Yay chapter 4!!! hooray to me!!
Chapter 4:
Nanashi leaned against the wall outside the theater in the dead of night. The neon lights of the theater hurt his eyes; he still had a migraine. He sat down slowly, gasping tenderly at the pain in his ribs and limbs. His beating had been severe; they hadn't even realized that he was hardly able to stand. Nanashi had fainted half way through his punishment and awoke days later, still tender and sore from the beating and a surgery he couldn't remember having.
Closing his eyes slowly, Nanashi panted. He had only been conscious for a few hours and they had already sent him out on assignment. They cared nothing for Nanashi's health. Only that he stayed alive. "Death is too good for you." the officer often had told him. I want to die...but I can't. Nanashi knew that he would always live. They would beat him and torture him to an inch of his life...then bring him back to use him again. I hate you all...
Nanashi's fingers fell to his shoulder absently. He could still feel Trowa's touch there, from where he held it not four days before. The look in Trowa's eyes had stayed with him for those four days, that look of concern and compassion. Nanashi was still slightly confused by it. Trowa had been violent, in a rage before the hood fell away. When he looked into Nanashi's face, gazed into his eyes, he softened and his voice, it was comforting. It was almost as though Trowa truly cared about what was happening to him. "Please stay..." Trowa had said when Nanashi tried to run away. At seeing the look of tenderness and concern in his face, Nanashi just wanted to fall into Trowa's arms, weep and curl against the handsome, caring male. He wanted to feel safe again, wanted to feel innocent and clean. Nanashi gripped his head. But why would Trowa want me? Why would he want a killer too weak to stop himself? A small tear seeped into his jeans.
"See I told you that would be fun." A bright, cheery voice interrupted Nanashi's tears. He looked up a bit. Duo Maxwell and Heero Yuy were coming out of the theater. Duo had his arm hooked with Heero's; there was an amused look on Heero's face. Nanashi pulled his hood further over his face. Heero smirked slightly at him. "You did like it, didn't you."
"It was okay." Heero shrugged. Duo pouted playfully. Heero drew his face to him and kissed him. They held it for a moment or two. Nanashi felt a tinge of jealousy. He wished that someone would adore him the way they adored one another. Looking down at the sword he was hiding, Nanashi felt guilt rising again. Even if he was a bit jealous, he didn't want to ruin the relationship they had. I'm sorry...I hope I fail.
"Heh, you kiss well." Duo laughed and put his arms around Heero's neck. Heero smiled more and walked with him, past Nanashi. Neither of them noticed him in the shadows; Nanashi lifted his head as soon as they were past. "We going home now?"
"Yeah. That okay with you? Or did you have another part to this 'date?'" Heero snickered.
"Oh there's another part, but we'd get arrested if we did that here." Duo laughed. Nanashi blushed slightly at the hint. He listened to them laugh and exchange sweet words as they walked further away. Nanashi finally rose, wincing painfully and gripping his sword. It felt like it weighed a thousand tons. He panted slightly, winded already but followed nonetheless. He wondered how far he could get without passing out from the pain in his chest.
Nanashi followed the pair down the street. He used the walls of buildings to support his own weight. The world felt tilted. He felt sluggish, like he was walking through knee high water. Nanashi trembled at the thought. He stared at the ground, panting and fighting against the vertigo. He felt nauseous. Yet, he looked up again, looked at the back of Duo Maxwell's head. Nanashi pulled a knife out. If he actually made this shot, he'd be amazed.
"You think Quatre got Trowa out of his room?" Duo asked, unaware of Nanashi's aiming.
"I dunno. Its likely. Quatre's closer to him then the rest of us and-" Heero stopped. The knife chinked against the sidewalk where Duo's foot had been a moment before. Heero whipped around, gun in hand. There was rage in his eyes. "You!" Nanashi held his sword up, tried to straighten the face. He rushed Heero; Heero blinked in shock then recovered. He fired a single shot.
Nanashi felt himself fall short, collapse to his knees on the sidewalk. Blood oozed out of his shoulder; bullet wounds were so painful. Nanashi wasn't sure how close the bullet was to his lungs or heart. He panted loudly and dropped his sword. Something connected with his face and he fell back onto the sidewalk. Nanashi closed his eyes and whimpered slightly. He was finally going to die and yet...
Nanashi's eyes opened suddenly. Using his good leg, he kicked out Heero's. Heero fell, Nanashi rose. He gripped his sword and stared at Duo for a moment. Duo backed away slightly. Nanashi raised the blade slightly, then fled in the opposite direction. I don't wanna kill anymore!! I don't wanna die!! I don't want any of this!! I'll just run and never stop!!!
"Coward's way out, just like you."
I'm sorry!!! I can't help it!! I'm so fucking weak and useless, I'm sorry!!!
"You should be."
The gun went off again. Nanashi's leg went out from under him. He howled in pain, gripped his knee and wept on the sidewalk. Blood spilled on the concrete, he could Heero's cursing. Nanashi looked back to them, his hood falling partially off his face. Heero must have gotten a glimpse of his face. His eyes became slightly wider as he got off the ground. Ignoring the pain, Nanashi got to his feet and ran again, limping down the sidewalk. Consciousness was abandoning him, he was struggling to breathe. He hoped that Heero wasn't following him.
He ran down another street, begged himself to stay up. But his body was fighting against him. Yelling at him to just lay down and rest. A sob escaped Nanashi as he ran. He gave in, collapsing in mid-run. He fell forward, expecting to hit the asphalt and break something else. Strong arms caught him, cradled him slightly. Nanashi looked up at the spinning face of one of the guards.
"...I...I failed..." Nanashi whispered, tears still pouring down his face. The guard said nothing to him. There was an angry look on his face but he didn't strike him. He dragged Nanashi to the car, tossed him onto the seat. Nanashi whimpered and rested his head on the leather seat. He felt the car shake at the slamming of the door and rocked back slightly as it sped off towards the base. Nanashi could no longer keep his eyes opened and hoped, that when he woke up, like he knew he would, that they would go easy on him.
"Yeah good luck with that." The voice snickered at another one of Nanashi's hopes.
Hey...I can dream...can't I?
