Cult Cupid: Chapter 3
Author: Freya
Disclaimer: You already know GW's not mine. Neither's Gravitation or FLCL.
Setting: Same as all the other settings from 'Miss Cupid'.
Warnings: A/U, Shounen-ai/Yaoi, my pimp pairings (the king of the crop being 1x2x1 of course), inane humor, inappropriate language, mildly obscene activity, picking on preps, and enough bad puns and retarded spoofs to choke a horse! Are we having fun yet?
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And then... the bell to class rang! Oh wait... I said that in the last chapter... DOH!
"Bah, shit. Go and ruin all my fun... stupid bell," Duo grumbled, even though that goofy smiling face of his refused to cease. The presence of Heero and the rest of his buddies, no matter how mortified, pissed off, or crampy they may be at the moment, was what the life energy fed off of. He was just the type that liked being around his people.
"Does Heero get a parting kiss?" Relena just had to ask, whilst she thrust her brother-like figure forward toward Duo to prove her point. The girl had to hold back the evil smirk that wanted to corrupt her not-so-innocent-at-the-moment looking features. "You'd better hurry up. These halls are gonna be crowded any second."
Both boys just stared at each other for a second, shrugged, then lent in for a tiny kiss. Well, they almost got there, until they harshly learned an important lesson in the teenage world. Never underestimate the amount of time it takes for hallways to become swarmed with people after the lunch bell.
Because the two of them took the time to shrug, about ten preps and a few punks caught this little love scene. The air practically got sucked out of the hall that very second... until one of Relena's annoyingly loud worshippers decided it was time be a pest.
"Oh my GOD!! That fucker that shattered Relena's heart just kissed A GUY!!!"
For an instant, Relena turned away and rolled her eyes.
The next instant, Heero gave her that 'do whatcha gotta do' face, then gave her an extremely dirty look in front of the arrivals, who were constantly growing in numbers.
The next instant, Relena had slapped Heero, soundly and relentlessly. Well, it sounded pretty relentless, and it did put an ugly red mark on the side of his cheek. However, one could not underestimate Yuy's physical endurance. The slap tickled more than anything, and it was his choice for Relena to treat him this way amongst her satanic posse. Anything to keep his popularity level dangling from the social food chain.
"No way! Heero Yuy's a faggot!!" screamed worshipper number two!
"Who'd he kiss? I bet they have AIDS!!!" howled worshipper number three!
"Let's get him!!!" announced the rest of them!
Once a bunch of jocks started at Heero, Relena ran off into a dark corner and yoinked out her cell phone. Coincidentally, Hilde too ran off into another dark corner, on the opposite side of the hallway, whipping out her own cell. Each girl made a phone call; each call made with the same intension: to stop this madness before Heero or Duo ended up killing somebody.
"Thank you," each girl chimed simultaneously, giggled, then snapped their phone's shut. Neither one of them had any idea the other'd just made a phone call... to the same place no less!
Relena however, began brushing her arm roughly against her eyes. Then, she pulled a small bottle of water out of her purse, and dabbed her eyes with some of the liquid to make it look like she'd been crying. She almost wish she'd worn mascara; that would've been a nice touch.
"HEERO!" Relena cried, marching back into the crowd of mindless twits. "How DARE you hit MY friends you BASTARD!"
"Hey! Wait just a god damn minute here, Relena. What're you talking about?" Duo asked while shoving two wannabe gangsters off of him. "I thought... "
"Shut up, Maxwell. That bitch isn't worth your breath," Heero responded, then shot Duo a 'just play along' kind of look. It didn't take long to see just what Heero was getting at. Heero and Relena were just acting.
Just then, the lights in the hallway switched off, causing quite a few gasps and murmurs to begin breaking loose. Everybody, but Relena and Hilde were surprised by this.
Then the floor began to shake. The murmurs evolved into quite a few panicky cries and shrills. Heero and Duo stared at each other with wide eyes. They had half a mind to believe that the world was about to end. Suddenly, a huge hole blasted right through the wall of the school, destroying quite a few lockers in the process. Two shadowed figures, stood proud, outside of this gargantuan orifice.
"Heero, are we gonna die?" Duo asked, not knowing whether this was some sick joke, or if it was the apocalypse. In any case, Heero had no answer for Duo's morbid question.
