AN: Martina McBride owns the song, I had it stuck in my head for like a week so decided to use it.

8.00pm

Martin had left just a few minutes ago, Samantha had felt completely relaxed around him. She went back into her bedroom sitting on the bed and turned on the radio, and froze when she heard what song was playing. She remembered listening to this when she was younger and thinking how true it was.

She walks to school with the lunch she packed

Nobody knows what she's holdin' back

Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday

She hides the bruises with linen and lace

She used to relate so much to this song, it just brought all the

memories rushing back.

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask

It's hard to see the pain behind the mask

Bearing the burden of a secret storm

Sometimes she wishes she was never born

She reached out and turned the radio off, not wanting to listen to

anymore. She knew she needed to talk about everything to someone in detail, Viv, Danny and Martin were great at listening, but she needed to talk to someone who didn't she wasn't friends with, who wouldn't have a personal view. Even though she hated the thought she decided that tomorrow she was going to ring Paula Van Doren and organise to see a the FBI counsellor. She knew that the dreams and everything weren't going to get any better if she didn't work through them. It didn't mean that she had to like the idea.

8.30am

"Hello Paula?" said Samantha.

"Samantha?" said Paula.

"Yeah."

"How are you?" asked Paula.

"I'm alright, well been better. I was just wondering if you have the

number of the FBI counsellor?"

"Yeah of course. I'll give you the number of Jane Smith. You got a pen? Here's the number. She's the counsellor here. If you need to talk, my doors always open."

"I'll remember that."

"Anything else?" asked Paula.

"No it's fine. Thank you Paula."

"You're welcome. Bye."

"Bye." said Samantha. She hung up and sighed, looking at the piece of paper she had scribbled the number on. She looked at it, debating whether to call, then she picked up the phone and dialled.

"Hello Jane Smith?" said Samantha when the phone was picked up.

"Yes." she replied.

"This is Agent Spade, I was uhhh just wondering if it would be possible to make an appointment for this week?"

"Agent Spade, Samantha right?" said Jane, like most of the Bureau she had heard what had happened. "This week I can do today or tomorrow. Which ever its up to you."

Samantha hesitated, it would be better to get this over with, but

today? She sighed, "Today is fine." she said.

"Ok, would you like to come to the Bureau, or anywhere else, like your home. I want to make these sessions most beneficial to you, so it's best if you chose somewhere you can talk about things freely and feel comfortable in."

Samantha hesitated again, where would she find it easier to talk? She didn't know if she could face everyone if she went to the Bureau. "If you don't mind, I think my apartment may be better for the first session at least."

"Of course I don't mind." said Jane.

"It's apartment 2B, number 16, 23rd Street." said Samantha.

"Right, is 10 alright for you?" asked Jane.

"Yeah that's fine. Thanks see you then." said Samantha "Bye."

She hung up the phone, letting out a deep breath. She cast her gaze around the apartment, it was a mess. "Shit," she swore, hurrying round as best as she could to tidy everything.

10.00am

Shit, she shouldn't have done this. It was too early. Would there be

any way to get out of it? Samantha felt a feeling of dread rise up,

giving her butterflies. She didn't know why she was nervous, why she was dreading this but she was. She sat anxiously, waiting, fidgeting. A few minutes after 10 the buzzer rang, and she let Jane up.

"Hello Samantha." said Jane.

Samantha smiled nervously. "Hi, come in, please sit." she said,

gesturing to the kitchen table.

Jane smiled, already feeling sorrow for the woman she just met seeing the deep pain in her eyes.

"So how are you today?" she asked once they were seated starting the session.

"I'm alright." replied Samantha, wary about sharing her life with a

complete stranger.

"I want you to feel comfortable here, so when you're ready talk about anything." said Jane.

Samantha gazed out the window. There was silence for a few minutes.

"Every things just been so confusing lately." she said suddenly.

"In what way?"

"I'm not sure confusing is the right word, just so....muddled I guess. Every things that's happened, having to stay at home. It's just given me time to think."

"Think about anything in particular? About what happened when you were kidnapped?" asked Jane breaking into the topic.

Samantha closed her eyes. "Yeah that." She opened her eyes, full of

pain and sorrow and looked at Jane. "They want me to write a report of it, I thought I could, that maybe I was ready but I couldn't."

Jane sighed, "You don't have to write about it or talk about it until

you're ready." she said.

"But they'll be disappointed if I don't. They'll think I'm not ready

and make me take more time off. I can't let the team down." she said sadly.

In that moment Jane saw everything clearly, she saw Samantha's

insecurities about not being needed, she saw Samantha's way of building a wall around her to hide her true feelings. She saw a person who had been shattered one too many times, and was scared but didn't want to show it.

"What's most important is that whatever you chose to do, make sure its the right time for you." she said solemnly.

