Disclaimer: well, you know they don't belong to me

Spoiler: All HP books up to now

A/N: Thank you for reviewing, you don't know how important reviews are to an author.

My Confession- Peter

A coward. A traitor. An odd ball of the group...The Rat. That's what they call me. That's probably what you are calling me too. But do you have any idea of the reasons that made me so? The fear? The feeling of worthlessness?

My name is Peter Pettigrew. This is what I have to say for myself

I am just that child from yesterday that tried to fit in. From the day I was born till now and into the future. Honestly, I've got nothing against anyone. Not the Muggle-born, not the Pureblood...and definitely not the Potters. Not James and Lily. They are my friends. Very Good friends.

I am just a scared man, trying to find a place for myself.

When I first received my letter, my mother was relieved. Being a not-so-talented pureblood witch and abandoned by my Muggle father, she feared with all her being that I might not turned out to be a wizard.

Her family had disowned her when I, an illegitimate child, was conceived. She was stuck. Torn between the two worlds. Living in fear and barely surviving in the Muggles' or staying but discriminated in the Wizards'. My letter made her decision. The one decision that left me pondering for the last two decades on how much lives would change.

I met them on the Express. I met James first. I had run into him on the Platform, literally. I was terrified. He was a pureblood of many generations back and my first encounter with Malfoy was unpleasant. But James was very easy going, befriending me immediately, regardless of my blood.

I met Sirius in one of the compartments. He, unlike the 'most Noble and Ancient House of Black' that my mother had warned me to stay away from, was friendly. He and James became great friends very quickly. Sharing same strengths in academics and fondness for pranks.

I met Remus at the feast. He was already very quiet then. James had introduced him to Sirius, who was busily eating and I, looking around excitedly at the Great Hall. We all became friends, sharing the dormitory. In our own tight group, supporting each other in tough situations. We were the Marauders.

All my life, I am accustomed to fear. I was already living in fear back then. I fear a lot in my life. For nothing was certain in it. Not my birth, not my magical abilities. Not anything. Everything that I did could be outdone by another. And things were always done better by others.

I was terrified of the Slytherins. They had taken a liking to hex me. Though I am considered a half blood, and they usually left half bloods alone, my parentage made me nearly as bad as Mudb- Muggle-born.

James and Sirius had always stood up for me, protecting me as if I were their brother.

I had also feared that I'd lose James, Sirius and Remus. They had such influence in my life.

James and Sirius were amazing. They were like twins. I had always looked up to them. They were popular. They were clever. Both of them had powerful families in the wizarding society. In many ways, they were my protectors. They were people that I want to be. Someone who belonged in the Wizard world.

Remus, himself, had shown his academic prowess over the years. Albeit his silence, he was probably the most reasonable friend I had. He was, in many cases, also the brain of our escapades. He was accepted into our group despite his unfortunate encounter with a werewolf in his childhood. I never realized his symptoms until James and Sirius confronted him. I had always believed that he left to visit a sick member of his family.

When I became friends with them, it had never occurred me that I would be so overshadowed by them. It happened though. I had tried to catch up; I'd asked tuition from some other students. But the more I was tutored, the more I realized that I would never catch up. That I could only watch and revere from where I was.

I became more outshone every year as the three of them sprinted to the top students of the year, basking in the limelight.

I had never regretted my mother's decision of returning to the Wizard world. Not then or any time during Hogwarts. Though overshadowed, I had never feared them.

Not until our sixth year.

Sirius had always been rather reckless. But that night, I saw his recklessness at its best. He nearly got Snape killed. His wildness scared me. It scared me to know that he was capable of such hatred for another person.

The next morning, Remus shocked me too. The normally soft-spoken Remus had exploded. The normally pacific Remus became violent. His rage, I guess, was justified. But his physical power he shown that day was...inhumane. He tore the room down.

The Marauders' first and only argument.

James was torn. Unable to decide whose side to take. During those times, he devoted himself to his study. That was probably what made him Head boy with Lily in our final year. His determination awed me. I knew I could never do that. To be able to cause as much trouble as I wanted and then in half a years to clear my records with my grades to become Head Boy.