"Yoo-hoo! Did somebody call for their Kitty-Cat?" exclaimed an extremely giddy and friendly sounding female voice from outside of the school's newest cavity.
Heero did a double take when he heard that. It was a voice he knew all too well... and that voice just answered Duo's morbid question.
"No Duo, I don't think we're the ones who're gonna die." Sure enough, the 'Kitty-Cat' popped into view, and was glomped by a suddenly hyper-active Hilde at the... un-door?
"I called my Kitty-Cat!!" Hilde said excitedly and pulled herself off of her girlfriend. "You got here quick."
"Yeah, you didn't tell me whether or not my little bro was in any kind of trouble... again." This was Catherine Bloom, in the flesh, and wearing bizarre and un-matching electric colors. One prep, whom was quite ignored, even made a comment about a fashion emergency.
"Hey Kitty, how'd you do that?" Hilde asked, jamming her thumb up toward the very noticeable, ten foot hole that was still in the wall.
Cathy snorted while petting her precious mate's head. "It wasn't me who did that."
Hilde just blinked a couple of times, then looked up at the hole. That second shadow figure still hadn't entered the building yet. In the shadow, it appeared that whomever was standing there was... chatting on the phone?
5 minutes and several packs of Skittles later..
"Alright there kiddies, put 'em up!" said the shadow, after she'd put the phone away. That's right, this was a she. A very balsy looking she, with purplish black hair and eyes to match. She was a regular Hell cat, this woman, with a smirk on her face and eyes to match. Her eyes match a lot of things, don't they?
"Oh. My. God. That's... that's Lucrezia Noin!" They all gasped at the awesome sight they beheld. The wife, of the school's best and only attractive looking jock in history, had just blasted a hole through their school... with the legendary Tallgeese in her hand. What was the Tallgeese you ask? Well...
"Why does your guitar have a mohawk on it?" Duo asked the rather questionable looking woman. He and Hilde were seriously the only two in the room that didn't recognize her. So being a loser actually did have it's downsides.
Looking right at Duo, she motioned for him to walk toward her with her eyes. Duo took a deep breath, and with his hand clutched in Heero's, they both walked up toward her.
"Oh. My. God. The great Noin is gonna punish them, Miss Relena," one of the girls said to where Relena was. Relena just walked away from all of this, figuring the idiot squad would respect her 'pain' and honor her by watching Noin torture Heero and Duo. That, however, was not the real case.
A psychotic look suddenly broke ou on Noin s face, a she struck one hell of a funky pose!
"Fooly Cooly!!" Noin shrieked out and slammed a few high notes on her husband's mohawked guitar, Tallgeese. The pandemonium of abrupt sound waves forced everyone, whom the guitar mohawk's aim was directed towards, right off their feet and into the nearest walls, causing even more craters to adorn their quaint little high school. Albeit amused, Noin flipped the preptards off with a less than amused look on her face.
Heero and Duo just stared at this... rather interesting state of events. "This fic just keeps getting weirder and weirder."
"You say something, Duo?" Heero asked, trying to contemplate the fact that Noin'd actually just done that. Good thing their principal, Treize Kushranada, had quite a soft spot for Noin. Not only was her man, Milliardo Peacecraft, the school's best jock in history; Noin happened to be a school's best fund raiser in history. Together, the twosome gave this dull and gloomy high school a name.
Noin smiled at the two boys and twirled the funky looking guitar underneath her finger. "You can kiss whenever you'd like now. Tallgeese has the power."
The two boys just nodded, confused as to how plastering the school's wall with preps and jocks was going to make any difference.
"Relena is one crazy bitch for getting you over here," Heero commented nonchalantly. Why else would Noin be there? Nobody in this school, with the exception of himself and Relena, could so much as lick the heal of her boot.
Noin just snorted at the remark and gave Heero a pat on the shoulder. "Any time, little brother." She winked, and disappeared in a flash; as in, she ran out of there very quickly, and did a cool flip of the cape thing, with the cape Heero only now noticed she was wearing.
