Author's Notes: Thanks for all the reviews! OMG, you guys are the best! Lilchocolatechip011 I'm sorry that my cliffhanger tortured you for so long. Pokefreaks13I can't believe I made your favorite's list. tear tear, I'm so happy! I'm having a really hard time trying to come up with ideas for the next chapter or so...any ideas would help. If not, I'm just going to type a final chapter (I know how to end it...but not to continue). Enjoy Chapter 10. I don't own any characters.
Chapter 10"Sirius!" James shouted banging on the bedroom door in which Sirius had locked himself in. "Just tell me whom I'm going to marry already!"
"No!"
"Padfoot, bloody hell!"
"No!"
"Just tell me!" James stomped his foot.
"Fine! You—are—going to marry—Severus Snape!" Sirius began laughing. James could tell by the loud thump on the other side of the door that he had fallen over in a fit of giggles.
"LIAR!" James retorted. "Just give me a hint."
"Ok. You marry a female."
"Could you be any less specific?" James asked acerbically.
"Ask a matter-of-fact, I can."
"I was being sarcastic."
"I wasn't. You marry a witch."
"PADFOOT!"
"Let's make a deal."
"I think I hear ominous music playing," James said grudgingly.
"Don't worry it'll be fun," Sirius said comfortingly, "for me."
"Spit it out."
"I'll give you a clue, and then you solve the riddle on it. The answer to the clue will lead you to the one after that. Eventually when you solve all the riddles, it'll lead you to your wife-to-be."
"When can I get my first clue?"
"Later. First, I have to write them all," Sirius cackled and opened the door to reveal a sadistic smile to James.
"Why don't you just hang out in the kitchens for a while, Prongs," Sirius told him. "I'll give you the first clue as soon as I can."
"Alright, mate, but hurry up."
James waved goodbye to Sirius and headed down to the kitchens. This isn't a total disaster, I will eventually find out whom I marry, and I get to eat food for the next few hours. Sirius is probably going to have a bloody awful time thinking of riddles for me. I wonder if it's Chang, she's very pretty and smart. She even plays Quidditch...
"Master Potter, sir!" a small house elf squeaked. "What can I get for you today?"
"Can I have a butterbeer and an ice cream sundae?"
"Right away, sir!"
"Thanks," James said and went back to thinking of whom he would marry.
Meanwhile, Sirius was hard at work thinking of riddles. He had been staring blankly at a piece of paper, tossing his quill into the air, and catching it out of exasperation and boredom. After about 20 minutes, he decided that he needed to get some help. Sirius started sprinting up and down the corridors screaming, "Remus! Moony! Lupin!" and then realized Remus would most likely be in the library studying. Sirius burst through the library doors and tripped over a Hufflepuff in her first year. In the process of regaining his balance, his elbow whacked Remus in his nose. Sirius didn't notice until he turned around and looked at Remus, kneeling on the ground clutching his nose and moaning in pain.
"PADFOOT!" Remus whispered harshly, "what the bloody hell are you doing?!"
"Sorry mate," Sirius responded, paying no mind to the volume of his voice, "I was looking for you because I need your help to think of riddles for Prongs to figure out!"
"Keep your voice down," Remus scolded.
"Some of the students are trying to study," the librarian growled as she chased them out of the room with hexes.
"Could you please explain what you're talking about," Lupin asked when they had gotten out of the library.
"Prongsie keeps trying to make me tell him who is wife is. I told him that I would give him riddles that he would have to figure out. Each riddle would lead him to a certain place where I will hide the next riddle. When he solves the last clue, he'll find out who is wife-to-be is."
"Woah," Lupin said, blankly. "That's confusing."
"Tell me about it," Sirius sighed. "This is why I need you. I can't think up a riddle to save my life."
"Well then we'd best get to work."
"You mean you're actually going to help me with this crack-pot idea?" he asked in astonishment.
"I want to know what psycho ends up marrying James as much as the next bloke, so let's go." Lupin and Sirius wrote riddles for the next 2 hours and 3 minutes and then, they were finally finished.
They gave him the first clue, and James read Clue #1 multiple times.
Dear Prongs,
I hide where someone is always ready for a fight. Do not flee, but instead accept the challenge. Win the duel to get me, the next clue to your wife-to-be.
