Chapter 5

Where's Snape?

The Hogwarts Express arrived at Hogsmeade five minutes later than expected as the train stopped for five minutes and they were loaded into the carriages. Further down the platforms they could see Hagrid showing the new first years the alternative route to Hogwarts in the little boats across the lake. Being 5th years, Harry, Hermione and Ron had the privilege of being taken to the school via carriages. It was never a comfortable journey but at least they were out of the cold wind.

Their trunks were unloaded and taken up to their dormitories while they were escorted into the Great Hall to witness the Sorting Ceremony. Harry can remember his sorting ceremony and how the Sorting Hat wanted to put him in Slytherin along with Draco Malfoy and the rest of the evil world. Harry was in Gryffindor house along with Hermione, Ron and Ginny. Harry's parents, Lily and James, were in Gryffindor and James was the Gryffindors Captain and Seeker. Harry wanted to be just like his dad, Captain but he thought that maybe Angelina, Katie or Alicia would be as they have been in the team the longest. Harry took his usual seat in-between Ron and Hermione and they watched the nervous first years walk down the Great Hall in single file.

Professor McGonagall was standing at the front of the hall looking as stern as always, but she had a kind heart when she decided to show it. She placed the sorting hat down on the stool and after a few moments, it began its song.

Throughout your Hogwarts days and nights,

I'll put you in a house for you that's right.

Put me on and I will tell

Whereabouts you should dwell

Could you be a Gryffindor,

Brave and true?

Courageous and strong that could be you.

Maybe a Hufflepuff,

Loyal and Sweet.

Maybe that's where you ought to be.

Or quite possibly Slytherin,

Cunning and slick.

This house, for you, might do the trick.

Or maybe you're a Ravenclaw,

Quick and Smart

Yes, you might belong there at heart.

So go ahead, put me on,

And I'll tell you where you belong.

They all applauded after it finished its song, and the sorting ceremony began. Harry watched as the hat shouted out the house names and students joined the appropriate tables (Barry Smartus – "Hufflepuff", Angeline Chambers – "Gryffindor".).Harry looks along the line of teachers and realises there are some new teachers. Hagrid is still there and so are Dumbledore, McGonagall and Sprout. One person is missing from the faculty table. Harry turns to Ron and asks "Where's Snape?"

"Dunno. My dad says he's gone AWOL and no-body knows where he is. But that does mean we don't get him for Potions anymore." Ron answers with the biggest grin on his face.

"Don't you two realise he's been doing something for Dumbledore." It was Hermione's voice from across the table. "Remember, he went off at the end of the last year and we never saw him come back. I bet that is where he is." The Hall had gone quiet and Dumbledore was rising from his huge chair.

"I have a few notices for the beginning of this year. Because of recent events, students are not allowed out of school grounds without a teacher. Also, I have had much debate about this with my fellow teachers and we have decided to allow the Quidditch tournament to go ahead this year." There was a huge roar of cheers, with Harry probably being the loudest, "We have also decided to have the Yule Ball again since we enjoyed it so much last time." Most people looked disappointed at this, apart from a few girls. "There are some new teachers this year. Professor Dementia will be your new Muggles Studies teacher as Professor Bellerophon has decided to go into business with Pegasus, in Greece," Dumbledore pointed towards a very young teacher of about 20, long black hair and unlike the rest of the teachers, she was wearing Muggle clothes. She was smiling at the mention of her name. "Professor Grimalkin is your new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher." ("Bet Snape's left because he's lost out on the job for the 5th year running," Ron whispered)." She looked as pleasant as Snape. She had long silvery hair down to her elbows, and she was staring right at Harry with the greenest eyes Harry had ever seen. "As older students will have noticed, Professor Snape is not present." The whole hall went quiet, most hoping, and some (Slytherins) fearing that he won't return. "He will return later in the year but for now, Professor Dementia has kindly agreed to take you all for Potions until his return. Now lets the feast begin!" and with a wave of his hand, the empty plates on the table filled up with the most scrumptious food ever ("Hope the house elves were paid for doing all of this!" Hermione complained while tucking into a chicken leg.).

Professor McGonagall handed out the timetables for the year. For the third year running they had Care of Magical Creatures with the Slytherins. They were hoping it would change as Malfoy has tried his hardest to get Hagrid fired. Hagrid was an unusual teacher as he saw dangerous creatures as pets, like the baby dragon, Norbert he had for a while. To their horror, they also saw that they had Muggle Studies, Defence against the Dark Arts and Potions with Slytherins too. Harry could imagine how much chaos they would all cause in Muggle studies. Malfoy would be fuming that he was being forced into doing it and make the lesson living Hell.

First lesson on Monday morning was Muggle Studies. Professor Dementia looked tired at breakfast and with a mug in her hand she sat crossed legged on the chairs, no matter how many times Professor McGonagall told her not to.

The threesome made their way to Muggle studies when they heard Malfoy talking behind.

