I don't want to open my eyes. At this point, I hurt so badly I'd be happy if I just died right here and now. This is never gonna be over, is it? I take pills, try not to exhaust myself too badly, and go to the doctor when I can afford it. But I still come back to this. It's enough to make me roll over and press my face into the pillow, too tired to even cry. Except now I'm wondering where the pillow came from. Didn't I pass out on the floor? Unless that was a dream, too. I turn my head to the side, forcing my eyes open.

Riku's blurry face stands out like an angel's light against the dim, dingy backdrop of my apartment. He... did... not....

"Sora?" His fingers brush my cheek, like a mother's touch. "You had a seizure. Do you remember me?"

My brain's not that scrambled. I croak at him, then manage a nod as I pull myself into a sitting position. "Why... are you here...?"

Riku settles beside me on the couch, watching me closely. "I followed you. You can kick me out later if you want, but I think you'd be a little glad that I found you. Has this ever happened to you before?"

I groan and rub at my eyes, feeling a warm, residual throb in my chest. It always happens that way. If it didn't hurt, it might almost be pleasant. Well, no point in hiding the truth now. I don't think he'd believe me if I denied it. "Yeah, all the time. I'm epileptic."

Riku doesn't even bat an eyelash. It's like he already knew, he was just waiting for me to admit it. God, I hate when people do that. "And you live alone? That's not safe. What if you choke when you have a seizure, or fall and hit your head? Or you could just stop breathing."

I can't keep the scowl off my face. "I've survived this long on my own. If I'm meant to, I'll keep on surviving."

"So, you'll stay here until you die, is that it? Won't you at least go to the hospital?"

I go cold at that word, all the way down to my toes. The first and last time I was in a hospital, I had five neurologists poking at me for days on end. I finally had a screaming panic attack during the CAT scan. They had to restrain me just to finish the test, and damned if I didn't keep screaming the whole time. I hate doctors, I hate hospitals, and there's no way in hell I'm letting Riku drag me back there. "Forget it. I'm staying right here."

"I don't think you have the option." Riku holds up a paper in front of my face, just within reading range. "I wasn't being nosy, it was on your table. It's dated from twenty-six days ago, and it gave you thirty."

"So?"

"It's an eviction notice. That means--"

"I know what it means." I push myself up off the couch, taking a few wobbling steps toward the kitchen. "I'll stay here until they throw me out. Might as well take advantage of the last few days."

Riku follows me, almost but not quite touching me. I can feel it. "Haven't you been paying the rent?"

"Been trying. But I keep ending up paying off most of the month before, then I can't pay the difference or the current month... I fell behind. I just don't earn enough money." I make it into the kitchen without falling, picking up a mug from the dish drainer and filling it with cold water. I want coffee, but I don't have any left. I don't even have the energy to heat the water. I just gulp down the whole mugful, then go for another. My throat feels like sandpaper.

"Then I guess there's one other option. You can come back with me."

I drop the mug into the sink, swearing at the loud clatter of porcelain against steel. At least it doesn't break. "You've got to be kidding."

"I've got more than enough room. Too much. You have a place to live, and I don't feel so alone if I'm coming home to a familiar face besides cleaning staff."

"So I'm the trophy roommate, is that it?" I rinse off the mug and pour another cup of water, sipping as I refuse to look in Riku's direction. The glare I give him when he grabs my shoulder and turns me around is the most scathing one I can manage.

"Alright, since you're going to be stubborn, here's the deal. I can't leave you here in good conscience, so you have two choices. You can move in with me, or I can take you to the hospital."

"... that's blackmail."

Riku's smile is so nice, so normal, it makes me boil inside. "I know."

I lose track of how long we stare each other down, one smiling, one like ice. I finally snort in disgust and fling the mug into the sink, hearing the snap of the handle against the metal. "Fine. Just don't touch me again, got it?"

His hand slips off my shoulder as I storm over to my bed, to gather up what little I owned. Somehow, I could still feel Riku smiling at my back.

