Chapter 5: Double Agents
Back at the Bad Hams Place...
Mike leaned against a wall with his head bowed down. It was a long while before noon, and no one except Caitlin was in the living room with him. She sat quietly on the couch thinking silently to herself.
Dude, we need to figure out where this guy is..., she thought. We also need more sources of information, like where did he come from and all that other crap. I wonder how he knew Stella though...
"Mike." Caitlin's voice broke the outcast and wracked silence.
Mike glanced up protestingly. "What do you want?"
"Uh, well, do you know how that guy..."
"Jake or Jacob or something like that."
"Yeah, well, how does he know Stella?"
"...I don't know, Cait, I just don't know."
Caitlin nodded and whispered, "I wonder...?"
Suddenly there was a loud crashing noise that came from the front room. Mike became alert and rushed out of the room. Caitlin quickly followed him toward the front room.
When they got to the front room, Mike and Caitlin looked around confused. There was Becky, but with her was her younger sister and Caitlin's best friend, Natsu. They were scowling at each other like they were fighting.
"Hashaa?" Mike inquired loudly.
Becky turned toward Mike. "Oh, Mikey, I found someone who can help you! Natsu! Now...uh..." She paused slightly as she nudged Natsu.
Natsu mumbled, "But I'm too good to be evil... And why am I here again?"
"Uh...Mike, uh...I forgot."
"Jake," Mike mumbled with a feeling of rage in his voice.
"Violent, nay?" Caitlin questioned.
Natsu looked up at Caitlin. "CC! You're also a...Bad Ham?" she asked and glanced over at Becky.
"Uh, yeah...," Caitlin whispered. "Don't tell..."
"Are you afraid to be a Bad Ham, Cait?" Mike demanded as he turned around toward her with sparks in his eyes.
"No...just Boss Woss..." Caitlin blushed as she whispered her husband's nickname.
"...Woss?"
"Uh...it rhymes."
"Random...well, Cait, you explain the story to your 'best' friend."
"Akay."
After Caitlin explained everything to Natsu, Natsu shook her head and remarked, "I wanna be like you, CC, so I'll be half Bad Ham, too."
Mike nodded his head with satisfaction and responded, "Well, I'll go do everything and blah blah blah and yada yada yada, and, Cait, will you tell her everything she has to do?"
"Yes, sir." Caitlin nodded with serenity in her voice.
Later that day...
"So, my Bad Ham name is Natalie?" Natsu inquired as she looked confused somewhat.
Caitlin nodded. "Yeah, well, you have to have a Bad Ham name, I think because of identity and stuff since we're double agents," she explained. "I'm not sure...I'm never sure."
"Hmm...I guess."
Caitlin and Natsu were outside on a tree branch talking the each other. The dainty, mild spring sun was high in the air, and there was a chilling breeze coming from the west. Caitlin was still in her Bad Ham disguise, and Natsu had temporarily dyed her hair black and put it up in dark blue elastics. She had also taken off her purple glasses and put on a gold pair.
Caitlin looked down at the ground from the high tree branch. She had quite a view from this tree branch, but a little too much view...
"CC!" Natsu's voice shouted.
Caitlin came back to reality and found herself on the edge of the branch, but it was too late. She fell off the tree branch, and fell onto the ground. Caitlin sprawled on her back and mumbled, "Heh heh heh, I'm akay..."
Natsu raced down the tree trunk and over toward Caitlin. Caitlin started laughing stupidly like she was unaware she was even laughing. Natsu sighed and mumbled, "CC, you always get yourself hurt in some way..."
"That's true," a voice said from behind.
Caitlin gained her senses back when she heard that voice. It was a Ham-Hams', she knew, and she knew they knew who she was. She turned pale and looked up slowly...
"CC, you look like you've seen a ghost!" the voice mumbled.
Caitlin shook her head and looked at the Ham-Ham. She laughed, "Megan, why do you have to scare me like that?"
Megan, a white hamster with light brown spots and brown hair with a guitar strapped to her back, shook her head and mumbled, "Caitlin-Chan, you're a Bad Ham? And Natsu, you are, too? I wanna be one too!"
Caitlin sat upward and remarked, "Yeah, sure! That'd be fun...we could be the trio of half and half ham gals! Hehe, I just thought that sounded cool..."
A few minutes later...
Mike glanced up and down, from the papers to Caitlin, to Natsu, to Megan. He thought it was sort of funny that Natsu, in her new Bad Ham disguise, looked like she had bat wings, and to him, Megan looked like a Gothic thug with her light brown spots and hair dyed black with a hot pink and purple stripe in her hair. He smiled slightly at the thought of thinking that Caitlin looked normal.
"Sooooo...what do we do now?" Megan inquired, whose Bad Ham name was now Dilla.
Mike nodded slightly as his small smile disappeared and was replaced by a frown. "Well, Cait, Natalie, and Dilla, do you think you could locate this Jake guy?" he questioned.
Caitlin glanced at her two best friends and shrugged. "Do you think we can?" she asked intently.
Mike shrugged unknowingly. "The question is...do you think you can?"
"Maybe...," Natsu mumbled. "Where did you see him at?"
"Last place? Hamster City..."
"Then we'll look there, I suppose," Caitlin declared. She turned toward Natsu and Megan, who shrugged soundlessly, and mumbled, "Well, I guess we're on our own now..."
"Yeah, but can you handle it?" Mike smirked, as if doubting that the girls had the ability to walk four hours and beat up some creep and save Stella all at once.
Caitlin frowned and turned toward Megan and Natsu. "Well...any ideas on how we get there?" she inquired worryingly.
Megan spent a minute in thought before piping, "How 'bout we fly on kites? Nin Ham can...so can we!"
"..." Mike dissatisfyingly scowled. "You can't fly! That's not acceptable! ..."
"Why? Because you didn't think up it?" Natsu challenged.
Mike curled his lip and retorted, "I could think up better."
"Why do you think you could think up something better than flying?" Megan returned sharply. "Or maybe I can't fly because I'm a girl!"
Mike snorted and retorted, "I'm dictator around here, and that means I tell you what to do! So you walk!"
"What an asshole," Megan whispered to Caitlin.
Caitlin giggled a bit and turned again toward Mike. "If we walk, you walk!"
"...I don't have to." Mike sneered as if Caitlin was an inquiring, vexing child.
Megan rolled her eyes and whispered, "He's just scared to!"
"Tootru...," Natsu whispered back.
Mike rolled his eyes and retorted cruelly, "Well, if you have anything worth telling me after you get there, then you can most likely be better having an intelligent conversation with someone intelligent."
"He needs to get smacked," Megan whispered to Caitlin.
Caitlin nodded slowly and told Mike, "Well, we'll find our own way to get there, and you can get there any way you want."
"No!" Mike retorted. "You walk! I command...you follow!"
Megan snorted and returned, "Oh? You go all out about how much you love Stella, but you send us to do your bidding like you're king of the world!"
"Fyi, I will be someday!"
"You need to get smacked. Fast and hard."
Mike wrinkled his nose in disgust and retorted, "Just get there any old way. I don't care! Just get there!"
"Alright, Snot Almighty," Megan returned with an upbeat of joy and exaggeration.
Mike obviously chose to ignore this because he didn't say anything but turn and walk away.
"Butthead...," Megan mumbled.
Caitlin and Natsu were laughing crazily. They could not believe someone would retort to Mike's crude comments and say something just as snotty back!
"Go Megan!" Caitlin laughed. "He doesn't know what to do about you!"
Megan smiled pleased and remarked, "So, are we gonna fly on the kites or are we gonna walk like Snot Almighty told us to?"
"...Kite," Natsu rejoined.
"YAY, I LIKE FLYING!" Caitlin shouted randomly.
"...Provided that you're not as stupid as you were on that tree and fall off and hit your head," Megan replied mockingly with a wicked grin.
Natsu snickered and Caitlin thwacked her on the shoulder. "We really need to go see if Nin Ham has any kites we can use unless we want to rope up a couple of seagulls," Caitlin pointed out.
Natsu remarked, "...isn't Nin Ham not in Oak Tree Park? And, crap, seagulls scare me..."
"Seagulls rock...," Caitlin mumbled.
Mike returned to the front room, where they were, and retorted, "Aren't you three going NOW?"
"Yes, Snot Almighty." Megan exaggeratingly bowed and stood in salute.
"...I plot your death."
"Can I go up and smack him now?"
"...I hate you."
"I could beat up that Jake until he's dead, so don't be too mean to me."
"...yeahhh..."
"Well, you could beat up anybody, Snot Almighty."
"...Just go!"
"Point taken. I know when I'm not wanted." Megan turned around and started walking up the staircase. Caitlin and Natsu giggled a bit before walking after Megan.
"...Stupid bitch." Mike scowled angrily and walked back out of the front room and into the hallway.