(A/N: The not so long awaited Chapter Three. I sincerely hope characterisation works out in this one- my beta readers thought it was good, but since I am only mildly interested in these characters, writing them was rather hard. I also forgot to apologise for any oddness in characterisation of other characters, which was entirely on purpose, and meant to serve the comedic nature of the story. Anyway, read on.)

Chapter 3: Don't Judge a Book by its Cover

"Why are all the teachers looking at Snape like that?" Harry Potter said, buttering his toast. (A/N: heehee....I know who can butter my toast....sorry. I'll get on with it.)

"Dunno, I don't see anything unusual about him," Ron answered. He looked intensely at Snape for a moment, before declaring: "No, still looks the same. Greasy, grumpy and ....and and.....er.....gregarious."

"Gregarious?" Hermione said, frowning at him. "I didn't know I'd ever used that word."

"You didn't, I learnt it from Percy." Ron said. "Dunno what it means, though. But Fred and George teased him about saying it for about a week, that's why I remember."

"He doesn't look any different to me either," Harry said, looking at Snape, who seemed to be having a conflict with Flitwick. "Eew, look, Flitwick's touching him. Must be something really bad if he's willing to do that." Hermione turned to look, brows knitted as she started to think.

"Maybe his mum died." Ron said, airily. "Maybe his favourite animal in a jar died. Or maybe," he waved a finger, "they've just found out he's Voldemort's daughter."

"Don't be silly, Ron." Hermione said, "It's obviously really bad, poor Snape..." The two boys looked at her as though she had just confessed to being Voldemort's daughter.....er, as though she had completely lost her mind.

"Poor Snape??" Ron said, astounded. "Is that the same Snape we're talking about? The same Snape who...." But he was interrupted by Snape standing up from the staff table, glaring at Harry and storming off.

"That was odd," Harry said. "Especially the way he was looking at me, like it's my fault." Ron snorted, going back to his fried egg.

"Everything's your fault in his mind." He said.

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They were just on their way back from care of Magical Creatures, when Harry saw Draco Malfoy whispering conspiringly to Evan Rosier. Thinking he'd better investigate, he approached them from behind and hid behind a close by tree.

"Yes, my father heard about it yesterday too.....apparently Pettigrew let it slip between the dessert and cheese. They hadn't wanted to give him any booze, because he carries it so badly, but he wouldn't take no for an answer, and there wasn't anything they could do, so he got deliriously drunk and became a bit too talkative. Of course there were only our two families, but this morning I found out Crabbe and Goyle also seemed to know. And did you see those idiot professors at the breakfast table? Goggling at him like he had two heads, god, they have no brains, the entire school will be wondering what the matter is with Snape now. Well, the intelligent ones, anyway...... Do you reckon we should tell him?" Draco said, in a very low voice.

"Don't know.... I don't expect he'll like it. Imagine how the Griffyndors will react when they find out he's Voldemort's daughter." Rosier answered. Harry's jaw dropped. Could it be true?? It was just too absurd to believe. In a sort of stupor, he backed away from the tree, and walked on to the Great Hall, where he joined Ron and Hermione at the Griffyndor table.

"Gosh, Harry, you look very pale. Are you feeling okay?" Hermione said. Harry sank down in his seat, his brains still refusing to accept what he had just heard.

"Yes....er, no......er......" He said. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes for a moment, trying to collect himself.

"Is your scar hurting again?" Ron tried. "What's happened?" Harry put his glasses back on, and took a deep, cleansing, courage-inspiring, Gryffindor breath.

"I just heard Malfoy and Rosier discuss something really unsettling." He said. "They were talking about how, apparently, Pettigrew let something slip at a Death Eater meeting. He got a little too drunk, and told everyone that.......that.....that...." He let his voice drop to a whisper, "....that Snape is Voldemort's daughter." Ron and Hermione looked thunderstruck.

".......Voldemort's......daughter?" Hermione asked. "His daughter???" Harry nodded.

"Bloody hell." Ron said, eloquently summing up the mood. "But how....but why...." Harry shrugged.

"They didn't explain... but apparently the rumour spread quickly, because Crabbe and Goyle Senior already know, and it's obviously come to the ears of the teachers."

"He......er........she must have been taking polyjuice potion of the real Severus Snape for ages." Hermione said.

"The real Severus Snape?" Ron looked extremely confused. Then his expression changed to disgusted. "Imagine having to swallow one of those greasy hairs every day...."

"But why?" Hermione continued, tapping her fingers on the table. "Voldemort would not hurt his own daughter. The Aurors would of course, but it would have been far easier to have disguised her as a normal wizard's child rather than an adult Death Eater, and far safer, too." She shook her head in confusion. "It's puzzling. And then there's the question of how she's been pulling it off all those years, having to function above her own level.... Unless.... she's older than the real Snape.....in which case he might have done it to keep her from dying......Aargh!" she ultimately cried, her hands now in her hair. "This is impossible. And why are the teachers so nice to her now they know?"

"I can't help you," Harry said. "It's completely puzzling." And they watched Snape as he fought off the expressions of sympathy of a rather physical Hagrid.

(A/N: Oh, the next chapter shall be something of a treat for you, gentle readers. If you are Hermione/Snape shippers, anyway, and if you are not, it will hopefully give you a hearty laugh. 'Til I feel you up again, The Duchess)