EYES OF THE EVERGREEN - quantum witch © 2001

see Prologue for warnings, rating, and summary

10 : Almus

Snape was beyond feeling any surprise. He was met at the door by a waiting house elf with a lantern, who showed him not to the Headmaster's office, but to the kitchens. There sat Albus Dumbledore, in star-spangled blue nightgown and cap, having a cup of cocoa with the other house elves.

"Ah, Severus, I'm glad to see you so promptly," he said in his jovial way, and smiled at the tired and worn out young man. "Would you care for something to eat or drink? I highly recommend the cocoa, with plenty of marshmallows."

Was he kidding? Good gods, no wonder Juniper's sense of humour was so odd… she'd inherited it. "No, sir. Not at the moment, thank you."

"Then perhaps we should give Therion a nice saucer of warm milk, with just a touch of cinnamon. I know he likes that. And also take the small silver box from his collar, would you?"

The elves immediately provided the milk, and the Kneazle then promptly ignored everyone else. An elf removed the box, and handled it to the Headmaster, who placed it safely in the pocket of his robe.

Dumbledore stood, mug in hand, and placing his hand on Snape's shoulder said, "Come with me, dear boy, and I'll give you some answers you are no doubt craving. And, if I am able, some small amount of solace."

Snape doubted anyone could give him what he needed, ever. But he followed his old Headmaster away from the kitchens and through the almost labyrinthine castle, until they had reached his offices. Snape had been there only once before, when he'd protested against Sirius Black and the attempt on his life. Now… was much different. And worse.

He sat in the chair offered, and tried to listen to Dumbledore's words. But everything was floating into his head and roiling around in a cauldron of guilt, as he replayed the last few minutes of Juniper's life. She'd died because of him. His poison had killed her.

"Do you really think that?"

"What?" Snape hadn't realised he'd been speaking aloud. He flushed, and tried to regain control of himself. "I'm sorry, sir. I seem to be a bit… detached tonight."

"And small wonder. A young woman you loved just died and you were compelled to witness it. It's not a pleasant thing… for anyone."

There was meaning in his words, beyond what it seemed. There always was with Dumbledore. He placed one hand on a larger greenish crystal ball, which sat on his desk. It was the receiver, when the smaller one in Juniper's head had been the transmitter. Dumbledore, too, had watched the bitter end.

"Sir…," Snape said with a shaking voice, trying to control himself, "I… I know that Voldemort was the one who tortured her, gave her the Truth Serum and poison. But it was me who provided them."

"You had no idea it was for her."

"Didn't I?" Snape shouted at himself. "Didn't I even wonder for a single moment, 'how much longer can she keep up this charade?' 'How much longer before something absolutely horrible happens?' 'Why didn't I try to make her leave?' 'How much longer before I help to end another precious life?'" He found he was crying again, through the shouting, and put his face in his hands. His body shook and he thought he'd never be able to stop.

"Severus, as I was trying to explain to you… You know perfectly well that she made the decision to become what she did, and to continue it even after she met you. She herself was considering leaving the mission, once she did. Because she didn't want to risk hurting you."

Looking up again, Snape was cold. "She didn't want to hurt me? Every moment I didn't have her near was hell. And she went and got herself killed, the careless bitch." As soon as the words left his lips, he bit them until they nearly bled. "I didn't mean…"

"Ah, and now we've gone from self-blame to blaming the other." Dumbledore smiled gently. "Juniper was willful but she was never careless. Though I must confess, I never truly liked the method she used."

"No, it was demeaning and tacky, and men thought the worst of her. And it simply wasn't true. And it… it killed me inside… every time I saw her with someone else…" Snape hung his head, ashamed.

"But it was awfully effective work, for the short time she was able to do it." Blue eyes twinkled. "She knew how she would be seen, and though I agree with your feelings I couldn't have told her to do otherwise. Being headstrong runs in the family I'm afraid. But you saw through the ruse and that pleased her greatly. She cared so much what you thought of her. She always has cared too much perhaps, for strangers, for anyone but herself. And for you. She used her last moments before Voldemort gave her the Truth Serum to protect you. She knew that, regardless of whether she told Voldemort everything he wanted to know, she would die. She died doing what she set out to do. Saving another's life."

"Are you trying to make me feel grateful to her, for her fatalism?" Snape said morosely. "I already am. I'm indebted to her forever, for many more things. She told me that I am not completely evil, she treated me with kindness I have rarely had a chance to enjoy. And she also… well…" He almost blushed.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "I think we can skip the particulars. I'm afraid I've already witnessed enough of your… interaction to give me a clear idea."

"Oh gods," Snape put his burning face in his hands again. Of course, the Third Eye would have shown everything they did together. Everything.

"I'm not such a voyeur, boy, that I don't know when to avert my eyes," Dumbledore chuckled. "But I did need to see enough to know that she was not in danger from someone she didn't know well. Apparently, she knew you better than you knew yourself."

"She said… she could see good in me. And I'd like to think there is something to that… But," Snape said holding up his hands helplessly, "what the hell do I do now? I can't… I just can't go back to being a Death Eater. I can't fall into the pit and get swallowed again."

"No, you shouldn't allow that," Dumbledore agreed. "But you can do something. You can take her place."

Snape's eyes flashed. "I don't think I want to be implanted."

"No, I wouldn't suggest it. Besides, those items are long gone. Voldemort shall find that they have become useless trinkets, now that they are outside her body. They were meant to work together, or not at all. Unfortunately, her body had become so accustomed to the enormous amounts of magic that she didn't really know she was surviving on it. She had, as he called her, truly become a Living Artifact. And once a piece of an artifact becomes dislodged, the rest fails to work. The only way she would have continued living is to have the implants replaced quickly. She was doomed to die, from the minute the first implant came out."

