Chapter 16

Midnight Confessions

The week passed quickly and uneventfully. The only real problems were that Harry found it impossible to break away from the constant monitoring of the Hogwarts staff. Evidently Professor Lupin had said something about Harry 'seeing something' reminding everyone how unsafe Hogwarts really was for Harry Potter. This drove Harry positively out of his mind. Professor McGonagall was the worst followed closely by Professor Dumbledore who had indeed called Harry to his office to 'talk' about the Patronus. Dumbledore really didn't have much to say other than he was looking into it.

Typical.

Professor Lupin's mentioning of rebellion made Harry wonder if that was what he was doing. He hadn't exactly acted out but he also hadn't exactly followed the rules completely either. He withheld information, ventured out alone late at night (it was only once but still), kept the Marauder's Map instead of turning it in, and was now helping the very reason all of these restrictions were placed on him. The more Harry thought about it the more he believed he was completely out of his mind. Who would help the person who betrayed their parents?

Harry knew he wasn't exactly helping Black but he wasn't exactly not helping him either. He could have easily turned him over to Professor Lupin or even told a teacher about the encounter any time this entire week. The problem was Harry's desire to understand how a Midnight and Sirius Black could be one in the same was overruling any other possible decision. Sirius Black had been given plenty of times to finish what Voldemort had started all those years ago yet he didn't. What if Hermione was right? What if he really was mad to some degree that he didn't know about his betrayal?

The opportunity to find answers arrived in the form of a Hogsmeade weekend. Professor Lupin had canceled their Patronus lesson, claiming that he wasn't feeling well but Harry knew better. Professor Lupin seemed to be hesitant to spend a significant amount of time alone with his charge ever since Harry found out about Prongs. Knowing better than to pry, Harry decided to give the man the time he needed. When that time came, however, Harry knew he would also have to reveal that he had known about the Midnight-Black connection.

Harry waited patiently for everyone to leave for the wizarding village. Ron and Hermione promised to bring back some sweets from Honeydukes while the twins grinned. Harry didn't have the strength to tell Fred and George the truth fearing they would want the map back. He also knew if they found out who the Marauders really were the questions would never end, for Harry and Professor Lupin.

Once those traveling to Hogsmeade had left, Harry casually returned to the Gryffindor Tower to put on a jumper and cover himself with his invisibility cloak. His wand was in his holster as it always was, just in case. Never go anywhere without your wand, Black had told him. Harry was prepared to use that little piece of advice.

He followed a group of first years out of the Gryffindor Tower then strayed to the main entrance, making certain he didn't bump into anyone on the way. Stepping out into the courtyard, Harry couldn't believe how nervous and thrilled he felt at the same time. He was now actively disobeying the rules and had to admit he liked it. It felt freeing. He wasn't being coddled or protected like a child. He was taking matters into his own hands.

The grounds were empty for which Harry was grateful for. The temperature was pleasant and the faint breeze helped keep him alert. He now moved quickly yet quietly so not to disturb any of the creatures he could only hear. His pace turned to a crawl as he passed Hagrid's Hut. He knew this was his last chance to turn back but paid it no mind. He needed to do this for himself and for his parents.

Harry entered the forest cautiously, the noises surrounding him like his cloak. He knew the dangers of the forest were still there for him even though he couldn't be seen and took every precaution to ensure his safety. With his past experiences, Harry figured it was best to enter only far enough so he couldn't be seen by Hagrid or anyone else in the castle. It wouldn't be smart just to go roaming around with unfriendly creatures waiting to make you their dinner.

It didn't take long for Harry to find a clearing with a tree stump to sit down on. There was no point in roaming the forest until darkness arrived so Harry figured it would be best to simply wait. Midnight would come sooner or later. Harry just prayed that his patience held out until then. Well, that and no one in the school noticed his absence.

It was two hours later when Harry finally pulled off his invisibility cloak, bunched it up and putit under his head as he stretched out on a patch of dry ground. There had been no sign of Midnight and thankfully any other species who would be less than friendly. Glancing at his watch, Harry knew he only had a few more hours to waste before everyone returned from Hogsmeade. As much as he wanted to wait all night, Harry knew he couldn't. He wasn't stupid, well, that was really still up for debate.

The sound of a twig breaking snapped Harry out of his thoughts as he sat up quickly. Looking in the direction of the sound, Harry's chest tightened, making it difficult to breathe. Please don't be something that will kill me, he silently pleaded. He remained completely still as another twig broke, this one closer. The light squishes of someone walking in mud followed by the rustling of the nearby brush seemed to silence the rest of the sounds. Harry subconsciously twisted his right wrist, reminding himself of the wand hidden underneath his sleeve. He wasn't helpless.

Slowly, a large black dog came out of the brush, looking at Harry with his pleading blue eyes. The dog let out a soft whine as it started to slowly approach, showing that he meant no harm. Harry knew he would have to act quickly. He slowly stood, never taking his eyes off of the canine. "Midnight?" he asked hesitantly. "Is it really you?"

