EYES OF THE EVERGREEN - quantum witch © 2001
see Prologue for warnings, rating, and summary
2 : Personae
They walked down the streets of Knockturn Alley, and surprisingly made a pass through Diagon Alley as well, until coming to the brick wall that led outside to Muggle London. They had barely expressed a word along the way, a couple of platitudes about the lovely warm night and the stars and moon. Snape felt like an idiot. But a very excited and nervous idiot. He knew her reputation. He knew what she might be leading him to do. And gods help him, even though he found himself stammering and practically drooling like all the rest, he didn't care. He wanted it now.
Juniper tapped the bricks with her wand and they opened, then she led him into the Leaky Cauldron. There was thankfully so much loud carousing and drinking taking place already that no one seemed to notice them at all. She took his hand to squeeze through the crowds and up the back stairway to the apartments above. As she opened her room and they went inside, he grew increasingly close to panic. This was going to be it. Yes, he was going to learn the ways of carnal pleasure at last. He could feel himself sweating, and it drove him mad to realise he hadn't the faintest clue how to proceed with things.
Instead, she took the lead. She had the advantage after all, the poor befuddled man and she the experienced temptress. She turned to him at the doorway, hardly waiting for him to take a breath, and kissed him.
His brain melted as he felt her tongue dart into his mouth and capture his. Her arms were wrapping around his waist and pulling him closer. What should he do? Arms - around - her - you moron. Yes, that was the thing. He held her, and was surprised as how perfectly she fit against him. Her mouth was sweet and her body was warm, and he thought he might explode with delight right this moment.
"Severus," she muttered between kisses, "tell me something."
"Um, what?" he mumbled back, barely taking a breath. Kissing was wonderful. He could do it forever.
"A secret," she said, "something you'd never tell your friends."
"Mmm, I wish," he sighed, just beginning to understand that teeth could be used as well as tongue, "that I'd never become a Death Eater. I hate it, and I hate them, and I want out, but I know they'll kill me first."
She froze. He froze. Their lips were still together, but their eyes were open to stare into each others'. She smiled and pulled back to look at the terrified expression on his face.
"It's all right," she whispered, "I won't tell them. I'd rather die first."
He began to babble almost incoherently, trying to reverse the words, but they wouldn't come back. He gave up and stumbled across the room to the nearest chair and sank down, still mumbling.
"You know, you have such a marvelous voice, you really ought to use it to speak full sentences," she grinned. "I rather like listening to it, myself."
This caught him off guard enough to compose himself. "I cannot believe I said what I did, that's all."
"I know. And if you like I can make you forget that you did," she held up a hand meaningfully. "But I'd rather not, because I think it would be wrong of us to pretend that you are as evil as the rest of your friends."
"They're not my friends, and what did you do to me to make me say that in the first place?" he said it with a growl, but his eyes were curious.
"I kissed you, silly. Don't you remember?" she came closer and knelt on the floor before him. Provocative. "Want to try it again?"
And he leaned forward to take her beautiful face in both hands. His hair swept over her as he brushed his lips across hers, and he felt her sigh softly. She was, he finally noticed, actually enjoying the kissing as much as he had been. Though he'd been possessed by the inability to think earlier, he was thinking now. And he knew that she'd done something to him. Was still doing something.
"Juniper Janus, what an interesting name," he whispered between her lips. "The first is a powerful plant in magic arts… it protects and strengthens… is sometimes used in minor love spells… helps to break curses… and also wards off snakes."
She tensed slightly, but he kept her face in his hands and kept kissing her. Now that he'd touched her lips he didn't wish to stop. "And the last name… the Roman god of the changing year… and also two-faced. Some say one face is woman."
The kiss ended as he stared full into her brilliant eyes. They both knew. She was a spy.
"Shall I make you forget that you know this?" she asked.
"I have no doubt that you can. I have no doubt that you have done it already to many others who are older and stronger than me."
"But not wiser," she smiled.
"Flattery shall not avail you," he said. "And I'd rather not be forced to forget someone as interesting as you. Besides, you know my deepest secret, I feel it's only fair that I know yours. So Juniper," he growled the name softly, making it sound like dark music, "think you can drive away this snake?"
"There are two kinds of snakes," she said calmly, looking into his adamant onyx gaze. "The venomous killer, a sad little stereotype that everyone fears. And the traditional magical serpent, who represents mystery and wisdom and healing."
There was a moment of silence while his gaze grew less harsh. She believed him to be the latter, and perhaps she was delusional, but that would make him delusional as well, since he dearly wished to believe it also.
"So, will you turn me over to your fellow Death Eaters?" she asked gently, eyes still locked onto his.
He paused just long enough to make her wonder. "No. I think… we both want the same things."
She could still see the pale light around his heart and said, "Do you know that some of us can see auras, the living light of the body?"
"Yes, I've heard it's a rare gift. One that is hard to teach, and one that only a few magical items can help with."
"And one that I possess." She smiled at him meaningfully.
"What… do you see around me?"
"Darkness, of course. You've almost let yourself be swallowed by it."
He sighed a single deep breath and looked downward. "Yes…"
"All your acquaintances are too far buried to help, but you… still have one shining spot left." She touched his chest with her right hand, and he felt a jolt.
His eyes almost closed, whether because of her touch or her words, he didn't know. "Are you saying you see something good left in me?"
"Yes, I do."
"How can you tease me with such an idea?" he sighed. "After the things I've done and said…"
She saw the anguish in his eyes, which he probably kept well hidden from others. "You are not the things you do and say. I and you have one thing in common. We both wear a mask."
"When I kill…"
"No, I meant inside. It hides how you feel, so that others can't see your heart. It hides your heart, so that it can't feel as much pain as it might otherwise…" She cocked her head slightly and asked, "How did you ever come to be a Death Eater?"
"I'm Slytherin," he scoffed. "What other reason does one need?"
"Again with the stereotype. I'm Hufflepuff, so does that mean I'm expected to spend my days in a kitchen, baking cookies and being honest, sweet and truthful?" She grinned at his furrowed brow and bemused half-smile. "Wouldn't have quite guessed it of a spy, eh?"
"Those I knew from that house - admittedly few and not very well - were all quiet and studious and helpful little prats," he grinned in return.
"And so was I when I was a child. Times changes. We change. If I were sorted again today, I'd probably wind up in Slytherin with you."
"We must have been there at the same time. I apologise for not remembering you," he truly looked sorry.
"It's alright. I do know who you are, but only from our school's yearbooks. You were a year ahead of me, so we wouldn't have had classes together or anything." She smiled at him again. "Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and do it all again, but differently… don't you?"
More than you know, he thought. He suddenly asked, "What do you want from me? I cannot help you bring down Voldemort."
"That's not my mission. Only to take what bits of information I can grab, to save a few lives."
"While I end them," he sighed, a haunted look taking over his face now. "I don't know, honestly, what I expected when I joined the group… but it bloody sure wasn't murdering people in their own beds." He put his head into his hands and gazed at the floor between them. "And I thought they were my friends, that Voldemort would lead us all to greatness and glory… but he's insane… cruel… We're really just his… his slaves." The world was spinning as he realised the full scope of what he was saying, and the total truth of it. "I really want out, but there isn't a way, outside of my own death… Perhaps it would be best…"
After a moment's silence, she said softly, "Severus, would you come home with me?"
He raised his head and looked at her in puzzlement, then at the room. "Elsewhere than here, I take it?"
"Of course. I have need of more privacy for my real life."
He hesitated. Did he really know what he was doing? This had started as a delightful chance to lose his virginity, to distract himself for a brief while from his own inner demons, and was turning into a peculiar and undoubtedly dangerous game of intrigue for them both. Why he believed her, why he trusted her so totally, he wasn't sure. Perhaps a spell she'd cast… But something in her eyes told him to just go with his gut. He might just as well be asking her why she trusted him.
So there they were - two people who could see beyond each other's masks.
Her evergreen eyes were pulling at his soul. He took her hand. "Yes, I'll go with you. Even if you are merely leading me to a cell in Azkaban."
She rolled her eyes. "I assure you, it might be a bit cluttered and dusty, and there tends to be the occasional spider… but it's not nearly so bad as that."
Leading him into the small bathroom, holding his hand, she touched a rumpled bath towel on the floor which turned out to be a Portkey. They whisked away in a blur and found themselves standing in a secluded part of Hyde Park. There were numerous Portkeys around, each leading to a different location. She led him to another, a crushed soda can, and away they went again. Finally they arrived in the middle of a moonlit meadow he'd never seen before. They could be, well, anywhere. The way she'd jumped and re-jumped kept her better hidden.
"About half a mile through the fields," she said, tugging at his hand. "There's my home."
NOTES:
· TITLE. The Latin "Personae" means "mask" or "acting". This is what they each discover about the other here.
· SELF-NOTE. Can you believe it took me THREE READINGS of the books before I realised that Knockturn Alley meant "nocturnally"? Sheesh. I can be really slow sometimes!
· JUNIPER'S NAME. The name Juniper Janus came to me, literally, in a dream I had of Snape. Then when I read in "Cunningham's Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs" just what the plant stands for, I realised I'd all but had a vision. The book reads thusly: 'Used throughout Europe as a protective herb, juniper also guards against theft… hung at the door protects against evil forces and persons, and is burned in exorcism rites… added to love mixtures, and the berries are carried to increase male potency [heh]. When carried or burned, juniper helps the psychic powers and breaks hexes and curses, and drives off snakes.' And of course the name Janus is explained fairly clearly by Snape in the story. It was too perfect to ignore.
· SNAKES. The Wiccan ideal of the mystical serpent of knowledge seems more appropriate to me. I've always seen Snape that way
· AURAS. I decided Juniper could see auras after having my own aura photo taken. It was incredible.