summer temperature, but I didn't notice. I ran to the edge of the lake where I collapsed onto the grass and cried my heart out.
How could I be so stupid, I thought to myself. How could I possibly think some one as great as Harry Potter could possibly have any interest in me. Why did I have to tell him, god why did I tell him, I probably ruined one of the best friendships I will ever have.
Another wave of tears rack through my body, I curled up into a small ball, and wished I were dead.
"Stupid me, stupid me, STUPID FUCKING ME" I yelled at the top of my lungs.
I stayed down on the lake like that for the rest of the night, hating myself for what I had done, and trying to figure out the reason why Harry didn't like me. I didn't hate him though, god how could anyone hate some one as good and pure as Harry Potter.
It was all my fault. Stupid, boring, plain, Hermione mudblood Granger.
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Nika