The last year past very quickly. Sirius and Remus became friends again, though Remus was slightly apprehensive. James and Lily fell in love, finally. We had all watched with mirth as James unsuccessfully wooed her for years. Too soon, it was graduation.

It was supposed to be a fun-filled day. I had expected a lot. To have a party all night, to find an apartment...I never did those things. Not after what Malfoy whispered into my ear.

'Pettigrew, you're nothing but Potter and Black's sidekick. They will never acknowledge you power, but the Dark Lord will.'

I was seduced by the chance to prove myself. I had never done that before. Never been able to shake off the feelings of worthlessness. I went with him that night. Without hesitation. Eager to please. I was shown the power I had over many. Including Muggles and Mud- Muggle-born.

I had regretted that decision. I regretted it as soon as the mark branded my arm. As soon as I met the Dark Lord, His eyes burning with hatred for Muggles. And His sympathy for my parentage. I wanted to show that I was a capable wizard, not to be pitied. I went home that night, regretting.

Days went, month went. I was never called upon. I thought the Dark Lord had forgotten about me and that I could forget my mistake. And to live my life.

With time, I was able to build my confidence and I truly started to feel like I belong.

But He remembered. I was summoned that day before their wedding. James and Lily's wedding. He wanted me to spy on them. I had needed persuasion. It came in the form of Cruciatus. What little confidence I had, shattered.

The feeling of triviality returned that day as I succumbed to pain. My triviality only worsen when James announced that day at his wedding that Sirius, Remus and I were his best friends and that he trusted us with his life.

'Ladies and Gentlemen, that does not include you, Sirius, may I present you the best men of my wedding- Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew- my best friends, brothers that I trust with my entire being!'

I tried to distance myself from them. So that I would know least about their lives. But I couldn't. I needed the security that they provided in my life. When the Potters' requested me to be their Secret Keeper, I was horrified. But I dared not to refuse. In case, He knew.

I cried that night, when the Dark Lord went for them. I cried. And I fled. I was not only frightened by the Dark Lord. I was scared of Sirius too. The temper, his recklessness that he had retrained for several years. It was surely going to be let lose.

I hid, in the Weasley house for twelve years. Not bidding my time like Sirius and Remus believed. I was simply, living, trying to survive. It was all life is to me. To survive. To take another breath.

Two years ago, the three of us met again. In the Shrieking Shack. Sirius escaped Azkaban. Remus was teaching at Hogwarts. I was with the Weasley boy, the Mudblo- Muggle-born girl and Harry. I was petrified. Sirius had always been notorious for his grudge. That day, Sirius and Remus forced me out of my animagus form- a Rat. Sirius had yelled that I should have died, like they would have done for me.

'THAN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED! DIED RATHER THAN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS, AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!'

Maybe Sirius would. Maybe Remus too. I might too, if I were given another chance. But I might be too scared. Too terrified like I was.

I should have been killed that night, if not for Harry's nobleness. So like James. I escaped, condemning Sirius of a fate that should've been mine.

Last year, I helped raise the Dark Lord again. I had no choice. None at all. I can only survive by relying on a greater power. Like a leech, like a useless rat. I had watched that night, when the dark lord returned. I had given up my right arm willingly, for protection. I watched that night as Lily's power in her son become undone by my hand.

This year, the three of us met again. They did not see me, I think. But I was there, till the very end. I escaped with the Dark Lord. Just in time before the workers of the Ministry arrived.

But Sirius never returned that day. Not from the Department of Mystery. Not from behind the veil. Harry had screamed. Desperately. Frantically. I saw Harry struggled in Remus' hold. But he never returned. Another Marauder gone.

Only one Marauder left. Two were killed by their friend in fright. A friend that didn't deserve them.

There are so many times that I look back and wonder about that decision my mother made that day. Would I be living in the constant terror, fighting for my next breath, if I had stayed in the Muggle World? It doesn't really matter now. I made a decision.

One that I cannot turn my back to now. This was the decision I made sixteen years ago. My only life-changing decision. The Darkness I chose. I can only please and never defied.

I can only live in it, and face it like the Gryffindor that probably never lived inside me.

A/N: Another Confession done! Please review! Your suggestions for any other characters' confession are welcome. I'll probably write Snape's next. [Keyword: probably]