Chapter Eleven
The sun was high in the sky and the sand was home to a scattering of families enjoying each other's company as well as the weather and the water.
The sounds of laughter and conversation floated on the slight breeze and reached the man sitting alone on his deck. Mark was more than comfortable and didn't want to move any part of himself for as long as was humanly possible.
The house was quiet but he knew that it was also full. Steve and Jesse had been home from the hospital for a little over two days and it was the first time that they had both been awake at the same time since then.
Cheryl had visited for a little while; mainly to see her partner but also to tie up a few loose ends and let them all know one final sad piece of news.
"We found Melosa's home, by chance really, the neighbours complained about the bloodhound roaming free in the front yard." She had stopped talking and Mark knew she had heard Steve gasp and was waiting for him to calm himself.
"Sorry." The fear in his son's eyes hadn't surprised him but he had a feeling that Cheryl was concerned for her partner, she hadn't said anything, but just watched for the right moment to continue.
"I went in with the Captain, just in case there were things you wouldn't want others to see." Again she had paused, this time as both he and his son had thanked her for her consideration.
Mark knew how proud and private Steve was, if there were things to be found, then Cheryl and his captain were the only two people he could cope with finding them.
"She'd been watching you, or someone had, almost since the day you were released from the hospital the first time, Steve. There were pictures, notes and letters which I think she meant to send out to you, Mark, once Steve and Amanda were dead."
He had looked and seen a folder in Cheryl's hand and knew that it contained information that would hurt and upset them. There had been a letter mailed from Melosa telling him where Steve and Amanda's bodies could be found, he hadn't read that and he knew he didn't want to read any of this either.
"Do we have to see it?" Steve asked the question before him and he had noticed his son's left hand was held in a tight fist.
"No, and I wasn't gonna offer it to you. Oh, this." Cheryl had suddenly realised what Steve had seen. "No, this is something else. Melosa didn't just kill the woman who scared you, Steve. She tortured and killed a young man who showed her how to sabotage Jesse's car."
Mark realised instantly that Steve knew what Cheryl was talking about, and Jesse, who had been sitting quietly on the sofa listening to every word, shook his head. "So it was her. I don't think I would ever have guessed."
After Cheryl had left the room Jesse had talked with Mark for a little while and explained about the case Amanda had been working on. Steve had gone with Cheryl and they could be heard talking in another part of the house and Mark had been glad for the few moments alone with his friend.
"Jesse, I owe you an apology."
"You do? Why?" The confusion on the young man's face was as apparent as his usual cheerfulness.
"Because you tried, over and over, to help me before Steve and Amanda were taken and I pushed you away every time. You were right, I do need to talk about all of this, and I will, by the end of the week I promise you I'll have made at least one appointment to see a therapist."
The grin on Jesse's face told him how much his words meant but he knew that he hadn't finished and so he carried on speaking. "I can't begin to thank you for what you have done. Twice you saved Steve, I know that he is only here because of you and I won't forget that. But I nearly lost you, and that would have hurt just as much as losing Steve." His words had dried up then and he had stopped talking and begun to move away.
"Mark." The voice was full of emotion and he had crouched down so that he was as close as possible to Jesse's side. "Thank you and I'm glad I could help. You knew they were in the docks, without that information we would never have found them in time. We are a group, a family. I just played my part in that group."
In a moment of sudden frivolity he had reached over and tousled Jesse's hair and then, knowing that no more words were needed, had left the young man looking totally at home on the sofa and returned to his own peaceful seat on the deck.
Just after Cheryl left Amanda and Ron arrived, but she had looked tired and Mark had insisted that she go and lie down for a little while. As he had known he would Ron had gone with her. Mark didn't think that the FBI agent had left her side for a moment; apart from the hours he'd had to work, since she had been found a little over three weeks earlier.
Mark had been worried about Amanda, had seen the circles under her eyes while she had been in the hospital, and finally, two days before she was due to go home, he had cornered her consultant and expressed his concern to him. Without breaching doctor- patient confidentiality Mark had been told that she was finding it hard to sleep, that there was something on her mind, which was causing her great distress. Amanda must have been worried about it too because the next morning, while Jesse was in x-ray, she'd had Ron wheel her into the room next to her own so she could talk with her friends.
