Chapter Two

He couldn't breathe, and the elevator car wasn't big enough to hold him. He needed to get away, but to do that he had to pass her. His hands clenched and the pain radiated up through his shoulders. His chest constricted and ribs screamed in agony. His vision blurred and then, as his legs gave way underneath him, he fell to the floor unable to keep his grip on reality any longer.

ooo

"I just … I … I wanted to get in the elevator … I didn't mean to upset him." The young woman, who had only come in to visit with her grandfather, sat in an exam room in the ER trying to control her emotions.

"I know, and he'll be really sorry he reacted that way to you." Amanda paused for a moment and then spoke again. "He's a very kind man; he wouldn't have meant to upset you. It's just that you reminded him of someone he would rather forget." Amanda had talked to one of the nurses who had attended to Steve before Jesse got to him. She knew that apart from one word he had said nothing, but that one word had been all she'd needed. The nurse, looking confused, had told her that he had held her hand so tightly she thought it might break and said 'Melosa'.

"Ok. Tell him that I'm sorry too. I … I have to go or my grandpa will be worrying about me." She slid off the exam table that she had been sitting on, smoothed down her t-shirt and, with a watery smile in Amanda's direction, left the room.

"Lieutenant, Lieutenant Sloan, can you hear me? It's Doctor Barrington." James looked from his patient across to Doctor Travis who was standing just a little bit out of the way his eyes locked on the face of his friend.

"How long has he been like this?" The therapist was concerned that there seemed to be no response whatsoever from the man who had been found collapsed in an elevator and rushed to the ER. Steve was lying, eyes closed and unresponsive, although both men knew that he was conscious.

Jesse looked up and checked the clock on the wall. "Ten minutes, the woman who caused the reaction got a nurse and he was brought here right away." Taking a few steps Jesse moved so that he could reach out and touch his friend. He then glanced at the doctor next to him and saw him nod.

"Steve, Buddy, it's Jess. You're safe, nothing can hurt you here. Do you understand me? You're safe?" As he finished speaking Jesse saw a change in his friend, he suddenly took an anxious breath in, the pain it caused flashed across his features, his eyes flew open and then he began to shake.

"Shhh. It's ok." Jesse's voice lowered and he placed a hand on Steve's arm. "Doctor Barrington is here too. Just relax."

The mention of another name caused Steve to shrink back a little, but Jesse knew that he would need to know that it wasn't just the two of them.

"Lieutenant, I have cleared my schedule for the next hour or so. When you are feeling a little better I think we need to speak again." The tall man got to his feet and carefully placed the chair he had been sitting on back where it belonged. "Doctor Travis, if you could have someone call my office when you think your patient is able to talk with me I would be grateful. Until then I will get back and do as I said I had and clear my appointments." He smiled in the general direction of both men and then strode from the room.

Jesse watched him go for a moment and then turned back to where his friend was lying. Steve's eyes were still open and Jesse could see the pain there. The shaking was quite apparent and so Jesse gently touched Steve as he began to talk.

"Hey, speak to me, tell me what happened. Then I'll get you admitted for the night." Jesse had spoken to the same nurse as Amanda and so he had a fair idea of what had caused the panic attack. He knew however, that Steve needed to tell someone what he remembered and he was happy for it to be him.

"Saw her … again … not again." Steve closed his eyes for a moment and then latched on to what else Jesse had said. "No … home, Jess, I want to go home." The voice was faint, but it was a voice and Jesse smiled.

"I know you do, and you can, in the morning. Steve, something made you collapse in an elevator. I need to run some tests, make sure that you didn't hurt yourself in the process."

"I … didn't." Steve tried to move to a sitting position but pain caused him to stop where he was. "At least I don't think I did."

"Where, does it hurt more somewhere than it did before?" Jesse was instantly concerned, moving Steve's shirt so that he could feel around his tender rib area. His face became a picture of total concentration and Steve, watching him intently, began to relax as he had been instructed. This was normal life, he wasn't in any danger here, Jesse was right and Doctor Barrington, he would need to see Doctor Barrington again. He couldn't carry on like this.

ooo

"What do you mean you're keeping him in overnight? If he's ill you should have called me, Jesse." Mark's voice, although still weakened from his own brush with death was forceful enough for Jesse to feel guilty.

"I'm sorry, but I have called you now. I had to treat him first. Mark, it's just a precaution. You don't need to come in or anything. I have no doubt I'll be releasing him in the morning."

"No, no I won't come in. Thank you, Jess." The phone was dead in his hand and instead of feeling that he had reassured his friend Jesse was suddenly desperately worried about him instead.

