I proclaim the right of artistic and creative licenses!! waves around a paper see!! see!!
Nanashi: yein, Creative License is an idea, not an actual piece of paper...
...its a joke!!!
Nanahsi: oh...um oh yeah, Yein doesn't own GW or lyrics, she just owns me
oh and more OOC in this
Chapter 7: Numb
It felt like floating, drifting, across an endless empty sea. There was no sky above, no sun. No moon, no stars. No wind, no waves. Trowa couldn't move his head. He couldn't raise his hands, he couldn't speak. He floated along, unaware of anything around him except the oceanic void. His eyes searched for something, anything that could tell him where he was or what was going on.
Where am I? Trowa's thoughts echoed off invisible walls. He closed his eyes, wondering. How did I get here? His eyes closed, trying to remember. Nanashi. That's it...The house. Nanashi and I were in bed, asleep... Trowa recalled the moments before. Recalled how frail Nanashi looked and yet how wonderful. The closet creature to an angel that Trowa had ever seen. He had looked so open, so accepting, so loving. Trowa sighed at the thought of it, at the way he looked that night. Nanashi, my sweet Nanashi. Where are you?
Trowa remembered. The men from C.R.Y.P.T. They had shown up at the house in the middle of the night. They had come to take Nanashi away. Trowa longed to clench his fist in anger but there was no feeling in his limbs. That officer. That blonde bastard. God, if he touches Nanashi. Trowa stopped thinking. If Trowa was here, floating in the darkness, unable to move or speak, then where was Nanashi. If I'm here than there's no one there to save him. Shit, Nanashi!! Trowa desperately tried to move. He started to sink. Nanashi!!!
"No!!! Let me go!!! Trowa!!!! No, no, no!!!! Let go!!! Trowa!!!! Let me go, I have to get to Trowa!!!" Nanashi's voice sounded so very far away. Closing his eyes, Trowa cursed himself and them. Damn it!! Nanashi, please hang on. I'll come for you I swear. As soon as I get out of here I'll come for you.
"Quiet yourself, Angra Mainyu. Be still." The blonde officer smirked, the voice distorting from above him. Trowa growled. He wanted to free himself, just to get a chance to pull Nanashi away from them. "See? This is what happens when you disobey. People get very hurt." What? What the hell does he mean by that??? "Come along Angra Mainyu." No wait!! Don't take him!! Let him go!! Far away, he heard muffled shouts and a body being dragged across the floor. Nanashi!!!!! Damn it!! I have to get out of here!!
Trowa's body sank further. He felt himself slipping away under the water. But it wasn't water. His surroundings were warm, sticky. A distinct metallic scent invaded his senses. Blood? Trowa's eyes opened once again. He looked above him. A red cloud swirled above him. Where did that... For a moment, his fingers moved. They fingered his chest on their own. Trowa became entranced by the blood on his fingers tips. He was bleeding. Trowa couldn't remember where the blood had come from. Why? Why am I bleeding? Am...Am I...
Almost to answer his own frightened question, his back hit something solid. Like a floor. But there was still black underneath him and red wisps up above him. Trowa's fingers felt the ground beneath him, felt the blood seeping from his chest. There was a small hole, between his ribs. Trowa fingered it, dipping his own hand into the wound. He held that tiny piece of metal before his eyes. A bullet? How did that get there...Why can't I remember? What's going on?
"Trowa." A familiar voice called out to him. Trowa's head turned to the side. Nanashi stood in the distant. There was a vague, happy smile on his face. Something dripped down from his eyes. But he was so far away that Trowa couldn't tell what it was. Nanashi laughed quietly. It was a strange, echoing sound. "Trowa."
Nanashi...Trowa found his strength. He pushed himself onto his knees and stood. It was as if he had never been frozen at all. He watched Nanashi for a moment. There was a strange glow coming from behind him. Nanashi still smiled that vague quiet smile. Trowa smiled back. Coming.