"Amanda, Honey, is everything alright?" Mark had moved over and pushed the wheelchair closer to the bed as Ron had left them alone.
"No, not really, I need to talk to you, to both of you, before I lose my mind."
Mark had glanced over at Steve and had seen that his son couldn't keep his eyes off their friend's beautiful face. The agony of thinking Amanda had died was over but Mark knew that for a long while Steve would want to drink her in at every opportunity and be thankful that she was still with them.
"It has to do with Melosa doesn't it?" Mark realised that she would need someplace to start and so he hoped to help her.
"Doesn't everything in our lives right now?" Her tone had been bitter and Mark had seen Steve nod. "But yes, you're right. I have to tell you what happened to me. Steve, Mark, please, listen to all of it, and then try to help me understand why I did what I did."
The telling had been distressing for all of them and both Amanda and Steve had fought their emotions, his son more successfully than his friend, during the explanation, but finally it had been finished and Steve had been the first one to speak.
"She used you, just as much as she used me. Honey, if I had known that she'd given you the chance to return to your family I would have urged you to take it." He had paused for a moment to take a breath and Mark had seen him compose himself a little. "You're a mom, I don't deny that I needed you, and you knew that, but I never would have made you choose. Your children need you to guide them along the path to the rest of their lives … in the end when we die we are all alone, but your children are very much alive and they should be with you." Again he paused and Mark had known that there was something else weighing him down and he hoped against hope that his son would take the chance and unburden himself. Finally, after a very tense few moments he did just that.
"I … I thought that while I was unconscious she had taken you away…" Steve closed his eyes and it was clear for all to see that his emotions were threatening him again. "I saw her shoot a cop in cold blood, she tried to kill Dad, me, and you said that you were Ron's punishment for her dogs being killed. I was sure … I was sure you were dead … I wish … I wish I'd known …"
Mark knew that the two of them had already spoken to each other and Steve's relief at seeing her alive had been apparent in his recovery rate since that meeting, but once they knew a little of what the other had gone through they needed time alone again and he had quietly spoken a few words before slipping outside to see how Jesse was getting on. When he had returned Steve had been asleep but Mark had seen from Amanda's face and demeanour, as she sat watching over him, that any worries she might have had, had begun to be dealt with and he knew that her recovery too would progress far easier now.
ooo
"You know, I don't think you're like him at all." Jesse pressed the button on the remote and the TV screen went blank.
"Thank you, I hope that's a compliment." Steve smiled and looked back down at the piece of paper in his hand. Cheryl had sent him an e-mail, which contained a quiz to show what cartoon-character you were most like. He had scored 29, which meant he was someone called Spongebob Squarepants. Having seen the program he wasn't sure if he would ever tell his partner the results.
The room went quiet and Steve looked across at his friend, he was lying on the sofa with a fleecy throw across his legs which covered the hip to foot plaster cast he would be wearing for at least another six to eight weeks. The bruising on his face was receding and he, at last, looked like the Jesse that Steve knew and loved.
As he moved slightly Steve saw Jesse wince and his heart grew heavy with guilt. "Jesse."
"Yeah?" The tone of Steve's voice made an instant impression and Jesse looked up and saw the seriousness of his face. "What? What's wrong?"
"How do I thank you for what you did? Not just for me, but for Dad too." From the moment that Steve had been able to concentrate on others and not just himself again, he had known that his father was different, his whole demeanour had changed and, although he wasn't his old self yet, the improvement was down to Jesse.
"Steve, don't." Jesse was embarrassed, even thinking about what he had done made him feel uncomfortable, proud but uncomfortable. He didn't know if he could talk about it with Steve, not so soon after his conversation with Mark.
"You saved me, again. I don't remember … she … I was up high … but I don't know why and that … that ball." He shuddered, and closed his eyes for a moment but knew that he couldn't let this moment pass. "I need you to tell me what happened."
