Getting Ready for Him

'I WILL succeed in the end...I will I will!' I thought to myself as I held one finger curved around a willow switch to threaten my minions with. They were building my second lair. I looked around at the miserable minions and laughed. Bokoblins weren't wearing their vests; Wizzrobes had discarded their heavy robes; Darknuts wore no armor. I felt cheerful in making others despondent.

'You'll see, Link, and you too, Zelda! I will kill you all.'

Slowly I ambled towards the rickety rowboat. I went back up to the Forsaken Fortress. The morning light was blinding. I shielded my eyes as I walked towards the cells. The only minions in the Fortress were Rats and Keese.

It turned out that they were the only things in the Fortress.

The prisoners were gone!

"May I please see the Moblin 'Moe', the Bokoblins assigned to Mila the girl, and the Miniblins assigned to Aryll?" I asked. Even though my voice was low, they could hear the deadliness in it. The Moblin, Bokoblins, and Miniblins waddled, jumped, and darted over.

"You, Miniblins. I told you to watch Aryll, didn't I?"

"Duh-dink!" They bobbed their heads in agreement.

"Well, ARYLL IS GONE!" I screamed as I unsheathed my swords and cut the Miniblins' heads clean off. The heads rolled in different directions. The bodies stood still for a second, and then fell. I kicked away the bodies and the tridents.

I could see visible beads of sweat on Moe and the Bokoblins' head. I put the tip of the swords underneath the chins of the Bokoblins, teasing their fate. I would not, of course, kill them. They were valuable, no matter how stupid they were. The good thing, though, was that they didn't know that...

I lowered my swords. They breathed very audible sighs of relief.

But, just to show them never to disobey me again, I slammed my twin swords into one of the Bokoblins' feet. They screamed with pain. Even the working minions had to look up at that. My minions cringed and looked away. Moe tried to back away.

I unstuck the Bokoblins' feet and uttered, "You may leave." The Bokoblins limped away, whimpering.

Moe turned to run. I raised my twin swords. They descended and chopped the spear he carried into a child's building blocks.

"If you EVER disobey me again, or try to run away from me again, then that will be you on the ground in pieces, not your spear."

As Moe waddled away, shaking visibly, I vaguely noticed that he had ink all over his hands. Ink from what? Writing letters to someone?

I laughed at the idea. Moblins could write, yes...who would they write to? I shook my head, grinning, and walked away. I had some planning to do.

I put on a guise of a lonely traveler with a rickety rowboat and began to row. I had let my beard grow extensively and had used magic to change my green skin. I wore shabby clothing and had only had bread, water, and cheese for food for a week. I was a thin, battle weary and sick-of-the-world guy...even though I was to be only around thirty.

The first place I rowed to was a small, homely island called Windfall Island. It reminded me nothing of my Valley, where everyone was squabbling over food and trying to kill someone else because they won in archery practice or swordplay or whatever.

Maybe I would have given up my plans for ruling Hyrule if I just hadn't walked into the Bomb Shop and met this very temperamental man named Cannon.

I ran my fingers over the display bombs, wondering if I could make fake Rupees and buy some.

"Don't touch those," snarled a voice. "I don't want commoners' filth ruining my merchandise."

I whirled around and my hidden dagger was actually halfway out of its sheath when I paused, thinking.

'Why would a poor sick-of-the-world man carry 'round a dagger?'

"Meanin' no 'ffense, sir, but any'un 'oo kin pay ferr these finely crafted noise-makin' wall-blasters kin buy 'em, kin't they?" I asked innocently, laying the accent on thick, and relaxing my grip on the dagger and putting on a look of pure virtue.

"Yeah, but no poor looking whelp is going to buy these wall-blasters!" replied the man, Cannon.

"But...these wall-blasters..." I began. I shook my head and stalked out of the shop.

I then reentered without my guise and was given a discount because of my apparent "wealth".

"And yet you refused to give wall-blasters to that other man."

"Well, you should've seen him with his accent! He was OBVIOUSLY from some foreign place," Cannon bluffed.

"Oh?" I rolled my eyes, put my wall-blasters into a bag, and stalked out the door.

It took me a long time to realize that I had once been like that. I once had taken a very pretty yet stupid and mean Gerudo to bed. Another Gerudo, who was kind and intelligent and thoughtful, yet her looks weren't very good, had been madly in love with me. I had refused to even talk to her.

"Why?" she had asked.

"Because you're too ugly," I had replied truthfully.

Now that I look back on it, I realize that I had been cruel...crueler than anything anyone could ever imagine.

But the show must go on. I had to defeat the Hero of Wind. Either he had to be slain...or me.