"Well, that's easy enough," James thought. "Who do I know that is always ready for a fight? Duh! Sir Cadogan! That nutcase is constantly challenging Sirius, Lupin, and me to duals. Sirius of course, is the only one stupid enough to encourage his psychotic fights." James walked up the stairs and stopped in front of Sir Cadogan. Sure enough, he had his sword in hand and was waving it around like a maniac shouting, "Come here and fight me, you scurvy dog!"
"Ok, I will," James replied smoothly as he pulled out his wand and faced it towards Sir Cadogan.
"What type of duel are you thinking of?" Sir Cadogan responded in disgust.
"Hu—?"
"Where's your sword?!" he interrupted James.
"I—I don't have a sword," James said, stunned.
"Very well," Sir Cadogan sighed, "you can have one of my swords."
"I really don't want your sword—any sword—er—I changed my mind."
"Nonsense!" He scoffed and pulled James into the painting with him.
"What happened? Where are we? What's going on?" James spurted out.
"I pulled you into the painting with me, you scurvy dog. You have been magically, of course, transformed into a painting. You're here so that we can fight in the proper terrain."
"And what exactly is the proper terrain?" he asked nervously.
"With lots of dangerous cliffs, sharp rocks, and slippery slopes, of course!"
Sir Cadogan tossed his extra sword to James, who was precariously standing on a rock ledge. James fumbled the sword, but he somehow, managed to catch it without losing any limbs. "Oh Merlin!" thought James as he secured an awkward grip on the heavy weapon that had been given to him. Before James had a chance to fret more, Sir Cadogan had lunged towards him and was screaming incomprehensible streams of angry babble. James reacted by letting out a yelp and jumping backwards, tripping on a rock, stumbling off the ledge and down the slippery, sharp slope. James's opponent had already advanced on him before he had a chance to recover from his painful tumble.
James ducked the blow out of pure instinct, but then leapt at Sir Cadogan and aimed his sword towards his arm. His attack was blocked with seeming ease, and then Sir Cadogan retaliated and struck James's left shoulder.
"Ouch!" James whined. "What the bloody Merlin was that for you git!"
"We are dueling; it is only normal for one's opponent to get injured."
"I don't care!" he pouted. "That hurt!"
"Shall we continue?"
"Yes, we shall bloody continue!" James jumped towards Sir Cadogan and stabbed him through the stomach. He fell to the ground in a dramatic pose, and James felt an immense surge of guilt. "Oh my! Are you ok? I didn't mean to murder you!"
"Nonsense, boy!" Sir Cadogan said while standing up. "It's only a flesh wound. Besides, while you are injured in this painting you immediately heal once a winner has been decided. Congratulations on a job well done. Here's your reward." Sir Cadogan handed James a small slip of parchment, and James was sucked out of the painting, and into Hogwarts.
"Bloody lunatic: Sir Cadogan and Sirius!" James thought, harshly, as he unfolded the scrap of parchment in his hand.
Dear Prongsie,
You're almost done with all of your clues. I am hidden within something that has a face and many hands, but no body.
"Oh good, more cryptic messages. I think I'd rather not know the woman I'm going to marry, than have to deal with Sirius insane ideas," James thought. "Let me think...a face, many hands, but no body. The Gingolyns have many hands, a face, but they have a body. Madame Sloother has a face, but no hands or body. Oh! The grandfather clock! It has a face, many hands, and no body!"
James raced towards his common room, where a Grandfather Clock was positioned in the corner. He opened the door that sealed the chimes. James could faintly see the parchment wedged in the back of the clock, behind all of the swinging chimes. He naively slid his hand into the clock to get the parchment, but was stopped by the swinging chimes that had just crushed his hands. James was kneeled on the ground in pain, clutching his injured hand, when he heard bark-like laughter from behind him. James turned around, only to see nobody in the room with him.
"SIRIUS!" James bellowed, "get you arse out of my invisibility cloak!"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Sirius's voice said innocently.
"You know what I'm talking about! You're under my cloak, so that you can watch me do all of these stupid stunts and laugh at me."
"NO—well maybe—ok yes. So sue me! It's funny to watch you make an idiot out of yourself."