He walked slowly. The sound of his own footsteps seemed strange, like he was walking away from himself. A bloody trail followed his feet, as though he wanted to be sure he knew his way back. But back to what? Nanashi is here. So this is where I have to be. There seemed to be something wrong with that statement but he dismissed it. Nanashi's eyes glowed a little. He was only a little closer than he had been before.
"Hurry up Trowa." Nanashi's mouth moved slowly. The words didn't match his lips. Trowa's steps faltered slightly. "I don't want to leave you behind."
I'm coming Nanashi. Trowa walked a little faster. He wanted to be beside Nanashi. He was safe now and Trowa wanted nothing more than to take the young man in his arms. Something pulled at him a bit. Something was telling him to go back. Why? Nanashi is safe...
"Heh, what's taking so long?" Nanashi asked. He held out a single hand. It seemed paler; Trowa could almost see the black through Nanashi's skin. That worried Trowa but only slightly. Nanashi's hand was within his reach. Soon they would be together again. And this time nothing would pry them apart, Trowa would make sure of that. All he had to do was taking Nanashi's hand. Such a simple gesture. All he had to do was reach out his hand and...
Trowa pulled back. Hands gripped him from behind, pulled his fingers out of reach. Familiar hands. Trowa looked back to Nanashi, a small tinge of worry on his face. Nanashi's face went slack. The hand fell to his side, cracked slightly as though it were nothing but fine glass. Those green and gray eyes of his faded into nothingness, replaced by empty sockets. The body fell. A look of death and anguish replaced his tender features. Time sped up. Trowa watched helpless as Nanashi's body slowly decayed, fading into nothing but the fine dust his body would become after thousands of years. Trowa wanted to be sick. He wanted to rush back but the hands pulled him further away. Trowa wished he could remember who's hands were holding him. They pulled him down, let him rest on the floor again. He felt suddenly short of breathe, his lungs were on fire. Trowa couldn't breathe. His eyes closed painfully. There was a sharp pain in between his ribs. Cold hands searched his wrist for a pulse.
"Damn it Trowa!! Come on!! Breathe, damn it!!" a frightened voice yelled in his ear. It sounded so close to him now. Trowa knew it. Quatre? "Damn it!! Trowa don't you dare die on me!!" Something pressed painfully against his ribs, rhythmic, almost like a heartbeat. His heart beat noisily in his ears. Did my heart just start to beat? Sweet air rushed into his lungs. Trowa accepted it gratefully. Eyes closed, he breathed a deep breath and coughed loudly. It felt strange to have air in his lungs again. "Trowa!" The voice cried happily. Trowa took several shaky breathes and opened his eyes to find himself on the floor of the house Quatre had let him use, with Quatre and Duo leaning over him. Huh?? How'd I get here? "Oh thank Allah."
"Yeah what he said." Duo said. He moved his cold hand off of Trowa's wrist. Trowa searched the area. He still couldn't figure out what was going on. Duo had a hand on Trowa's chest, covering it with a blood soaked cloth. "Trowa?"
"...How'd I get here?" Trowa asked. His chest burned painfully.
"You were shot." Quatre said. Trowa looked up at him. It hurt to see him, looking so much like Nanashi. Quatre smiled faintly at him. "You...you weren't breathing when we got here."
"We?" Trowa asked. He heard footsteps.
"The area's clear. They must have taken off." Wufei stated. He looked down at Trowa on the floor. "You're alive. Good." Heero leaned against the door frame, silent. They avoided each other's eyes. It seemed strange to think that they had gotten in such an argument only that morning. Or yesterday morning, whichever it was. "And there is no sign of...Nanashi?" Wufei struggled slightly to remember the name. Trowa's eyes closed, letting out a frustrated sigh. Heero made a small sound, like a groan. Trowa gave him a hateful glare. "How you doing?'
"...I'm lying on the floor with a bullet in my chest, how do you think I'm doing?" Trowa snapped, a bit harsher than he had meant. Duo snickered to himself.