"Hey, that was less than fifteen minutes, right?" Wufei asked, finally making his presence known in this scene. He'd been warding off most approaching jocks during the fight... until Noin and Cathy hit the scene. Then he just stood there, jaw sputtering like a fish out of water. He had never seen a woman do something so bizarre; not even his Nataku was THAT balsy.
"I think so. Shit, I can't afford anymore class cuts in Biology class." And now Duo was gone in a flash. How do people do that?
"Yuy, why did this happen?" Wufei demanded, while he watched each jocks and preps slowly peal themselves off the wall, one by one.
"Ask Relena," the blue-eyed boy responded to his boyfriend's friend. "You still distrust me, but you had no trouble sputtering incoherent things to her during the last few minutes of lunch."
Wufei scuffed at the remark and turned away from Heero sharply. The only thing worse than having a wise ass for a best friend, was having the said best friend dating another wise ass.
TBC
A/N: Didn't I say the updating would be slowing down? Shit, at least I won't be updating this months at a time (hopefully) Things have been a real drag lately. Oh well, nothing that will affect this fic (perhaps the angst in my life with help fire this baby up ;D)
My biology teacher only has seven fingers!
And to top all of that shit off, I've really been getting into the game Final Fantasy 8. Squall Leonheart reminds me of Heero... A LOT! Chickenwuss reminds me of Duo ;) That's the first video game I've ever played that's ever been: OMG-WTF-this-shit-is-so-teh-Yaoi-LOL!! XD I scare me when I speak like that.
I'm also coming up with theories that Relena might be a closet Yaoi fan! Anybody want to help me out?
Well, time for me to shut up about my dull life, and respond to you beautiful people, who have waited so patiently -hands you each a bag of plastic sporks- Toss them at me; it might make me update quicker. Getting sporked got me to write a Kuwabara x Hiei fic for a friend of mine XD
Responses:
Rebriwien - Grr, I hate it when people ask me those kinds of questions XP The answer to whether or not I'm going for 5xR is undecided. I might, but it'd have to fit into the story. If I find a good way to make them an item, I'll probably do it. It depends on the story ultimately. I don't believe in tossing in spontaneous couples. Each couple in this story will serve a good purpose. Just wait until Trowa and Quat hit the scene. You may... or may NOT be seeing the blonde angel and his one eyed clown boy (a.k.a., the reincarnations of Romeo and Juliet XD) THANK YOU for what you said about Relena!! People should be a bit more original when it comes to her character. She's fun to write for! And Duo's joking around, is to remind the audience that our favorite braided goofball... is still... a teenager. Lets give the boy some time now XD
fiery-icicles - Awesomeness! I thank you for loving my writing -hugs-
Inuyasha-Luv-Kagome - Teasing Wufei is THE fandom cliché GW couldn't live without ;D Wufei, Heero and Relena make it too easy XD
Feanturi Dindel - Yaay! Thanks! I love the way you review XD
xRubySohox - Formal formal, what is formal? Formal, as in normal? A bit of normality is good for my chaotic brain every so often XD Thank you so much!! I'm glad my sick sense of humor entertains you XD
Skarlet Red - LMFAO that is SUCH a good idea!! I'll definitely have to remember that one XD
inthefire2002 - Never underestimate the fretfulness of a pissed off, PMSing, teenage, lesbian! COOKIE DOUGH!!! -dives in it face first- 5xR would make a fun pairing! I've been thinking about making them a couple. I may or may not do it. It all depends on the story. Thanks for the cookie dough and the review -hands you Yaoi plushies- ;D
Ink2 - Torture will keep you wanting more ;) 1x2 is a good pair to drag out; give them all kinds of interruptions so each little kiss matters. A helpless romantic I am XP
Dannii Malfoy - THANK YOU ) Your reviewing is great ;D
Gangsta Videl - Boobies!! Wufei got what Akira Toriyama calls a 'puff-puff' -snickers- I could see Wufei getting buried in all kinds of boobs, just because he's the only Gundam pilot I think is straight more than 10 of the time XD Hard, arrogant, and bitchy... you know Fei's gettin' laid -snickers again-
MELM - Wow, that's awesome! I want a tatoo (and I want it to say: All Your Base Are Belong to Us) Yay, thank you for blaming my school for my horrible amount of time I take to update -hugs-
Death Phoenix - I'll try XP
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Final Note: I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected!