Chapter Fourteen

She had snuggled so close to him while dancing, he was reluctant to break the mood. It had started out like a normal slow dance with them, but by the time the last notes had faded, she was holding him as closely as he was holding her. But he and Eddie had a long talk today, and for the first time in weeks, Woody had bared his soul to another person.

"Jo?"

"Yeah, Woody?" She was still holding him, her head on his shoulder...She wanted to keep this moment...this mood...

"I'm moving back to my apartment."

Jordan drew a sharp breath. "No...you'll get hurt..."

"No, Jordan. You don't need me underfoot all the time. I'm in the way...cramping your style....You're planning your whole life and world around me and that's not good..."

"No, Woody. I don't mind. Honest. I don't mind taking care of you...I want to."

He felt his gut flinch at that. She wants to...damn. That's going to make this so much harder. "Look. I'll still be coming into work...into the morgue. You can keep an eye on me. But I talked with Eddie Winslow today. He lives in my apartment building. He's going to sort of help me out until my sight comes back. I need to do this, Jordan. I need it for me...and you."

"But what if you get hurt? What if you fall? What ..."

"There's a million 'what ifs'. But I'll never know until I try. And I need to try."

"I'll let you go back on one condition."

Woody chuckled. She still tried to bargain with him. "What?"

"I stay with you."

He blew out a deep breath. "No."

"No?"

"You heard me. No. You've done enough. You need to regain your life....your life before you began taking care of me. I'll still be around...you can still see me at the morgue to make sure I'm okay. And if I need you, I'll call you....but I need to do this."

The evening went downhill from there. They argued all the way back to her apartment. The thought of him being by himself...possibly hurt...bothered her immensely. Even though Woody was much more independent and probably could be fine by himself, she worried. That and she had gotten used to him being there...with her.

Holding her at night.

She knew he wouldn't do it again...maybe never again. Was this last dance "for old time's sake" his way of telling her good-bye? She could feel the cracks in her heart beginning to appear. Pushing back the tears, she finally told him, "Fine. If you want to do this, I understand. And I understand why. Just...if you need me, promise me you'll call me?"

He had nodded, and went off to bed. She stayed up for a while, trying to sift through her thoughts...trying to calm her mind. When she finally did crawl into bed, he made no move to hold her. She turned over to her stomach and let the tears fall silently, so as not to wake him. She had tried so hard to show him she really cared about him...loved him...sight or no sight...she had risked loving him again.

And been soundly refused. The cracks that were beginning to appear in her heart were quickly breaking what was left of it in two.

Woody woke when he felt her get up and head for the shower. Last night had been difficult. He had fought everything...every urge in himself to turn over, pull her to him, and tell her everything was going to be all right. He had heard her soft crying...and it had made today so much more harder. But he had to ease back into his own life. A life that could remain in darkness.

While being back at work, he had come to several realizations. First, if he had to, he could make a life for himself as a seeing impaired person. But he didn't want to burden anyone, least of all Jordan. He loved her too much for that. That's why when she had told him last night she wanted to take care of him, he knew he had to put the brakes on everything.

He and Eddie had talked. He had voiced his concerns about his eyes and his relationship with Jordan to the other detective. Eddie had agreed with him and promised to help him out for the next two weeks, until his appointment with Dr. Little. Woody had also come to the conclusion if his eyes were no better, then he wouldn't remain in Boston. He'd go back home to Kewaunne and live his life there. Helping his parents on the farm...doing something. But not becoming a burden on his friends in Boston. He knew Jordan would fight him on this...but it was for her own good.

He knew by her response to the dance, her response to his kisses, that she was precipitously close to trying to regain their previous relationship. And it's not that he didn't want that. He did. He had castigated himself over Devan more times than he could count. But unless he was whole again...had his sight....he didn't want to try to encourage Jordan that things could go back to the way they were. He had to get her used to the fact that their lives could possibly go on without each other.

He sighed as he heard the shower turn off. It was going to be a long two weeks.

And it was....a long two weeks. He had to call her every morning to let her know he was okay. He had forgotten the first morning and woke to her angry knocking on the door. She had panicked. He had almost laughed at her. She didn't think it was very funny. But it touched him...her concern. He really didn't deserve it.

But now it was Thursday. His doctor's appointment. Jordan was driving him to it. Nervously, they sat in the waiting room. She was more antsy than he was...he could hear her fidgeting...finally his name was called and they went back to the exam room. Dr. Little had carefully examined his eyes.

"Woody can you see any light at all...any glimmers....anything?"

"No...not really."

Dr. Little sighed. "I'm sorry, Woody. We can give it more time. I can keep you on the drops. But I don't know if you're going to get any better. I wish I could offer more hope, but I can't....I'm truly sorry."

Woody had swallowed hard. In a way, he had expected the news. Even with his dark glasses, he had experienced no change...he never saw anything beyond the darkness. No sudden flickers of light, no glimmers. It seemed his destiny was set.

Jordan didn't say anything much on the way back to his apartment. She wordlessly had helped him out of her car and up to his apartment. "Can I come in?" she had asked him. "I'm going to the grocery store tomorrow and I'll check and see what you need..." He had let her...knowing that wasn't the real reason she was coming in...she wanted to talk about what the doctor said. He heard her go into the kitchen under that pretext. He picked up his cordless phone and began dialing a familiar number. He didn't hear her come out of the kitchen.

"Who...who are you calling?" she had asked, a panicky note in her voice.

"Kewaunne," he replied quietly. "I'm calling Mom and Dad." He turned around to face where he thought her voice was coming from. "I'm going to have to go home, Jo. I can't stay in Boston like this..."

To his surprise, he felt the phone being smacked out of his hands with force. He heard it hit the wall with a thud. "Jo?"

"No. And I mean no," she said, with as much force as she had hit the phone with.

"Look, Jordan, there's not any other..."

And he was pulled up short to her. She grabbed his collar and pulled him down to her level....eye to eye, whether he could see her or not. "No. No. No, no, no, no, no. Is that clear?"

"Jordan...look, honey.."

"Woody," she said, cutting him off. "We've known each other three years. And through three years, you've been there for me...for everything. Please, please, let me be there for you...please," and to his horror, her voice dropped and he could hear her tears. He had almost expected her negative reaction, but didn't fathom he'd hear her sobs.

"Jordan?" was all he could get out.

"Look...give me a couple of days, please? Let me see if I can find some kind of treatment...something. Please. I owe you a couple of more days. Then if I can find nothing...no treatment....then, I'll pack you up myself and drive the U-haul to your mother's. I promise."

He sighed. "Okay...I guess."

He can guess all he wants, she thought. But there's no way in hell he's getting out of my sight...there's no way he's leaving Boston.