Samantha smiled a small smile. "I told them everything, but they don't understand. I can tell they all feel sorry for me, but they can't even try to imagine what it was like. They want to help, I don't know how they can. I don't think they know. Sitting around at home doesn't help, it just gives me more time to think about things, I need to do something that keeps my mind off it. Not stuck here, completely useless."

"You know you're not useless. As soon as you're ready you know they will welcome you back." Jane said reassuringly.

"But they'll all be watching me like I'm about to break, and if

anything happens they will think that I'm not ready and just make me go back home."

Jane sighed again, she had seen people similar to this before, not in

the same situation but unsure about how people will act when they go back to work after an accident or anything.

"They will trust your judgement, they may worry for a while but once they see for themselves that you are fine, they will let it go." said Jane.

"I suppose." said Samantha.

Jane glanced at her watch, "I'm sorry to do this our session has a few minutes left but do you mind if I leave early I just remembered

something."

"Sure." said Samantha, tired herself.

"Okay, same time tomorrow?" asked Jane.

"Alright." said Sam. "See you then."

"Bye."

"Bye. Thanks." said Samantha smiling.

Jane smiled back and let herself out.

11.00am

"I got some bad news." said Jack to Vivian, Danny and Martin, walking out of his office to the bullpen where the others were.

"What's wrong?" asked Martin concerned.

Jack sighed, "That was Van Doren on the phone. Uhhh there's gonna be a trial and she wants Samantha to testify against Riley and Atkins."

"Why's there gonna be a trial? We already know everything, we've got the recordings of the conversations we had and all the doctors files." said Danny.

Jack shrugged, "That's what I told them. I think it's mainly to

determine how long to sentence them for."

"Is she ready?" asked Martin.

"I don't know." said Jack. "I need to talk to the counsellor that

Samantha's seeing."

"Samantha's willingly seeing a counsellor?" asked Vivian surprised.

Jack nodded. "Van Doren said Samantha rang her this morning to ask about it."

"When's the trial?" asked Danny almost not wanting to know.

Jack sighed again. "Two days."

They looked at him shocked.

"Who's going to tell Samantha?" asked Vivian.

They changed glances. "I'll go." said Martin eventually.

"Ok. I'll get in contact with Jane Smith the counsellor. Viv, Danny I

need you to find the case reports, the files about Riley and Atkins and try and get the medical records from the doctor ."

11.35am

"Hey Samantha." said Martin when he was in her apartment. "How are you?"

"Hey, yeah I'm alright. Saw the counsellor today." replied Samantha.

"How did that go?" asked Martin.

Sam shrugged. "Alright. Didn't get into a lot." she said. "Anyway how are you? Want some coffee?"

"Coffee would be great thanks." said Martin.

Samantha walked into the kitchen, only with a slight limp now, followed by Martin.

"You leg feeling better?" asked Martin after a slight pause.

"I guess so. The physio told me to do these exercise to help repair the damage. I gotta go for a check up in a few days." she said making the coffee.

"That's good, it looks better too. You're limping less." said Martin.

Samantha smiled, "Yeah I hated those crutches. Here you go." she said handing a cup to Martin and the sitting down at the kitchen table.

"So what's up?" asked Samantha sipping her coffee.

"Uhh well..." started Martin.

The hesitation in his voice made Samantha look at him curiously.

"Martin, what's going on?" she asked.

"Van Doren got in touch with Jack today, uhh there's going to be a

trial and they need you to testify against Riley and Atkins."

"What?" asked Samantha. "They want me to get up in a room of strangers and talk about what happened. You're kidding right?"

Martin shook his head, "I'm sorry Samantha."

"I...I uhhh I can't do this Martin." said Samantha agitated. She stood up and started pacing the kitchen muttering to herself.

"Hey Sam, it will be fine. I promise." said Martin also standing up to

look her in the face.

"How do you know?" she asked angrily.

"Because I will be there every step of the way, and I will never let

anything happen to you."

Samantha looked at him, a lone tear streaking down her face, causing an ache in his heart. Martin reached up and gently wiped the tear away.

"I can't do it." she whispered.

"Yes you can. I believe in you, you're too strong to let them ruin

you."

Samantha nodded, before Martin realised what he was doing he leant down and kissed Samantha softly.

After a few seconds they both pulled back, him apologetic, her

surprised.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I just..." he stopped seeing the look on her face, not of mistrust or anger but surprise, a small smile on her face.

He grinned back. "Are you sure?" he asked.

Samantha nodded and leaned up to kiss him again. After a while they broke apart both smiling happily.

"So...would you like to go out to dinner tonight?" asked Martin.

"I would love to." replied Samantha.

Martin smiled again, and scooped Samantha in a hug. "Danny and Viv will be happy." he said.

"Why?" asked Samantha.

"Well they've been bugging me about this. Mostly Danny."

Samantha laughed, her first real laugh in a long time. "Why am I not surprised?"