Trowa sat in his room, stared absently down at the envelope he had not yet opened. He didn't know whether it was anxiety or fear that kept him from opening it. It was from Nanashi, Trowa knew this. It was the same thin, tear stained writing that had been on the card that he had found with the flowers. He hesitated as he reached for it. It's a note from Nanashi. I should open it. I want to open it. Still repeating that in his mind, Trowa ripped the top of the envelope slowly and dumped the contents on his bed.
A dozen blood red rose petals danced onto his sheets. Trowa fingered them a bit, brought one to his lips. There was a still a vague salty scent to its sweetness. Nanashi's tears. Closing his eyes, he held the petals in his hands and thought about him for a while. He wondered why his heart was fluttering so much when he thought of Nanashi. Maybe...Trowa opened his eyes and looked back down at his bed. There was a letter and something else. Looks like a computer disk.Trowa picked it up, turning it over in his hand before looking to the letter. Again, he saw Nanashi's writing.
I'm so sorry Trowa...I can't help it anymore...I'm so very weak...and it's all my fault...Take this. It will help you end all this...I'm sorry I can't stop myself...
Trowa couldn't make out the rest of it; the letter had been soaked with tears. He felt pain pull at his chest. Nanashi was guilty for all the things he had done. Trowa believed his words without question. He laid back against the pillow and looked at the disk. It was a plain black disk with a little writing on the side.
"Angra Mainyu..." Trowa said to himself. "Interesting..." Trowa thought about the letter. "Help me end all this...what does he mean by that?" Trowa sat up. "If Nanashi gave it to me...maybe it has some info on the people he works for." Hopping off the bed, Trowa crossed to his bedroom door and opened it slightly, looking out carefully.
It was night. And there was really no one home. Wufei had gone god knows where; he hadn't bother to tell anyone where he was going or when he'd be back. And he looked very put out when the others tried to convince him to stay home because of the wound in his shoulder. Heero and Duo had left shortly after him. There was some movie that Duo wanted to see and Heero decided to join him. It was a date, even if Heero wouldn't admit it. They had invited Quatre to come along. Quatre had been very polite in rejecting them, saying simply that he was looking forward to a quiet night with a book. They had even invited Trowa. But Trowa was in no mood to accompany Heero and Duo on a date and, rather coldly, said he had other things to do. Which had been a lie since he done nothing but sit on his bed and look over the envelope.
Trowa looked about slowly. Heero and Duo hadn't come home yet, and neither had Wufei. I'll just borrow his laptop for a few minutes. He shouldn't mind. Trowa snuck out into the hallway. He could see the back of Quatre's head as he sat in the living room, engrossed in his book. Sighing quietly, Trowa walked silently to Heero's bedroom, opened the door and slipped in. It was pitch black; he ran a hand along the wall to find the light switch.
Heero's room was the same as Trowa's. The same bright blue color, the same kind of furniture, another bathroom. The only difference was Heero's seemed slightly smaller than Trowa's. But that was only because there were two people living in here. Trowa sighed and thought absently about what it must be like to sleep with someone you loved. He sat on the bed. The sheets still felt warm. Ignoring the loneliness welling inside him, he picked up Heero's laptop. He set it on the bed and waited as it turned on. I'll be quick. He won't even notice. Trowa felt somewhat guilty about using Heero's laptop without his permission. But Heero's laptop was better than his own. And something told him he was going to need Heero's laptop to figure out all the secrets on the disk. The computer finished loading and Trowa sat up straight. He looked about the desktop a minute, getting his bearings before inserting the disk and entering a promising looking program.
Trowa sat there for another few moments waiting for everything to load. He stared absently into the ceiling. Something pinged finally and Trowa looked down. There was an interesting looking logo in the upper right hand corner of the page, the word C.R.Y.P.T. in the center of it. It had to be something military. So Nanashi kills for the military? But what country? What faction? Trowa looked in and out of different files. There was nothing he really understood in it. For about half an hour, Trowa tried to decipher the meanings of everything. He gave up on it eventually. This is so fucking confusing. I don't know where the hell I should be looking. Clicking randomly for a few moments, he opened up something labeled "Top Secret- Nanashi". Trowa's eyes lit up at the sight of Nanahi's name. Yes finally some answers!
Trowa clicked on another link, and ran face to face into a password. Resisting the urge to throw Heero's laptop against the wall, he pulled away from the laptop and scowled. He could've sworn he heard the program laughing at him. Ok...let's think. Hacking was not Trowa's specialty; it was Heero's. But Trowa could do it, if he was logical. Pulling the laptop onto his lap, he started typing in words that he thought would open it. After his tenth attempt, the urge to break the damn thing came back. I have to be diligent, Trowa thought. I trust Nanashi, even if I can't understand why. If he says it'll help, it will.
Something clicked in Trowa's head. The small writing on the disk itself. He tried to recall it for a moment. An- something...Anya...Angra! Angra...Angra Mainyu. Trowa snapped his fingers and typed the words quickly, hoping he was spelling them right. He waited in anxious silence for any sign that things had worked. Please let it work, please let it work.
"Password accepted. Welcome, Adrian Mullen." A female voice said. Trowa arched an eyebrow and wondered who exactly was Adrian Mullen. Trowa forgot about it when he saw all the files in it. Jesus Christ. These people certainly did a lot of research on him. He found what looked like journals. Journals on Nanashi's life, journals on his assignments. Trowa started reading something called "Disciplinary Actions." He only read a page or so before minimizing the file. He felt like he was going to vomit; those people tortured him.
As soon as Trowa's stomach settled, he went back to looking. He read through a couple of pages of assignments. They were very detailed. Nanashi had been killing for them for years. He found a daily journal; it was fairly sparse. It said almost the same thing over and over. He lived by the same routine for years...God. There was a list of injuries he had sustained over the years. Broken bones, cuts, gun wounds, bruises. A couple cases of internal bleeding. Sometimes a small "d" appeared beside the wound. Trowa had the sickening feeling that meant "disciplinary." Damn.
"Hm?" Trowa had clicked on another file. It looked like a profile. Nanashi's picture was in the upper right hand corner. "Hm Nanashi Windsor. Age 15. Height 5 foot 5 inches. Weight 118 lbs." Trowa read. "Eye color Green/Gray. Hair color Whitish blonde. Father Unknown. Mother Irena Windsor." So he took his mother's maiden name. "Brother Jack Sebastian Windsor." He has a brother? Trowa continued to read. Nanashi is from the Colonies. How did he get to Earth then? "Nanashi..." Trowa whispered and covered his face. His heart was pounding.
