A/N: I don't own Degrassi or the characters...however the poem is mine.

Editorial Number 5

Lyrics for My Next Song

By Ashley Kerwin

I was told that I should put this in the editorial column. I was told that since I wrote this about someone, they should actually see it. Here goes nothing....

Hello again. I was wondering what you'd say
If I happened to say that to you...
If I would call.
Don't worry, I won't ask
I know what you'd say
I was wondering,
Do you think of me ever?
Do you ever want to talk to me?
Do you know when I think of you,
It hurts so much that I pinch myself hard
To know the tears are from the pinch and not you.
So everyone knows I only like you as a friend
Admitting it to them that I still care
Would mean admitting it to myself
And that would hurt like hell.
If you saw me now,
You'd know the only time I admit it
Is in the dark.
Do you know how much I hate sad songs?
Now when I think of you,
I have to listen to a sad song
So I can make sure the tears I cry
Are for the broken-hearted people in the song.
I tell myself those people aren't you and I
Even though we have the same names.
I have to listen to sad songs in the dark,
To know if you are there you can't see me cry.
I know we were once in love.
I could see myself in your eyes.
Now I can't look in your eyes
Because I am afraid of what I'll see.
I never thought we'd end up like this,
I never thought you'd hurt me so much.
I guess I forgot to ask you
Not to break my heart.
I sometimes think of how things were between us before,
I feel happy that we can be friends like that.
Then I remember all the nights, every word,
All our thoughts, your warm smile,
How I could feel so good when you were by me.
There are infinite times, far more good things
Than I could ever write about.
Then, of course, I am shockingly brought into the present,
And my smile is brutally torn from my lips,
As my heart is shattered once more.
I try to look to the future, as I am told,
Even I can't see in the dark.
I struggle in vain to take the sunglasses off my face,
Then I realize that I'm not wearing any.
I'm trying to be your friend,
But when I see your name my heart sinks
To the very depths of my soul, so far
That I am sure I can never retrieve it;
And somehow it always manages to keep dropping farther
I am bombarded with questions from which the answers
Is as much a mystery as the flourish from which it came.
I don't know why it has to be this bad.
We went from friends to lovers just like a love song.
I can hear the old songs about us
Only the names aren't ours and
I don't know the people in the song.
In the black songs now I must cry.
For I hear my name repeatedly whispered.
For the love songs with new names,
My heart sighs in pain.
So I was wondering, what are you doing now?
Who do you think of?
Are you really happy now?
I was just wondering,
What about me?
Do you know how much you mean to me?
I was just wondering,
If you could tell me why did this have to start
And why does it have to end?
Today I heard you say twice,
"I'm happy." And I hope you are.
I didn't want to start out to like you.
Now I desperately need you.
Sometime if I am laying still in the dark
And I whisper your name, the pain recedes
For a moment so I can dry my eyes.
I dread tomorrow, knowing I'll see you.
I get to smile superficially all day.
I'll dread the times when I get too close to you.
You know so much about me,
More than I want you to know.
I still care even though it is over now.
Now that I don't really need it to be.
Now that I need you the most, fast is not for now.
You will last longer that I want
And I will always miss you
I am not ready to let go.
I love you!

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