He moved across towards the coffee maker in the doctors' lounge, glancing at his watch as he did so. There was twenty minutes of his shift left; he had planned to go surfing in Malibu anyway, so if he combined a house visit he could leave right away. Ignoring the hot drink he had been going to make for himself Jesse walked down the hallway, called the elevator and made his way to Steve's room.

ooo

"He was so scared. Whatever did you do to the man?" the voice that had last been heard trying to stop sobs in an examination room was now confident and relaxed as it's owner spoke into a cell phone.

"That's not important. It's a shame you had to speak with that woman, but you did your job well. There will be payment in your account by the end of the week. I suggest that you lose this number I won't be needing you again." The click told her that the call was over. She might be desperate for money but she wasn't stupid. The number was insurance and, as everyone had seemed so concerned about the man who had collapsed, she had a feeling that there was more to this than she had been told. For the time being at least she would keep the number somewhere safe.

ooo

The nurse on duty at the station on the floor where Steve was spending his enforced night's stay told Jesse that Doctor Barrington had arrived a little over ten minutes earlier. He left a message to let Steve know that his dad had been told where he was before signing himself out of the hospital knowing that he wasn't going to enjoy the next hour or so.

ooo

"I don't want to worry you, Lieutenant, but your response was a little alarming." James Barrington was sitting in a not too comfortable chair watching every inch of his patient's face. So far the time spent together had been almost totally silent apart from the sound of his own voice, and he wasn't confident that it would alter any time soon.

Gradually though, as the minutes ticked by, the doctor began to see a change in the man he already knew would be a challenge to him and his skills as a psychologist.

"I don't need to see you." Steve turned his head to face away from the tall and imposing man sitting next to his bed.

"Ok. So every time you see a woman with long black hair you're going to have a panic attack and then carry on with your life?"

"If necessary." The memory of a woman walking across the sand in front of his house flashed through Steve's mind and again he felt the tightness in his chest, but he tried to ignore it. The feelings of vulnerability, which had been alien to him, were becoming far too common, and suddenly he blamed them all on the man sitting beside his bed. "I didn't ask you to come. Please go."

The counsellor didn't want to leave his patient alone and so for a minute or two longer he stayed where he was. Eventually though it became clear that there would be no conversation and his time could be better spent elsewhere. Keeping a relatively tight rein on his frustrations James Barrington broke the silence.

"Fine. I'll see you around, Lieutenant." He got to his feet, carefully returned the chair, as he always did, and began shrugging himself into his suit jacket. He took one more look in the direction of the bed but could see a battle was being waged that, as yet, he had no part in.

"You have a ten o'clock appointment tomorrow, Lieutenant. I hope I will see you then." There was no reply, so he left the room and closed the door behind him.

The privacy was immediately welcomed and overwhelming. Steve lay back against his pillow and tried to picture the woman he had seen outside the elevator. She was a total stranger; there was no reason for her to cause any reaction in him. She had just been a hospital visitor and had nothing to do with Melosa Arriaga. As he let the name of his recent captor into his mind his heart rate began to increase and his breath started coming in small painful gasps. Although he tried to control himself his palms began to sweat and his vision blurred. Suddenly the alarm on the machine next to him began to beep and a nurse rushed into the room.

"Mr Sloan … Steve, can you hear me?" the young woman turned as she heard another person enter the room. "Whoever's on duty get them up here, STAT."

ooo

The beach house somehow looked a little unloved, as if those who lived there hadn't cared for it recently, but Jesse wasn't sure if that was just due to his over fertile imagination. He let himself in with the key that Mark had given him when he and Steve were first released from the hospital and called out as he did so.

"Mark, it's me, Jesse. Can I come in?" He waited just inside the door listening for the reply, not wanting to intrude but needing to see his friend.

"Sure." The one word was another worry. Mark was always so vocal, so friendly. Jesse closed the door behind him, pocketed the key and made his way into the main living area. He could see that Mark had the screen for the projector up against the wall and was watching a slightly jumping and grainy film.

"Is that Steve?" Jesse watched fascinated as two figures, one of them obviously Mark in his youth, played a game of cowboy.

"Yes it is. If he'd died this would be all I'd have left." The film stopped suddenly and the room seemed darker, not just physically but mentally too.

Jesse made his way past the projector and sat carefully next to his friend who, he knew, was still feeling very fragile. "But he didn't and neither did you. Don't you think that he feels that way as well?"

"That's different, Jess. I'm supposed to die before he does."