"Nanashi. Doesn't that mean 'without name' in Japanese? Seems somewhat cruel to name a person 'without name.'" Quatre sighed as he leaned against the doorframe. Trowa slammed the lid of the laptop down, heart going a mile a minute. He was screwed, a guilty cat caught with a bird between its claws. Trowa tried desperately to think of an excuse for what he was doing but nothing came. His face grew bright red. Quatre smiled and put a finger to his lips. "Don't worry. I won't tell Heero."
"Thanks..." Trowa sighed. He lifted the laptop lid again. "Yeah I think it does mean that."
"Oh." Quatre said simply and ran a finger around the lip of a glass. "So you gonna tell me who Nanashi is?" Trowa said nothing at first. Quatre sighed and sipped his drink. I guess...telling Quatre won't make much of a difference. He'll understand. I hope. In silence, Trowa spun the laptop about on his legs, showing Quatre the screen. Quatre looked at it in mid-sip. His eyes went round. He spat out whatever he had been drinking and pointed to the picture of Nanashi in the right hand corner. "That's him!!!"
"He's name is Nanashi Windsor." Trowa looked away as he spoke. Quatre said nothing but began to regain his composure. He sat down on the bed and looked more closely at the picture. Trowa sighed heavily.
"He does look a lot like me..." Quatre said. He looked at Trowa. "Where did you get this?"
"...He gave it to me..." Trowa admitted finally. He sighed heavily. "It was in the letter he sent me."
"He sent you a letter?!" Quatre demanded. Trowa simply nodded. "God Trowa, how long did you know?!"
"Did I know what?"
"That he tried to kill me!!" Quatre yelled. Trowa looked at him. Quatre was angry but now so was Trowa.
"Not as long as you may think!" Trowa snapped. Quatre looked slightly surprised at his rage.
"Trowa...he tried to kill me...and you knew his name..."
"You said you think he felt guilty. You said that you think someone is messing with his head. That means its not just his fault!" Trowa hissed.
"But Trowa, he not only attacked me, but Wufei and he killed that politician and God knows how many others..." Quatre said calmly. He wanted to convince Trowa he was wrong. Trowa wouldn't hear it.
"Then he is no worse than we are!" Trowa yelled. "We're killers too!! Who knows how many countless lives we ended!! Its mind boggling to think about it! But we did it too, because someone ordered us to!! We're no better than him!!" Tears threatened to fall from Trowa's eyes. Quatre looked at him sadly then at the sheets. A tear or two splashed onto the cloth. Trowa's eyes went soft; he hadn't meant to make his friend cry. "Quatre..."
"You're right. If you look at it that way, we are no better. But..." Quatre looked back at his friend. "But that doesn't excuse him, or us."
"Quatre..." Trowa sighed. "You don't remember how you got to the hospital, right?"
"No, I don't."
"...Nanashi took you. He was the one who left the roses for you." Trowa sighed again. "He left you a note. I read it, I'm sorry but I couldn't help it." Trowa looked back at Quatre. "It said 'I'm so very sorry. Please kill me.'"
"...He said he wanted to die before he fought me." Quatre remembered.
"The note he just sent me...its nothing but apologizes and self hate. He knows what he is doing is wrong. Like we did. But he can't disobey orders..."
"We understand that." Quatre sighed.
"Quatre, he's not an evil person. He just isn't. I mean, I hardly know him...but I believe him..." Trowa whispered and clutched his chest. I believe you Nanashi. I believe you when you say you're sorry. I don't know why but I will always believe you. Trowa sighed finally, letting out a small cry that could barely be heard.
"...You love him, don't you?" Quatre asked. Trowa's head snapped up. He stared at Quatre questioningly. He hadn't even considered that idea. Not really anyway.
"...Love him..." Trowa repeated. It sounded strange coming off his tongue. "But...But how can I? I barely know him..." Quatre shrugged.
"Love can be like that I guess." Quatre said. Trowa looked down at the bed. Could that be it? Is it love? Is that why I'm acting like this, feeling so strange when I think about him? I've never been in love before...how am I suppose to know? Footsteps on the porch were heard. "Shit someone's home!" Trowa's face went white. He ripped the disk from the laptop and shut it off, stuffing it back under the bed where he had found it. They both jumped off the bed and ran out, flicking the light off and shutting the door. Quatre jumped back into his seat on the couch and Trowa ran to the kitchen, shoving the disk in his pocket and pretending to make some tea.
"That damn kid..." Heero growled. Trowa looked back at Quatre for a moment. Quatre leaned over the back of the couch and looked at Heero and Duo as they shrugged off their coats and kicked off their shoes.
"What's wrong Heero? Didn't like the movie?" Quatre asked.
"Oh the movie was fine." Duo said with a snarl on his lips. "Its just that I almost got killed."
"What?!" Trowa and Quatre said at the same time. They exchanged nervous glances. Trowa's throat tightened terribly.
"Yeah, pretty sure it was the same guy who went after you and Wufei." Heero sighed. "About 5'5", Caucasian, green eyes, blonde hair. Looked a lot like you Quatre." Heero said. Trowa gripped the mug in his hands.
"Well what happened?" Quatre asked. Trowa's hands started to shake.
"He threw a knife at me!" Duo snapped. "Then Heero shot him. Twice."
"What?" Trowa managed to choke out.
"He rushed us with a sword, probably the same one he used in his other attacks. I got him in the shoulder before he got near enough to use it. He kicked out my legs and ran but I got him in the knee as he ran." Heero said in a cold, uncaring voice. Trowa felt like screaming at him but said nothing.
"...Did you kill him?" Quatre asked. Trowa looked to him with a frightened look. Heero and Duo didn't notice.
"Probably...he was bleeding a lot when he ran. He probably didn't get too far before collapsing from blood loss. Most likely, he's going to die."
Trowa's knees gave way, the mug smashed against the floor. He doubled over, held his stomach and tried his hardest to keep the bile down. The others called out to him; he felt hands on his shoulders. But all he could hear were Heero's words. He's going to die. The bile rose in his throat again and it took all his strength not to vomit right then. Quatre held his shoulders. Trowa didn't realize he was shaking.
"Trowa?? What's wrong?!" Heero asked. Trowa shook his head. "Trowa say something."
"...I...I don't know what came over me..." Trowa lied. Quatre looked at him sadly. He kept his gaze away from Heero's and started to pick up the pieces. "...I'll...I'll just clean this up..."
