Dear Diary
"A penny for your thoughts, Professor Dumbledore," commented Professor McGonagall. She was just finishing her dinner and was reaching for dessert, but the wizened old man was still working his way through his roast beef and mashed potatoes. He couldn't tell her what he was thinking. He had noticed something that rather disturbed him. Minerva, his calm and steady Deputy, had become increasingly unfocused and far away. When he arrived to play their weekly game of chess, he had begun to find her over a diary of some sort, scribbling things down into it that no one else was meant to see. Rather than create a scene, Minerva politely ignored the fact that he hadn't answered her and finished her meal.
Albus was slightly ruffled that Minerva chose not to share her clandestine feelings with him. She had always been quite open with him and this secrecy was quickly wearing on his nerves. Minerva hardly noticed when he won the first game, and then the second.
"Minerva Charlotte Guinevere Anna McGonagall you have never in 38 years allowed me to win two games in a row," Albus declared. Minerva simply shrugged and replied that it was simply not her night. A few moments worth of silence ensued before Albus folded his arms over his chest.
"Albus, what is it? What's bothering you?" Minerva asked, curious as to what would cause Albus to do what he was doing. "I've never seen you behave like such a child!"
"I could ask the same of you, Minerva. You've been nothing short of elusive for the last several weeks," Albus replied.
"Elusive?" Minerva muttered.
"Why, all this dreaminess, the sudden scribbling in a journal when you rarely kept a journal before, and now this game!" Albus sputtered. Minerva sat back in her chair, crossed her legs and folded her arms over her chest. She couldn't bring herself to say what she was thinking—she would offend him for sure—but she knew what she was seeing. He was jealous.
"And just what do you suppose I am up to, Albus, that has your already crooked nose out of joint?" Minerva teased. Albus didn't think it was funny. Muttering and adjusting his spectacles, Albus stood and took his leave of her for the evening, leaving a stunned Minerva McGonagall to wonder exactly what was going through his head.
The next day, Albus decided to consult someone with far more experience and certainly a better perspective on the situation.
"Madam Pomfrey? Would you have a moment to spare an old man?" Albus called as he entered the hospital wing. He knew full well that Poppy Pomfrey would view this greeting as teasing, and probably wouldn't look too kindly on it, but he took the chance. She was busily making the beds with clean white sheets and a stack of bandages were rolling themselves and stacking themselves neatly in the cubby assigned to them.
"What is it, Headmaster? Another splinter for me to remove? Perhaps a blister from burning yourself on your hot chocolate mug?" Poppy replied. Albus stopped and smiled. He had not expected this reaction from Poppy. He had been coming to her for every little thing lately, and the action had not escaped Poppy's attention. She knew he was making excuses to come and see her.
"No, no, my dear Poppy. This time the matter is of a more psychological nature," Albus replied. Poppy dropped her wand and the bed sheets went limp.
"What's happened?" she asked in mild alarm. Albus saw this and closed the distance between them, catching her hands in his own and patting them reassuringly.
"My dear, there isn't anything nearly so large as you are imagining. I merely have a question and I need a woman's opinion," Albus replied.
"Thank goodness," Poppy murmured, looking up at him, "I was beginning to think I was going to have to treat the headmaster for a case of depression!" Albus smiled softly and stroked her cheek before placing a kiss on it. Poppy smiled and basked in the momentary bliss of the contact. She gestured for Albus to sit down and he did so.
Albus wasted no time pouring out his soul to Poppy. He told her about Minerva's apparent aberration from the norm, and Poppy did her best to listen without interrupting. As she processed what he was telling her, it wasn't Albus' behavior that stumped her, it was Minerva's. Albus was simply reacting to the fact that his close friend was behaving strangely. Minerva on the other hand, was doing something far worse. Poppy and Albus had been seeing one another in secret for months and Poppy had been sure that her affection for him was unchallenged. Now, she wasn't so sure. She chose her words carefully. She didn't want Albus to think that she was upset by any of this.
"Now, Albus, it sounds to me like Minerva has someone in her life," Poppy replied.
"She has someone?" Albus repeated in mild confusion.
