I know, I'm supposed to be working on Roommates. But this scary guy keeps pointing a pitchfork-like weapon at me and has threatened that if I don't work on this story I'll be shot with a beam of pure anti-matter. Now, knowing that I am made of matter and, as a physics student, just what happens to matter around anti-matter, I've decided to listen to him. Thus, the ultimate shadow cast.
Warning: This story is less offensive than The Rocky Horror Picture Show but that really isn't saying much. This story may not make sense without prior knowledge of the movie. This fic is not a substitute for going to the theatre your self. And of course, nothing belongs to me. Possibly not even myself.
(dodger-chan, Nuriko and Tomo sit at a circular table, plotting, as the others look on in horror)
dodger-chan: And now for casting…(eyes dart eagerly around the room)
Nuriko: Should we really do a complete cast with so many virgins?
dodger-chan: But with you as director they'll be fine. Trust me, we have a certain…talent here we don't want to waste.
Nuriko: True…okay. First the part of Dr. Frank N. Furter…
Tomo: That part's taken.
Nuriko: Really?
dodger-chan: Come on, Nuriko. He's already dressed for it, and he kind of fits the part.
Nuriko: True. Alright. (taking notes) Frank N. Furter will be played by Tomo the Homo.
dodger-chan: Nuriko. No name calling before the film. (Nuriko scratches out the last two words) Better. Who's next?
Nuriko: Brad Majors.
Tomo: Tamahome. He'd be perfect.
dodger-chan: Are you saying Tamahome's an asshole?*
Tamahome: Hey!
Tomo: No, of course not. (in a tone meaning 'yes, of course')
Nuriko: Tama-chan really would be good….
dodger-chan: And Miaka would make a great Janet.
Nuriko: No, I think Soi is more Janet.
Tomo: (innocently) Are you calling Soi a slut?*
Soi: Hey!
Nuriko: No, of course not. (in a tone meaning 'yes, of course')
dodger-chan: Enough of the insults, Miaka will be Janet. It'll work better for 'Damnit, Janet.'
Nuriko: Isn't Soi easier to rhyme?
dodger-chan: Not when I've spent the last few hours working things that rhyme with Miaka. Besides, it just seems right.
Nuriko: Very well. Brad Majors is Tamahome and Janet Weiss is Miaka.
dodger-chan: Tomo, Take them to get costumes.
Tamahome: What if I don't want --
dodger-chan: You get paid.
Tamahome: Miaka to feel compelled, that is. I have no problem with it.
Miaka: (talking through a mouthful of candy) I don't mind.
dodger-chan: See. All settled. Follow Tomo. (Miaka and Tamahome follow Tomo) Next?
Nuriko: Riff Raff, then Magenta. Why am I reminded of the twins?
dodger-chan: Reminded of the twins by siblings who can't keep their hands off each other? I don't see how. (laughs) Amiboshi, Suboshi, get up here.
Amiboshi: What do we have to do?
Nuriko: Not much more than usual. I mean you two are almost always touching anyway. Just add a little elbow sex.
Amiboshi: (whispering) I am not performing a sexual act with my brother in public.
(A brief pause while everyone who heard takes in that last statement)
Suboshi: Aniki.
Amiboshi: That's not what I meant. That was…uh….
Nuriko: A Freudian slip?
Amiboshi: No. It was not a Freudian slip. It was too many qualifying statements.
dodger-chan: It was the way we're going to blackmail you into playing your parts.
Aniboshi: What?
dodger-chan: You two go get costumes or we tell everyone what you said. Without explaining that you put in too many qualifiers.
Suboshi: Don't threaten him.
Amiboshi: No, it's okay. We'll do it. (exeunt twins)
dodger-chan: I believe Columbia is next.
Nuriko: Soi. If she can't be Janet, she must be Columbia.
dodger-chan: Okay. Soi? You want to be Columbia?
Soi: Sure.
dodger-chan: Go see Tomo. (exit Soi) Next part?
Nuriko: Dr. Evertt Scott.
dodger-chan: Don't you mean von Scott?
Nuriko: So who can do a good fake German accent?
dodger-chan: I don't know. How about Chichiri?
Nuriko: Any particular reason?
dodger-chan: Only that I have ideas for the parts and he's one of the ones left. Well, he's also got a bit of that older mentor stuff with Miaka.
Nuriko: Any objections, Chichiri?
Chichiri: Nope. Anything that I can do no da! (teleports to dressing room)
Nuriko: Fine. I guess I know your idea for Rocky Horror himself.
dodger-chan: Well he does have the experience. Plus he'll be good working with Miaka.
Nuriko: Plus Tomo won't actually try anything with him. (Nuriko and dodger-chan both eye Mitsukake)
dodger-chan: Please?
Mitsukake: Fine. (exits)
Nuriko: I can see why you wanted Tomo out of here.
dodger-chan: Truly, it was just his excellent make-up skills and fashion expertise that sent him to the dressing room.
Nuriko: (rolls eyes) Sure. How about Eddie?
dodger-chan: Well, Eddie is a dumb, loud, macho guy…
Nuriko: (grinning) Tasuki.
Tasuki: No fucking way I'm being in this fucking freak show. And I'm not going to that fucking virgin sacrifice you talked about earlier. I'm not a virgin.
dodger-chan: You're a Rocky Horror virgin, so you're going.
Tasuki: No fucking way. Hey, how come you're letting me swear?
dodger-chan: Cause if anyone's offended by your language, the movie will kill them.
Tasuki: Oh. So if I'm at this movie I can say whatever the fuck I want?
dodger-chan: Yes.
Tasuki: I'll stay. But I still won't be in it. And I'm not wearing the fucking fishnets!
dodger-chan: Oh, Eddie gets to dress as a guy. Plus if you're in the cast, we'll be nicer about the virgin sacrifice. But if you don't want to do it…
Tasuki: Fuck you. I'll do it.
dodger-chan: Good. (exit Tasuki)
Nuriko: Wow. I'm impressed. So who's the narrator?
dodger-chan: Ashitare.
Nuriko: You're not serious.
Ashitare: I'm happy to accept the part. (exits)
Nuriko: You are serious. I don't want to work with him.
dodger-chan: He knows the movie. You won't have to do much.
Nuriko: Fine. But you forgot someone.
dodger-chan: Who?
Nuriko: The lips.
dodger-chan: Of course! The lips! Um…Yui, are you up to it? It's just for the credits.
Yui: Do I get the cast deal on sacrifice?
dodger-chan: Yes.
Yui: I'll do it.
Nuriko: Is that it then?
dodger-chan: Should be.
Nuriko: Then I'll go being work with my cast. (exits)
dodger-chan: Pity the audience is so small. I may have to invite some more people. But while we wait…Miboshi!
Miboshi: Yes?
dodger-chan: Bring up the props. We should sort them before the movie.
Miboshi: Very well.
*like I said, prior knowledge of the movie