Jesse realised that, whether he wanted to talk about it or not, he had been waiting for this conversation and, with a deep breath; he prepared to mentally return to the warehouse.
Jesse talked for over an hour, not looking up at his friend after the first few difficult sentences, concentrating on what had happened and knowing that seeing Steve's reactions would make it ten times harder than it already was to relate his tale.
"Jess." The voice was soft, different to the way it usually sounded and he looked up to see his best friend had moved across the room and was sitting in the chair next to the foot of the sofa.
"When I was growing up, when it was just Carol and me and she was into dolls and giggly friends I always wanted a brother. Someone I could do what I thought was the fun stuff with. As I got a bit older and realised that even though my dad and Uncle Stacy were miles apart in distance, they were as close as could be in every other way, I wanted that too. Then Carol died and I discovered that just because you were family it didn't mean that you necessarily got on and I wondered whether any brother- brother relationship I might have had would have floundered like the brother-sister one did and I began to be grateful for what I'd had and what I'd gained. Jesse, I didn't know it was possible to find someone who would come into my life and be more than all the parts which made up the non-existent brother and I don't know how to finish what I'm saying, or even if makes sense, but thank you, thank you for being there when I needed you, for being my friend … just thank you."
Jesse blinked back the tears and then swallowed hard. "My background was so different to yours, but I wanted the same thing. I wanted a brother, preferably an elder brother, who could teach me stuff. I always wanted to know about things, how they worked, why they did what they did. I figured it would be cool to have a brother to hang out with and find that out. Mom was always working and Dad, well he left and I knew that it was my fault because I didn't do exciting things."
Jesse paused for a moment and tried to fight past the feelings of failure, which always hid just beneath the surface. "Being a doctor is an exciting thing for me. Sure my mom's a doctor and yeah I wanted her to be proud of me, but all that investigating, discovering what's wrong and making it right again, I just love it."
Jesse didn't know it but his eyes were shining and the enthusiasm for his job was written all over his face and Steve, despite the seriousness of the conversation, couldn't help but smile.
"When I got the chance to work with you, when you let me help even though I was a klutz, got too enthusiastic and blundered about, it was just wonderful. I don't know when it was but gradually I realised I had that brother I wanted, but I'd got more than I ever dreamed of. You spent time with me because you wanted to, you let me help because you wanted to and your dad did too. It took me a long time but when I arrived here and felt that sense of belonging I knew I wouldn't ever want to be anywhere else or with anyone else. I guess we both get more from being friends than we ever hoped, huh?"
"I guess we do." The room was suddenly quiet and for a while neither man knew what to say. Finally, unable to stand the silence any longer Steve spoke up.
"Wanna beer?" Seeing his friend nod he made his way out of the room knowing that Jesse could probably hear his heart singing as he did so.
ooo
The sun had finally set on a beautiful day and Steve and Mark had both watched it go down in the company of friends they had come far too close to losing.
Now though, with Amanda and Ron on their way back into town and Jesse already fast asleep in the guest room, they were alone and Steve watched as his father cupped his hot mug of coffee between his hands and blew gentle spirals of the steam into the air.
"Dad." Steve hesitated to break his father's reverie but in the end knew he had to.
"Yes, what is it?" There was anxiety in Mark's eyes as he turned but seeing only love on his son's face he relaxed.
"We never did finish our conversation in the hospital, and I didn't get a chance to speak with you after the meal we had with Ron. Dad, I'm worried about you."
"I know and I'm sorry." Mark looked at his coffee, now the love was too difficult to acknowledge. He had never wanted to cause anyone that he cared about any concern but somehow; again, he hadn't been able to help it.
"Dad, I know he probably shouldn't have, but Jesse told me that you said you thought you were ruining my life, that the bad things were happening because of you. I can't believe you would think that. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I knew you would deny it, I didn't think that I could voice my fears to you in case you realised they were all true and backed away from me. Steve, I don't want to suffocate you, I want you to have your own life, but I want to be a part of it too. Is that so wrong? How could it all fall apart like it has? I was trying to do good things." Mark looked down at his coffee again and then took a mouthful of it. He didn't have anything more to say right now and wasn't sure how his son would answer.