"Yes, you are, but not in the way that you nearly did. Mark, I'm worried about you, and I know that if he realised you were this way Steve would be too."

"Don't you tell him, Jesse. This comes under doctor-patient confidentiality." Mark's voice rose as he spoke and Jesse hurriedly shook his head to appease him.

"Of course I won't, but you can't keep a cheerful face on for when he's here and then sink into despair every time he leaves the room or the house. It's not good for you and it's not good for him either."

"Then sign me fit for work and leave me alone. It's having time to brood that is doing this to me."

"Oh no. Don't pass the blame along." Jesse paused; he didn't want to be harsh and so he softened his tone a little. "Mark, you need to talk this through with someone. Steve spoke to James Barrington and he seems really nice." Jesse saw Mark start to speak and hurried to carry on talking. "I'm not suggesting that you see him too, but he might be able to recommend someone."

"I'll think about it. Now tell me about Steve."

Jesse breathed a sigh of relief. Although he hadn't said anything he had been surprised that Mark hadn't asked about his son as soon as he'd come in through the door.

"He had a panic attack. At least I think that's what it was. His heart was racing, he was non-responsive, clammy palms and he was shaking."

"Why? I thought you said that Barrington was a good therapist."

"I did and he didn't cause it. From what I understand Steve saw a woman waiting to get into his elevator. She was tall and slim and she had long black hair."

"Melosa." The one word came out as a whisper and Mark just stared ahead at nothing in particular but Jesse saw that his hands were held in tight fists.

"Yeah, but it wasn't her, just a girl coming to visit her grandfather. I kept him in overnight to be on the safe side, but I'm worried about him, Mark, just as I'm worried about you."

"Well don't. I can't be doing with it. The day after tomorrow I'm having a welcome party for Ron. He's coming for a six month secondment to the LA field office. That will be a new start for all of us. This will be over. I'll tell Steve when he comes home … this will all be over."

Jesse was about to reply when his pager began to beep on his belt. He looked at the message and got to his feet. "Can I use your phone?" Mark just nodded and so he made his way over and picked up the receiver.

"This is Doctor Travis … when …? Ok, I'm on my way back." Jesse put the phone down with a heavy heart and moved towards his friend. "Mark, Steve had another attack, I need to go. Do you want to come? I could get a second bed put in his room you could stay there tonight. Get a good night's sleep."

Finally Mark turned and smiled, "Thank you, Jess, but no thank you. Give Steve my love. Tell him I'll see him tomorrow." Mark looked away, pressed a button on the machine next to him and the cowboy film came to life again as, with even more worries weighing him down, Jesse left the house.

ooo

The journey back had seemed to take forever. Jesse had watched every light turn to red just as he got to it, and his mind had wandered back over things as he waited, not that patiently, for his turn to move.

The thing that worried him more than anything, he realised, was the fact that obviously neither Steve nor Mark had spoken to each other about their problems. Jesse knew that Steve had no idea how Mark was suffering, how he was gradually sinking into a depression which quite possibly only his son could get him out of.

Steve was slightly different in that he had decided to talk to James Barrington, but again Jesse knew that there had been no conversation between father and son, even though Steve had kept Mark awake on numerous occasions with nightmares.

Finally the entrance way to Community General was the next turn and Jesse drove in, found his usual parking space and then, with a feeling of despondency dogging his every step, made his way up to the room where his friend was staying.

ooo

The note had taken very little time to write. She supposed that when you were totally in tune with what you had to do it was easy to put the words in the right order. The photo was one of her favourites, and she looked at it again before sliding it into the envelope.

The handsome features of the cop were distorted in pain and she revelled in the fact that it was she who had made him look that way. The riding crop had been a sad loss, left at the house and probably in the hands of the Nevada police department now, but it hadn't taken her long to find another one just as strong and straight. The new one had braided leather along its length. The force she had used to break the skin on his back wouldn't be needed with this one. It would brand him just as surely as if she still had her old favourite. Carefully she caressed its surface before laying it back down on the desk beside her.

Slowly she read through the rough copy of her note once more before picking up the red pen and beginning to write.

You only get one chance to make a first impression. That's what they say isn't it, Doctor Sloan?

I think I made a lasting impression on your son; did I do the same for you I wonder?

Show him this picture; it will remind him what I have in store for him the next time I'm in town.

Have a nice day.

Melosa Arriaga

She knew that she shouldn't really sign the letter, but they would know anyway who it was from so it didn't matter. Besides she wanted to see what type of response she got.

Hopefully she wouldn't have to wait very long.