The dog let out a happy bark as a confirmation. This is it, Harry realized. The dog didn't even notice Harry flick his wrist, allowing his wand to appear in his hand. In one brisk moment, Harry pointed his wand at the dog and shouted, "Stupefy!" There was no time to react. The dog fell to the ground, unconscious.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Harry knew that he was far from finished. Picking up a rock, Harry placed it in the center of the clearing and transfigured it into a cage. He was glad that his extensive reading this summer had finally done some good. Pointing his wand over at Midnight, Harry muttered, "Wingardium Leviosa," and levitated the dog into the cell. He quickly locked it closed before sitting back down on the tree stump. Pointing his wand to the dog one more time, Harry muttered, "Ennervate," and saw the dog starting to stir.

Harry watched as Midnight opened his eyes and looked around, noticing his current predicament. The dog looked at Harry and let out a whine as if to ask 'why are you doing this?' His patience and time running thin, Harry made the first move. "I know who you are," he said bluntly. "Sirius Black."

The dog bowed his head in shame then transformed with a pop into a human. He looked more like the photo in the 'Daily Prophet' than those in the photo album except for his hair was shorter, cut just above his shoulders, and his face wasn't so sick looking. "I'm sorry," he said in a scratchy voice. "I saw you that day and I thought I would scare you like this. I didn't know how much people had told you."

Harry could only roll his eyes in annoyance. "I didn't know anything about you until Professor Lupin told me the wonderful story," he said through his teeth. "You betrayed my parents! Why would you think I would want anything to do with you!"

"Harry, please listen," Black begged. "I didn't betray your parents. I would never do that! James was like a brother to me. I knew Voldemort would assume I was the Secret Keeper so I figured a decoy would be the perfect ruse. No one knew it was actually Peter. I never thought he would betray us. I never thought he would have been a spy."

Harry stared at Black with a raised eyebrow. This wasn't exactly what he had expected. "Peter?" he asked. "You mean Pettigrew? The man you killed along with thirteen muggles?"

Black buried his face in his hands, clearly frustraited. "Pettigrew's not dead!" he exclaimed. "He's an Animagus! He can transform into a rat! He's been living with the Weasley family for years!"

Harry fell off the tree stump in shock. "B—but that's not possible," he stammered. "It can't be. Scabbers is not Peter Pettigrew! Scabbers is just a rat! He's not a follower of Voldemort! He hasn't done anything to me! He's had plenty of chances."

Their eyes met. "Harry, listen to me," Black said, suddenly protective. "Peter won't do anything until he's sure someone is out there who can protect him. I know you don't trust me. I've given you no reason to. All I ask is for a chance to prove that Peter is indeed alive. He betrayed us and framed me. I've spent twelve years in Azkaban for something I did not do! It was Peter who killed those muggles! Peter cut off his own finger then transformed to escape the explosion he had caused!"

Harry let out a sigh a slowly lowered his wand. This was not happening. He was supposed to hear how Voldemort had promised power in return for the Potters. He was supposed to hate Sirius Black. "S—Scabbers is missing a toe," he said softly. It was too much to comprehend. Could this convict really be telling the truth? Could the entire wizarding world be wrong? "Didn't you mention any of this at your trial?" he asked in confusion.

Black snorted in disgust. "I never got a trial," he said bitterly. "I'm sure you've heard how bad it was back then. Everyone knew I was the Secret Keeper. I was the only one who survived that explosion. That was all the proof they needed. Who cares about the law when everyone's celebrating Voldemort's downfall?"

Harry ran a hand through his hair. His anger and hatred towards Black had changed towards frustration at the wizarding world. How could they lock someone up in a place like Azkaban without a trial? "I'm not saying I believe you," Harry said in a choked voice. "I don't blindly trust anyone anymore. I'm giving you a chance to prove yourself. If you are lying, I will personally hand you over to the Dementors."

Black stared at Harry in amazement. "You bargin like your mother," he said.

Harry glanced at Black before standing up and looking away. "I guess I'll have to take your word on that since I don't remember her or my dad," he said making Sirius wince.

Rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses, Harry tried to think of some way to explain all of this madness. Black's confessions sounded sincere but Harry couldn't ignore everything Professor Lupin had told him. He couldn't ignore the pain in his guardian's eyes every time the name Sirius Black entered the conversation. It was almost like he was being torn in two. He wanted to believe his godfather was a good man and not the killer he was made out to be but doing so would force him to turn against Professor Lupin.

"So that was why you wanted to get into the Gryffindor Tower on Halloween?" Harry asked curiously. "You were after Scabbers?"

Black nodded, never taking his eyes off of Harry. "I'm sorry if I hurt you," he said sincerely. "It was the only thing I could think of at the time. I didn't want anyone thinking you were helping me."

Harry started pacing back and forth. Help him? Wasn't that what he was doing now? Professor Lupin's going to be so angry when he finds out. "I can't do this," Harry said suddenly. "I can't betray Professor Lupin. He's my guardian. He's done so much for me. I—I have to tell him."