"Well, my dad says he's going to make sure that I don't have to do this lesson. Why would I want to learn about Muggles? They are just so inferior!" His puppy dogs Crabbe and Goyle laughed with Draco but soon shut up once they entered the classroom. It looked like they had just stepped into someone's living room, with desks in the middle. There was a widescreen television, big soft chairs in the corner with a bookcase beside with lots of Muggle novels on, and there was a CD player playing music at the front on a table, which was assumed to be her desk, with a computer on it. Malfoy walked up to the desk and turned the music off, and turned round to Crabbe and Goyle who were laughing.

"Thank you for the Mr Malfoy. Now the lesson can start earlier," Professor Dementia said coming into the light from the back. "Come on, get into your seats," she said, leaning on the edge of her desk. "I have a few notices before I do anything else. Now where did I put that piece of paper?" She started searching her desk until she found a scrappy piece of normal paper. "Right first things first: Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle you are exempt from this lesson. You seem to have very influential fathers." Professor Dementia announced.

"What about Draco Malfoy?" Crabbe asked his usual dumb stricken way.

"I'm afraid that Mr. Malfoy does not have as influential father as he likes to think. You can stay if the separation is just too much for you to cope with." There are a few giggles at this by certain Gryffindors. "Now get out of my class room and leave the rest of the class to start work. Goodbye boys." They leave looking at the lonely Malfoy left behind. "Right, as for the rest of you, welcome to Muggle Studies. The Ministry of Magic has decided that young wizards of today don't know enough about Muggles and made this compulsory and I'm the one they chose to teach you, aren't you just thrilled to bits?"

"So, Mr Malfoy, do you know how to make a cup of tea?" Professor Dementia asked him.

"Yeah," he said in a sort of 'Duh' way.

"Good, mine's milk and two sugars. The kettle's in the back," she cheekily said. Draco laughed at her suggestion and sat down.

"Mr Malfoy, I was not joking. Tea, milk, two sugars, kettle, go," she playfully said. Malfoy looked at her like she was living up to her name and it was only till she grabbed him by his collar and pushed him in the general direction of the back room that he knew she was serious.

When he emerged from the back room he slammed the brightly coloured mug on her desk spilling most of its contents onto her desk,

"Thanks for that Mr Malfoy," she sarcastically said and she picked up her mug and had a sip from it. She seemed satisfied that it was fine and took a bigger sip.

"Professor?" Hermione said putting her hand in the air. "How is the CD player and kettle powered? I thought Hogwarts didn't have an electricity supply."

"Well Miss…" the professor struggled.

"Granger, Hermione Granger."

"Don't happen to work for MI5 do you? Because you know that incident in Newcastle had nothing to with me," she joked. Everyone looked at her strange.

"Bond, James Bond." A few people laughed. "Well at least some of you got that. Anyways, Miss Granger, Mr Malfoy can answer your question." Professor Dementia said turning to Malfoy. Everyone turned to him, curious why he would know the answer.

"There's a generator in the back," he mumbled.

"Good observation Mr Malfoy. I hope that answers your question, Miss Granger," Professor Dementia said.

"Now, how many of you own ball point pens and have them with you?" No one put their hand up. "Right, thought as much, well here is a bag of pens, so please pass this around and everyone take one. I will arrange to have more come in so we have enough for the rest of the year." Malfoy took a pen out of the bag and looked at it very strangely. "Never seen a ball point pen before Mr Malfoy? Well you'll have to learn how to use one won't you?" The class laugh, but Malfoy didn't find it funny.

"I'm going to give you a little test," ("But we haven't revised!" Hermione whispered) "just to see how much you already know." She handed out the test and Harry couldn't believe his eyes, it was probably the easiest test he had ever seen. The questions started with:

1) How do muggles travel around since they don't have brooms? Name at least two

2) What is a muggle? (And be nice!)

3) What do muggles learn at school?

4) Name an item of clothing a Muggle wears (The more unusual the more impressed I'll be!)

And the test went on until the last question:

25) How do you address your muggle studies teacher? (Malfoy, you better play nice!)

Harry knew every answer apart from the last, he thought it was a trick question and wrote, "Miss." She collected them and flicked through them quickly.

"Whatever I want! Well isn't that a proposition? I will give you the answer to the last question. My full name is Evelyn Dementia but you can call me Evi. I hate all this Professor stuff, so I would appreciate it if you called me Evi, but if you have a problem with the informal name, call me Evi. After I have marked these tests I will be able to determine which exam I'm putting in to. Some people obviously know more about muggles." Malfoy looked at Harry, "And some idiots don't." And she looked right at Malfoy. For the rest of the lesson they had a class discussion about Muggles in which Malfoy had little to say no matter how many times Evi tried to get him involved.

Harry, Hermione and Ron left the lesson feeling quite happy about Muggle Studies and sure that they would be able to pass it easily. Also the prospect of Malfoy failing miserably was very appealing.

The rest of the week went slowly. History of magic was suppose to get more interesting this year, but still, the whole class used it to catch up on sleep. Even Hermione dropped off once. Harry and Ron weren't looking forward to Defence against the Dark Arts as they were sure the position was jinxed.