"Yes. She must be seeing someone. Either that or she is completely infatuated with someone," Poppy continued.
"But whom?" Albus asked, innocently curious to know. Poppy shook her head.
"You mustn't press her, Albus. Minerva will tell you when she is ready for you to know," Poppy said, pressing a kiss to her beloved's left temple and stroking his hair. Albus closed his eyes and soaked up this affectionate action. It had been Poppy's gentle treatment of him that had attracted him to her. She had never reflected such a benevolent bedside manner to anyone else. It was a reward that Albus never took lightly. He kissed Poppy's lips once more and then left, his thoughts muddled with impatience. How long must he wait to find out who this mysterious new person was?
The next day, Albus waited until Minerva was teaching and tiptoed into her rooms and into her bed chamber. After looking around the room, Albus murmured, "Accio journal." A small, leather bound volume lifted from beneath Minerva's pillow and flew slowly to his hand. Sitting down at her desk, Albus gently opened the cover. The preface was written in an obscure Gaelic tongue and Albus was unable to translate it. He was sure Minerva had done so on purpose. Leafing through to the first entry, Albus began to read.
"Dear Diary, It's as though by some trick of the gods that I have come to the state I find myself in right now. I fear the confidence I must entrust to you now, but I am sure that your pages are secure. Diary...I am in love!..."
Albus slammed the diary shut in alarm. His aged hands shook as he lightly stroked the cover of the book. Did he really want to know who Minerva's lover was? Who was to say that she truly was seeing this person? Does he return her affection? Did this stranger have the propensity to break Minerva's heart whenever it became convenient for him and just leave her and move on to the next woman? Albus had more questions now than he had had before he had read the diary. He shuffled back to his office and sat down at his desk, unsure quite what to do. Telling Minerva was out of the question, but for some reason, he didn't get much done between that moment and lunchtime that noon.
Afternoon came and Albus decided that he must once again pay a visit to Minerva's diary. He would never be able to live with the fact that she kept this information from him, and this was the only way, short of blatantly asking her, to find out who this mystery love was.
Albus tiptoed back into Minerva's rooms, finding the diary lying on Minerva's desk. He had meticulously placed the diary back beneath the pillow, so he surmised that Minerva had been back to her rooms to write in it during her lunch break. This time, he opened it to the most recent entry.
"Dear Diary, I doubt if he has any idea that I have feelings for him. Truth be told I feel a bit like a nervous schoolgirl and that bothers me. I'm a grown woman and I hardly think it's right to behave that way. I just can't help it. He could never return my affection without jeopardizing his position in the school. With the times being like they are, I hardly think a relationship would be prudent...But who said love waits for a convenient time?"
Albus stopped and glanced up at the window. She had not yet mentioned his name in this entry. Should he continue? Taking a deep breath, Albus resumed reading the passage.
"Albus is upset with me because of the apparent distance I seem to be projecting. I don't mean to hurt his feelings, diary, but how can you tell someone you've known over half your life that you've fallen in love with them?"
So that was it. She was in love with him. Quickly, Albus closed the diary and left it where Minerva had placed it on the desk before he fled back to his office. What was he ever going to tell Poppy? Should he? Surely she would be wondering. Confusion produced a headache, and Albus took his pensieve and drained the troubling thoughts from his mind before lying down for a quick nap in his sitting room.
What seemed like only minutes later, there was at knock on his office door. Albus pried his eyes open and reached for his pocket watch. He had slept through dinner and now it was just past seven o'clock. Fairly springing from the sofa in his sitting room, Albus went to the door and opened it. The venerable headmaster was surprised to see Poppy Pomfrey on the other side of the door. She didn't bother waiting to be asked inside, but stepped around him and into the room. As soon as the door was closed, she was adamant.
"Albus, you missed dinner! What's wrong? Are you ill? I've brought some basic draughts and potions because I wasn't sure what was wrong, but with a man like you, it could be just about anything so I didn't see the harm in being prepared. Well, are you going to tell me what the matter is or do I have to hex it out of you?" Poppy groused, her hands coming to rest on her hips. Albus simply stood and watched. He could say this much, seeing Poppy certainly kept him on his toes, as well as in good health. Albus took Poppy's hands in his and kissed each one before smiling at her and responding.
