Delicate
We might kiss when we are alone
When nobodys watching
We might take it home
We might make out
When nobodys there
Its not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate
we might live
like never before
when there's nothin' to give
how can we ask for more?
we might make love
in some sacred place
that look on your face
is delicate
She held tight and waited. Laying in her bed waiting for the sound of his car to pull up. She knew that he wouldn't come, but she couldn't help thinking maybe something would strike him. The rain stuck to the windows, she watched the drops cling for a little bit then give up and slide down in uneven wet lines. It was a year ago. Today was the very day it was a year ago. She held her covers up closer. Hugging her pillow. What more could she do? She was helpless, and a victim to her memories.
An hour later she was woken up by the sound of her cell phone chiming happily at her. All she wanted to do was stay under the warmth of the covers and think of nothing. She knew she couldn't though. She knew she had to pick up.
"Hello?" She said sleepily, not wanting to return to reality just yet.
No one answer. Annoyed she said it again, "Hello? Who is this?" All she heard was a shuffled click. She figured it was just some bitchy girls prank calling her, or maybe one of Ashley's friends as a prank. Angry she threw the phone to the ground and fought back the tears. If only this day could be over, if only could stop reminding her of how she got to be.
He had meant to say something. He really had. But he had choked. When he heard her voice, he knew nothing he could say.... would be worth anything. He knew even in his head that today was the day that they had first had sex a year ago. So much had changed; at first he had hated the fact that they had lost their virginities together. He felt so much guilt. He couldn't quite place when that guilt had stopped. When his feelings had changed. He sat in the garage, cold and frustrated. Realizing he had lost her, and that he couldn't pretend anymore.
"Manuella, wake up. The phone is for you, and it's a boy." She drifted into conciseness from her rainy afternoon of sorrow. She was so tired. Acting out your whole life can do that to a person. She was greeted with JT's eager to please her voice, "Hey You."
"Hey JT." She said into the phone, hoping that she could make this quick.
"So you were supposed to be here an hour ago..."
Oh shit. She totally forgot. She knew she couldn't back out.
"Oh of course, sorry I had some stuff to finish up at home. I'll be over soon JT sorry for keeping you waiting."
"Well...I kind of have a favor for you Manny. Instead of the whole let's stay in thing....how about we go out?"
Go out? Was he fucking insane? Did he even know what today was?
"Um...." She stuttered...how could she get out of this? She ran through the excuses in her head they were interrupted by his voice.
"Manny it's just tonight is Jimmy's birthday party. He is having a huge party at his house and his parent's aren't home. He invited me and I thought it would be a good opportunity for us to go out...you know officially, as a couple."
Jimmy's house...meant he would be there. She couldn't go. She wouldn't go. She would rather die. And yet she found herself saying yes...
"Pick me up at 8?" She said with a click of the phone. Adrenaline rushed as she tried to suppress the giddy little girl coming back again. Because it was that very little girl that had gotten her where she was. She couldn't let that happen again. But as she looked at her outfits thinking to herself "I said I'd go but I won't. I won't go. I'd rather die. I'd rather fucking shoot myself." And for the first time in almost a year, she got a little pleasure in looking in the mirror and finding an outfit.