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- Langley, Virginia

Suriname. Slowly I trace a finger over the page. Suriname, yes.

It was a simple form of brainwashing. Usually very effective. Whatever Webb did - he was told it was wrong. Whatever he concluded, planned, supervised - he was told it was wrong even if he knew it was right. We wanted to make his head spin, to throw him off balance and we were successful in it. I bet in the end he was completely at a loss.

He tried. It was obvious how much he tried and struggled to fight back. Of course he didn't stand a chance. We had too many possibilities. It took longer than expected - about six months - and that was a surprise considering the pressure we put on him. The pounding we gave him. But in the end he started to make mistakes. Not just small miscalculations. Real mistakes. Now we had a handle on him. That was the moment to build him back up. And that moment I made the next mistake: I chose Paraguay.

Removing my glasses again I pinch the bridge of my nose. Darn it, maybe I should start believing in bad signs. Middle or South America and Clayton Webb have always been a bad combination for some unknown reason. Guatemala. Colombia. Suriname. And now Paraguay.

I wasn't surprised that Webb turned to his old soul mates at JAG for help because we had effectively isolated him within the CIA and set sharp limitations on his resources for this mission. I wasn't even surprised that Rabb showed up in my office as everything went down the drain; I was only wrong about his motivation. But I had underestimated the impact of the leak in our office down there. I had underestimated Sadik Fahd's determination. I had underestimated the damage we had done to Webb's self-confidence so Colonel Mackenzie was able to persuade him into a useless rescue mission for this other marine ... Galindez.

In fact it was very convenient that Rabb was so eager to play hero. If Webb and his team had got killed we would have been able to blame the Navy-amateur for it. And it saved our resources. And if HE got killed ... that happens. Unfortunately we had made another mistake: We had considered the possibility that Fahd could kill his hostages - what would have been a pity but oh well. We had not considered the possibility that Fahd could torture Webb for information.

I still feel a shiver down my spine whenever I think too closely about it. If Webb had broken down - it would have been a catastrophe. He had been a Deputy Director of the Agency, darn it. His security clearance was and still is one of the highest levels. He might have been six months out of the picture but just to think of his profound knowledge of our internal ways, codes, NAMES, plans ... and his ability to remember has always been amazing. The closest thing to a photographic memory I have ever seen.

Well, someone smiled down at us for a change. Webb didn't break under the torture and Rabb destroyed the missiles together with Mackenzie. We had a badly damaged but living Webb back ... plus an unexpected bonus. Harmon Rabb, Jr.

My glasses rattle on the table as I drop them. Oh, yes, the famous Harmon Rabb, Jr. I can barely keep myself from slamming my fist down as the memory puts up my blood pressure again.

Truly ironic: I guess Chegwidden was about to teach his golden boy a similar lesson to what we had just done to Webb. And I've got to admit that my ulterior motive for recruiting the at that time ex-commander was to annoy not only the Judge Advocate General but SecNav Sheffield too. Well, I reached my goal at high cost. The worst thing wasn't Rabb's inconvenient TV-appearance but the call I got from one of my special 'friends' going like: "Oh, so the Navy commercial is now working for you?"

Navy commercial? Navy commercial! A man whose face had been statewide on TV to enlist people into the Navy! And we gave him a job, allowed him to be seen with our undercover agents and even put him in the plane that is our best kept secret! By God, I was ready to wring some necks including Rabb's for not telling me but unfortunately - and to his immense luck - he was out of reach at that moment.

So I order Webb in my office instead and dressed him down. His first reaction was sincere surprise: "You didn't know that? I would have thought-" I did mention that Webb has a quick brain, didn't I? He wisely swallowed the rest of his sentence, put on a blank face and apologized for not pointing it out. I know what he wanted to say anyway: "I would have thought you checked his background." Darn it. As I did I discovered that Rabb had had more screen time in the past eight years than probably the SecNav himself. Any of them together.

Of course a lot of people were not pleased. I got rid of Rabb and some other agents as fast as possible ... fast enough to save my position but it was close. Nothing I want to repeat. To calm my nerves I take a sip of my coffee. Rabb is a solved problem and he will pay properly one day. My urgent task at the moment is Webb.

