(A/N: An odd chapter indeed, gentle readers, but amusing, I thought. Again, any changes in characterisation are intentional and serve the comedic purpose.)

Chapter 4: Voyeuristic Intentions

"Where's Hermione?" Ron asked, as he joined Harry at the dinner table that night.

"Where she always goes when she needs to solve something." Harry answered, gazing at Snape, entranced. He just could not get over it.

"The library?" Ron asked. Harry nodded. "That's insane," Ron said, "what on earth is she going to find in the library on why Snape is really Voldemort's daughter?"

"Who's Voldemort's daughter?" Dean Thomas asked, looking shocked.

"Er, no-one!" Ron said hastily. "I meant er........Voldemort's caught her! Yeah." He looked very pleased with himself for coming up with that one.

"Caught who?" Seamus said. Harry groaned.

"Er........." Ron said. The two boys looked at him incredulously. "How about some help here, Harry?" he hissed at Harry.

"You said something about Snape, and then you said something about You-know-who's daughter. Which is funny, because I swear I heard McGonnagal tell Hagrid something about Snape and You-know-who's daughter just this morning when I was walking behind them to breakfast." Seamus said.

"Really?" Ron said, nervously.

"Yeah, really." Seamus said. "So if you know anything we don't, we'd like to hear about it too." Harry sighed. It wasn't like Snape had ever treated him half decently, Voldemort's daughter or not, but spreading the rumour would make the entire disguise, and all those years of keeping it up, superfluous.

"We don't know anything about it," he said, looking down at his plate. Seamus and Dean glared at him, and at Ron, who had turned slightly red in the face, before returning to their dinners, whispering to each other angrily.

"That was a close one." Ron said. "I don't want to know what would happen if we spread the news." He looked at Harry miserably. "What do we do now?"

"I suppose we should go to Dumbledore and ask him what to do. If he's willing to tell us anything." Harry said, stabbing his carrots. "Maybe it's better to go to McGonagall first. I just don't know what else to do."

"No, me neither..... and Hermione won't come up with anything soon, I think. We should go to McGonagall first, though, that's best. She seems to know a lot about the whole thing." Harry nodded. At this, silence fell, and instinctively they looked up at the staff table, to see that Snape had left early, again.

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When they had Potions the next day, Ron and Harry were already sitting at their seats, when Hermione finally came bursting in. She was looking rather strange; she seemed to be nervous, judging from the way she was clutching her bag, and seemed to be holding her breath. Snape, who was also out of sorts, opened his mouth to rebuke her, when Hermione walked up to his desk and started to talk very quickly.

"Professor, could I please have a word?" she said. Snape was looking at her like she had suggested something not only revoltingly indecent, but also impossible, but she gave him no time to speak. "I really very urgently needed to ask you something and it has to happen now and do you mind very terribly if I step behind your desk no you don't so I will" she was standing right next to him now, gazing at him....or rather, his body, ".....and I really need to ask it now because there will be no time for it later okay I'm done now and I'll go back to my seat and that was totally uncalled for, I know, and I am an obnoxious brat, and I'm sorry, please forgive me and I understand if you give me a month of detentions and 50 points from Gryffindor, but please, please not with Filch!" She drew a long breath, and hurried to her seat.

Snape, for once in his life, seemed too baffled to say anything. These had been the longest and oddest couple of days of his life, and by now he would not be surprised if he had finally lost his mind. Being visually molested by Hermione Granger was just about the last thing he had expected from insanity, though. So he glared at her for a moment, and calmly said: "Let's see...... 100 points from Gryffindor for inappropriate behaviour, and a month of detention with Filch. Though I suppose the fact that you have obviously completely lost your mind is punishment enough." And he sat down again, seemingly undisturbed by the whole episode.

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"Hermione!" Ron hissed a while later. "What was that about?? It looked like you were ogling Snape, or something!"

"Well, I had to see if he's really a man...." Hermione said, "Because you see....." She looked up, as a threatening shadow fell over her desk. "Oh no." She said, as she looked up into the cold black eyes of Professor Snape.

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By lunch, nearly everyone in their year had heard about it. Most were just giggling whenever they saw Hermione, but the Slytherins were gazing at the trio with a different expression. One of suspicion.

"Do you think they know we know?" Hermione said. "I admit it was slightly stupid of me to do that in public." Ron snorted.

"Ah, well, most people just think you're mental. And who cares about them," he jerked his head towards the Slytherin table, "they can't speak about it anyway, the rumour will be traced back to them." He shook his head. "This is a mess."

"Yes, it's about time we told McGonagall," Hermione said. She frowned miserably. "Before she hears about me and Professor Snape from someone else." Both Ron and Harry responded to that statement by turning a delicate shade of green.

(A/N: In Chapter Five, there shall be a great revelation. The world will change for the bizarre! Or will it? Oh, is that a canoe in your pocket, gentle reader, or are you just eager to find out? Hm, I hope the next chapter shall satisfy your curiosity.. and I have an idea it might.)