It began in darkness.
Or was it that it had never ended?
The room was too hot, too cold. The blanket was too thick, too thin.
Insomnia, you are a bitch.
I cannot describe to you the thoughts going through my head. Im serious, I cant. I cant hear them. Cant understand them. Don't understand WHY they exist. It makes me want to read minds again, it really does.
Its been over a month since I came back, and nothing is the same. The air is different. The sun is brighter, but not in the good way you read about in books or see in a movie. Things are loud, yet oddly silent. And the nights are longer than ever.
I hate the way, when you cant sleep, you start to sweat. I hate the way my hair sticks to my face and neck when I sweat. I hate that im sweating right now.
Ive decided to compile a happy little list in my head.
Fuck the graveyard. Fuck stakes. Fuck vampires. Fuck demons. Fuck waking up early. Fuck going to bed late. Fuck Moulin fucking rouge for the eightieth time. Fuck tile. Fuck carpet. Fuck cell phones. Fuck pagers. Fuck breakfast. Fuck lunch. Fuck dinner. Fuck eating. Fuck willow. Fuck Tara. Fuck Giles. Fuck Xander. Fuck Anya. And last, but certainly not least, fuck Spike.
Its like counting sheep, really.
What is that noise? I am not slaying anything at this time. DO YOU HEAR ME FUCKING DEMONS OR WHATEVER. Don't make me get up.
Demons always have the stupidest names. The only good one – maybe – was Glory. Honestly though, the name Ben was just EVILER. Is that a word? Is EVIL-Y a word? Ive always wondered. Anyway, ben sounds like the name of like this super weird kid who hasn't been to the beach in like, ever. He has like 4 freckles on his face and they are all symmetrical. You wake up one night, and hes standing over your bed, smiling.
Oh yeah, way to go buffy. Im sure sleep is only moments away from the thought about the evil freckle boy. Kids scare me. Demons, no. I had sex with one.
Not a kid, a demon.
Two if you count Parker.
What the hell is that noise?
OKAY. Im getting up. Traditionally evil or not, there is SOMETHING wrong with waking me up at this time. Even if I wasn't sleeping.
What kind of evil stupid ass would wake the slayer up anyway.
That sounded so cool
You. Have. Got. to. Be. Kid. Ding. Me.
Spike is not throwing rocks at my window. Spike is not throwing rocks at my window.
SPIKE IS THROWING ROCKS AT MY WINDOW.
Okay, Buffy, stay calm. You are an adult. You are not in high school anymore.
Fuck it.
Im sticking my head out the window.
Spike, what are you doing?, I say. I wanted to say, THE FUCK. I really did. I was just expecting something a bit more evil and my THE FUCK would be kinda wasted.
Im bored, he says.
You're bored?!, I say.
Yeah, what of it?, he says.
Un-be-fucking-lievable, I want to say. But I don't.
Give me 5 minutes, I say, closing the window.
And I put on my shoes.
It ended in darkness.