"Better than being clinically dead for five minutes." Duo said. Trowa looked at him. "Well you were." Well that would probably explain why I can't remember everything. But the fact that he had almost died was not about to stop him from bring Nanashi back to him. Pushing himself up a bit, Trowa ignored the pain in his chest. "Hey, lay back down! You're gonna hurt yourself."
"I don't care." Trowa hissed, trying to ignore the pain. Duo pushed him back gently into Quatre's lap. Trowa was only slightly grateful for the relief of the pain. He had to find Nanashi and he wasn't going to be able to do it while lying on his back. "Duo, I can't just sit here."
"And why not?" Duo asked, still holding him back. Trowa growled slightly. "You have a bullet in your chest. You're not going anywhere till that heals."
"I can't wait that long. Nanashi, he's-" Trowa was interrupted by a sigh and head shake from Heero. Trowa longed for something that he could throw at him. "Don't do that Yuy." Heero said nothing. There was a disturbing silence.
"Trowa, you're in no condition to go anywhere." Quatre said. Trowa's eyes closed. He knew that Quatre was right but that didn't mean he wanted to accept it. He growled quietly at his situation. "Trowa please try to relax until we get you fixed up."
"And how long is that going to take?" Trowa asked. Something rustled and he opened his eyes. Heero was much closer to him. There was a black bag in his hand. No flipping way. "Oh no! No!! You are not doing meatball surgery on me!! No way in hell!!"
"You're the one complaining about time." Heero said with a frown. There was a strange glint in his eye. Trowa growled.
"None of you are touching me with a scalpel. None of you! I'd sooner blow my-" Trowa's sentence stopped. Something had pierced his arm. His eyes drooped. Why did he suddenly feel so tired? Heero's face faded dizzily. Trowa thought he saw the blurry outline of a syringe. He mumbled a curse, unsure of what he actually said and fell back into Quatre's arms. Damn you, Heero...
It felt like Trowa's eyes had just dropped when he felt the desire to open them again. He heard a gentle talking beside him. He felt something soft under his back. The couch? There was a warm blanket covering his chest. Absently, he finger the area where the wound had been. It was absent and a cool cloth replaced it. As he questioned it with his eyes closed, a soft hand covered his own. Trowa prayed that it was Nanashi. That everything that had transpired was nothing but a bad dream. Fate was not that kind. Trowa's eyes opened, scanning the room. He was on his back in living room, sunlight bathing over him. And it was Quatre's hand that cupped his own. Not Nanashi's. Trowa repressed the urge to let out a sob.
"You're awake. Good, I was getting worried." Quatre sighed. It hurt to look at him. He looked so much like his Nanashi.
"...How long was I out?" Trowa asked, trying to subtle avoid looking at him.
"A few hours. I was starting to wonder if Heero gave you too much." Quatre said with a faint smile. Trowa said nothing for a moment. "Don't worry. He did every thing well. Sterilized all his instruments, didn't let anyone else near you so they wouldn't contaminant anything."
"Didn't know Heero could do meatball surgery..." Trowa mumbled. Quatre shrugged.
"Neither did I. But I gave up on trying to figure out everything Heero can do." Quatre said, a small laugh in his voice. Trowa didn't return it. He still couldn't believe Heero had cut him open while he was out on the floor. He didn't like the idea, not at all. Heero and him were still on opposite sides and who knows what Heero could have done. He could've have done something to prevent him from helping Nanashi. Even if its unlikely...its possible, right? Quatre sensed his worry. "Don't worry. He was very thorough." He paused and his voice dropped slightly. "Heero's always very thorough..."
"I meant what I said Quatre..." Trowa spoke after a few moments of awkward silence. Quatre nodded a bit. "I will kill anyone who tries to hurt Nanashi...and I meant anyone."
"I know Trowa. You don't make idle threats. When you make threats that is..." Quatre's voice trailed off. Trowa knew he was not finished.
"But?" Trowa asked, leading Quatre further into his words. Quatre smiled at him, an understanding smile.
"Perhaps he just needs to understand." Quatre said. "The way I needed to."