"No, you go lay down." Quatre insisted. "I'll clean it up." Trowa looked at him shakily before nodding slowly and staggering to his feet. Heero tried to steady him but Trowa pushed his hands away. The last thing he wanted right now was Heero to touch him.
"I can make it on my own..." Trowa said. He staggered slightly to his room, filled with pain and hate. How could you Heero!? How could you shoot him!? Trowa closed the door behind him and held back his tears. The bile rose again. Trowa rushed the best he could to his bathroom. He vomited, sobbing loudly. "Damn you Heero!" He vomited again and beat his fist into the floor. "How could you!?" Trowa sank along the tub and wept. "Nanashi...oh God Nanashi..." Tugging at his hair, he sobbed into his knees, crying over his lost love, a love he had never even kissed.
"Wow Jack, the lake's so clear!" Nanashi laughed as he looked down into the water. Jack sat back on the grass under a tree. He opened an eye and grinned.
"Yeah I guess so." He smiled as he spoke. Nanashi looked back at him.
"But its clearer on Earth isn't it?" Nanashi asked with glittering eyes. Jack laughed loudly. Nanashi crawled back over to him and sat on his lap. "Isn't it??"
"Yeah it is." Jack sighed. He looked up at the artificial place. Nanashi laid his head back against Jack's shoulder. Jack wrapped his arms about him, held him close and sighed. "Someday, Little one. Someday we'll live on Earth."
"Like Mum and Dad did before?"
"...Yeah, like before." Jack sighed again, more sadly this time. Nanashi rested his eyes. "Sleepy Little one?"
"No, comfy." Nanashi replied. "Tell me again?"
"Tell you what again?" Jack asked.
"About Earth, where we're gonna live?" Jack laughed gently at his little brother's request. He ruffled the boy's hair.
"Alright." Jack said. He rested his head against the tree trunk and smiled a nostalgic smile. "It'll be a big house, like Mom used to live in. With a big front yard and back yard. With gardens and plenty of trees for you to climb on."
"Heh, I like climbing trees." Nanashi said.
"I know." Jack laughed. "And we wouldn't even be just us. It would be you and me and our friends, all living in the same big house in the middle of nowhere, where no one can ever bother us again."
"It sounds really nice Jack." Nanashi said. "Someday soon right?" Jack said nothing. Nanashi looked up at him. "Jack?"
Jack's eyes were closed. His breathing came out in slow, even breaths. Jack was so tired, Nanashi knew that he hadn't been sleeping well since those men had followed them that one day. Nanashi moved off his brother's lap and let him sleep. Crawling back down to the water's edge, Nanashi watched his own reflection. He sat there for a while, swinging his legs, humming to himself. He could hear Jack's gentle breathing. Nanashi laid down by the water's edge and rested his eyes. The sun was so warm, the water was so peaceful, Jack's breathing was so soothing. It was all so wonderful.
Nanashi wasn't sure how it happened, but when he opened his eyes, all he could see was water. Nanashi looked about frantically and clawed. He couldn't figure out which way was up. He panicked and started to thrash under the water. A limb hit the surface but he didn't know which. He tried to scream, the water filled his mouth and lungs. JACK!!!!!
"Nanashi?!" Jack called from above the water. "Nanashi where are you!!!!" In the water!!! Jack help!!!! I can't breathe!!!! Nanashi thrashed, trying to get another piece of himself out of the water. He must have succeeded; Jack screamed. "Nanashi!!!!!" The water rippled around Nanashi. His sight began to fade. He started sinking further under the surface. Jack...help...
A strong hand gripped Nanashi's forearm. He felt someone pull him into an embrace. A rapid heartbeat invaded his ears. They broke the surface; Nanashi gasped and coughed. Jack pulled him onto the grass.
"Oh God, Little one!! Nanashi, look at me!" Jack pleaded. Nanashi looked at him weakly. Jack wrapped him up in his arms and lifted him. "Hang on, we'll get home and get you warmed up." Jack ran, pressing Nanashi against him to keep him warm. Nanashi felt so cold, his clothes felt heavy. He closed his eyes and whimpered slightly, blacking out. "Oh Nanashi..." Everything got so quiet. But Nanashi felt warm finally. "There we go Nanashi. All dry and warm now...poor thing..."
"...Jack?" Nanashi asked, eyes partially open. He was tucked gently into bed. Jack brushed his forehead with the back of his hand.
"Sleep Little one. You're okay now."
"Jack..."
Nanashi...Trowa's face swam into his dreams. He wrapped his arms about Nanashi's shoulders and pulled him into an embrace. I love you Nanashi...Nanashi tried to reach his hand up to touch Trowa's face but he couldn't move. Trowa kissed his neck tenderly. My Nanashi...my sweet Nanashi...its time to wake up.
"What..."
Wake up...
Nanashi's eyes opened slowly. He stared painfully into the bright lights above him. He was back in his room, but he couldn't remember how he had gotten there. His eyes passed slowly across the room. There was an IV hanging by his bed and there was a needle in his arm. Nanashi pressed his hand against his eyes to block the light. He noticed it then. His hands. They were free. Nanashi stared at his bare wrists. This had to be the first time in eight years that they had left him unbound. How long was I asleep?
Sleep. At that word, Nanashi's eyes closed again and he sighed heavily. He had had so many dreams, it was hard to keep track of them all. He dreamt of Jack, as he always did, dreamt of the days of happiness he had had long ago. Missing his brother even more, he let a single tear dribbled down the side of his face. But he started to think again. Jack wasn't the only one I dreamt of this time. Trowa...oh Trowa. Trowa had appeared several times in his dreams. His eyes always had such compassionate look, as he spoke softly in Nanashi's ear. As though he was truly beside him, holding him. Nanashi realized how safe he felt in Trowa's arms, even in a dream. Now that he felt it he never wanted to leave.
But there had been nightmares too. Nanashi couldn't explain it but in the darkness of his dreams, he could hear another voice. He couldn't place it but it always seemed to be laughing, a breathy laugh as though he was doing something tiring as he chuckled. Nanashi's stomach would begin to tighten and his body would shake as soon as he heard it. It was as though the dream was real. Sometimes, it felt like someone was touching him; it felt wrong. Sweating, Nanashi recalled the strange feelings he would experience: pain, embarrassment, fear, moisture. He didn't like it. But it was just a dream...right?