"My dearest, there is nothing physically wrong with me. I merely laid down for a nap and overslept. I assure you, I am perfectly fine." Albus said, lightly kissing the top of Poppy's head. She didn't look convinced. Poppy abruptly set her bag down on the end table and folded her arms over her chest.
"You know, don't you?" she said suddenly. Albus was stunned. Her clear blue eyes seemed to snap with determination and her skirt twitched where her foot tapped on the floor. "You know who Minerva's love is. It's you, isn't it? She's in love with you," Poppy rapped out. Albus didn't have to answer; the response was all there in his face. She whirled and turned her back to Albus, unable to bear the sting of betrayal. How could Minerva do this to her? Then she reminded herself of something very important: no one else knew about the standing relationship between she and Albus. There would have been no obvious reason for Minerva to suspect that Albus was seeing anyone at all. Still, she felt that as Poppy's best friend, Minerva should have been sensitive enough to come to Poppy and ask if she suspected that the headmaster was seeing anyone. It was good old-fashioned feminine common sense. A pair of tears glistened on Poppy's cheeks. Albus gently turned her back to face him and pulled her into his arms. Albus inadvertently read her mind as she began to sob into his robes. She reached her arms around him and clutched his robes as she cried, ignoring Albus' soft chuckle. He held her a moment, murmuring soft words of comfort before leading her to his sitting room and coaxing her to sit down on the sofa. With his arm still around her, Albus placed several kisses on Poppy's cheeks and lips before she was finally able to stop crying.
"Poppy, are you jealous?" Albus asked gently. Poppy's honesty bordered on brutality.
"Yes. Insanely. Miserably. She's my best friend but right now she may as well be miles from here!" Poppy wept. Albus hugged her tightly. Poppy rested her head against his shoulder and took a deep breath.
"Poppy, I need to tell you something very important," Albus said, lifting Poppy's chin and forcing her eyes to meet his.
"Yes?" she asked.
"I love you. I love you and tonight I realize why," Albus replied. Poppy's heart skipped a beat.
"Why do you love me?" Poppy asked, very much wanting to know.
"Because of what you did just now. You are so fiercely devoted and protective that it drove you batty until you found out who was challenging your domain. I adore that you came here tonight armed with potions and draughts enough to cure an army all because I didn't come down for dinner, and I especially love that look on your face," Albus replied.
"What look?" Poppy sniffled. Albus smiled.
"That look of sheer determination that would send any other man running the other direction if he knew what was good for him," Albus said. Poppy laughed a bit, still sniffling away the last few tears.
"Oh, Albus!" she murmured, stroking his face and beard before leaning over to kiss him.
When Poppy returned to her rooms for the night, Albus knew what he had to do. He had to confront Minerva. As much as it broke his heart to do so, he would have to break hers.
The next morning was a Saturday, and the bright sunny weather was a sure sign that most of the school would be off in Hogsmeade before the teachers could blink. There was a merry rap on his door soon after he was dressed. Expecting Poppy, Albus smiled as he opened the door. He froze as Minerva's plainly exhilarated countenance met his. She had been outdoors already, her nose and cheeks pinched pink from the chill.
"I thought perhaps you would like to go for a walk this morning," Minerva offered, dressed in her warmest robes and covered by her heavy, hooded winter cloak. Albus' smile faded. Under normal circumstances he would have enjoyed such a walk, but knowing what he knew, he couldn't do it.
"Why, Albus, what is it?" Minerva asked, concerned that he didn't look ecstatic to see her.
"Minerva, come in. I need to talk to you," Albus said gravely. Minerva took a few steps in the door, coming to a stop beside him as he closed the door. Her heart beat picked up and suddenly, her legs were numb. What was happening? He looked so serious! He invited her to sit down and she did, unfastening her cloak and laying it across her lap. Albus sank into the chair opposite her, took a deep breath, and took Minerva's hands in his. Minerva felt a little unsure. Perhaps this wasn't what she thought it was?