Webb, yes. I stared down at his file. Webb.

He healed. At least the wounds outside. He even sat through the necessary number of hours with the psychiatrist. And as soon as he got clearance from the doctors he threw himself back into work. I was pleased at first. We had our best horse back, the one we could put on a workload others would refuse to make a step. If Webb had worked long hours before he now worked like a lunatic. I even appreciated the complaints we got from our offices all over the world about his pace and manners and ruthless dismissal of lives. People had always complained about him and now he was trying to prove himself again - understandable after Suriname and Paraguay. He had done the same after Fawkes had been kidnapped. But ... there used to be an underlying trace of admiration in those complaints. It was missing now.

I don't know when I started to notice the signs. When I first realized the unexpected outcome of our 'treatment'. For years we had thrown everything at him and he took it. For months we had been jumping up and down on his self-confidence giving him no real chance to fight back. Taught him to do it OUR way and not his. And Fahd took care of the physical part without knowing it. It had finally been too much; it HAD to be. Something had got to give and it did - even the part I had expected.

I pick up my glasses and stare at them as they dangle from my hand. Funny. I had never realized that what I considered his weakest point - his independent analytic mind, sometimes even questioning company politics - had been his greatest advantage. The thing that gave him this special edge.

His track record had been so outstanding BECAUSE he turned any fact twice, looked at it from all sides and then made his decision not only with his head but with his heart too. He believed in the things he did because he had considered anything connected with it, had come to terms with the necessary course of action and THEN carried out what he thought to be the best solution - or the best compromise. He was never happy to sacrifice life or souls of people. But he did if it was necessary to avoid greater damage. He dealt with the inevitable guilt alone, took unconsciously full responsibility by shooing anybody away with his behavior. If there is someone to blame for decisions people tend to stop thinking about their own role in disasters.

And this - his ... his conscience - drove him to keep going during a mission, to consider new facts and even change his plans if new possibilities occurred. Or to accept advice or better insight from other people. For that reason Rabb was able to persuade Webb into doing seemingly crazy things - or in JAG terms: into doing the RIGHT thing.

It wasn't there any more. This ... caring part of Webb's personality that had been so essential although hidden deeply in his character. Probably he hadn't known about it himself.

But after it got my attention it practically screamed at me. And the closer I looked the more obvious fine cracks in his armor of self-control and believe in his skills became. Covered with determination but there nevertheless. I was shocked to find out that he had even had a short trip into drinking problems. Thank God Porter and a close call in Pakistan fixed that problem. Webb might have been shaken to the bones inwardly but he had no death wish ... and he had seen the ugly end of too many agents through alcohol to risk the same. His mind was still working excellent - it was the emotional part that was missing.

Heaving my third sigh of this evening I shake my head. Although I was not exactly pleased with the turn of events I could have lived with it. It wasn't what I had wanted but Webb was still functioning and bringing results. He was still able to do his job. He handled things. Effectively. Without this spark of extra talent but he was still good. Just not that much better than many other operatives we have. And ironically he could have continued like that for years without knowing what had happened to him. Porter probably figured it out but there was little she could do without destroying her son.

But on top of all that Webb had entangled himself in this self-destructive love and relationship with Colonel Sarah Mackenzie. This woman sure has some serious problems of her own. Oh, she is playing it tough, handles a weapon well and held herself remarkably in Paraguay. A beautiful woman. When I recruited her to bring down Fahd she sure proved that she has the killer instinct. Unfortunately she is not able to deal with the fallout of her actions; a pity.

Slowly I put my glasses back on my nose and smooth my hair back. A pity, yes. Even more so after we found out that Webb was on the Hawk's hit list. Heck, I didn't bring that man back to lose him to some paid killer. It threw us all in hectic activity and I felt a bit uneasy that Webb agreed with nothing more than a shrug to the plan to fake his death. It was supposed to buy time for regrouping plus it would keep the people close to him out of the line of fire. Make them useless for the Hawk as long as they firmly believed in his death. Porter knew what was going on... She's a powerful woman and I didn't want to increase her wrath even further and tempt her to do something ... rash.

