Pain--pain struck Brian of a different kind--he was hopeless of continuing to fight against his Ma and Pa, and decided to take matters into his own hands. He was fighting to find himself, to find Colleen's spirit within him. But nothing worked, nothing changed; so Brian resolved his rage by doing drugs; smoking, drinking, and other bad habits kicked in afterward.
It began soon after his trauma in the wilderness. Three weeks passed since the horrid ordeal that changed his perception of life...it was a hard place to live in, this place, with rules and regulations. According to Brian times were changing in Colorado Springs, yet he couldn't bear to explain how. Dr. Mike overworked, Sully wasn't a true father always doing his business in surveying, and the younger children paid no heed to him, except at school. Life was not working out in all circumstances to Brian, and it was only getting harder and harder to bear alone.
He thought to himself what should be done, allowing only bad memories to flow through his mind, troubled thoughts. 'What should I do; I have no friends that care, watch my every move, they're too worked up in their own business...I have to act out, but how?' Brian told himself a fine afternoon while watching nature invoke upon his very move.
He spent his leisure time away from the town and its surroundings, lost in a different, more reflective, atmosphere; the woods. But he brought his unusual habits along; drinking, smoking, stealing and began hiding the secrets full of pain and despair. The touch of love was not seen in his deep blue eyes, only suffering for a death that had past, a person whom he cared deeply for, reminded him of every little incident of innocence and knowledge.
The last night Brian was spotted he was in the Saloon being waited on by Myra, who was amazed by his odd behavior. He asked for several bottles of beer and alcohol, which destroyed his train of thought, and left after paying a small sum and stealing a few beer bottles from behind the counter... Everyone was startled by Brian's behavior. He never did such a thing; drink in a public bar or steal.
The bad habits were seeping through his life, day-by-day, month-by-month, into a demoralized youth incapable of anything left in his mind...
The next morning Dr. Mike peaked into Brian's bedroom, and found no one again. But she did find a note saying he was fine and was trying life on his own, away from trouble.
But he came back after a few weeks on his own. Anyway he was only seventeen; a boy turning into a man in only a few years that would actually be a few months.
"Dr. Mike, have you seen Brian anywhere," Sarah said once, knowing of his sudden grief and asked another question: "He seems to be a different person; I barely see him anywhere, not even at Dorothy's Gazette? I'm scared..." She stood motionless and had comfort in the sounds of Dr. Mike's determined voice.
"Don't worry, he's a grown man; he'll know how to act, Sarah." But fear clung to the threshold of her mournful heart. What could I do to stop this? Brian's been acting strange for quite a while...oh; I hope he won't need my guidance.
"B-but I'm afraid, Dr. Mike; he's not himself...Brian's so quiet in school, aloof, there has to be something you can do," stammered Sarah. "I-I was the same way when my mama died, but I don't want Brian to go through the same trouble I went through." She took a breath, and continued: "Is there nothing ya can do; you have to cure him!" She begged.
"I can't, Sarah. I can't fix someone who is mentally hurt...I don't have the knowledge to do that kind of thing. Do you understand?" She asked frantically, worried that her choice of words did not work.
"Yeah, I understand," said Sarah's faltering voice leaving the Clinic. She thought; what could I do to help a friend? I can always ask Dorothy; she's full of knowledge and she's special friend of ours.
A few hours passed while Sarah was finding out how to help, and decided to ask Dorothy at the Gazette office.
"Dorothy, could I ask ya somethin'; it's been on my mind for quite a while." She asked politely.
"Why sure, anythin'!" Dorothy returned. "Is it about Brian, because I have a mighty strong feelin' something's wrong with him."
