Alive
By Nutty Scribbler
Disclaimer: No, I don't own Naruto.
Warnings: Unbeta-ed, spoilers up till chapter 235, mild angst and sweet fluff.
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It is funny how the world goes on for others, when your own has crumbled into a million pieces. Whatever semblance of normality had disappeared along with his former teammate, rival, friend and brother.
He had always believed that if he tried hard enough, he could do it. If he tried hard enough, he could make the village acknowledge his strength. If he tried hard enough, Sakura would like him as much as she likes Sasuke. If he tried hard enough, he could protect his precious people. If he tried hard enough, he could become Hokage. If he tried hard enough, he could keep his promises.
If he tried hard enough, he could have saved Sasuke from Orochimaru.
Hadn't he tried hard enough? He had given his all, surpassed limits, and came close to almost forfeiting his life. Yet, he still failed.
Blank baby blue eyes continued to stare out of the window. His face was expressionless; it belied the inner turmoil churning within him.
One by one, they had come to visit him. Tsunade told him that everyone was okay. Jiraiya mussed his hair affectionately. Kakashi patted him on the back and told him that he did his best and that was all that mattered. The owner of the Ichiraku Ramen Bar came with a super serving of the pork ramen he loved so much.
How could they bear to act as if everything was alright? They thought he couldn't see it, but the pain and disappointment behind their eyes was clear. He didn't blame them; they had every right to be disappointed with him. He was a failure and he had failed to justify their misplaced faith in him.
There was a soft knock on the door. Briefly, he wondered who it could be. He didn't know anyone who would knock on doors before they enter.
"The door's unlocked." It was neither an invitation nor did it tell that person to go away.
The hinges creaked as the door opened slightly. A figure slipped through the crack. He squinted, trying to discern the identity of his visitor as she stepped out of the shadows.
"Hi," she said uncertainly, her hands holding on so tightly to the stems of the flowers she brought. "I hope you don't mind me coming to visit." She bit her lip nervously.
His eyes widened in surprised and he lifted his lips marginally, and tried valiantly to form a smile. It came out weak, with none of his usual exuberance. "Hi."
"I brought you some flowers," she said, as she laid them down on his lap. He didn't look at them but instead looked at the sender, "Thank you."
She blushed again and they both felt awkward. "Let me put them in the water for you," she offered hastily. Without waiting for her to respond, she grabbed the bunch of flowers and a vase from the bed side table and exited the room.
He almost smiled in amusement, almost. She returned shortly with the vase of flowers and placed them on the bedside table, beside his forehead protector.
"They're very pretty Thank you."
"I'm glad you like them."
"Here, take a seat," he gestured at the chair beside the bed. "How's Neji?"
"Neji-niisan is doing very well," she replied as she took the seat proffered. "So are the others. Please don't worry about them, Naruto-kun."
"I'm glad they're alright," he exhaled noisily. Tsunade had told him the same thing but hearing Hinata repeat it again made it more real somehow. For one, he didn't think Hinata would ever lie to him.
Silence flooded the room again. The clock on the wall ticked loudly.
"Are you alright, Naruto-kun?" she finally asked.
"Sure," he tried to smile. "I always get better after one full night of sleep. Only Tsunade-baachan is paranoid and insisted in keeping me here."
She fiddled with her fingers, a habit whenever she was nervous. "No offence, Naruto-kun, but you don't look so well," she whispered with uncharacteristic bluntness.
"I'm not dead. That is well enough for me." It was meant as a joke, but somehow, it just didn't come out right.
Her pale eyes misted and she blinked back her tears. He averted his eyes; girls crying unsettle him.
"You're not dead, but you're not alive either," she choked out, overwhelmed with emotion. "You're slowly killing yourself over something that is out of your control."
"I don't deserve to be alive," he said stonily. "I've failed my nindo."
"I failed to beat Neji-niisan in the chuunin exams," she whispered painfully. "Do you think that I deserve death, too? Since I failed my nindo as well?"
Blue eyes blinked, "Of course not. You've tried your best and that is enough."
Her small hands sought his and held on tightly, "I believe you've tried your best, too," she said. "And that is enough."
"There is a difference, and I promised Sakura-chan I would bring him back to her."
"And you still can, because you're alive," she said earnestly. "There is always tomorrow. As long as you're not dead, there is always tomorrow to fulfill that promise." Tears rained down on his hand that was grasped firmly in hers.
He closed his eyes and let the truth of her words sink into his being. He was feeling so very tired, so very alone. How can he at 12 feel like he has lived far too long?
"Hinata, can you do me a favor?"
She nodded furiously.
"Can you give me a hug?"
The girl pushed her chair back and sat gingerly on the bed. Awkwardly, she leaned forward and placed her arms shyly around him.
He sighed and did the same. She was real, a real warm living breathing body in his arms. If she was real, that what she said must be real, too, to a certain extent. She was alive, and so was he.
They stayed like that for a long, long time. The clock continued to record the passing of time indifferently.
"Thank you, Hinata-chan."
Tiny drops of water wet his shoulder, "You're welcomed."
She was alive and so was he. And she's right; there is always tomorrow.
--- Owari ---
That's all folks, the product of my pecking away at my laptop for about an hour. My farewell fic of sorts – until I return from my exams anyway
Heheh... I hoped you enjoyed it, though.
Nutty Scribbler
P/S: SB readers, visit the SB site for updates. A cookie from ch. 3 is up. Sign up with HDFFL mailing list for updates! Link is in my profile