Opening his eyes again, he wondered if he was alright. Nanashi sat up a bit; the pain in his chest wasn't so bad anymore. The bullet wound in his shoulder was fully healed; there was just a scar underneath the thin shirt. His cuts and bruises were faded. Nanashi lifted the sheets and looked down at his legs. The wound from Trowa's gun was long gone. And the wound from Heero's was healing well. Nanashi bent his leg slightly; there wasn't much pain. He sat up and put some weight on it. I'll be able to walk. The floor was so cold, Nanashi covered himself back up and looked to the IV. He listened absently to its gentle dripping. It was like a metronome. Carelessly, Nanashi began to hum the opening bars to "Green Sleeves", with a wonderfully nostalgic grin on his face.
Dozing lightly, Nanashi opened one of his eyes when the door opened. His guard stood in the light, watching him for a moment. Nanashi feigned sleep and hoped that he would just go away. Nanashi didn't feel like being told he had another assignment. The guard didn't leave. Instead, he shut the door and crossed to the bed. Nanashi wondered why he was watching Nanashi as he "slept." He tensed as the guard's hand fell to Nanashi's thigh. Wh-What is he doing??? The grip got a little tighter, Nanashi began to pant out of fear. Oh God...It can't be...
Nanashi's eyes snapped opened and grabbed the guard's hand before it moved inward. The guard stared up at him with a mixed look of rage and confusion. Nanashi's eyes narrowed and he spoke in a whisper.
"What do you think you're doing?" Nanashi demanded. He gripped the guard's hand and tore it off him. "Don't touch me!"
"Shut your trap!!" The guard yelled. He forced Nanashi back onto the bed. Nanashi growled and thrashed.
"Let go!! AHH!!! GET OFF!!!!" Nanashi yelled. Feeling the sting of a slap across the face, he felt his hands being pinned down by his head. The guard leered down at him. "You bastard!!! Let go!!" The guard laughed a bit. Something about this felt familiar. The dreams...oh God... Nanashi pulled one of his knees out from under the guard and kicked him in the ribs. He watched with a grim satisfaction as the guard recoiled in pain. Nanashi tried to slide out from under him and run, but he felt his hair being pulled then being thrown onto the hard metal floor. The IV ripped from his hand, blood dripped down the back of his wrist. Nanashi let out a pained gasp before being pinned to the cold floor. "AHHHHH HELP!!!!" He howled. Someone had to hear, they had to.
"Shut up!" The guard snapped. Nanashi's head hit the floor painfully. He stopped moving for a moment. "That's right, take it like the weak thing you are." He sneered. Nanashi struggled, forced the man off him as best he could. They struggled and rolled across the floor. Nanashi's face was covered with tears. He wasn't strong enough to beat him off. He was being pinned down again. Thrashing more, he reached for whatever he could to free himself. He gripped something cold. He held it tightly and cursed the man.
"Get off me!!!!" Nanashi screamed.
"Shut up!!!" The guard snapped. Nanashi's clothes tore. He screamed and gripped whatever was in his hand. God HELP!!!!!!
It fired. The sound vibrated off the metal walls. It fired three times. Something hot and sticky poured onto Nanashi's flesh. He looked up at the guard on top of him, panting out of sheer terror. The guard looked down at him, death overtaking his enraged eyes. He looked down at his stomach. Dark colored blood spilled out of him. He coughed up blood. It oozed onto Nanashi's face and neck. Nanashi trembled. Blood was so warm.
The guard crumpled finally. Nanashi pushed him off, backed up into the wall. He trembled violently and fixed his clothes, still gripping the gun. He watched the blood seep across the floor. Looking down at the blood staining him, he trembled more. I shot him...I killed him...God his blood is all over me...I think I'm gonna be sick...Nanashi looked away and retched. He had just killed another person, but this time he hadn't meant to. He felt the guard's blood on his hands. Nanashi gripped his hair. What have I done????
"What the hell is going on?!" Another guard yelled. He stood in the doorway and looked at the scene: the guard lying dead on the ground and Nanashi throwing up against the wall, still gripping the gun. "You bastard!!! Alarm!!!!" The second shouted. Nanashi listened to the alarm go off. The guard came at him. Nanashi didn't even realize what he was doing but the gun went off again. The guard fell; Nanashi could see through the hole in his head. Trembling more, he threw the gun down, jumped into his shoes and ran, speeding down the hall. He had to get out.
Nanashi knew his way around well. He had memorized the right doors to lead to his weapons and the outside world. Nanashi took a left down a hall and ran into several soldiers. They opened fire. Nanashi ran, dodged bullets much like Trowa had done, and rushed up to meet them. He didn't need his sword yet. All he needed was his fists and speed. They fell and Nanashi continued. He ran into the room and picked up his sword. He held it to his chest for a moment, wishing there was another way. He heard more running and yells. Nanashi fled again.
"Angra Mainyu!!!!!" The handsome officer yelled. Nanashi slid to a stop in the hanger. "What the hell are you doing!? Do you realize what you've done!?"
"I've killed, like you taught me to." Nanashi said slowly.
"You're suppose to kill the enemy!!! Not your allies!!!"
"Allies?? Allies!?!?!" Nanashi yelled. He unsheathed his sword. "No one here is my ally!!! You beat me, torture me!! You only care about me when you realize I might not live to kill another soul!!!" Nanashi felt hot tears on his cheeks. "He was going to rape me!!!"
"That's beside the point!"
"It is not!!! You don't care about me!! I hate you!!! I hate you all!!!" Nanashi started to shake. "If I didn't hate blood, I'd kill you all!!!" He heard the gun fire and felt a bullet scrape his shoulder again. In a rage, Nanashi rushed him. Now he wanted to kill. This is all your fault!!! You bastard!!! I'll kill you!!! Then you'll know my pain!!!! He pushed the sword against the officer's neck. He could see his own rage in the officer's eyes.
"Well, well. Look what you're doing Nanashi. Look what you've done. You killed without orders."
But...But he tried to rape me...
"That's not an excuse. You still killed him on your own judgment. And look at yourself now. You're going to kill again. He wasn't trying to rape you. You just ran up to him and put the sword against his neck. Heh, you do like killing things, don't you Nanashi?"
No...No I don't!!!!
