Chapter Ten

Pain was the first thing that he was conscious of, the lack of pain. Slowly, trying to get his bearings before looking around him, he concentrated on where he was, what he was lying on and began to realise that he was safe.

That feeling was almost as hard to deal with as the agony he had been forced to endure and the fear that it would be a dream, which would disappear if he opened his eyes, helped to keep them firmly closed. He tried to picture his dad, tried to get that face back up in his mind and found that the image was one of his father looking at him and telling him that he was there for him.

"Dad?" The sound of his own voice startled him and he blinked waiting for either the welcoming or terrifying sight, which would greet him.

"I'm here, Steve." Mark had watched his son fight the demons which prevented him from facing the world and, not wanting to scare him any more than he already was, had forced himself to remain silent but now a dam burst within him and again he had to will himself to say nothing more than a few words.

"Good." His eyes fluttered closed and Mark knew that it would be at least two or three hours before he woke again.

Mark's estimate had been almost exactly right and two and a half hours after he had drifted off to sleep Steve began to stir once more. This time though he became distressed almost immediately and as he looked at his father his anguish got worse and for a moment Mark glanced at the sleeping form of Jesse across the room, but he knew that with the mild sedative he had been given the young doctor wouldn't be disturbed.

"I'm … sorry, Dad." The memories had flooded his mind as he saw the hospital room and knowing that he was safe he couldn't stop his throat constricting and the sob, which was torn from him, caused his chest to flare with pain. "I … I tried … so hard … but I … I couldn't …" the words stopped and despite the agony he felt Steve let the tears fall.

Mark didn't know what exactly had caused his son's despair but he did know that crying, which would hurt in one way, would be healing in another, and so, for a short while, he let him continue. Finally though, when he could stand it no longer, he reached out and carefully touched Steve's hair.

"Shhh. That's enough now. Whatever it was that you couldn't do, it doesn't matter any longer."

"She … I … I couldn't see you … your face … I couldn't see your face." He didn't think he had ever felt as lost as when he'd realised that even the security of his father's face in his mind had been ripped from him. "She … she beat me, Dad."

"No, Son, she didn't. We found you and Melosa is dead." He thought the words would help but all they seemed to do was increase Steve's agitation.

"No … no … she can't be … she killed…" He stopped, for a moment the words were too awful to even contemplate speaking.

"Who? Who did she kill?" Mark looked worried, had they missed someone?

"Amanda … Dad … she killed Amanda … I couldn't … stop … her."

All Steve's energy was gone now and, even in the depth of his despair, his eyes were getting heavy but Mark knew he had to keep his son awake for just a little longer.

"Steve, no. Amanda is alive. She's in the next room down the hallway with Ron glued to her side."

"She … I woke up and … she was gone … I thought … she wanted me to … oh, God." He closed his eyes, the emotions he was feeling were too intense for him in his weakened state and, unable to deal with them any longer, he drifted back into the darkness.

ooo

"Doctor Travis, you don't know how good it is to see you." Justin had come into Community General for a check-up and taken the opportunity to visit with the young man whose life he'd saved.

"I'm only here because of you. Thank you, Justin. I guess Steve and I owe you free ribs for life."

Jesse looked across to his friend's bed and could see him lying unresponsive with Mark by his side. So far the two of them seemed to be asleep at different times. The elder man had come across and spoken with Justin for a moment or two but had been almost immediately drawn back to his son. "I know I saved him, but without you that would have meant nothing, to any of us." He spoke the words knowing that if he had died then Steve's rescue would have been worth the sacrifice but only in his own eyes. After a moment he looked back at Justin. "I'm sorry you got hurt too, but thank you."

He nodded his head slightly, "My pleasure, and I wasn't really hurt, it was just brick dust and flying glass. I don't think I'll even have any scars to prove my tale." The cuts and bruises were already fading and Justin knew that compared to everyone else he had got off lightly. "How are you doing?"

Jesse's face clouded over for a moment but then he forced a smile back onto it. "It's gonna be a tough road. I don't remember any of it after you took Steve, but I saw Cheryl and she told me." He looked down at his hands before speaking again. "My leg is broken in two places, I jolted and jarred myself and I was bleeding internally too. You came back for me, I won't forget that."

