A/N:

AHAH. Not quite the last chapter, sorry. :D

But it should be interesting!

Cheers,

H.D.D.

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Racing through the corridors was a Gryffindor on a mission. He needed toasties, and to get that, he must first find redsie. Then his master would give him nice, red apples and toasties.

"Arf," Sirius barked, sniffing the air and making out the slightest scent of stubborn, lovesick arrogance. No, not redsie. He turned down the next hall, following a new scent. Snobbish, defiant pride with a touch of righteousness. And bingo was his name-o.

"ARF! ARF!" said the boy-dog-minion, running on all fours at top-notch speed. Oh yes, he would get his toasties.

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James groaned, reaching up to touch the huge lump residing on his, as Evans would put it, 'big, fat head.' He let out a hiss of pain through clenched teeth, then looked about wide-eyed. Where was he? Why was he here? WHERE WAS HIS PRECIOUS?

"Jamesssss," a voice called.

James looked to the front, catching sight of ugliest house-elf he'd ever seen, and, thus, felt the need to vocalize his thoughts. "Oi! Have look at you! ...Face like that makes a goblin look down right homely! 'Uck!"

However, the elf didn't seemed to be bothered by this comment in the least. It cracked a smile, showing mouthful of grimy teeth. "Jamesss! Belongs to me now!"

The boy wrinkled his nose as he caught wind of the elf's breath, but that wasn't what made him gag. "What are you talking about? Belong? To you?"

The elf nodded eagerly, replying cheerfully. "Yessss. No more nasty redsie!"

His mouth dropped, whispering at first before shouting in blind rage, "No more Lily? ...YOU'RE T-THE THING THAT SENT THE LETTER! WHERE IS MY ANGEL?"

The elf pulled back in alarm, eyes beginning to water. "B-But Jamessss... Redsie keepsss yous from me! She is nassssty girl!"

"SHE'S MY ANGEL!" he yelled back stubbornly. "Mine! My own! MY PRECIOUS!!"

After a moment, the elf frowned, pushing out its trembling lower lip. "But yous is mine... My dearesssst!"

He shook his head. "NO!"

It took a few minutes for the blow to sink in, and the elf stood there, mouth agape before raising one hand. Its eyes glowed with anger. "YOUS WILL FEEL DIFFERENT ONSSSSE REDSIE GONESSS!"

It snapped and James felt a gag materialize into his mouth as lengths of rope tied him to a chair in the corner.

"Soon, Jamesssss... Soon."

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Lily whistled as she walked, because soon she would be in her nice, warm bed. Soon, she would be asleep and able to put this whole mess behind her. That was, until, she heard a loud 'ARF' battle cry from behind her and was tackled mercilessly to the ground.

"AIEE," she shrieked, wriggling underneath her pouncer. "GET OFF MEEEE!"

"TOASTIES!" Sirius shouted, grabbing Miss Evans and slinging her over one shoulder before running off to the dungeons. He followed his nose to the toast, Lily's cries echoing down the halls.

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"HELLO?" Remus called for the fiftieth time in the past seven minutes. "IS ANYONE THERE? ...PLEASE?" Remus let out a small whimper, then added desperately, "I really have to use the bathroom!"

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Expect the next chapter soon. :D

Please REVIEW! ...Tell me what you think of my insanity!