"That's four teachers out of four that have had to leave. First it was Quirrel, who was supporting You-Know Who all along. Then Lockhart, who put a memory charm on himself, and Lupin was the werewolf and Mad-Eye Moody who wasn't really Mad-Eye Moody. I'm telling you the position is jinxed. I'd be wary of this one if I were you." Ron said on their way to the class. When they entered Professor Grimalkin was sitting upright at her desk. She looked as stern as Snape, Harry could tell this was not going to be fun. Her room was as dingy as Snape's, with just as many horrible things hanging on the walls, but her room was not in the dungeon, it was on the 3rd floor with the best view of Hogwarts grounds.

"This woman seriously doesn't like dragons." Ron said looking around at the dragon remains hanging around her room. "Lets hope Hagrid doesn't come in here!"

"Sit!" she shouted. "I want everyone in alphabetical order please." They had never been sorted into alphabetical order before, and to Harry's dismay, he had to sit next to Draco Malfoy.

The rest of the lesson wasn't much better. Malfoy kept knocking over Harry's ink well and spilling it all over his work and desk, and Professor Grimalkin wouldn't believe it when he told her that it was Malfoy. After Malfoy did it the fifth time, she had had enough.

"Harry Potter you have to be the clumsiest boy I have ever met! Clean up that mess, again and you have detention tomorrow night as well for disturbing the class. See me at the end for your punishment." Harry glared at Malfoy who looked like the cat who had got the cream. Harry could have hit Malfoy but he walked out of the class and going back to his followers, Crabbe and Goyle, before he had the chance. Harry's punishment was to clean out the cupboard in the back of the classroom. She did warn him that it wasn't just spiders that lurk in dark corners.

Harry was still annoyed when he rejoined his friends in the Gryffindor common room. Hermione and Ron were sitting in their usual corner with Ginny and an unknown girl. Ginny has a thing for Harry and goes bright red every time she sees him. Harry approached and he looked at this unknown, held out his hand and introduced himself. The girl looked like she was going to feint and was able to mumble her name, "Angeline Chambers." Hermione was doing homework already and of course, Ron wasn't. Ron and Harry commenced a game of exploding snap and when they finally got bored of that, Harry tried to explain the rules of football to Ron, even though he still didn't understand why they didn't just use broomsticks.

Last lesson of the week was double potions. For the first time, Harry was looking forward to Potions, because unlike before, they didn't get Snape, they were getting Evi. They were still in Snape's dungeon classroom which was a pity as Harry really liked the relaxed atmosphere in Evi's classroom on the lighter 1st floor. Harry always hated Snape's classroom as it gave him the creeps with all the pickled animals in glass jars on the walls. Harry walked into the class and sat in his usual seat in between Ron and Hermione near the back of the class, when Evi entered. She shuddered and wrapped her brightly coloured scarf more tightly around her neck. It was only the beginning of September and you could already see your breath in the cold classroom. Evi was rubbing her hands together with the cold, along with most of the students.

"It's far too cold down here. How was Professor Snape able to teach you?" She got out her wand and pointed it towards the fireplace, which had never been used before, and lit a roaring fire. "Professor Snape gave me some notes on what you have already covered and what he would like you to cover in his absence." Harry thought this was rather strange because according to Ron's dad, Snape had gone AWOL and nobody had seen him, so how could she have got notes from him? Harry didn't have time to fathom it out, it was straight to work. They were revising antidotes for certain poisons and as per usual, Hermione's hand was in the air the whole time. At the end of the lesson, they packed up early and Evi presented a selection of bottles on two separate tables, each with its own little label.

"I will now see how much you have remembered from last year. On this table is a selection of poisons each labels, on the other are the antidotes. What I want a couple of you to do, is to choose a poison and then choose the right antidote. I must warn you that you only get one chance to get it right, and if you don't, you will have the symptoms of your poison for the rest of the day."

First up was Neville Longbottom. Neville was never good at remembering things and he slowly walked up to the first table and read all the labels, and he didn't seem to recognise any of them. He chooses the most appealing looking drink and had a taste. As soon as it hit his mouth, the poison fizzed up and Neville dropped the bottle on the floor. He was grabbing his throat and tried to spit it out. All the Gryffindors seemed worried about him and many had jumped out of their seats, but Evi just stood there, just watching. The Slytherins were in hysterics and many were doubled up with laughter rolling on the floor. He poison suddenly stopped fizzing and he looked like he'd just seen a very scary ghost. He had gone completely white. He finally managed to walk over to the other table and picked up the first bottle he found and drank the whole bottle. After he had drunk it all, it seemed to have no effect, but slowly and surely, the colour rose back into his face and he was back to normal. For some freak chance, Neville had managed to pick the right antidote.

"Well done Mr Longbottom. You found the Antidote for the Hair-Raising potion. Probably not the inviting potion you'll ever taste but you managed to choose the right antidote. 50 points to Gryffindor for Mr Longbottom's excellent choice." It was the end of the lesson and the filed out of class with Neville still amazed that he choose the right antidote.