Disclaimer: HP characters belong to Rowling; the plot is mine!

A/N: VERY IMPORTANT!!! READ THIS NOW!!! We know that in the 5th book, Sirius dies just before the end of the school year. This story is after OOTP.

Why Not Death

Chapter 1

Harry sat in a squashy, red and gold chair in the Gryffindor common room, staring into the crackling fire. The fire flicked, flames as hot as the anger and sadness bubbling inside of him. He sighed heavily, thinking about the past few months. Sirius had been killed; Lord Voldemort had been growing stronger over the summer after his 5th year, and it was clear the Order of the Phoenix would need to be stronger if they even had a shred of hope of defeating him. Harry had been emotionally crushed. Both his body and spirit were broken, both literally and figuratively. He couldn't eat, sleep, or thing. Dark shadows hung beneath his eyes, as he fought back tears of frustration. He felt so...defeated and helpless. And oddly enough, Harry didn't want to think about getting out of his slum. The truth? He was terrified, of Voldemort, of living the rest of his life without family or his Godfather, and of the Dark Lord vanquishing his other friends.

Just as Harry was about to fall into a trouble sleep, haunted by nightmares of Sirius's death and Voldemort's return, the Fat Lady's portrait swung open, revealing Hermione, Ron, and Ginny. They all looked very solemn, and Harry could see Ginny's eyes were red from crying. Hermione, who for once had maintained some composure over the summer and past few months of the school year, looked quite like Harry, emotionless, expressionless. The three students made their way slowly over to Harry's chair, Ron squeezing Hermione's hand comfortingly. Ginny wiped her eyes slowly, before placing her arms gently around Harry in a gentle, but protective embrace. He shrugged her off uncharacteristically. Her bottom lip trembled, and she covered her flushing face with two hands. Harry sighed again. Hermione glanced at Ginny, before removing her hand from Ron's grasp. She instinctively reached her arm around Ginny's shoulder, before shooting Harry a glance cold enough to freeze lava on a July morning.

"What?" asked Harry, his eyes stopping at Ron's bright blue ones. For once, they were not laughing or sparkly, a worried expression was painted plainly across his entire face, although he was smiling a forced smile that didn't reach his eyes. As he looked into Harry's eyes, he realized for the first time how much emotion this person was feeling. Though his face was expressionless, there was something behind his eyes that was difficult to place: It was a haunted, hunted look, as if Harry had lived longer than his 15 years, and was nearing the end of his life.

"Harry, you just...can't get angry at us, or hurt us because you're hurt. We know how you feel, and we're sorry for your loss, but it doesn't give you the right to make our lives miserable." Hermione reached across Ginny's back to take Harry's hand, but he snatched it up, glaring at her. And for Harry, it was like being back in Dumbledore's office after Sirius had died.

He snatched a bottle of Essence of Murtlap from the table, hurling it across the room, and sending the liquid spurting out in all directions. He threw his school bag opened, taking the books out so violently, it seemed as if any moment, the room would fly apart from the force of his anger. He threw each book so forcefully, that they hit the walls, bouncing back toward the four students. Three of them staring, looking horrified. Hermione took a step toward Harry but he raised his hand, grabbing her by the wrist, and hurling her backwards onto the soft couch. Although it was a fierce movement, she could tell he had not meant to hurt her. His eyes blazed with a fury so fierce, Ron wrapped his arms around his sister and friend, drawing them back, away from Harry. Then, he opened his mouth to speak.

"SHUT UP!" Harry roared, sending a violent shower of sparks from his wand. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND; HOW COULD YOU? DON'T PRETEND YOU UNDERSTAND, BECAUSE YOU DON'T!" Hermione, trembling from head to toe, took a step forward.

Quietly, she said, "Harry, please, your life is too precious for you to..." Before she could finish, Harry pointed his wand toward her, sending her into a bout of silent tears. Again, Harry felt just as though he were standing in Dumbledore's office, trying to escape the truth that Sirius was gone.

"I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!" he yelled, ferociously, grabbing a nearby lunascope and sending it flying into the fire.

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH, and I'VE SEEN ENOUGH! I WANT IT TO END; I WANT TO GET AWAY FROM HERE! I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE!" Harry took a huge book on Arithmancy, and, opening it, he ripped out half the pages. Just then, Ginny, who had been silent the entire time, spoke up.

"You do care. You care so much, that you feel you will bleed to death with the pain of it."

Without another word, or noticing the astonished looks Ron and Hermione were giving her, she walked slowly to Harry. Tears brimming in his eyes, he allowed the younger girl to fold her arms around him protectively. And he cried. Shamelessly, and uncontrollably. He simply cried.

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Yes, that last dialogue bit was from the 5th book, but I changed it just a tiny bit Sorry to end on such a weird not! Right, sorry about the short chapter! This is just a revised form of a former story I wrote, and I want it to be better. So please review!!!