"Just admit it Nanashi. You're enjoying it. You'll like Hell now. It'll seem so very right."
No!!!! I'm not!!! I can't be!!! Nanashi blinked frightened. He pulled away from the officer, listened to the sword clatter to the floor. He quaked and stared down at his bloodstained hands. He couldn't be enjoying it, could he? It didn't seem possible to him. Nanashi hated killing, didn't he? But then why did I kill all those people? I could've avoided it, couldn't I? But then why didn't I? Oh God, what have I done?!
Nanashi fled, running through the door of the hanger and out into the late day. Tears streamed down his face as he ran. The officer was shouting orders behind. Nanashi could hear the revving engines as they prepared to pursue them. Running faster, Nanashi sought to take refuge in the forest. The thick trees would cover his tracks and shadow him. But he had to make it. It was a long stretch of road until the trees. But Nanashi wouldn't let himself be stopped. Drawing all the strength in him, he begged himself to run like his brother. It was almost as though his brother was running beside him. Nanashi streaked down the road, a pale blur racing to the forest. A bullet ricocheted off the asphalt by his ankle. Faster! Another struck his ankle. Nanashi stumbled, rolled head over heels on the road. He groaned painfully before standing, running with a limp into the forest.
The darkness covered him. Nanashi looked up into the canopy, leaning against a thick trunk away from the edge. The sunlight winked through at him slyly but Nanashi no longer cared about the sun. Darkness was his friend, it embraced him, sheltered him. Nanashi heard the slamming of car doors. He moved further away, dragging his weaker leg a bit. He bit his lower lip again. I can't go back...I won't go back. I won't be their tool anymore...I will never kill again. Nanashi collapsed by the roots of a large, old tree. He nuzzled underneath them, drawing his knees to his chest and shaking off the cold. I deserve this. I deserve to die for all I've done. I will never kill again. No...I will wait and die alone. I deserve this...
For close to a month, Trowa's health was disastrous. The morning after Duo and Heero's attack, Heero had walked into his room to see if he was feeling any better. His strange display in the kitchen had worried him. He noticed Trowa's bed had not been slept in and that there was a faint light under the bathroom door. Heero found Trowa on the floor, half conscious and laying in his own vomit. Suffering from a fever, Trowa barely even knew what was going on and reacted sluggishly to Heero's calls. He didn't feel himself being dragged to his bed or hear Heero's yelling. He was too out of it to notice anything.
Trowa was in bad shape For two weeks, he couldn't keep anything down and his fever was refusing to break. Heero was becoming desperate enough to admit Trowa into the hospital. Heero detested hospitals. But Quatre refused. He took it upon himself to care for Trowa. The others still weren't letting him do much around the house and Quatre wanted to his friend to get better. So he spent a good deal of time in Trowa's room, trying to get his fever to break for two weeks. He had given up on getting Trowa to eat; he would hold it down when he was ready. The others were wondering why the illness had happened so suddenly. Trowa was normally very healthy. "Maybe something he ate? Or some virus?" Heero had suggested once. "I'm sure its nothing serious..."
But both Trowa and Quatre knew why he was so ill. Trowa was suffering from heartbreak and abandonment. It was all psychological. Neither of them had explained why Trowa had reacted the way he did that night. Quatre knew that Trowa was not about to discuss it with any of them. He was simply trying to get over his grief. He had found someone he loved and then he died, before Trowa could tell him anything.
But finally, in the ending days of that long grief filled month, Trowa became well. It wasn't as sudden as his illness had been. After two weeks, he could eat again. Another week and Trowa's fever began to break. And now, in the on coming night, Trowa sat up in his bed, looking sadly out the window with a damp washcloth in his clenched hand.
Wufei had gone out again, followed shortly after by Heero and Duo. Quatre remained home for Trowa. Trowa wouldn't have mind if Quatre went with them; he wanted to be alone right now. He had so much time to grieve, so much time to think and hate. Heero had been popping in and out of his room every so often, Trowa had been aware enough to know that. And he hated him for it. He hated Heero for checking up on him after harming Nanashi. Heero had destroyed something very dear to him. He murdered my happiness. Trowa felt like he was never going to be happy again, knowing that Nanashi was dead someplace. He didn't even have the desire to play music. One of the few things that had given him true pleasure. Damn you Heero. Burying his face in the pillow, he screamed in sorrow, rage, and agony. He felt like a child having a tantrum but didn't give a damn. Nanashi was dead, he had lost his happiness before he had even experienced it fully. He felt deprived and he blamed Heero for it. Trowa didn't think he would ever forgive Heero for the pain he had caused or the nightmares he had given Trowa. Its his fault!! Damn it!! I hate you!!
"Trowa?" Quatre called from the door. Trowa lifted his head, tears flowing freely from his eyes. Quatre looked sadly at him, crossed the room and sat on his bed. He brushed the tears off of Trowa's cheeks. Trowa closed his eyes embarrassed and buried his face in the pillow. "...Guess you're not feeling any better..."
"Oh I'm fine Quatre...my fever's down, I can eat...My heart's just tearing into little pieces." Trowa sobbed a bit. "I'm fine..."
"Trowa I'm sorry..." Quatre apologized quietly. Trowa sat up and watched him. "I can understand how you feel. I really loved her but she broke up with me anyway. I know how much it hurts to lose someone you love...but its different for you I guess. I'm sorry."
"...Don't be Quatre..." Trowa sighed and wiped his face on his sleeve. "...Thank you..."
"For what?" Quatre asked. Trowa looked at him and smiled slightly. It was the first smile he had shown in a month. Quatre beamed at it.
"For putting up with me..." Trowa sighed. Quatre smiled more.
"I don't mind." He said. They were quiet for a moment. Quatre took the washcloth and put it on the nightstand. He placed a caring, tender hand on Trowa's shoulder. "...They never saw him die...he could be alive..." Trowa's smile vanished.
"...I haven't heard anything from him...not in a month..." Trowa said, fighting back his tears. There had been no notes. No apologies or requests for death. There had been no blood red roses or petals left carefully for him. No photos of his next assignment. There had been no new attacks. No strange deaths. There had been no sign of him for a month. He's probably lying in the ground by now... "He's dead Quatre..."
"But how do you know for sure? They never saw his body. If he is like Heero, a 'perfect' soldier, then it would take more than a bullet or two to finish him off."