"You are not as hard headed as Heero though." Trowa argued. Or myself as well. Quatre shrugged slightly.
"I dunno. Provided with the proper argument, even the perfect soldier's mind can be changed." Quatre's eyes pulled away from his. They shared a silent conversation with someone behind Trowa. Trowa waited patiently for Quatre's attention. "I'm going to go help the others. They're looking for any leads onto where they might have gone. I'll come check on you later." Quatre said. He rose and strode quickly from the room, closing the front door behind him. Trowa pushed himself up, sitting with his back to the person he knew was behind him.
"...I suppose I should thank you Heero." Trowa said quietly. He tried his hardest not to look back into his comrade's face. Heero's shadow fell over his bare shoulders. "If it hadn't been for you, I would probably be dead...thank you." Heero said nothing but he moved around to the other side of the couch. Trowa still refused to look up at him but he moved his legs, sitting fully up right and wrapping the blanket around himself. Sitting beside him, they did not speak. Not for a fairly long time. Guess we are still mad at each other...
"...Feeling any better?" Heero asked abruptly. Trowa looked at him slightly. Heero's eyes were closed as he leaned back into the couch.
"...Yeah. Much better now that there's no bullet in my chest..."
"That's not what I meant." Heero said. He watched Trowa's expression. Trowa seemed slightly shocked. "...I meant now that you're away from us...do you feel better?"
"Getting away from everything wasn't what made me feel better..." Trowa sighed. Being away from everyone didn't fill the gaping void in me. Nanashi did that. Even if I didn't leave, Nanashi still would be what fought and destroyed my loneliness.
"Nanashi did that?" Heero asked. Trowa couldn't tell if there was anger in his voice. He nodded, unwilling to open his mouth. "I still don't trust him..."
"Oh come off it Heero!" Trowa groaned. Heero's eyes fell onto him again. "Nanashi isn't a killer by choice."
"Still-"
"Still nothing!" Trowa snapped. "If anything, he's almost exactly like you!" Except for the fact he's not nearly as cold. "A victim. You never had a choice and neither does he! He can't be completely blamed for what he's done. Do we completely blame you?!" Trowa demanded. The thought of Nanashi being back with C.R.Y.P.T. made Trowa want to cry again. But he held his emotions in check to gage Heero's reaction. He said nothing, his eyes no longer on Trowa but looking coldly at the wall. Trowa sighed heavily.
"...You really do love him...huh?" Heero asked in a quiet voice. "...And if I was to try and kill him?"
"...When I thought you killed him, you have no idea of the pain you put me through. I felt like I was never going to be happy again. I wanted to die...I'm not letting you take my happiness away again, Heero. I don't care what I have to do. You took away my happiness once but I got it back. I'm not letting you strip me of it again."
"You're a fool." Heero laughed softly.
"No more than you." Trowa answered. Heero looked at him. "Don't think that you're nothing like me."
"What makes you think that?"
"You think I'm a fool because I love Nanashi. Even if he's a killer, a tool for C.R.Y.P.T." Heero said nothing. "You're no different. You love Duo as much as I love him." Heero scoffed slightly. Narrowing his eyes, Trowa gave him a searching stare. "Tell me. If it was Duo who was a killer for them, would you kill him? Would you let anyone hurt him?"
"Absolutely." Heero said a little too quickly. Trowa laughed.
"Don't lie, Heero." He snickered. Heero sighed a bit, running a hand through his hair.
"Alright, fine. I'd probably be as stupid and fucking hard headed as you're being. Probably..." Heero sighed. He crossed his arms again.
"You still don't trust him..." Trowa said. Again, Heero refused to respond. Trowa groaned and laid his head on the back of the couch. "Did you even look at the disk? Did you even look at anything they did to him?" He never did answer Trowa's question before. Still silent, Trowa sighed heavily. Why did I expect you to answer that? "Never mind...of course you didn't."
