(A/N: Dear readers! Thank you for your bountiful reviews. To answer a great many questions; No, Snape's secret has hardly anything to do with crossdressing. Actually, it was already revealed in the last chapter. The title was just the metaphorical honey to catch the metaphorical flies, the flies being you, gentle readers. But things shall be further revealed, dear readers, so read on, and review on!)

Chapter 2: It Must be Really Frightful To Attract Publicity

The next morning, Snape swept into the Great Hall for breakfast as usual, glaring grumpily, as usual, and feeling more than slightly aggressive, as usual. He sat down, as usual, downed four cups of coffee in 2 minutes, as usual, and then started to attack his eggs Benedict and toast with marmalade, as usual. It was a perfectly usual morning, really.

Apart from the fact that everyone at the Staff table was staring at him.

He did not even notice this until he was wiping some escaped marmalade from his hands, and glaring at various people for good measure. "Minerva, stop staring at me." he said to Professor McGonagall, who was staring at him from the other end of the table. It was rather obvious, since she was leaning over the table, her eyes nearly popping out of her face.

He turned toward her, to give her some proper glaring, when he saw that all the other teachers on that side of the table were also staring at him. Including that slightly poncy fellow they had decided to hire for Defence Against the Dark Arts this year. He couldn't remember his name- all the poncy fellows they'd had as Defence Against the Dark Arts the past 15 years had looked alike to him.

He glared at them all, which was rather difficult. His eyes had not had to do this amount of shifting since Harry Potter's first year. It did not seem to help, though. Growling quietly to himself, he decided to try looking the other way. After all, the left side was the freakish side, and they were sure to be doing something other than looking at him. He shifted in his seat, leaning to the left, and something bumped against his shoulder. It was Flitwick, who was gazing at him steadily with those black beady eyes.

Next to him, Trelawny was also gazing at him, her enormous bulging eyes making him feel nauseous for some reason. 'I just can't win, can I,' Snape thought, and decided to stare ahead for a while. So that's what he did, his arms folded over his chest, his jaw clenched in irritation.

"Severus," he suddenly heard Flitwick say very softly in his ear. He started, and, reaching for his wand in a reflex, nearly knocked Flitwick off his seat.

"What do you think you're doing?" He hissed at the tiny professor. "What reason could you have to start whispering in my ear?"

"I just wanted to say......" Flitwick said, sounding as serious as one can in a squeaky falsetto, "that we know." Snape narrowed his eyes in suspicion. What did they know? What everybody appeared to know? That was so bleeding obvious to everyone except himself?? Was it about his past? About that one time he put.... He pushed that last thought out of the way quickly.

"Know what??" he snapped. To his disgust, Flitwick extended a wrinkly paw and patted him on the shoulder.

"It's okay," he said, "we know how important it is we keep this a secret." Snape pushed his hand off him.

"Well, you're doing a good job of showing it!" he snarled. "Looking at me like I am some sort of exotic animal on display. Honestly, could you possibly be more obvious??" He did not have a clue what he was talking about, but maybe it would help if he pretended that he did.

"You're right, you're right....." Flitwick said. "But, you must understand how awkward this is for all of us. I mean, you could not have expected us to not be surprised by it?" He was looking so repulsively earnest, that Snape could not stand it anymore.

He just stood up, gave Harry Potter a last glare, and stormed away, robes billowing impressively in his wake.

He was feeling rather out of sorts all day. At lunch everyone was still staring at him, and it was reminding him forcefully of various less than pleasant Death Eater meetings. Of course, he had children to vent his aggression on, but even that did not seem to lessen his growing feelings of impending DOOM. When he found McGonagall waiting outside his classroom after the last lesson of the day, it was the straw that would have broken any camel's back. However, Snape was no average camel, so he merely twitched, and said: "Why, hello Minerva. Can I help you?"

McGonagall gave him a look as though he was a small puppy with a horrible fatal disease, wringing her hands. "Well, Severus......" she started. "I know it must be really hard for you, pretending to be someone else. Not to mention taking that dreadful potion every day. I wanted to apologise for all the times I have been less than courteous to you, and for thinking that you were just a sadistic bastard who enjoyed ruining innocent lives. I know better now, and if you ever want to talk to someone....." She gave him an encouraging look, sighed, and wandered off.

Snape just stood there for a moment, thinking that he should ask Lucius if he had another three spare bottles of absinthe, because he really, badly needed them.

(A/N: In the next chapter, we are going to see The Trio in (bumbling) action. I'm sure you're all thrilled out of your seats already. You should be, you know. Harry Potter only appeared in one of my stories, and that was the one where Snape chases him around, barking. Anyway, it advances the plot, so you're going to have to read it anyway. Ha!)