"I fear I have a confession to make, Minerva. I've been withholding something from you that you need to know," Albus said, absorbing Minerva's look of confusion.
"Well, Albus, what is it? You know you can trust me with anything," Minerva said. She was beginning to think she knew what was coming. Perhaps it wasn't something so terrible. Perhaps...dare she think it?
"I'm in love, Minerva. I've found someone I love dearly and she means the world to me," Albus said. Minerva's eyes shined.
"Who, Albus?" Minerva asked, breathless with anticipation. Albus couldn't bring himself to say it.
"I know what you're thinking, Minerva, and it makes this so much harder to do," Albus said. Minerva's heart pounded. Why would it be difficult to say? Albus took another breath and then sent her hopes crashing all around her.
"Minerva, I'm in love with Poppy," Albus said simply. Minerva couldn't find words. Nothing in the three languages she spoke seemed to fit what she was feeling. She pulled her hands out of Albus' hands and couldn't seem to focus on his eyes. Sensing that he was losing her, Albus concluded by revealing that they had been dating for some time. He wondered if he should pretend to be surprised by her reaction.
"Well...I guess I'll be taking that walk by myself then," Minerva said softly, standing and beginning to pull her cloak back on.
"Minerva, wait," Albus called. Minerva stopped and turned back to look at him. She was plainly holding back tears. Albus stood and looked Minerva in the eyes again.
"Minerva, tell me why this bothers you so," Albus asked, deciding that it was best not to tell her yet. He had just ruined what would otherwise have been a lovely day for her.
"Oh, Albus," she murmured, one hand on the door, "what for?" With this, she exited his chambers, leaving a saddened Albus to deal with the results of this early confrontation.
Albus decided an hour later that fresh air was in order. Perhaps the sunshine and snow crunching under his feet would ease some of his mind.
He was approaching Hogsmeade Station, the first of the buildings that lined the main street of Hogsmeade, when a large explosion reduced the crumbling Shrieking Shack to splinters. Albus ran to join those who were making their way to the shack to see what was going on. Horror drowned any sort of positive energy in his body when he spotted a figure with curly, ashy blonde hair and a cardinal red cloak lying on the ground, her blood staining the lily white snow and near her was another figure, this one in dark forest green, face down in the snow. Albus fought not to faint.
No...what benevolent God would do this?
Albus threw himself down on his knees beside them, crying out in shock as he warred with his heart on who to lift into his arms first: his beloved or his best friend. He was beginning to weep heavy tears as he fought for control of his lungs. He couldn't seem to force any air into them. A weak whimper and a shift of weight drew his eyes to Minerva.
"Minerva! Minerva, speak to me!" Albus cried, reaching for Minerva and tugging her into his embrace. Minerva coughed and forced her eyes open.
"Ambushed...the students...Albus, the students!" Minerva replied hoarsely. He was ashamed to think that he contemplated telling her that next to she and Poppy, the students didn't matter, but he knew better. Minerva would never stand for it, and neither would Poppy. Albus forced himself to get up and gather his strength. He drew his wand from his robes, something he rarely did, and summoned all of his power to transport all of the students and teachers in Hogsmeade that day back to the castle with him, using himself like a large apparating hub.
The rest of the day went by in a blur. That evening found Albus, Minerva and Poppy at St. Mungo's. Minerva had only received minor injuries and of course, Albus was not hurt at all. Albus was presently bent over a hospital bed at St. Mungo's, his head propped on his hands and elbows. Poppy's condition was critical. Minerva entered the room moments later, limping slightly on her twisted ankle. Albus noticed this as she handed him a mug of cocoa. She knew that he didn't drink coffee, as she did.
"It's fine, Albus. Just a twist. A night's worth of ice and rest and I'll be good as new...Any change?" Minerva asked gently. She could have anticipated his miserable side-to-side response. Albus took a sip of the cocoa, but it seemed too cheery a drink to be indulging in right now, even though it comforted him some. Minerva rested her arm across his shoulder and stood in companionable silence with him for a while.
"You don't have to stay, Minerva," Albus said after considerable silence, "You should return to Hogwarts and rest. The children need you."
