This chapter dedicated to Stariko, because she is helpful. As for the rest of you- I will find you.

SO QUAKE WITH FEAR YOU TINY FOOLS!!!!!

Or you could just review.

(Church begins to rise from off screen. Wedding music is heard.)

Nuriko:             Look, Ma. I planted some magic beans and a church grew!

(The wedding guests gather, and off to one side stands Hotohori and Tamahome. Tamahome playfully punches Hotohori.)

Tamahome:       You finally did it! (whispering) And she looks just like him, too.

(Hotohori 'playfully' punches Tamahome.)

Tomo:              Look! It's a miser-shaped punching bag.

Hotohori:          And you, you'll probably be heading down the path soon yourself.

(Houki tosses the bouquet and Miaka catches it. Promptly, she begins to eat the flowers)

Chiriko:            Ne, Miaka, you're not supposed to eat those.

Miboshi:           Pig!

(Embarassed, Miaka stops eating flowers. Tamahome gives Hotohori a not so playful punch)

Soi:                  Fight!

Tamahome:       You never know. (smiles wistfully at Miaka)

Hotohori:          Think you can afford to feed her?

Tomo:              Fight!

Tamahome:       As well as you can keep alive the ghost of your dead boyfriend.

(Hotohori draws his sword. A real fight ensues.)

Yui:                  Fight! Fight! Fight!

dodger-chan:    Put that away! We need him alive to do the parody. Tamahome, stop that. Hotohori!. Damnit! Tasuki!

Tasuki:             REKKA SHIN'EN!

(The two fried combatants put up their weapons)

Tomo:              Awww….

Hotohori:          Well, see you…Brad.

(Hotohori and Houki get in the car and drive off. Miaka and Tamahome have a little moment.)

Tamahome:       Miaka.

Miaka:              Tamahome.

dodger-chan:    Ahem.

Tamahome:       Janet.

Miaka:              Brad.

dodger-chan:    Better.

Miaka:              Oh, Brad! Wasn't that wonderful. Wasn't the food delicious?

Soi:                  Pig!

Miaka:              Didn't Betty look beautiful? It's hard to believe that just an hour ago she was plain old Betty Munroe… and now she's Mrs. Ralph Hapschatt.

Nuriko:             Have shit will travel.

Tamahome:       Yes, Janet, Ralph's a lucky guy.

Miaka:              Yes.

Tamahome:       And Betty really looks just like—

Hotohori:          Shut up, peasant!

Miaka:              (eating the bouquet again) Yes.

Tamahome:       I've got something to say.

Nuriko:             That you're a pig?

Miaka:              Uh huh?

Tamahome:       I really love the…skillful way…you beat the other girls-

Tomo:              With whips and chains.

Tamahome:       -to the line for the buffet.

Yui:                  still with whips and chains.

Miaka:              Tamahome.

dodger-chan:    Ahem.

Miaka:              I mean, Oh Brad!

Tamahome:       The river was deep but I swam it.

Twins:              Janet.

Tamahome:       The future is ours, so let's plan it.

Chichiri:            Just hers, no da!

Twins:              Janet.

Tamahome:       So please don't tell me to can it.

Twins:              Janet.

Tamahome:       I've one thing to say, and that's
Dammit Janet, I love you!

Nuriko:             Ano…Miaka, that isn't food!

(Miaka quickly spits something out.)

Tamahome:       The road was long but I ran it.

Twins:              Janet.

Tamahome:       There's a fire in my heart and you fan it.

Nuriko:             Fan and fire?

Twins:              Janet.

Tamahome:       If there's one fool for you then I am it.

Miaka:              Did you say food?

Twins:              Janet.

Tamahome:       (draws a heart on the church door)

I've one thing to say, and that's
Dammit Janet, I love you!

Hotohori:          What kind of miser, declares love in chalk?

Tamahome:       Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker.

dodger-chan:    That's nothing but a two-bit ring from a crackerjack box!

Tamahome:       There's three ways that love can grow.
That's good, bad, or mediocre.

Soi:                  So, how do you spell glutton?

Tamahome:       Oh J-A-N-E-T, I love you so.

Soi:                  Thank you.

Miaka:              Oh, it's nicer than Betty Munroe had.

Hotohori:          Cardboard is better than the royal treasury?

Twins:              Oh Brad.

Miaka:              Now we're engaged and I'm so glad,

Twins:              Oh Brad.

Miaka:              That you met Mom and you know Dad.

Chichiri:            But he hasn't, no da!

Twins:              Oh Brad.

Miaka:              I've one thing to say, and that's
Brad, I'm mad, for you too.
Oh, Brad

Tamahome:       Oh, damnit!

Miaka:              I'm mad-

Tamahome:       Oh, Janet.

Miaka:              -for you.

Tamahome:       I love you too.

Both:                There's one thing left to do, ah-hoo.

Miboshi:           End this stupid song?

Tamahome:       And that's go see the man who began it

Yui:                  You mean the author?

Twins:              Janet.

Tamahome:       When we met in his science exam-it

Yui:                  But he wasn't a science teacher.

Twins:              Janet.

Tamahome:       Made me give you the eye and then panic

Twins:              Janet.

Tamahome:       Now I've one thing to say, and that's
Dammit Janet, I love you
Dammit, Janet

Miaka:              Oh, Brad, I'm mad.

Tamahome:       Damnit Janet.

Both:                I love you.

Nuriko:             Demo, dodger-chan, you didn't change the song at all.

dodger-chan:    That's the whole point of the fic. Rocky Horror really barely has to be edited to apply to Fushigi Yuugi.

Tomo:              You're just saying that 'cuz you're too lazy to parody the song.

dodger-chan:    Not true. It's Tamahome's fault! His name doesn't fit ANYTHING in the song. Not rhyme scheme, not meter, nothing.

Tomo:              Asshole.

Nuriko:             Cheap asshole.

By the way, Stariko, Tasuki is yours for the next few chapters. Leave him in the freezer when you finish (though if you finish early, he could be used for a couple more shout-outs in "Sweet Transvestite").

Tasuki:             Shit.

*snicker*