"Yes, it is..." She stammered out, nervous, yet calm. "Brian has become a different person in the last couple of months. He barely talks 'o me, barely makes eye contact with me. Why did Colleen have to die? That is what's troublin' him most..." Anger rose in her soft-touched voice. Nothing could relieve her newfound grief for Brian until she found out the specialties. The special uniqueness that Brian had once, the years of suffering they went through, the times spent in the Gazette office building chatting on several points, and the times in danger. This situation dug into Sarah's mind over and over again, calling to her to begin a new life and forget Brian.
"Things can happen sometimes Sarah...you have to understand that you can't guide a person into their own pathway, they chose for themselves, includin' Brian..." Dorothy barely got out the words. She knew these words pained Sarah; she only knew Brian, he was her friend, and best friend at that.
"But not to Brian, not like this!" exclaimed Sarah, pouring her emotions out. "No, not to him..."
"It will be fine, Sarah, I promise. All he needs is time to remember and forget," Dorothy reassured herself and Sarah.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive, honey."
"Okay, then I wouldn't worry about it."
"You should not have to; Brian's a grown man and knows how to control himself; at least that's what I believe."
"Good bye, Dorothy!" Sarah yelled from across the street.
Her courage took her closer to a loved one; a mile from town, a lost sheep who hid his feelings and sorrows from everyone; yet his face showed the pleasure and love of a man, watching intently on life itself, in the far-off wood. But with her understanding she stood tall that lead her to a magnificent brook, flowing deliberately toward the town limits of Colorado Springs.
"Brian," her voice recoiled for a minute; two, three. No one answered...
"You can't hide from everything that comes your way; it will haunt you even more..." She felt a tinge in her voice, yet nothing else came out. Still, in the quiet woods, no one answered...
She left...
In the quietness of his surroundings, Brian reflected the words: you can't hide from everything...she had said only moments ago, longing to see, to touch the only man she loved. But her courage could not and would not entice him into leaving the horrid person he had become, to the familiar, young, experience author she once knew.
He once knew Nature, just like Sully, but now destroyed the living Earth. He once knew Courage, but was now a weakling...small in faith. He once knew Love, but now couldn't find any place in his heart to love.
The old Brian was hidden deep in his soul, fighting a battle, yet losing, while a new Brian took his place, wrestling with the good, and winning, splendorous. Dazed from drunkenness, Brian cried out in laughter, which filled his mind until he had a headache rising.
"I must get home and do the chores I'm entitled to," Brian fumbled out, stumbling as he crept through the half-lit woods surrounding him, engulfing his tired eyes.
He got home, took a long bath, and started his yard work. Feeding the chickens and livestock and horse, haying, ploughing the garden patch, and a promise Sully made...they would go hunting, father to son, once he got done surveying land. He finished quickly and ran back to town full of renewed energy, reviving him time and time again. He saw Sarah walking into the one-room schoolhouse on that faithful Monday, and wished he could live again; but how after all that had happened within the last year? First, his sister's death shook his confidence. Then, the utter silence that sparked through the surroundings after her death, the mourning and nights grew wearisome. He grew more and more tired; tired of how the people, his own family, took to the death of a friend, daughter, Colleen?
Determined to get home before the evening set in, Michaela felt the urge to check on her children, the youngsters and maturing adults, Matthew and Brian. But it felt odd without Colleen there to help; she was slowly breaking inside as well, yet her timid expression spoke to no one of the pain of her innermost feelings, and her courage to help patients hid it even deeper within her soul.
While she galloped back on her favorite horse to the homestead, she felt a feeling any mother shouldn't feel, the guilt of not telling the truth. When she finally climbed out of the stirrups she noticed the chores outside were taken care of. The only liable source she knew was Brian, he had no school to attend or a job in which to progress in, but she knew that he was falling apart in life.
She noticed the job was completed despite the danger that was stalling Brian, the anger spent in touching Death at his threshold; it clung to him like honey. Then, she noticed an unfamiliar smell coming from the left side of the barn...smoke.
Smoke from whom, she thought, Jake's the only one that does those silly things, smoke and drink? It can't be anyone within the family, it couldn't... But her vision would soon be blurred once she saw who the unknown person was. Brian...