"Actually I did, while you were out." Heero said finally. Trowa looked him over. Heero frowned slightly. "Those people are sick." Yeah they are... Heero looked at him; there was a strange gleam in his eyes. "So I was thinking a simple infiltration/rescue. Nothing difficult." Trowa was staring blankly at him, letting his words register in his head. "You up for it?"
"Up...for it?" Trowa mumbled back. He was still having a hard time swallowing Heero's words.
"That's what you wanted, isn't it?" Heero said. Trowa nodded slowly. "Alright then. We'll leave Nanashi to you. We can handle everything else. Come on, get dressed." Heero got off the couch and headed to the front door.
"Heero!" Trowa called before Heero left. He looked back at him, eyes still the same but with a small hint of happiness.
"...Thank you." Heero simply nodded and continued on his way outside. Trowa stood a bit. He felt slightly winded. He was still wounded, even if Heero had done a fairly good job. Accomplishing this task was going to take a lot of effort on his part. But I'm not giving in. I'll get you out of there Nanashi. I promise.
"I hate you...I hate you all..." Nanashi moaned weakly. He was alone, he had been alone for an hour or so. He hardly recognized his own voice, it was so hoarse. Shouting at the top of his lungs, cursing and screaming for the last few hours had not helped him at all. In fact, it had made things a whole lot worse.
They had dragged him away, tore him away from the happiness he had found. They locked him in this metal room, different from his own. Nanashi had been cursing them the entire way, his words muffled by the gag. It was finally removed and Nanashi cursed them with every profanity he could think of. He hated them so much and Nanashi wanted them to know it. But that didn't help his situation. Not in the least.
Nanashi suffered the most savage beating of his life. He had tried to remain stoic, declaring his loathing for them all in a calm voice. But soon he couldn't hold it back. His terrified and agonized screams echoed off the walls. Blood splashed and stained the reflective surface beneath him. He had never experienced such pain, such torment. It seemed surreal. The thin pair of jeans, the only clothing he had to cover himself with, tore and shredded in the onslaught. Nanashi knew what they were planning; he thought he would be able to handle what was coming next.
He would never be prepared for violation. Tears streamed down his face at the pain and humiliation of it all. They tortured him, beat him, took him. And now all Nanashi could do was think about Trowa, think about what they had had, wonder whether or not he was dead, and try to convince himself that it wasn't his fault. Nanashi screams finally silenced. They left him; he couldn't stand, he could barely move. He hung from his wrists, suspended in the center of the room, unable to move his limbs without experiencing extreme pain. Talking in a quiet voice, he continued to curse them, mixing soft sobs with his rage. He could hardly talk now, mumbling to himself. The voice in the back of his head had been cursing him, belittling him all the while. Nanashi had given up on fighting against it and hung there, bloody and cold.
"...Trowa..." Nanashi sobbed. Another set of tears mixed with his blood. He still couldn't get it out of his head. The vision of Trowa sprawled on the carpet, blood staining it. He looked so cold, so peaceful like that. Nanashi wanted to throw up. "Oh god Trowa..." He coughed. The voice began to hiss again but Nanashi was too tired to understand what it was saying. He focused on Trowa's face. It brought him comfort. ...You're dead...Its all my fault...God I'm so sorry Trowa...I'm sorry!!! Suddenly, he felt it. The feeling of an embrace, arms wrapping about his waist, hands cradling his drooping head. The voice was so soft.
"Now, now Little one..."
Jack? Something hushed him; another set of hands held him. Invisible hands cradled him; Nanashi welcomed the hallucination. Nanashi relaxed a little more.
"Nanashi, don't be like that."
Trowa...
"We do not blame you..."
"How could we blame you?"
There must have been something-
"Hush...We are victims of Naturalism."
"All of us."
All of us?
"All of us."
...Everyone is a victim of Naturalism...but doesn't that mean-
Nanashi didn't have the chance to finish his thought. The invisible hands released him as the door opened. Nanashi's eyes rose slightly to see the blonde officer enter, alone. Nanashi was slightly worried about what would happen next. With him being unable to defend himself, he could do whatever he wanted with Nanashi's weakened form. He trembled slightly as the officer circled him, examining him. Nanashi wish he could just pull himself away; his face turned away, his eyes closed. The officer gripped his chin painfully and drew his attention back.
