Chapter 2

" This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs,

and this is your brain deep-Freud."

I hailed a cab (my car was undrivable) and went to the office of Dr. Leonard Freud, (my personal Psychologist, I had shyness and depression problems). After fifteen minutes of paying for not only my cab ride, but also the inside and outside door handles of said cab, I got into Dr. Freud's office. "Weelcome to Dawkter Froyds awffiss, do yeeoou have an appointment?" The receptionist said. (are all receptionists trained to be this annoying?) " No I don't have an appointment, but I'm feeling very distraught and I think I need some medication." " Well Soin this sheet and go sit over there." I signed the walk-in sheet and waited for an opening in the Dr.'s schedule. I sat down in the vinyl chairs and put magazines on the arms of the chairs so MY arms wouldn't stick to them.

I had an interesting conversation with a schizophrenic arson drug-addict on the meaning of life and why they make 8-packs of hot dogs but only 6-packs of hot dog buns. Finally the receptionist said "Meester Bond?" The Dawkter has an opening and he's ready to see you now." " Thank you" I said as I moved very quickly towards the door, almost knocking down the young lady who had just been in a session. " Sorry, I'm just in a little bit of a hurry to see Dr. Freud, did I hurt you at all?", I said meekly. "No, just surprised me a little, I mean you don't expect people to come rushing at you everytime you come through a door, if I did I'd start wearing a football helmet and pay more into my life insurance." ( she had a beautiful voice) We both laughed ( her laugh was even better than her voice ) and for a minute I thought I saw her looking at my eyes, when suddenly I heard a very annoying voice say, " Meester Bond the Dawk don't got all day, get a move on!" After that the girl walked away to get her green hooded jacket and leave, but I couldn't take my eyes off of her until she was out of sight. (ahhh, I could have watched her laugh all day.) I walked into the office of Doctor Leonard Freud, Psychiatrist and personal mental healer. A long time after I had completed the retelling of this mornings events and of my thoughts and theories Dr. Frued finally responded. "Hmmm... Very interesting story Mr. Bond, but if I were to believe that your personal gravitational field had increased, wouldn't I be pulled towards you too?"Dr. Freud said accusingly. " Well, I hadn't gotten that far in my theories." I meekly replied ." Perhaps this "sticking" as you call it, is all a paranoid delusion that you're creating because you have a lack of emotional support from a significant other?" "No, I know it's true, here watch." I attempted to make a pen that was on the table sick to my hand, but it just rolled onto the floor. "WHAT???" I screamed, yelling directly at the pen, after I picked it up. " After all the trouble I had this morning, I can't get a stupid pen to stick to my hand???" Dr. Frued took the pen from my hand, and it came free with ease. " Mr. Bond, or can I call you Dexter?" " You can call me Dexter." "Well Dexter, since you do believe that you're "sticking" to things, my personal opinion is that this is in fact a delusional paranoid reaction to the stress in your everyday life, I prescribe that you take some vacation time off of work, go out and have some fun, even if it's just sleeping and relaxing, go out and try not to stress over anything." Dr. Frued said. "Thank you I will, uhm, do you think that maybe a slight sedative would help me, even a little?" I whined. "No, I think that would be detrimental to your mental stability." " Uh, okay, thanks Doc." I left his office and went to hail a cab, when I heard a woman cry, "Stop, thief!!! Please someone!!! Stop that maaaan!!!" That's a normal thing in New York, so It didn't register with me, also, it sounded pretty far away and there was no way that I could have helped. I had just raised my hand to hail a cab, when this man slammed right into me. We both fell over and he punched me. Now, I'm not a natural fighter, but that really ticked me off, here I was hailing a cab, after going to see my therapist about stress issues and this guy not only bumps into me, but also has the nerve to punch me too. I swung and missed him, but I seemed to have grazed the purse he was clutching. By that time the woman, that the purse belonged to, was well on her way of getting to the scene. ( a crowd had gathered) The guy saw her and tried to run away but his hand was stuck to the ground. The woman pushed through and hit the guy with her grocery bag. BAM!!!! (now that's got to hurt.) POW!!! (that one's gonna leave a dexter) SPLAT!!! ( eeeeeewwwww) The guy was out cold, she must have gotten her groceries at a hardware store. I showed her that I had her purse and she came over to get it, but it wouldn't let go. She started tugging really hard and it eventually ripped free of my palm. After that she glared at me with a look that could turn men to stone. " Thanks for the appreciation, lady. It was nothing, really." I yelled sarcastically as the woman gimped away. ( she had a limp and a club foot, she walked like a penguin.)After a while the cops showed up and pulled the guy up from the ground. (Magically, the man wasn't attached to the concrete anymore.) They asked me a few questions and then they toted the guy away. I didn't tell them about the whole sticking to the ground thing. (since they didn't ask.)

Four hours later and in a different, motionless part of the city, I once again hailed a cab to go home. I waited a while. ( It felt like an eternity, but it was probably only ten minutes.) Then I saw a girl wearing a green hooded jacket coming down the sidewalk in my direction. I tried to look as manly as possible, while holding my hand in the air, when no cabs are coming by. She came within a couple of feet of me and she sighed. I thought it was the most beautiful sound in the world, second to that laugh, Waitaminnit! "Hi", I squeaked as burley as I could. She jumped at first and then she stopped and looked at me for a second. " Do I know you?", she said. "Yeah, I'm Dexter I bumped into you at the doctors office?" I stammered. "Oh, okay I remember you now." ( she remembered me!!) "Sorry for not introducing myself before, I'm Valerie Kyner, I was just going home." "Can I walk you home?" I said it like a kid wanting to open a birthday gift. She responded hesitantly, "Well, I don't really know you all that well and I did meet you in a psychologists' office, but you've got a goodwill aura around you, I'll tell you what, you can walk me home if and only if , you don't stand like that ever again, deal?" "Deal." We walked for a while, we talked about various things; books, music, movies that sort of thing, that's when she asked me why I had been to Dr. Frued's office. "Well, I've been stressed lately and the Doc said that I was having paranoid delusional hallucinations, so he told me to get some relaxation." I said, "Why were you there?" "Funny enough as it sounds I was there for almost the same reason, but it wasn't hallucinations, I have bipolar syndrome and anxiety disorder." "Really, I have anxiety disorder too.", I interjected. "Then why did you say hi to me?", She asked silently. "I remembered your voice and I wanted to hear it again." "I guess I wasn't worried if you'd talk to me, I was more worried you wouldn't remember me.", I was shaking. "Well, this is my building."she said suddenly. "Really, I was hoping we could walk some more.", I said. "I'd like to but, I have work in the morning, maybe we can do something later?", she said, almost fearful. "Yes!!", I said exuberantly. After she said bye, i took up a new post to hailing a cab, making sure I was in a different position. Finally, a ratty brownish cab came. ( This thing was nasty) I wanted to get home so bad that I didn't care how I'd get there. ( My mistake) I got in and after ten minutes of telling this guy the route and address we finally got going. The cabbie was from some country I've never heard of , or he wasn't saying the name clearly enough. I tried not to touch anything in the cab, I would have stuck even if I wasn't sticky, that place was gross. ( The cabbie didn't, needless to say, get a very good tip.) After I got out I made sure to close the door with my elbow. I was home at last, and man, was I tired.