Trowa understood that Quatre was trying to cheer him up. And he greatly appreciated Quatre's heartfelt attempts. Yet, Trowa didn't believe him. After reading all the information on him, after discovering all the pain they had caused him for "discipline," Trowa simply couldn't believe that the frail Nanashi would be able to withstand any more. But as he looked at Quatre, who smiled faintly at him in hopes of rekindling Trowa's happiness, he gave a small smile. He didn't want Quatre to think his efforts were in total vain. He had done so much for him so far.
"...Well maybe...I guess...its possible." Trowa sighed a bit. Quatre's smile grew.
"Its completely possible." Quatre insisted. "Hey, are you hungry?"
"Kinda..." Trowa admitted. His stomach growled at the mention of food.
"Okay. Wufei made something for you."
"Oh really. Well I'm just going to take a fast shower." Trowa said. Quatre hopped off his bed and almost skipped to the door. Trowa laughed quietly in his head.
"Ok, I'll bring it to you in a few." Quatre laughed. He went out into the hall and shut the door behind him. Shaking his head slightly, Trowa stepped gently onto the floor. His legs wobbled slightly from being in bed so long. But he made it to the bathroom rather easily and spent the next quarter of an hour washing, crying softly to himself.
Quatre returned shortly after he had finished. He dressed in some warmer clothes and was on his bed, drying his hair with a towel when Quatre poked his head back in. He balanced a tray in one hand and grinned happily at Trowa. Trowa had a lot of his color back and Quatre couldn't see the tearstains on his face.
"You do look better." Quatre complimented as he set the tray in front of him. Trowa dropped the towel on the floor.
"Thanks." Trowa said and looked down at the tray. It had to be the most meager meal he had ever seen. A small cup of tea and a bowl of some gloopy goop. Trowa picked the bowl up and sniffed it. It had no scent. "Who made this???"
"Wufei. He said it would be easy on your stomach and filling at the same time." Quatre said. Trowa looked at the food suspiciously. He wondered how it was going to taste since it had no scent. Gripping the spoon in his hand, he took a small taste of the sticky, goopy meal. His contorted in disgust but he forced it down his throat anyway. It sat in his stomach alright; it felt like it was glued there. Trowa took a long drink of tea, trying to wash the rest down and rid himself of the awful taste. "What's wrong? Are you still sick?"
"Ugh, that's terrible." Trowa groaned. Quatre laughed. "Is it suppose to taste like glue? Or stick in my throat?"
"Oh come on, it can't be that bad." Quatre said. Trowa filled the spoon again, forcing it into Quatre's mouth before he could stop him. Quatre's eyes widened and he swallowed with difficulty. Trowa smirked slightly as Quatre gulped down Trowa's tea. "Or maybe it can..." He laughed nervously. "But you should eat it anyway."
"You're kidding."
"Well Wufei made it for you. It would be rude not to." Quatre had a point. Trowa looked down at the bowl. Wufei had made it for Trowa so he would be able to get well. With a heavy sigh, Trowa munched the food slowly. He wished that Quatre hadn't drank all his tea. He finished finally, pushed the tray away and tried to get the taste out of his mouth. "Well its food at least."
"That's debatable." Trowa sighed. He laid back against the pillows. Quatre looked around his room. His gaze fell onto Trowa's desk, which was unnaturally clean.
"Your desk. Its clean?" Quatre said confused. "Its never clean. Its usually covered in sheet music and books and things."
"I cleaned it earlier..." Trowa said. He had, when he had first woken up, looked at it and put things away. He had no desire to see the familiar clutter of the song he had been trying to produce. Because he had been composing a song inspired by Nanashi. "Just wanted to try something new."
"Oh..." Quatre said. "It just seems, unnatural, you know? It was the only thing you let get messy and that's only because you're so dedicated to music. Unless," He looked at Trowa with a rather surprised look. "Unless you have given up music." Trowa said nothing. "Please don't. You play so beautifully."
"...I'm not renouncing music. I'm just take a breather from it." Trowa said in a quiet tone. He clenched the sheets slightly as he looked through the drawer to his flute, resting in its place of honor in its black velvet case beside his incomplete work. "That's all."
"I see..." Quatre sighed a bit. He rested his chin in his hand. "I remember when we used to play together. That was always fun."
"Yeah, it was." Trowa admitted. Quatre was also a wonderful player, though he was far too humble to admit it. Trowa sat back and remembered how they would sit outside in the grass, playing together for hours. Trowa did miss those days and when he closed his eyes, he could almost hear the songs they used to play in the sunlight. Then he heard something else. A twig snapped. Quiet voices conversed outside the window. Trowa shot up. "Quatre kill the lights." he whispered.
"What?"
"Do it." Trowa ordered in a whisper. Quatre rushed to the wall and the room was bathed in darkness. Trowa crawled off his bed and to his window. Pressing an ear against the wall, he could hear the voices more clearly. Quatre knelt beside him. There was a small tremor going through his body.
"With the lights off and the camouflage netting, they won't find us." Quatre whispered. Trowa nodded but as he listened something told him they weren't looking for them.
"I don't think they're looking for us." Trowa whispered.
"What do you mean?" Quatre asked. Trowa hushed him. They listened closely.
"Damn it! Why can't we just shoot the kid and be done with it?" someone snapped.
"You know why. Even if the kid is a pain in the ass, he still does a good job."
"Yeah right. He wakes up after a month and then goes ballistic and starts killing people. Damn it, we should've killed him when we had the chance. Instead of letting him stay."
"Yeah I guess...we probably could have handled the gundam pilots on our own." The conversation moved away. Trowa tensed slightly and looked back to Quatre. His eyes glowed in the dim light but they were narrow. Angry? Trowa wondered why.
"...They're talking about Nanashi, aren't they?" Quatre asked. Trowa didn't think it was possible. But who else could they be talking about. His heart flew at the thought of Nanashi being alive. But his anger started to rise when he thought of what would happen if he didn't find Nanashi first. "Trowa?"
"We have to find him." Trowa said and went over to his bed. He pulled a gun out from under it and loaded it. He knew that those men weren't going to give up Nanashi without a fight. But Trowa wasn't about to let them take him back. "You coming?"
"...Yeah." Quatre stood up and raced after him as Trowa went out to the front door. They both put on their shoes and stepped out into the night. A cold air whipped at them. Trowa wish absently for his green sweater but forget it as he took off running. "Wait up!!" Quatre chased after him. "Do you even know where you're going?" No but I'll find him, I have to.