Brian. She was shock, surprised even. Her own son had lied, and worse than that, was smoking, which meant he probably had done other heart-breaking things, too. But Michaela decided against herself to confront Brian right way, anyway what trouble would it bring...it was better to talk with Sully first. Her decision would haunt her steps for the rest of her life, but first she had to get Andrew to Colorado Springs, to save another despairing soul.
The following morning Michaela woke at the break of dawn to Colin crying. But she never noticed the silence that was created when Brian crept out of the house. The years had somehow slowed down for her, each hour felt like a day passing by, while each day passed felt like the whole year passing before her eyes.
Her decision was to let Andrew know of this dreadful news and have it stopped before Brian was in any great danger...
Before going into the Clinic, Michaela decided to see Horace at the post office and give him a telegram to send immediately to Boston, where Andrew lived.
Here is how it read:
Dear Dr. Andrew Cook
I hope you are getting along well in Boston, but I have dreadful news on Brian. He seems to have become more distant and laid back, though I earlier today I noticed his oddest behavior, he was smoking... I'd enjoy it if you'd visit us soon, and tell Brian your heartbreaking story of the aftermath of Colleen's death. If you would, please come very soon. Enjoy!
Concord, Massachusetts—1878 early morning- Following month
Andrew felt within himself an urge to visit the Quinn family and not lose contact with them. They were all he had left... Fate would bring him back to reality, the real world, home...
"Sir," someone behind him said, "I have a telegram from Colorado Springs...I think it's urgent." It was the office secretary; she looked broken hearted.
"What happened, anything?"
"No, not that I know of sir, but..." she ended abruptly.
"Ma'am could I see the letter, I fear it brings bad news, or else she wouldn't write to me." But deep within his heart he wanted to run, run to Colorado Springs to save a special someone from pain... He peaked at the letter and noticed that it was indeed true, something very horrible did happen...actually he was astounded by it. Brian! He would never do such a thing, though he showed no true sign of a tortured heart.
"—Ma'am," he said, "immediately get a train ticket to Colorado Springs for me...quickly! It's an emergency!"
"With all respects to you, sir." And the secretary left at once to see when the next train would leave for Colorado Springs.
Nervousness spoke to Andrew within the following days. Boston became a different world altogether. He longed to see the Great Western Frontier and the family he left behind. Brian, most of all...for what pain could he be suffering this very moment? He had begun to have nightmares, too many to count, and of the worst intensity; the past frozen in Brian's mind, Colleen.
Andrew felt the same pains, the same burden plaguing him at work and in Boston. But something else delved into him, the something that rekindled the love and moment to be strong. He left his Boston apartment to his nearby clinic, yet today he would not work; just check if the ticket came.
It had... The news was wonderful to hear to the down-hearted doctor.
Surprisingly the train came today, Andrew had urgent business to attend to...and he left immediately then he could get to Colorado Springs quicker, but that's not how it happened... There were needs that needed to be met on the train...a plague had sent the train into a quarantined prison, but with a doctor on board there was hope and Life throughout the train cars.
After dinner Michaela told Sully the bad news about Brian. He was shocked, surprised most of all...just as she was. "How did you find out?" he asked after the initial shock past. Michaela then told the story of coming home that afternoon and finding, unexpectedly, Brian smoking near the barn.
Sully, with a serious tone, then replied: "We have to keep our watch on Brian; he might do something silly; we have to keep him safe so he won't do such a thing. Okay, Michaela?"
"Okay, but how can we keep a watch on him ever day; he will want his freedom!"
"We can't let him have any freedom until he gets over this crisis of his, and if you sent a telegraph to Andrew we're one step ahead of Brian." Sully reassured her.
But would the events come in their correct order, or would they be twisted about in a circular motion, like that of a wheel...yet would sooner or later come to a stop, an instant crisis resolved...