It feels weird to be back in Riku's place, even moreso now that it's my place, too. I feel faded and dirty next to expensive fabrics and furniture. I drop my bags in a corner near the couch and just stand in the middle of the living room, not sure what I should do with myself.

"Why don't you grab a shower, and I'll make some coffee. Unless you'd rather just try to sleep."

"Sick of sleeping." I stumble toward the bathroom, exhausted despite my protest. "No decaf, got it?"

I just drop everything on the floor as I strip, leaving a pile of worn, dingy gray and black on the rug. I crank the shower on as hot as I can stand it and step in. God, it feels so good I can't stop from leaning against the wall and closing my eyes. I'm such an ass, giving in so easily. But I guess this is better than the hospital. It's not like the doctors ever did anything to help me. Deep down, I really feel like my meds are about as effective as sugar pills. Riku's not helping, he's got the same saccharine personality as every nurse or doctor I've ever met: sweet, gentle, understanding... and it's all fake. Nobody ever cares.

... okay, so maybe Riku's not that bad. But why does he care about me? I feel like a stray puppy, I really do, and I don't like it. He's trying too hard, he's stifling me, I don't know what to do....

I don't believe it, I dozed off standing up. The sound of knocking on the bathroom door woke me, thankfully before I fell over and smacked my head. I quickly give myself a shampoo and rinse, scrambling for a towel. "Coming! Hold on a second!"

"Take your time. Coffee's ready."

There's clothes waiting for me when I step out of the shower. Riku must've come in and left them while I was asleep. The sweatpants and shirt are both big on me, made for someone a few inches taller and not built like a starving rail, but they're clean and comfortable. I drape the towel around my neck and follow the smell of coffee into the living room. Riku presses a mug of black coffee into my hands and sits beside me on the couch, stirring his own mug.

"I'm wondering how long your hospitality will last."

Riku stops in mid-stir, though his expression says he's anything but surprised. "I don't have limits on helping a friend. If you think I'll send you packing after two weeks, you're mistaken."

"I was thinking more along the lines of a week." The coffee is really good, a comforting, warm weight in my stomach. It should keep me awake for days at this rate, but I feel so tired.

"I know you're waiting for me to ask something in return, so I'll tell you what I want right now."

He raises a hand to stop me when I roll my eyes. I knew it. He's going to push me back on the couch and do whatever he wants. I'm half tempted to just let him. It's not like I'm saving myself for anybody, and it's almost worth one night of warmth and the promise of breakfast. Yeah, I guess I really have sunk that low.

"I... don't get along with my family, what's left of it anyway. My mother died several years ago, and my father... let's just say my father and I don't see eye to eye." He laughs, and my eyes widen just a little at how bitter the sound is. "I'm the trophy son, basically. He wanted me to go into business so I could take over his company down the line, but now that he knows I'm not budging over going to medical school, he's suddenly proud to have a doctor in the family."

"So what's this got to do with me?"

Riku's expression softens again. "I don't have friends, either. Casual acquaintances, but that's about it. This is such a big place, it'd be nice to have someone to come home to. A friend...."

"I have school. I won't be here every time you come home from class, waiting with open arms." I put my half-empty mug down, yawning. I feel so heavy.

"We can talk about it tomorrow, okay? You can use my bed, I'll sleep on the couch. We'll find something more permanent when we go out."

"Go out?" I'm already getting up, though I feel like lead.

"We'll go shopping tomorrow. You need clothes and other things, right? Don't worry, I'll take care of it."

Another of those smiles, the kind that on anyone else would look fake. I don't even have the energy to argue. I just nod and focus on one step at a time, bringing me from the living room to the bedroom. I'm too tired to even take note of anything but the bed, a big empty expanse of welcoming comfort. I tumble into Riku's bed face-first, laying there for a few moments before burrowing under every layer of blankets. The sheets smell like him, and for some reason that scent lulls me into a deep, wonderful oblivion.

TBC