Author's Notes:
No Bakura in this chapter....No, don't worry too much about him, he's got a minor role in this. I just need him for the next chapter. Sorry Bakura, maybe next time.
I hope I don't exaggerate the angst in the following chapters. Especially in the next....but you'll see for yourself soon enough.

Disclaimer:
See chapter 1

Song:
"This Masquerade", jazz standard by George Benson, Leon Russell

This Masquerade

Are we really happy with this lonely game we play
Looking for words to say
Searching but not finding understanding anyway
We're lost in this masquerade

Damn.
I throw down another sheet of paper, burying my head in my hands. I can't concentrate today. I can't because I'm always thinking back to that evening. That evening when I came home from my trip to America.

He wasn't expecting my return, although I had told him it would take me two or three extra days, so I thought I'd surprise him. I entered the mansion quietly. He wasn't in the living room. Neither could I find him in the kitchen or in the bath, nor in my bedroom. I was starting to worry.

"Yami!", I shouted, "Where are you?" My hopes sinking I opened the door to the last room downstairs: My old study. There he was. A pitiful heap of blue and red, in his pyjamas, his hair sticking out even more than usual, knees drawn up to his chin, tearstains on his cheeks and eyes as empty as dark holes.

"Yami! What are you doing here?!" I walked up to him, drew him into my arms and kissed him. Then my eyes widened in shock. His lips were unresponsive. I pulled away, but he was only staring at me dully, as if he hadn't even noticed my presence. I lifted him up and carried him away in my arms. When I sat him down on the couch he started to struggle, came to life again.
"Get away!", he screamed, "Where the hell have you been?!?!"
"But I left you a message I'd come later!" I didn't understand.
He stared at me. "I didn't get a message"
Something klicked in my mind and I went to the phone, activating the answering machine.

"Hey Yami. I'm coming two or three days later, there have been problems with the company. Take care."

He was still staring, then he ran away. Got up and left.

That's the whole story. He came back of course, but we never talked about it. We're distant, further away from each other than we've ever been before. We have sex at night, but it's not like it was before. He doesn't whisper my name anymore, doesn't let his wonderful lips caress my neck. He lets me do what I want, shudders beneath me, whimpers, but when he comes his eyes are empty again. It scares me, yes, it does. He puts on his game face all day long but at night his eyes are empty.

No I can't concentrate on those papers anymore. I'm going to go insane.

Both afraid to say we're just too far away
From being close together from the start
We tried to talk it over but the words got in the way
We're lost inside this lonely game we play

When I'm coming home from work now he's sitting somewhere, staring off into space. We're not living together anymore, merely in the same house. I think we're both afraid of admitting our fault, admitting we ruined a relationship once again.

I don't doubt its failing anymore, as much as it pains me. How did it happen? Why?
Because he didn't know how an answering machine works? Because I put my company over him once again? Because he almost worried himself to death and thinks I don't understand, don't care because I didn't even apologize?

I thought we could understand each other, I thought he was the only person who could understand me, except for Mokuba. But he didn't and it makes me angry. Just as my cool facade is making him angry. We've always been too different. Perhaps we've never been close enough for a relationship. Maybe attraction is all that binds us together. We might just be lying to ourselves. And I won't cry, no, I won't!

Yesterday I gathered all my courage, prepared dinner for both of us and asked him to join me. He came. We sat together on the table, waiting for the other to speak. In the end I started.

"I'm sorry you didn't find the message"
"Me too." His voice was emotionless.
"Come on, Yami, I just wasn't thinking about that."
"You're never thinking about me"
"You know that it's not true!"
"But you still go away."
"It's my job, damn it!"
"And I'm your lover, damn it!"
"This is getting nowhere"
"Maybe we've never been anywhere"

I jumped up then, giving him one last glare before storming out. I heard him slump down in front of his meal, crying.
Sometimes I think the only escape out of this endless game is one of us leaving.

Thoughts of leaving disappear
every time I see your eyes
No matter how hard I try
To understand the reason why
we carry on this way
We're lost in a masquerade

Still I come back every time, every time I think of that smile of yours. I can't help it, I'll never be able to forget that smile again. I've never experienced something like this before, I never wanted to be so dependent.

When I look into your eyes when we accidentally face each other in the hallway to the bedroom at night, I see deep, dark crimson, illuminated and silver-rimmed by the moonlight. Your soul is speaking to me, calling to me, screaming to me to forget about all of it. I wish I could turn back time. We're standing like statues, as if frozen in silver. Everything is silent. I wish there had never been words between us, words that can be mistaken. I can't let you go and I can't leave you. I can't escape those eyes.
And then you're gone. And I won't cry, no, I won't.

How could we continue like this?

Sometimes I go to clubs again, watching the people dance. Watching the girls down there. Watching the boys. Not one of them can compare to him. Not in beauty, not in soul. I thought we were made for each other, but perhaps it's meant to be that way. Perhaps I'm meant to be independent, my relationships to stay meaningless.

So why can't we stop? Why can't we just leave? Why are we still torturing ourselves like this? Why are we still playing this insane game?

We could just start over
but it's oh so hard to do

Begin anew? But how? We've reached the end. We have to find something that can bring us back to the beginning. Should we ever find it? Is it all lost? Gone? Past?

When you're lost in a masquerade