So the poison would have had nothing to do with it, Snape found himself thinking. "But the last implant… the Third Eye… How did Voldemort never find it?"

"Ah, that one was a bit different. It was the first she received and worked independently of the others. It was protected with different spells, which I myself placed upon it and controlled through the larger crystal here. It was implanted through use of magic, and not surgery like the rest. It was pure, not a mixture of elements as the others were. It almost has a life of its own, and so long as it remains most of the time inside this Stasis Box it shall not lose its power. All that she saw and heard while it lived in her body is recorded within, and will stay there. Also… she used its power to keep from speaking the entire truth to Voldemort, even with the Veritaserum he gave her."

Once again, Snape felt some measure of relief. Then he wasn't fully to blame for what she went through. She was protected… and what she did had been her choice. But…

"I would rather still have her alive…" He'd spoken aloud again.

"I know, dear boy. I know. As would I," Dumbledore's eyes looked a bit brighter than before. "Do you believe… in the continuation of the soul? That a spirit can live on, whether by itself or through another?"

"I… I'm not sure, sir," Snape frowned. "I know we have ghosts here… But if you are speaking of reincarnation, there's never been proof positive. Has there?"

"Well, there are a few cases that have been documented which seem to persuade one of the possibility. But I was speaking a bit more metaphorically. Did you truly… love Juniper, Severus?"

Snape met the pale blue eyes with the most honesty he had ever felt in his life. "Yes. I know I didn't know her for long, but… yes. There was something… beyond normal emotions working through us, I think. I don't know what that means, but it sounds right."

Dumbledore nodded. "Sounds right to me, as well. She was a gifted child, and seeing auras was only one of her gifts. The other was one that, sadly, only a few possess… the ability to totally give her love to someone. Utterly and completely give, without holding back. She may have locked secrets in her mind, but her heart… that was always free. And she gave it to you, no doubt about that."

Before any tears could begin again, Snape asked roughly, "So what can I do… to help her spirit live on? Become a spy too? Risk my own life for others?" He nodded to himself, slightly numb. Maybe that would help him felt slightly redeemed for the atrocities he'd already committed… and would no doubt have to commit again while he fought from the inside for a way out. And if he did die doing it, then it was a nobler death than he'd ever get being as he was. "Yes… I think you're right. But I can't be the same as her. I can't be like two people. I have to give all or nothing…"

"I remember well, you were always that way." Dumbledore smiled fondly at the boy, who was growing to true manhood before his eyes. "And that is your strength, Severus. All or nothing. You wear a mask inside and outside. But it needn't be always in place. Whenever you come to see me again, you may take it off and… be who you wish."

Snape looked again into the elder man's eyes. "I can't believe I'm agreeing to do this. It's suicide."

"Perhaps not. You are skilled at pretending to be what they believe. And some part of you is capable of the coldness that will be required to continue the act. Turn your mask into a mirror. Let it reflect to them what they expect to see. Also keep a mirror on the inside, so you can see what Juniper saw in you, shining back…"

Dumbledore smiled gently as Snape closed his eyes. He was already trying to envision it, a mirrored mask. Good. The magic of it was already beginning.

"It will not be an easy task, I know," the Headmaster continued, "and you will be in danger. I do have other contacts that I intend to make aware of your activities. And they shall do what they can to help you, but it shall all be done in silence. Your life, I'm afraid, is about to become more complicated than you have ever dreamed. But it will not always be so." Dumbledore held up the tiny silver box that contained Juniper's last implant. "There was a moment when Juniper predicted something, and I believe it is true. They say that those on their deathbed can sometimes see into the future… She said to Voldemort that one day, he would be destroyed by love…"

Snape's eyes widened. Could it be possible, that someone might bring the Dark Lord down? Use the opposite of his hatred against him? He prayed it were true. In the meantime…

"I should be getting back to my flat. After tonight, Voldemort will be questioning everyone that met Juniper, I'm sure of it. He'll be out for a little more blood, or at least pain."

"Yes, no doubt to soothe his own fears," Dumbledore smiled, "that her dying words to him were true, not merely because of the Veritaserum…"

Snape almost smiled then. He stood and was ready to leave when he turned and addressed the Headmaster once more. "Sir, would you do me a favor?" He hated that phrase now, and vowed he'd never use it again.

"Yes, Severus?"

"Could you… keep a Secret?"

"Consider it Kept. Voldemort shall never find out that you loved her. Now go, before he finds you missing."

Snape lived through the night and the next day, as Voldemort probed his mind, but nothing was found to condemn him.

Juniper was buried, and he of course missed her funeral.

Her spirit lived on. And he began to watch the world through a two-way mirror.

NOTES:
· TITLE. The Latin title "Almus" means "life-giving" or "nourishing" and also "kind, gracious". Conveniently sounds a lot like "Albus" too.
· SNAPE THE SPY. We have yet to see what JKR says Snape's reasons are for becoming a spy. But I think he had to have done so for a very good reason. Not merely out of nobleness of his own heart (which he has) but also because he was hurt deeply by Voldemort on a personal level. And since he started spying even before Lily was killed, that can't have been the (only) reason, can it?
· MY INTENTIONS. When Snape speaks of "something beyond normal emotions" working through them, I like to think they were soul mates, instantly recognizing each other. Such a short and tragic love affair, but deep and serious nonetheless sigh I know, I'm far too romantic for my own damn good.
· LOVE. That other rare gift, the one of self-sacrificing love, sounds a bit like Lily, eh? Yeah, I know. OBVIOUS.
· MIRRORED MASK. Spellbooks that refer to using mirrors often use them to reflect evil back upon itself, so I figured a mask made of it would be the most effective thing. And it makes such beautiful imagery…