"I don't think so, Angra Mainyu. I need you to pay strict attention to me." The officer growled. Nanashi looked at him and mustered all the strength he could to spit squarely in his face.
"I hate you..." He hissed. He took the hit in silence; he face was already numb with pain. Another hit made no difference. "I hate you so fucking much...I wish you would die..."
"Now that won't do Angra Mainyu." The officer smirked. Nanashi's rage was boiling again.
"Nanashi..." He whispered softly, barely head.
"What was that?"
"Nanashi!!! Nanashi, Nanashi, Nanashi!!! My name is Nanashi!! Not Angra Mainyu!!! I'm not some pet! You can't take away my name or will!!! I'm not yours!!! My name is and will always be Nanashi1!!!" Nanashi shrieked. He coughed violently, feeling his whole body shake. He expected the officer to growl at him, yell at him, strike him. Call him nothing but a tool. But instead, he laughed, a laugh he hated.
"You truly think that, Angra Mainyu?" The officer asked. He moved away. Nanashi could hear something rustling, could smell burning metal. He wondered what was going on. Something hot came close to the skin on his back. Nanashi tensed. "You were always mine."
"That's a lie." Nanashi snapped back. His voice was fading more and more, cracking under the strain of speaking.
"Oh if only that were so." The officer laughed. Something that burned like the fires of Hell pressed into his shoulder blade. Nanashi cried out to the best of his ability. "That would make this a little easier, wouldn't it?"
"What...What are you doing?" Nanashi asked between sobs. He laughed. The burning sensation moved, slowly curving and retracing its steps over and over again. He could feel the skin burn away, feel the blood flow.
"A rather old way of marking property, but still effective." The blonde smiled. Nanashi clenched his fists and panted.
"I...I...am not...p...pr...property..." He gasped. The burning went a little deeper. Nanashi whimpered at the branding as it etched out a letter in a slow, steady motion.
"You'd think that wouldn't you? But then again, no one has told you differently. No one has told you the truth, have they Nanashi?" The officer asked. Nanashi's eyes opened. He couldn't recall the last time the officer had ever called him "Nanashi." And what truth was he baiting him for? What did he know that Nanashi didn't. Nanahsi's curiosity rose.
"...What truth?" Nanashi asked finally. There was a soft chuckle behind him. The pain stayed in one spot for a moment. Nanashi tried to hold his whimpering in check.
"Now, I'm not so sure I want to tell you, Nanashi." There was a strange tone when he said his name, like it was a comical insult. A powerful hand gripped his aching shoulder. He laughed some more. "I'd hate to break your perspective." Nanashi wasn't sure what he meant but he wanted to know this truth the officer was speaking off. The officer gave a mocking sigh. "Well if you insist. I'd hate to see your curiosity unsatisfied." A bloody "C" was now etched into the flesh on Nanashi's back. A soft whimper escaped him; he could feel the officer's grin. A gentle melody suddenly filled the room. Nanashi recognized it and felt like throwing up.
"...Why?" Nanashi asked. How could he force Nanashi to listen to such a beautiful song as he tortured him. The officer sighed, almost happily.
"Did you think you and Jack were the only ones who liked 'Green Sleeves?'" The officer asked. Pain erupted in his back again. Nanashi's tears flowed.
"...You...you knew J...Jack?" Nanashi asked between pants.
"Oh I knew him very well." There was a frightening hint in his voice. "I know you both very well."
"I...I don't understand..." Nanashi said. The officer laughed.
"Of course you don't. You don't understand much of anything." Nanashi growled slightly at the insult. The pain increased. "Heh, did you never notice?"