"Nonsense," Minerva replied. "I wouldn't dream of leaving. Not with Poppy still unconscious and you in the state you're in." She need not have said any more. She was right and she knew it. A barely-there whimper startled the two out of their thoughts. Poppy's eyes batted open and she looked over at Albus as he clutched her hand.
"Albus?" Poppy murmured. "Minerva?" It was plain that Poppy was having a hard time breathing.
"Don't strain yourself, my love. We're here," Albus replied, kissing Poppy's hand. Poppy tried to smile and began to cough violently. When the coughing fit was over, Albus gently straightened her coverlet and kissed the back of Poppy's hand again as a tear coursed over his cheek.
"It's...it's been so long since I was ill. I've been a nurse so long I forgot what it was like to be on the other side of the situation..." Poppy observed. Minerva was having a hard time keeping her tears in check. She sat down on the other side of the bed so that she could hold Poppy's other hand.
"I don't have much time..." Poppy murmured.
"Don't talk like that," Minerva replied, losing the battle to keep from crying. "You're going to be fine."
"Albus...I love you so...much," Poppy rasped, her voice fragile and quiet.
"Don't leave me..." Albus wept. "Poppy..."
"I don't want you to dwell on me," Poppy said, ignoring his plea. "I want you to move on..." Poppy paused to gasp in pain as her broken ribs dug into her internal organs with each breath. She choked for a moment, tears springing to her eyes as she endured the pain quietly.
"Don't do this, Poppy...You're hurting yourself..." Minerva pleaded. Poppy took Minerva and Albus' hands and tugged them together over the bed.
"I want you...to take care of each other. I love you both so much...I can't think of anyone else I'd trust either of you to. Promise me...promise me you'll take care of each other..." Poppy demanded. Minerva wept openly and nodded. Albus stroked Poppy's cheek and agreed also. Poppy nodded as best she could.
"I'll never really leave you, you know," Poppy murmured. "I'll always be there when you look in the sky."
"Poppy...please...Poppy don't leave me!" Albus begged again, his pleading giving way to sobs of misery all over again. Poppy closed her eyes and smiled softly.
"You are in good hands, Albus. I won't have to worry about you now. I can rest..." Poppy murmured.
"Poppy!" Minerva cried as Poppy's grip went slack. A healer came into the room and checked for vital signs. There were none. Poppy was gone. The healer consulted a pocket watch and dictated to a charmed quill that was writing on a parchment that followed the healer around.
"Time of death for patient Poppy Amaryllis Pomfrey, 11:58pm on December the 15th. Death caused by severe brain hemorrhage due to injuries sustained earlier on same day," the healer said. He looked at Albus and Minerva, both stunned far past words. "I'm so sorry," He said, leaving them.
Poppy's funeral was almost unbearable for Albus and Minerva. They sat together at the service, each of them placed a handful of earth on Poppy's coffin, and each of them took turns holding Alastor Moody, who had been a dear friend of Poppy's and the devastation of her sudden death broke his heart nearly as much as it did Albus'. The only difference was, Alastor never got to say goodbye.
When the grave was covered, the flowers were placed, and the attending friends, family and students had gone, Albus and Minerva stood and listened to the winter winds blow at their cloaks. Minerva let Albus hold her, fearing that if she tried, she wouldn't be able to support her own weight.
"Oh, Albus, what we going to do with one another?" Minerva whimpered.
"We'll do the only thing we can do—honor a dying woman's last wish," Albus murmured. He turned Minerva to face him and kissed her forehead. Minerva buried her face in his robes and sobbed with him. The road ahead was not going to be easy, but one thing was certain, they had each been given the ultimate inheritance: Minerva received Poppy's beloved, entrusted to her care, and Albus received Poppy' best friend. The west wind carried their sorrow on its wings up into the sky, where they were sure Poppy heard them, because it started to snow.
"Look, my dear...she can see us...she's crying, and her tears are freezing before they touch the ground."
"Oh, Albus, how are we supposed to carry on?" Minerva sobbed.
"We'll manage. For Poppy's sake, we'll make it work," Albus said.
Fin.