A song floats up from below the balcony and through the open French doors, carried on the breeze like a scent. It's soft, so soft but it wakes her and she lies in her bed for a long moment listening with her eyes closed.
Margo Timmins sings like a whisper, mournful, delicate, "I only want to say, that if there is a way, I want my baby back with me 'cause he's my true love, my only one don't you see..." and she curls into herself, the tangled sheets, presses her hands against her eyes.
She has been waiting.
She has been waiting too long and his absence is a physical pain in her body, making it hard to move, hard to breathe.
She hears life going on outside, people enjoying their evening, laughing like music like the clink of glasses, the hisses of grills, the honking of horns, the clip-clop of horse hooves on the cobblestones.
She lies in her empty bed knowing he has lain here. Knowing he has stood on that balcony and watched New Orleans breathe. He probably called down to her, added his voice to the cacophony, his laugh another melody to become entwined with the moonlight and the breeze and "Blue moon you saw me standing alone..."
Remy where are ya...
"Without a dream in my heart... without a love of my own..."
She chose New Orleans on purpose. She thought maybe it would help make the wait easier. She thought she'd be comforted by this place he loves so much b ut it's agony.
Being surrounded by him and having him nowhere near...
She crawls out of bed, pulls on her robe. She pads barefoot to the French doors and stands on the balcony curling her hands over the wrought iron railing. She looks up at the full moon and blinks against the blinding whiteness, the streetlamps below her feet no more substantial than lightning bugs now.
He would come here when he couldn't go home, when he needed to be away from The Guild, away from Jean Luc and Julian. It was his sanctuary. He spent his last night in New Orleans here. Stood right here as he thought about all he had lost. All he was about to leave behind...
He had loved it, this room, even in his sadness.
It seemed like the natural place for her to go... for her to wait.
She thought he'd be here by now.
It's been weeks since she arrived, weeks since that night...
Weeks since she died...
She opens her eyes with a gasp, a swimmer coming up for air, struggling, struggling to reach the surface. She claws at the darkness and a light flicks on like magic, erasing the blackness and filling the room with a warm glow.
A voice says, "Shhh... shhh it's alright... you're okay, Rogue... you're okay..."
Dominic sits beside her, saving her from the nightmares as he has done so many nights before and she relaxes, her tense body releasing, sinking back into the bed. She stares up at the ceiling trying to get her breathing back to normal, trying to calm dow-
Where's the canopy?
She has a canopy over her bed. A green one. There's no canopy...
And her sheets are green too... not plaid...
This isn't her bed.
She sits up and a wave of dizziness washes over her, makes the room that isn't hers spin and spin and
Dominick's hand reaches out and stops it. She looks at his fingers on her arm. She's wearing a nightshirt that isn't hers.
"What... where am ah?"
"Lucien's."
"Who..."
"He's a friend. He's... he's a healer, Rogue."
Dominick has something in his lap... something white... white silk stained with mud... stained with blood... It lies there twisted, crumpled by his hands.
And it all comes rushing back.
She falls down the rabbit hole and lands in a white white room stained with smoke, stained with blood... her blood...
She frantically pulls at the buttons on the nightshirt, pulls the material away to see...
Nothing.
Not even a scar between her heart and shoulder where the bullet...
"Lucien healed you... I brought you here to him..."
"She shot me... " she murmurs, remembering, remembering the look in Raven's eyes the second before she did it. The flash of regret, the cold acceptance. "Mystique shot me... why would she want me healed?"
"She doesn't know you're here. Lucien's a friend of mine. She doesn't know anything about this."
"Where is she?"
"I-"
"And Remy- What happened to Remy? Is he here? He was there, he was with me..."
He was crying.
"He thought you were dead. I ran into him on his way out of Mystique's office. He was going after her. He was... crazy... He knocked me off my feet and I don't think he even noticed me. I found you bleeding... and the fire... I took you here. It was the only thing I could think of..."
"Ah don't remember..."
"You were out, Rogue. You were barely breathing."
"Holy shit..." she whispers, slumping against the headboard. "Ah died... Ah..."
"What happened? I left the Ball... We were done so I came back and all hell-"
The party... Charles Xavier...
"Did you bring him in? That guy Mystique wanted?"
"No, we couldn't... The strangest thing... you touched him and nothing happened – he didn't pass out – you did. Gambit came out of nowhere, caught you before you hit the ground. He took you outside and when I turned back to Mr Charles he was gone. Pyro and I scouted around for him for a while but he just disappeared."
"Where's St. John now?"
"I don't know – we didn't come back in the same car... Rogue, how did this happen? Whathappened?"
"We tried ta rescue her... Remy and Ah... but she wasn't there... Deborah... it was Mystique all along... All along..."
"What?"
"It was Mystique from the very beginnin'."
"Wait, she... No... No, every time I visited Deborah, brought her-"
"Ya think Ah'm lyin?"
He stares at her, shakes his head.
"I swear I had no idea."
"Yeah, well... Ya still wanna be a Brother Dom?"
He looks away from her, looks at his hands still clutching the dress. He sets it aside.
"Rogue... I..." He sighs. "It's who I am."
"It's not wh... Never mind."
She kicks off the covers, swings her legs over the side of the bed and stands with more strength and energy than she should have. Her bones remember the helplessness, the weakness that had set into them just before... They remember it too well and she rests a hand against the wall as her knees begin to shake.
"Ya saved mah life."
"Rogue-"
"Thank ya f'that." She pushes past him, makes her way to the door, fighting the tremors.
"Where are you going?"
"Ta find him."
"Rogue, he's probably long gone by now. It's been hours."
"Ah hafta find him-"
"You know if she wants you dead you'll be dead right?"
He follows her to the door, getting in front of her, making her listen.
"She willkill you, Rogue. And she'll kill him to get to you. I don't know what happened... why this –" he gestures at the bloody gown lying on the bed, "happened, but if she finds out you're alive... She doesn't leave things unfinished. You knowthat."
"Ya tellin' me ta run."
"I don't want you to die."
"Ah don't want to be without him. Not now."
"I'll tell him where you are."
"Bullshit."
"Once you're safe, I'll find a way to tell him."
"You said ta me once not ta depend on ya. That all ya can do is let me down-"
"Rogue, Mystique would kill me if she knew I helped you. I'm risking my life-"
"Why if-"
"When I saw you... even before I saw you. When I saw himI knew something bad had..." His throat closes up at the memory, and he takes a deep breath, he tries again. "When I was down in the cell and saw you lying there... I thought you were gone. You were... But then... Rogue, you opened your eyes. Just for a moment. You opened your eyes and you said... You said his name." He swallows painfully, places his hand on her shoulder. "I will tell him. I swear to you..."
She's been at the Place d'Armes, for exactly two weeks tonight.
Happy anniversary.
She hadn't believed Dominick when he had said he would tell Remy she was alive and waiting for him. She'd been betrayed too many times by him, by The Brotherhood, by everyone, to risk trusting anyone now.
He was right that she had to get out of New York though. Mystique would come after her if she knew she was still alive.
She's not worried about Irene finding out and telling her. If she showed up again in her visions, she would just assume it was a faulty future and ignore it. And Dominick wouldn't say a word. She believed him when he told her that. After all his neck is on the line too...
She would be safe as long as she stayed out of their way.
So she left. She took the money Dominick scrounged up for her, used Gambit's know-how to steal a car and drove all night, all day, nonstop until she was far away from everything...
She knew she had to do it, had to go... She didn't really have a choice.
But she had to see him first.
"Ah'm goin' t'the X-Men. He'll be there..."
"Rogue, you can't stay with them. She'll find you."
"Ah know that... Ah know... But Ah hafta tell him mahself, where Ah'm goin'. Ah hafta seehim. He thinks Ah'm dead..."
"Maybe it's better that way."
She doesn't say anything for a long moment. He goes to the dresser, picks up a pair of pants and a button-down shirt.
"These're Lucien's," he says. "They're gonna be too big, but... better than a nightshirt right?"
"Lucien... he didn't touch me did he? Ah mean when he..."
"No. Luckily, he doesn't need contact to do his thing..."
She takes the clothes from him, careful not to touch, unsure why she needs it to be a secret that she can now. "So he's okay t'drive? Ah mean if Ah ask him d'ya think he would?"
"I'll drive you."
"Ya can't go where Ah'm goin'. They'd attack ya on sight..."
"Rogue-"
"Ah love him, Dom."
He stands there silent. She sees the pain in his eyes.
She looks away from it.
"Get dressed," he says thickly. "I'll drive you. I'll take you anywhere you want to go."
She steps back inside, closes the French doors and slips out of her robe, her slip. She pulls on her clothes, knowing she's not going to be able to get back to sleep tonight. Her dreams haven't been so good lately anyway.
-/-
She goes to the Moon Walk, stares out at the Mississippi River. Her river. His river. The waves they both swum in as children tumble over each other in the moonlight, blue and black gently lapping against the edges of the city... his city...
Dominick took her to the X-mansion. He waited beyond the gates as she slipped past them, her feet sinking into the lawn, damp with dew, soaking the thin canvas shoes Lucien gave her...
They're too big and she trips, falls to her knees and something drops from the trees, something big and hulking and... growling.
Snikt
"What're you doin' here."
Metal catching the moonlight, glowing in the early morning dark. Claws extended, inches from her throat.
She told him everything. She knelt before him and talked until his claws retracted, until he got down on one knee and told her what she already knew.
She should go, she should walk away.
He wasn't going to let her get any closer than this.
"Promise me ya'll tell him... Please Lo- Wolverine... Please... just tell him where Ah'll be an ya'll never see me again... Ah promise."
He looks at her for a long moment, searches her face, still not trusting...
"An address... that's all Ah'm askin' ya ta give him... that's all..."
He said he would do it, he would tell him. He said he'd leave it up to the Cajun to decide where his loyalties lie. He didn't seem to think they would be with her.
But he hadn't seen his face.
He hadn't seen his face when he leaned over her in that room, knowing she was leaving him for good... knowing she was dying...
The thought crosses her mind that Logan didn't tell him after all.
It crosses her mind because she doesn't want to think of the alternative.
That he just isn't coming.
She says goodbye to the river and wanders through the empty market on her way back to her room. She thinks about going to the Cathedral but decides against it. It's another one of Remy's comfort zones, but she doesn't believe in God, not anymore. It would be wrong to try and take solace in Him just because she wants to feel close to-
She passes by the Café DuMonde and his wistfulness nearly knocks her off her feet.
He waited here, he waited so long and she never came...
She never came.
-/-
She watches another sunrise from his bed.
She rests her chin on her knees, looks at the light creeping across the floor, climbing up the bed, warming the sheets.
She closes her eyes, breathes deep.
Sixteen days.
It's getting too hard being here. Like Mississippi got to be too hard, everything reminding her of her past...
Everything here reminds her of him, which at first was the point, but now... All these feelings, these memories she thought had disappeared... They tell her his stories, but she wants to hear them from him as they walk down St. Anne's, Decatur, Bourbon Street... She wants him to tell her about himself as they explore alleyways and parks, jazz clubs and bars...
She wants to dance with him at Coop's Place where he got drunk on this eighteenth birthday and sang along to Otis Redding crooning over the jukebox "These arms of mine...they are lonely... lonely and feeling blue... These arms of mine... they are yearning... yearning from wanting you..."
She buries her face in her hands.
It's time ta leave. Ah can't just stay here day after day waitin' for somethin' that might neva happen...
She has nothing to take with her. Nothing to pack. All she has to do is get up. All she has to do is
End it...
End it, Anna.
He's not com-
There's a knock on her door.
She freezes, her hands over her mouth.
She waits, holds her breath.
It comes again.
She slowly gets to her feet, her heart pounding, pounding, afraid to hope... but she does anyway.
She draws back the chain, pushes down on the handle.
She whispers his name like a good luck charm, like a prayer.
She opens the door.
-/-
Dominick drops her off at a rest stop, tells her he wishes he could drive her all the way. She tells him she knows he has to get back.
"Ah don't want ya ta git inta trouble."
"Don't worry about me. I'll tell them I was getting rid of the body... I've had that job before. They won't question it."
They stand there in silence for a moment.
I've had that job before...
She thinks if she asks him to come he will. She doesn't necessarily want him to come with her, she just wants him to leave The Brotherhood. She thinks about him painting, all the beauty he's capable of... She thinks about him burying Mystique's enemies under buildings because it's his job to follow her orders and it makes her sad. She doesn't care what he said before. That's notwho he is...
He says, "I bet you could catch a bus here that'll take you wherever you're going." He says it in a way that lets her know he wants her to tell him where that is.
She says she doesn't want to be around people right now.
"Ah'm gonna steal a car..."
She heads south, leaving Manhattan, New York, days behind. The road stretches before her, miles and miles of asphalt, her future waiting for her in a place she's only been in his memories.
She needs him to meet her there in his past, needs him to go with her somewhere new, somewhere where they can find out if they have a future together.
"Do you really think he'll be there?"Dominick had asked.
She drives towards the rising sun, the dusky light of the new morning red and warm like his eyes, the heat on her face like a touch, like the promise of a touch.
She had answered, "Ah hope so..."
Because she needs to tell him she has never loved anyone before. Has only ever read about it, has only felt the flame of it secondhand in other people's memories. In his. She needs to tell him she knows it now. Knows it as intimately as she has known fear, anger, loneliness.
She doesn't know if he could ever feel for her what he felt for Belle. She doesn't know if a broken heart can ever let itself be healed enough to try again, especially after everything they've done to each other. But hers beats out a steady rhythm that says it can, that says it wants to.
She rolls down the window, the wind blowing back her hair, a banner of mahogany and white.
She tells herself he'll come for her again. He came for her before, over and over again he looked for her in the crowded dark, even when he knew she wouldn't be there. He came for her that last night. Stood by her side. She looked into his eyes and saw the regret, the desperate wish for a second chance to get it right.
A sign stands by the road.
"Welcome to Louisiana"
Her heart surges with hope, an unfamiliar feeling that makes her smile, that makes tears come to her eyes.
They have that chance.
He just has to take it, and her heart, her soul... everything that she is tells her he will.
"I hope so too Rogue."