Author's Notes:

I didn't really know the song when I first saw the lyrics. I thought they were perfect. I didn't like the melody as much as the lyrics.

I had a number of songs for that chapter, but nothing seemed to fit. And there were no new ideas. I tried Linkin Park, "Figure.09" and it was perfect for Seto, but it was the same as I had read it a thousand times before, the conflict with his stepfather. But I wanted at least some small new idea. And so I chose the fire. Since it is something we normally don't associate Seto with.

Disclaimer:

See chapter 1

Song:

"Soul On Fire", by HIM

"Soul On Fire"

There's a flame that leads our souls astray
No one's safe from its tender touch of pain
And every day it's looking for new slaves
To celebrate the beauty of the grave

Do you know that feeling? That a fire is burning inside of you? He knew it. It had been there every day of his life that he could remember, starting the day he and Mokuba were dumped in the orphanage. That fire made him lash out at everyone that tried to hurt his little brother, made him win against his stepfather, made him survive all the years in the mansion, the years of his "training".

But his stepfather would also kindle that fire even more. Even after he wasn't there anymore and it was all over it kept burning, and it successfully made him its tool, hurting everyone around him, even his brother, whom he loved so dearly. When the pain inside of his soul became too great to bear he automatically switched from defense to attack.

This fire had brought him to the edge of the grave, had almost destroyed him. And he had welcomed it's distructiveness, knowing he himself was responsible for so much destruction.

We are like the living dead
Sacrificing all we have
For a frozen heart and a soul on fire
We are like the living dead
Craving for deliverance
With a frozen heart and a soul on fire

When he looked at himself in the mirror he was surprised he could still be considered a man of flesh and blood. He had given himself away, trying to protect Mokuba at first, but when the war with his hated stepfather was over, the fire was still burning, the walls of ice still standing. Mokuba broke through them, reached outside, accepting help and friendship, but at that time Seto hadn't been himself anymore. He had given away every burning part of his soul leaving a heart of ice, leaving him more dead than alive.

Then he came. The only one whose fire could unfreeze his heart. The one who gave him the ashes of his soul back, to put them together and regain himself. And though he had never asked for this chance, would have turned the offer down if he had had a choice, he craved it deeply. So he felt both, gratitude and loathing, for his saviour.

And again we're falling for disgrace
And hate will shelter us from the rain
We are enslaved by the sacred heart of shame
And gently raped by the light of day

But still at the core of his soul there was burning ash, and the flame inside was rekindled far too soon. By then he knew he could never let himself get out of control like this, hurting even Mokuba.

Still he didn't trust any of the others, who were so perfect it was making him ache with hate. And how could anyone be more perfect than Yugi's Yami? It was an obsession, looking for the chance to finally throw him down, make him seem tainted for once, make him less perfect, less ...desireable.

He had never dared to think about that particular sensation. Because he knew you didn't feel lust for your male rival. Because that was wrong. And, being the man of ice, he managed to bury it deep down in the darkness inside of him, that traitorous feeling.

We are like the living dead
Sacrificing all we have
For a frozen heart and a soul on fire
We are like the living dead
Craving for deliverence
With a frozen heart and a soul on fire

That way the pile of buried wishes and emotions grew and every time Seto pushed one of them away, the flame leaped up for a moment, painfully branding his heart. Yet he went on doing just that. He didn't want it another way. He wanted to be icy cold, to feel nothing, so no one could use his emotions against him. The only love he always allowed himself to keep was the love for Mokuba.

But sometimes, when one of the others was in danger, when he found himself thrown into a situation where he had to cooperate with Yugi's Yami, he noticed how everything was resurfacing, and, no matter how hard he tried not to do it, he helped them, even tried to keep them safe. He told himself stubbornly it was only for his own interests but he knew he was wrong.

A fire was burning again inside of him, different this time, hotter and yet more bearable. He tried to ignore it but it was there.

Addicted to our divine despair
The venom of the cross we bear
The guilt will follow us to death

He was ashamed for these moments of weakness, as he liked to call them, and yet they felt right, more right than anything he had ever done. In his eyes he was worthless, loaded with guilt, that he would have to carry around his whole life, that he could never get rid of, like the fire inside.

We are like the living dead
Sacrificing all we have
For a frozen heart and a soul on fire
We are like the living dead
Craving for deliverence
With a frozen heart and a soul on fire

And now he had to let go of the last thing he had, th one he had never given away. His little brother.

He had known the moment would come. Of course he couldn't always keep Mokuba with him, the boy had to live his own life. Seto was truly proud and happy for him, when his brother had told him he had found a girlfriend, when he had passed his exams with distinction, when he had recieved the offer to attend a famous private school because of his skills with the computer. And that was where he was going now. Leaving Seto on his own. Alone and suddenly feeling dead and cold inside.

A part of his soul had left with Mokuba and now there was only an empty space.

The lonelier he was, the more his heart froze again, and with it came the painfully burning fire. So he tried to escape by going out in the evening. Looking for something or someone to warm him and cool him, and make him whole again.

With a soul on
Soul on
Soul on
Fire

Soul on fire