The forest was so big. It had been the perfect cover for the lot of them. Even their gundams were hidden in the forest, carefully placed in areas that were hard to reach. Trowa spun about after ten minutes of searching. He felt suddenly very lost. The forest was so much different in the darkness. Shit I wish I had a flashlight. Stumbling over upturned roots, Trowa caught himself as he fell. Something wet and sticky brushed his hand. He searched for it. It was a leaf, covered in something. Sniffing it, Trowa found that is was covered in blood. Nanashi. The scent of blood was suddenly very strong; Trowa followed it. He felt his way, tripping and running into trees more than once. Quatre kept close to him, occasionally holding onto the back of his shirt to keep track of him.
"Nanashi?" Trowa called finally. He heard nothing. "Nanashi where are you? Its me, Trowa." Trowa looked about furiously. "Nanashi please, answer me."
It was very faint. But Trowa could hear the sound of a faint whimpering close by. He looked back at Quatre. He could hear it too. He let go of Trowa and walked forward a bit, listening to the noise. Trowa followed slowly, keeping hold on the gun for fear that one of the soldiers might try to pry Nanashi away from him. Looking round, Trowa realized he had lost Quatre. He called out to him quietly. Shit, where'd he go?
"Oh Allah! Trowa!!" Quatre cried. He wasn't too far away. Trowa ran, hoping that Quatre was okay. He rounded a tree and just barely managed to stop himself from running into Quatre. He was standing, open mouthed, staring at the roots of a tree. Trowa looked as well; suddenly he wanted to vomit.
Moonlight seeped through the old tree's leaves and branches, illuminating the ground beneath it. Curled up among the roots sat Nanashi. He was pale, much paler than he had been before, shivering in the cold. He was dressed in gauzy clothes that didn't seem to fit him; he was so thin. Nanashi raised his head a bit, looked at them with glistening eyes. They were dark and frightened. His head fell again and he sank further back against the tree, holding himself. Trowa stared down at him, tears threatening to fall. Quatre was mumbling something under his breath. A prayer?
"...I know why you're here..." Nanashi said finally. His voice was slightly hoarse. Trowa and Quatre stared at him. Nanashi looked at them; there was sadness in his eyes and yet there was hope too. "All I ask...is for just one thing..."
"What?" Quatre asked him. Trowa said nothing, merely looked to Nanashi. Nanashi sighed slightly and looked at the sky.
"...Just do it and let me die...Don't show me any kindness or mercy...Empty your gun and leave me to bleed in the cold...I deserve it...Please don't show me any sort of pity or compassion...Just shoot me and leave me to die...I deserve to suffer and die for all I've done..." He whispered and hugged his knees, head down, neck exposed. "Please...just grant me that..."
It had to be the oddest request Trowa or Quatre had ever heard. They looked to one another then to Nanashi. He waited patiently for them to execute him. That was the last thing on either of their minds. Trowa dropped his gun, fell to his knees in front of Nanashi. Nanashi looked up at him weakly. Trowa brushed a couple strands of hair from the boy's face, pulled him into his arms. He felt Nanashi tense in his arms then relax and rest. Running his fingers through Nanashi's hair, Trowa felt his heart pound madly in his chest. He was so very happy right now, to have Nanashi in his arms. His hand passed over the boy's forehead; he was freezing.
"We have to get him out of here." Trowa looked up at Quatre as he spoke. "We have to get him someplace safe." Quatre nodded. Trowa looked at the ground.
"What is it?" Quatre asked.
"...We can't take him home...we both know what will happen..." Trowa mumbled. Yes they did. Heero would most likely try to finish the job to keep them all alive. "...But where else can I take him? Where else will be safe for him..."
"My sister's house." Quatre said finally. Trowa looked up at him. "Its maybe 30 minutes away. We could take him there."
"...I wanna stay with him..." Trowa said quietly, looking into Nanashi's face. He was asleep, or unconscious. Trowa held him close, unwilling to let him go.
"You can do that. Its kinda small but it should be fine for just two people. She doesn't use it much so she gave me the key in case I ever wanted to. Come on, we'll go now."
Trowa nodded slowly and stood, carrying Nanashi in his arms. Nanashi wasn't at all heavy. He must not have eaten in a while. He walked slowly behind Quatre, forgetting all about the other soldiers who could still be in the forest. It took them a little while to make their way back to the house. Neither of them had heard anything from the soldiers. Hopefully they just gave up. Trowa sat on the trunk on the car with Nanashi as Quatre went inside to get the keys. Nanashi...I'll get you better...I'll protect you...promise. Quatre returned, unlocking the car and getting in the driver's seat. Setting Nanashi down gently on the back seat, he sat in the passenger seat. He closed the door and watched the forest speed by as Quatre drove away.
"...Quatre?" Trowa said after ten minutes of utter silence. Quatre looked at him from the corner of his eye.
"Yes?"
"...Why?" Trowa couldn't help but ask.
"Why what?" Quatre replied.
"...Why are you doing this...helping me hide him..." Trowa sighed. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate it; he truly did. Quatre said nothing for a moment. Trowa wondered if he had offended him. "Never mind....you don't have to answer. Thank you." Trowa smiled a little at him. Quatre smiled back and they continued on the drive.
"Hey Trowa..." It was Quatre's turn to break the silence. "What are we going to tell the others?"
"I dunno. They're going to want an answer." Trowa said. He thought about it in silence.
"We'll tell them you went to visit Catherine in France." Quatre said finally. "I'll drop you off and take the car back and bring your motorcycle to the house."
"...Why would I drive to France???" Trowa asked. Quatre laughed a little. "You know that's going to be the first question out of Duo's mouth."
"I dunno. But I'll call Catherine and tell her what's going on. She'll cover for you, I know it." Quatre said.
"Yeah...thanks." Trowa said again. He looked out the window as they drove. He could see the outline of the house finally. It looked smaller than the other. Quatre pulled into the driveway. Trowa got out and picked Nanashi up again. Quatre handed him a key.
"Here. Go and get settled. I'll come back in a bit." Quatre smiled at him and got back in the car. Trowa nodded and watched him drive away before going to the front door, unlocking it, and taking Nanashi into his sanctuary.
cuteness. um...is it a bad thing if you cry cause of your own tales? hm...well please review people