Justin felt his face colour in embarrassment and soon neither man knew what to say, but both of them did know that a friendship had been forged which would stand the test of time.

ooo

"No! Take it away … oh, God … take it away!" The voice was hysterical and suddenly monitors began to scream, alerting the nursing staff to a major problem in room 2l5.

Mark, who had stepped out to consult with a colleague for just a few minutes, rushed back, recognising the voice and the terror it contained.

"Oh, Sir, she won't hurt you. Mimi just loves everyone." The woman sounded most indignant and could be heard above the mechanical beeping. "She is so good at helping people to get well."

"No … please … no." He tried to back away, hearing sounds, commotion, and knowing that he was causing it, "Take it … away." The last word disappeared as he collapsed back against the pillow the agony that his panic had caused finally sending him into the welcome darkness of unconsciousness.

The woman was ushered out as an emergency team rushed in but, in losing consciousness, Steve had relaxed sufficiently for his body to begin to function properly again and the readings began to return to normal.

"Steve, can you hear me?" Mark tried to keep the urgency he felt out of his tone and took a deep breath as there was no reaction and spoke again.

"Steve, son, she's gone, the dog has gone, it's ok again now."

Gradually he felt a response, first it was his son shaking, the fear that he felt being transmitted physically, and Mark looked with concern at the numbers on the machines by the side of the bed, but they stayed within safe limits and, with a smile, he dismissed the other staff members still in the room with him and was grateful that Jesse had felt well enough to go and call his mother.

"It's just us, Steve. You can open your eyes; there's nothing to be afraid of now." The words were working and, as the sound of the door clicking shut was heard, Steve did as he was told and looked up, with fear filled blue eyes, at his father.

"Oh, God, Dad, help me."

ooo

Ron sat on the side of the bed with Amanda curled up into his body fast asleep. During a second therapy session she had finally released some of her emotions, letting go of the guilty feelings she had kept bottled up for over a week. The tears, which had engulfed her after the counselling appointment ended, had worried him, but he knew that she needed the relief they would bring and so he hadn't tried to stop them, gently rubbing her back, her arm, her hair, anywhere so that he could keep a physical contact with her as she cleansed herself.

The collapse of the building next to the one that Amanda had been kept in had caused an internal wall to fall across her crushing her upper body and restricting her airways to such an extent that by the time he had found her she had no longer been breathing.

The memory of performing CPR on the woman he loved was etched on his soul and Ron knew that he would never forget the helplessness he'd felt as each breath he pushed into her hadn't been the one to restart her breathing for her. By the time they arrived at Community General she had been on a ventilator and, after surgery on a shattered right elbow, he had finally been able to sit with her and realise that she wasn't going to die.

They had spent the next week in almost total silence, dancing around the subject of her abduction and confinement until he had wondered whether she would ever be able to talk about it.

That morning though James Barrington had come to see her again and finally broken through her defences. They had talked for over two hours and then, when she had returned to the room, she had cried herself to sleep against him. Now though, she was waking up and he carefully helped her into a more comfortable position and for a moment she hesitated but finally the words she had dreaded came out.

"I need to explain … but I'm scared." She tried to turn away, knowing that she had started a process which would end with her admitting to something she was desperately ashamed of.

"You don't need to be scared any more. She's dead, Amanda, she can't hurt us again unless we let her." He wanted to take her into his arms, to hold her tight and protect her but knew that she wouldn't let him and that even if she did it would hurt her too much.

"That isn't what scares me." Her voice had been so quiet that Ron had to move a little closer to hear what she said next. "I'm frightened that you'll hate me, you'll all hate me, when you know what I did."

Ron didn't answer, the surprise he felt that she could think that way overpowered him for a moment, but then he realised that she was waiting to begin and so he smiled slightly and tried to encourage her.

"I think it'll take a lot to make me or anyone else do anything but love you."

Amanda nodded her head and a shadow of pain crossed her face. A large section of wall had pinned her by the neck, shoulders and chest, leaving her head free from all but small pieces of debris and, although she couldn't remember being trapped, any movement hurt her and caused other unpleasant memories to surface.

She wished that Mark was here too, but she knew that Steve was having a difficult afternoon and so that was impossible. "Ron, please, just listen. When I've finished …" She paused, "I don't know what you'll think but please wait."

He nodded his head, this was so important to her, to them, that no words were adequate and instead he took her small hand into his and waited for her to start speaking.

After a moment or two she did so and he was suddenly there in the warehouse with her sharing her agony.

"So, Amanda, I can call you, Amanda, can't I? You cry for your friend do you?"

Thevoice of the woman who had taken her sounded loud and clear and it was almost as if she was in the hospital room with them.

"Of course I do! You've done nothing but torture him since you brought him here. Your brother killed someone but Steve was just doing his job when he arrested him."

"Yes he was, I realise that, but he wouldn't have been able to if his interfering father hadn't been around. I failed with the old man, but I've been watching and thinking and this time he'll have no way to stop his son from dying. He will find two bodies, maybe even together."

Amanda fell silent; she was almost afraid to breathe.Melosa seemed so close to her again that she could smell her perfume, feel her hair as it brushed against her and she shivered.

"Shhh, I'm here, it's just you and me." Ron spoke quietly and then listened again as Amanda began to tell him what else Melosa Arriaga had said.

"Or I could change my mind you know, I might just take you someplace else and then call your friends to come get you."

"And Steve?" Amanda had to ask, even though Melosa's voice had been hard with hatred as she had spoken of him.

"Oh no, he stays here. He's so handsome, so loyal, so sexy, but oh so stupid. Did he really think I would leave him alone? Didn't he know that if he survived I would come back and hunt him down again?"

"Of course he knew, we all knew, but he isn't the type of man to live in fear. He's proud to do the job he does, to help rid the city of those that break the law. But then you wouldn't know anything about honour or goodness would you?"

Melosa's hand had swept towards her then but she stopped short and laughed. "All his honour and goodness has done is gotten him, and you, if you stay, into even more trouble than before. I have no intention of leaving either of you to the elements this time. Man will kill you. Or to be more precise one man, but he will know nothing of it until it is too late to do anything about it. The decision is yours, my dear; do you let me take you where your friends can find you and maybe give you the chance to look for him, or do you stay?"

Amanda had been silent, but her mind was in turmoil. She could see the faces of her children, of CJ, a daily reminder of Colin and what they once had, Dion, who needed the stable and loving upbringing she was trying so hard to provide for him. Her mother would take over, would raise them in the same way she herself had been raised, of that she had no doubt. Then she thought of Ron, so loving, so tender, so different when he was away from everyone else and it was just them. She looked at Steve, alone and badly hurt; there was no way that she could leave him. But if she did go then maybe she could get to Mark, to Ron and could tell them where he was. But what if the unthinkable did happen and he died here? She knew that she would want Mark to know that his son hadn't been alone.

"I can't leave him. I'll stay."

"It's your life or death in this case."

Melosa had walked back to where Steve lay, still out cold on the floor, and she had crouched down beside him to place a lingering kiss on his unresponsive lips, then once she had taken her pleasure she jammed her fist hard against his dislocated shoulder to cause him pain before standing up and heading for the door.

"Have fun, kiddies, see you in the morning."

"Why would I hate you? I don't understand." Ron looked at her; the guilt in her eyes was heartbreaking. This was what Melosa had talked about as she lay dying and suddenly he knew that there was more to come.

"She came back … I don't know how long it was, but she came back."

"I've been thinking." The voice had startled her and Amanda realised that she must have dozed off. "Your children will miss you so much. I think that your boyfriend will have suffered enough for killing my babies. I know how much I miss them; your children will be missing you. Are you sure that he is worth the knowledge that they will spend their lives alone because you chose him over them?" A foot had kicked out at Steve as she spoke and he had moved and moaned slightly.

"Stop it! Stop it!" She had wanted to cover her ears, to be able to shut out the words which had been going round her own mind ever since she had turned down the chance of freedom. "How can I leave him?"

Melosa had thought for a moment and then smiled. "Would you leave him if I gave you some indication of where he was before freeing you? I don't plan on having him killed for at least another day – you may even be in time to save him."

The tears began again and Ron couldn't get her to look at him as she moved away painfully from his touch.

"I agreed … I took my own personal freedom and left him there. He moved as I tried to tell him what I was doing, but I don't know if he heard me. But … but …" the sobs racked her body and her breath began to come in short gasps. Now he was seriously concerned for her and moved to press the buzzer to call someone but she stopped him. "No … I have … I have to finish."

The cuffs were unhooked from the chain, which had attached her to the wall, and then the ankle restraints were unlocked.

"Would you like to say goodbye and tell him what you are doing?" The tone had been mocking but she had taken Melosa at face value and moved across to kiss him.

"Steve, I love you and I'm sorry, I have to go, for CJ and Dion's sake, I have to go, but I'll try to get Mark and Jesse here before it's too late."

A pause filled the room and Ron gently turned her head so that she was facing him, knowing what was coming next and wanting her to know that he shared her agony.

"She tricked me. I let her take me away … he was alone again and he … he thought I was dead." She had been wheeled in to see Steve the day after he regained consciousness and the two of them had spent a little time together. She hadn't been able to tell him what had happened, and his tears at finally seeing for himself that she was still alive had driven the guilt-covered dagger deeper into her heart.

"I got out onto the stairs and she put a gun to my head. I knew then that she had lied. I begged her to let me go back, to stay with Steve, but she wouldn't. She … she pushed me down the stairs and I couldn't keep my balance. Then she … she pulled me up by my hair, it … it felt as if some came out in her hand and … and she left me where you found me."

"Amanda, you're a mom, Steve would have understood why you left, you know that."

"But she didn't tell him! He woke up alone and thought she had killed me." The tears finally took her over completely and Ron knew that if there was any more of her story to come it would have to wait until another day.

ooo

Gradually Steve's terror had subsided and Mark had sat next to him in a reasonably comfortable chair and taken his hand. "I am so sorry."

"What? Why are you sorry? It's not your fault I'm afraid of dogs." Amazingly Steve found himself in a position which was, for the moment at least, restful and not causing his battered body to recoil in pain and so he looked up and saw his father's face lined with worry and guilt.

"All of this, everything that happened to you, it was my fault. I should never have interfered in your life. I promise, I won't do it again."

"Without you 'interfering' as you call it, it isn't a life I want to lead."

The room descended into silence as the two men looked at each other until finally Steve swallowed hard and then pierced his father with a gaze so intense that it was all Mark could do not to turn away.

"But … but look at yourself, Steve." Although he was warmed by his son's words he knew that none of this would have occurred without him and he still knew what he had to do.

"Twice she took you, she didn't want to kill you, it was me she was after. But you're the one who suffered; both times you're the one who suffered." Now he did have to look away as the emotions threatened him and he had vowed that his son would never see him cry over this.

"Dad, listen, please." Steve closed his eyes for a moment; he wasn't sure he was ready for this conversation but he knew that if he didn't pursue it now his father was likely to shut down and never mention it again.

"I'm the one who should be sorry; I'm the one who has a career which puts me in danger every day even though I know you hate it. I'm sorry I'm so selfish that I can't give it up." For a moment he paused and then taking in as much breath as his damaged lungs would allow he carried on talking. "I'm sorry; truly sorry that I have hurt you. But I'm not sorry that I have a career where I get to spend time with you, get to see your expertise put to good use solving the most difficult of crimes and where, between us, we have managed, with Jesse and Amanda, to put away some evil people. I … I love you, Dad."

For a moment Mark let the words seep into his soul, he wanted to remember them, wanted to be able to play them back again when he was alone and never forget them. He felt Steve's hand on top of his own and realised that his son had started to speak again.

"Dad, before … Melosa … took me again." He was determined that her name would lose its power over him and so he forced himself to use it. "You didn't mean … Dad," Steve wasn't sure how to put his plea into words and in the end he just blurted it out, "I … I need you to keep doing what it is you do. I wouldn't want to work without knowing you were there to listen, to help, to be there for me." In his weakened state his emotions took a strong hold as he finally pleaded with his father, "Dad, please, please, don't retire."