Sweet Sorrow

For a few weeks, the candidates seemed normal. The only thing that was pointing out abnormality was the distance that Zero and Hiead were making apart from each other. For the other candidates, it was usual to see Zero punching Hiead, Hiead trying to dodge from Zero's attacks and to see Zero and Hiead quarreling over petty stuff.

But now, all that was left of Zero was silence. His happy-go-lucky nature was blown away by the wind. Zero turned from go-getter to a member of the silent brigade. Clay, Yamagi and Sawamura tried to talk to him. He did speak. But it was just of simple Yeah, Nu-uh and Iunno's.

On the other hand, they need not ask why Hiead was being quiet... because after all, he was ALWAYS quiet. He didn't talk. His glances could tell everything. Even though, Hiead was being typical, it was rather obvious that somehow he's having problems of some sort that he wouldn't even dare to share with anyone. He'd prefer to solve those problems by himself. Plus, no one dared to come to him and confront him about his personal troubles. Doing that is like a simple way of saying "I'm gonna kill myself today."

..............

The practice ends and it was the signal for candidates to proceed to the cafeteria for lunch. As Clay and Yamagi walked ahead, Sawamura decided to wait for Zero. Zero weakly walked along the corridors. A multitude of candidates had already walked passed him because of his sluggishness.

"Zero-kun!" Sawamura called out and hopped to Zero.

"Oi." Zero looked on the ground rather than his friend's face.

"What's been bothering you? You seem..." Sawamura tried to chase a few good words that would be less offending.

"Different?" Zero toyed his shirt and looked up at Sawamura.

"Well... Yeah..."

"I'll never feel right until next week... or maybe even until forever. I don't know, it depends on this certain person."

"You mean..." Sawamura waited for the crowd to get to the cafeteria and finally uttered "Hiead?"

The silence lengthened for at least a minute before Zero could say his answer... which was of pure denial. "How can it be Hiead? Not Hiead. No way."

"Eh? But then... Well... Kizna?"

"No."

"Uhm... I'll just shut up. I shouldn't have been guessing anyway." Sawamura tugged over Zero's arm. "Cheer up." He smiled and the other did likewise.

In the cafeteria, Clay, Yamagi, Sawamura and Zero had their share or treats. Zero was well... semi-energetic. That was a big thanks to Sawamura. If not for his inspirational 'cheer up' quote then Zero could have been silent the whole period of lunch.

Sawamura though, noticed Zero's habitual staring over the secluded spot at the right side of their table. He remembered that it was where Hiead used to eat. As Zero did, entwined emotions crossed his face. He was sad, and yet happy that somehow he didn't get to see the person who would surely hurt him.

"I'll be going on ahead. See ya, guys." Zero stood up and carried his tray. He deposited the empty tray and headed off to his room for a rest or some time for thinking.

'Everything's different now... Me... Hiead... We're far apart... Even our rooms... I don't know if I should be happy about that.' Zero talked to himself as he stepped across one room then to the other.

'I should forget him. If I'm a loser then he is too.' He smiled and walked on... But then, stopped.

...

...

"And what is it that you're smiling for?"

The person leaning his back over the walls of the corridor was none other than Hiead. Zero intended to ignore him.

He stepped forward

"Trying to ignore me?"

...

And stepped a few paces more.

"Trying to ignore the chance I am giving you?"

...

Zero stopped and turned to glance at the other candidate. He wanted to know what Hiead was hinting at. "Chance?"

"Yes. Another chance." Hiead nodded with a blank expression in his face.

"A chance to be fucked and be fucked? Thanks but no thanks, Mr. Horny. I didn't confess my love for you just to be your plaything! I'm tired. So tried of your jokes." Zero said blatantly with his anger obviously seen by the other boy.

"And I wish I was joking cause I'm not. I am giving you a chance... to be with me."

"To be with you?" Zero asked, seemingly confused.

"To be with me. To love me and all that."

"Don't make me laugh! I don't plan to JUST love you without getting anything in return. You're sickening." He looked back to where he was originally facing and wiped the tears that spilled over his cheeks. "Such an annoying whore. That's what you are."

"Isn't that what you wanted?! Isn't that supposed to be the thing that could make you... Happy again?"

"And now you want me to be happy? Come on, Hiead! You don't know what love is and you'll never know what it is cause you suck." Zero punched the wall.

"Yes. I do." Hiead was unsure of his thoughts. He barely stared at Zero's expressions. He hoped that if he could get Zero to be with him, he'd figure out what was wrong.

"Stop it, Hiead!"

"I..."

"I SAID STOP IT!!!"

"What's wrong with you? You confuse me." Hiead grabbed the other's wrist.

"No, I don't! YOU confuse me! YOU make me cry at night. YOU ruined my life. YOU are better than me, I admit. Cause YOU are good at fooling others, which is something that I am not good at!" Zero wiped his tears with his free hand and pulled his other hand off Hiead's grip.

"Wait."

"Shut up." Zero stormed to his room and locked the door.

Hiead made a few taps on the door.

"CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE?!"

"I would. Just tell me why the hell are you crying."

"Are you being stupid?!!!" Zero banged the door in fury. He ignored the tears that stained his face.

"No. Being inquisitive, I guess."

"Fuck you!!! Go bite your tongue and die!" The brunette fell onto his knees and cried.

"I'm not going to say sorry. I'm leaving, and don't thank me because I know you're not thankful. You want me. But I don't know why's that. If you could just explain, then I would stay... with you." Hiead left.

'Shitty asshole...' Zero whispered.

Tbc.

Late update again. ; I'm too busy about school stuff, I guess. Gomen Gomen!