Unfortunately Tanveer led us all on. I bet he never stopped laughing up his sleeve at how easily he got Mackenzie to investigate for him. He just had to follow the woman to find anyone who had any knowledge of Webb's whereabouts. Maybe we should count ourselves lucky that only one person died in the process.

But it was impossible to warn Mackenzie and keep her in a feeble safety at the same time. A hint would only have heightened the danger she was in already ... and I guess Webb too was afraid of the possibilities if she was told that we suspected the man from MI6. Considering what she did with Fahd? What if she felt compelled to protect Webb again? This was a different situation; we would have had to charge her with murder - JAG is not above the law. And to deal with the new emotional fallout would have been no piece of cake.

It's probably a good example for Webb's state of mind that he risked some shots at Tanveer in a desperate attempt to save this woman. I guess I gave him too much time to think. To ... realize things. I'm just glad he missed him. We would have had to charge HIM with murder - we are not above the law either; not in our own country.

Well, somehow it worked out in the end. Not to my satisfaction because we still don't know for sure who paid the Hawk for the kill but you can't have it all. We will deal with that in due time. Of course no one will touch Porter Webb. She shot Tanveer in a situation of obvious threat and has got three witnesses on her account. But what bothers me right now is the impact this whole thing had on Webb.

He's aware of it now. Maybe he doesn't know of WHAT - but he is aware of ... something.

That Mackenzie has broken up with him is not helping. I was a bit stunned that she did. I mean she spent the past days running around and telling anybody who wanted to hear it - and anyone who didn't - that she was in love with him. Women. I'll never understand them.

Shaking my head I turn back to the first page of the file and stare at the photograph. No, Webb doesn't look like that at the moment. Not at all. I remember the look of confusion in his eyes as he asked me if there is no possibility to have them both, Mackenzie and his job. As he practically apologized that his feelings got in the way. It was a shock to me and not a pleasant one: Heck, he spoiled more than one mission because his conscience - or JAG - got in the way and he had never felt compelled to apologize for it ... not in earnest. I barely knew what to tell him without giving away too much.

I guess he really IS in love with this woman ... he only lost his ability to act on it after ... us. It showed me that he is close but still doesn't know exactly what has happened to him. What we have done. He knows there's something wrong in his world, something important, he just can't put his finger on it ... but that's only a matter of time. The cracks in his personality I had noticed as fine lines are suddenly wide open.

For a moment I close my eyes and rest my head in my hands. This I hadn't wanted to do. I had put Webb through hell in more than one way, yes. I had him wadding through mud of all sorts. I had wanted to show him his place, to reduce his independent mind and if it made him more guidable in the process I would not have complained. Instead I destroyed the part of him that had made him so valuable and replaced it with the worst thing of all: Doubt. Doubt about himself, his work, maybe even his country - for sure about his employer. Deadly in our line of business.

Slowly I close the file. There's not much I can do now. The damage has been done. Webb's world - private and work-related - is turned upside down. I don't know if he's able to survive that. If his personality, his sense will be able to come out of it intact as soon as he realizes the full extent of his loss. The full extent of our manipulation. But any further intervention will make things worse.

I will put Webb behind a desk for some time. I've got to get him out of the line of fire anyway until this threat against his life is fully settled. I'll put him somewhere where he can't do much damage while he's trying to come to terms with himself. See what's coming out of it. See if he's able to pick up the pieces of his life and personality ... or not. Maybe Porter will be able to help him but I don't have much hope.

Sitting back in my chair I feel a small pang of regret that I quickly suppress. If we had been successful the result would have justified the means.

Now, all I can do is to sit and wait if time will be able to heal the invisible wounds we have inflicted. Or if we went one step too far.

The end.

Author's note: Originally I'm working on a different story at the moment but the idea of Kershaw's manipulation and now musing about it was too interesting to be wasted. Plus this is sort of an introduction to my main project although both stories can be read as stand-alones. Confused now? I hope not.

Thank you for the reviews.