"What kind of a friend are you?" James asked rhetorically.
"The best kind!"
"You're a git."
"But I'm a lovable git."
"Go away so I can finish these imprudent clues."
"OK," Sirius sighed slowly.
"New plan!" thought James determinedly. "Sticking my hand directly in harm's way, wasn't the smartest thing I could have done. It's something that Peter might have done, but I'm millions of times smarter then him. Maybe I should try a freezing charm."
"FROZARI!" he shouted at the clock, and immediately it stopped all movement. James then gingerly placed his hand into the clock and reached the scrap of parchment that lay hidden in the back. "VICTORY!" he shouted as he started to do the "victory" dance.
"Jamesie, mate, that's really creepy," Remus said with fear in his voice.
"Remus?"
"Yup."
"Could you help me with this next clue?"
"No," Remus said matter-of-factly.
"And why not?" James asked angrily.
"Because I helped Sirius make the clues."
"WHAT?!" James shouted, stomping his feet and hitting his head off of the wall. "You're all against me—e—ee!"
James opened the next clue and read it aloud.
Deer Prongs (hehehe, I'm clever. Get it? Deer Prongs),
Trick the wings to let me go and seduce the fur to give me up. Here you will find me, and you'll be a step closer to your future wife.
"What the heck does that mean?" James thought rhetorically, as he paced up and down the corridors. "Trick the wings? Seduce the fur? Wings are for flying. Bats fly. Lightning bugs fly. Birds fly! Birds have wings! I'm on to something. Robins are birds, have wings, and fly, but we don't have robins at Hogwarts. Ravens! We have ravens here. But since when can I trick a raven? Where can I find a raven? Oh! Ravenclaw! That's it! I have to trick all of the Ravenclaws! Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Oh well. Now, fur. Let's see, Sirius has fur when he's a dog, but I don't see why I would want to seduce him. Fur. Er—fur—is furry. Hippogriffs have fur. Ew! I'm not seducing a Hippogriff! Maybe that's not the answer. Ha Ha Ha. I remember that one time, when I gave Snivellus a potion that turned him into a donkey. He was furry."
James was hard at work thinking and pacing. He stopped suddenly, when he noticed a large painting of a Raven sitting on a Lioness's shoulder. "That's it!" he exclaimed. "Wings equal Raven! Fur equals Lioness!"
"Not the sharpest crayon in the box. Are we?" the Lioness yawned.
"Are you the answer to the riddle?!" James asked eagerly. "Can I have it?"
"That depends," the Raven laughed, "why should I give it to you?"
"Because I'm looking for it," James said ignorantly.
"Oh well in that case..." the Raven cried mockingly.
"Why do you hate me?"
"You don't have feathers, and you can't even fly!"
"Run along little boy," the Lioness scoffed and resumed sleeping.
"SIRIUS!" James shouted throughout the common room. "You gave it to those gits on purpose! You knew they would never give me the final clue!"
"Calm down, Prongs," Lupin said.
"Did you even read the clue?" Sirius asked. "You have to trick the wings and seduce the fur."
"I," James said, as he hit his head on the wall, "am so sick of riddles!"
"You could always give up," Sirius reminded him.
"And never find out?! What kind of a solution is that?"
"One that would allow you to keep your sanity," Remus told James.
"I'm going to go and solve that bloody riddle, even if it's the last thing I do!" James announced as he stormed out of the room.
One Hour Later...James cast a spell that would cover him in feathers and grabbed his Lightningstripe broomstick. He flew to the Raven and Lioness and attempted to act like a Raven.
"I wonder who this could be," the Lioness asked blandly.
"Could it be the boy that was bothering us earlier?" asked the Raven.
"Bloody Merlin!" James bellowed. "I went through all of this trouble to be as much like a raven as I could be, and you just throw me aside like a cracked cauldron! Maybe I should have pretended to be a Lioness, she, at least, is nice!"
"Flattery," the Lioness purred, "my Achilles' (sp) heel."
"I must admit, you did do a pretty good job," the Raven sighed.
"Can I please have the clue?"
"Very well," the Lioness and Raven said simultaneously. James cheerfully took the final clue out of the Raven's talons. He sprinted back to his room because he heard Filch coming around the corner, and when he opened the final clue...