"Sure I would deny it, because it isn't true." Steve paused for a moment before carrying on. "You know, I could move out tomorrow if I wanted to. Well, maybe not tomorrow, it's kinda difficult with this arm." Steve touched the sling with his left hand and then smiled. "I've had offers y'know."
"I'm sure you have. So why haven't you taken any of them?"
"Because in the end it wasn't what I wanted. Dad, I don't live here because of any pressure I feel, I live here because this is my home. I work with you because you bring an extra dimension to my job that I can't replicate or replace. You are my father, first and foremost, and one of the wisest, kindest people it has been my privilege to know, but as well as that you are one of the best friends I have ever had." Again he paused knowing that although he didn't want to continue he had to.
"If you want to stop working, stop advising the department, then I won't stand in your way I don't want you to be doing anything that you no longer enjoy. My selfishness has already caused you endless grief; I won't compound it by forcing you to work with me."
"Steve, look at me." Mark had watched his son suddenly become fascinated by the ocean as he finished speaking but he needed to see his face, to see the expression, which filled his eyes, and so he waited until finally, very slowly, his son did as he was told.
"Your grandfather was a good cop, I wish I'd had the chance to spend time with him as I grew but that was taken away from me. I always vowed that if I had children I would spend every moment I could with them until they shooed me away. I failed to do that. There was always one more patient to see, one more consult to finish and one more family occasion to miss. Then two things happened to make me realise what it was I'd done."
The deck became silent and Steve asked the question to which he already knew the answer. "What two things?"
"You went to fight in Vietnam and your mom died." The pressure increased in Mark's heart for just a moment and he paused before continuing. "I could suddenly see the importance of the ball games and birthday parties I'd missed, even just the sitting down together and watching cartoons, when I no longer had the chance, I wanted to do all those things with the man the boy had become and I prayed every day that you would come home and we'd have that opportunity. The time I spend with you is never forced upon me." He swallowed hard; talking about Katherine was always difficult, but somehow they had moved from the possibility of his retirement to his wife and Steve's mom and he knew that he had to unburden himself a little more than he already had.
"I always figured that I would have one more day with your mom. That each new dawn would bring the chance for us to live our lives to the end together. I was wrong. I cheated her. I failed her and I cheated her."
Steve didn't know where this part of the conversation had come from but he knew that for them both to move on with their lives he had to address it. "She never felt that way. She loved you, you, Carol and me; we were all she ever wanted. Dad, your whole life you have thought about everyone but yourself. Sure I missed you at some things, which were important at the time but, looking back, none of them matter as much as having you with me in my life now. There were times when Mom carried a burden, which would have been a little easier if you had been there, but she knew that she was supporting you the best way she could by doing that. You know that's true, don't you?"
Mark looked into the blue eyes which were now pleading with him to understand what his son was trying to say and, almost as if for the first time, he realised that both his son and his wife saw him for what he was; someone who needed to help others, whose career had always been so important to him because of that need. But he also knew now that they loved him and all the facets of his personality; that none of the parts had been more than the whole or had been tolerated because of the others and the warmth, which had been lacking, began to flood his soul again.
"Dad, please, you're a good, kind man. The things you do are always for the best don't let Melosa spoil that. Don't let her pull apart what we have."
"I don't think she could, could she?"
Steve smiled his agreement, "No, I don't think she could."
There was a more relaxed tone to Steve's voice and Mark knew that the conversation they had just had, however deep, however difficult or unusual had helped them both immeasurably and, for a while, they sat in a companionable silence just enjoying each other's company.
"I was wrong, wasn't I?"
"About what?" Mark wasn't sure what Steve meant.
"Together, you and I, Jesse and Amanda, with Ron this time, we're too strong for the likes of Melosa Arriaga, she would never have beaten us."
"No, she never would." Mark finally realised that, unless he allowed it, no one would beat him. Melosa had pushed him very close to being in that position, but the love of his family and friends had prevented it from happening. His house of cards was still standing, and if he had anything to do with it, it always would.
The End.