"He's your what?" Black asked in shock. "Harry, how much do you know about Remus Lupin?"

Glancing over at Black, Harry was surprised to see concern on the convict's face. "I know he's a werewolf and I know about the adoption law," he said evenly. "Professor Lupin is my 'temporary' guardian. Dumbledore's trying to find some way around the law so I won't be sent to an orphanage or back to the Dursleys." Harry sat back down on the tree stump and buried his face in his hands. "Professor Lupin is my family. He's in so much pain. I can't add to it. I won't add to it."

Black was up on his knees in an instant. "What's wrong with Remus?" he asked quickly. "He looked fine last week."

Harry slowly looked over at Black, trying to force back the burning sensation in his eyes. "I'm his entire life," he said bluntly. "After my dad, Pettigrew and you were gone he had no one. He's been alone for twelve years. He's so afraid. He knows about you being Midnight but he's afraid to tell me. Please tell me you telling the truth, that you are innocent because he needs a friend. He needs it more than anything."

"Harry, I swear to you that I didn't betray your parents or murder those people," Black said firmly. "Remus has always been quiet and reclusive. If there was a way to convince him I was innocent I would have done it the moment after I took you from that fat lard of a man you call an uncle. I don't know if anyone told you but I'm your godfather which makes you my number one priority."

"Number one priority?" Harry asked in disbelief. "Was that what I was when my parents were murdered? If I was such a priority then why was I left with the Dursleys? Why didn't you take me?"

Black let out a sigh as his gaze fell. "I tried," he admitted, his voice shaking. "I was ready to take you and raise you like James and Lily wanted but Hagrid was already there with you in his arms. I pleaded and begged for him to hand you over but he refused. He said Dumbledore had it planned out. It was after I lost you that I went after Peter. I figured if I couldn't have you then at least I could have revenge for what happened to your parents." He ran his fingers through his hair as he shook his head. "That ended up to be one of the worst things I have ever done," Black said softly. "Not only did Peter get away but I ended up in the one place where I could never see you. I wasn't thinking Harry. I know that now. I can't even begin to ask for your forgiveness. I don't deserve it."

Harry really didn't know how to react. Someone had actually wanted him? All of the pain and ridicule the Dursleys had caused could have been avoided? Rubbing his temples, Harry tried to push back the headache that was slowly coming. "What am I supposed to do?" Harry asked distantly. "You're asking me to choose between you and the one person I can trust. I don't know you. All I know is that you're supposed to be the reason I don't have parents yet you rescued me from them. It was so much easier to think of you and Midnight as two and not as one."

"I know this must be hard for you, Harry," Black said compassionately, "and I'm sorry. I never meant to make your life so difficult. I won't ask for you to turn your back on Remus to help me. I won't even ask you to help me other then releasing me from this cage. I'll capture Peter myself so I can commit the crime I was imprisoned for."

Harry quickly rose to his feet, staring at Black coldly. "There you go again!" he said angrily. "It's all about you! What you want! What about what I want! What about what Remus wants! Have you even thought about us!"

Black was taken aback by the outburst. "What do you want, Harry?" he asked trying to calm the boy down.

Harry let out a scoff. "I thought it would be obvious," he said through his teeth. "I want a family who doesn't think I'm a freak. I want a home where I'm welcomed, not an inconvenience. I want to know there are people who do care about me for being just me. Is that too much to ask?"

There was a long silence where neither of them moved. Finally, Black let out a sigh and sat down, his back resting against a corner of the cell. "I can't promise I won't kill him, Harry," he said softly. "I've never really been one to be exactly logical in the heat of the moment. I will do what I can to prove my innocence for you and for Remus but you have to let me out of here to do that. I give you my word that I won't hurt you."

Harry was caught between a rock and a hard place. "You realize I'm taking an awful lot on faith here?" he asked softly then looked directly into Black's blue eyes. "If you betray my trust, I swear you will pray for the Dementors when I'm through with you."

Black looked at Harry with a raised eyebrow. "Really?" he said. "Harry, no offense, but that's a little hard to believe."

"I grew up with my uncle, didn't I?" Harry said coldly. "You be amazed how much pain one can inflict on another before they pass out."

Black stared at Harry sympathetically for a long moment before grinning. "You're bluffing," he said simply.

Harry's shoulders slumped forward as his gaze fell. He had to admit it was a little hard to appear intimidating to someone who's survived the Dementors for twelve years. "Yeah, I am," he admitted then looked back at Black. "But I know people who wouldn't hesitate…like Hagrid."

Black put his hands up to signal surrender. "Point taken," he said.

Knowing his time was running out, Harry unlocked the cell and let Black out. He quickly turned the cell back into a rock before grabbing his invisibility cloak. He spared one final look at Black before disappearing under the cloak and hurrying back to the castle. He could only pray that he hadn't just made the biggest mistake of his life.