"...Notice what?" Nanashi gasped. The officer stopped. He lifted Nanashi's face, focused Nanashi's face on his own. With a strange and mocking smile, he brushed some bangs away from his eyes. Those beautiful azure eyes. Eyes that were so familiar except for the hate and cruelty in them. Jack's eyes, if Jack was even capable of hate. Jack...
"...I...I don't understand..." Nanashi felt a small shiver go through him as he spoke. How could he not notice, in all those years? How could he not see the resemblance of their eyes? The officer laughed, the music swelled.
"Its so obvious, isn't it Nanashi?" The officer grinned. He touched Nanashi's cheeks, looked him over. "You look so much like me...but your brother received my eyes. You have your mother's. So beautifully...so wonderfully and sickeningly beautiful." He slapped him painfully. "I hated those eyes." Nanashi sobbed, loudly. Not out of pain but out of the hints the officer was dropping. No, it...it can't be true!!! "What's the matter, Nanashi?" The officer smirked.
"It...It can't be true!" Nanashi sobbed, shaking his head wildly. "It just can't be!"
"What can't be true? That you really are mine?!" There was rage in the officer's voice again. The pain returned, harder and deeper than before. Nanashi almost bit through his lip, trying to keep himself controlled. The hand gripped his throat. "Don't ever think that, Nanashi. You are mine!"
"...You're lying!!" Nanashi yelled, trying to convince himself that he truly was. It wasn't possible, it couldn't be possible. "It's a lie!!!"
"Oh really...well..." The officer smirked. The burning still persisted but he was speaking directly into Nanashi's ear. "I remember very well...how much she enjoyed being with me...poor little British girl. She didn't know the difference between love and lust." Nanashi closed his eyes tightly. The officer forced the pain against his back, closer to his spine. Nanashi's eyes snapped open and the officer gripped his face. "She really thought I was in love with her. Poor Irena, heh. Poor little British whore."
"Shut up!!!" Nanashi hissed. He bit at the officer's fingers. "Don't you ever talk about my mom like that!!!" The officer looked at him for a moment before striking him. But it wasn't with his hand. The hot metal rod went across his face. Nanashi howled, feeling the skin by his eyes seer and burn and bleed. The burn moved down his neck, down his chest. A bloody cross was now etched into his skin, Nanashi could feel every drop of blood that hit the floor. He wailed, choking on his own tears. The officer fingered the flow.
"Now I think you'll control your little outbursts, hm?" The officer said. Nanashi sniffled. Fingers roughly tore the tears away. "You were the one who wanted to know, Nanashi." I don't want to know any of this. There was a cruel chuckle in his ear. "So let me continue my story." Nanashi sobbed softly. "Don't start repressing things now...we're not even half way done." "R" was bleeding down his spine.
"God...why?...Why??" Nanashi pleaded. The officer smirked.
"Irena asked that too. 'Why? Why Adrian? Why are you doing this?' It was actually rather humorous." Adrian...God why are you telling me this? "She pretty much loved me in the beginning and hated me in the end."
"...Can't blame her..." Nanashi mumbled. Another letter began to etch itself. Nanashi's eyes were being blinded.
"No I suppose not. A mother is very protective of her young, an animalistic instinct." Adrian said, still moving the burn along Nanashi's numbing back. "She swore to me she would never let me have you...either of you." A cruel laugh escaped the older blonde's lips. Nanashi cringed at the sound of it. "Irena always seemed so determined...I can still see that determination in you..." The pain increased slightly then faded back to its former. "All she wanted to do was protect the two of you."
"From you..." Nanashi completed his sentence, wondering if his tears would ever stop falling.
"Yes from me." Adrian laughed. Nanashi's mind was starting to feel somewhat hallow...as though he was slipping away, being a drawn away in a sea of truths. He closed his eyes sadly, listening unable to try to block it out. He was becoming so tired, so blackened. "She gave me two. Heh, two that I could've used...but I only got to use one. And I had to pick the one just like his bitch of a mother." The pain increased again. Nanashi's pants rose an octave. "Originally, I wanted to use Jack." Nanashi felt a small bit of rage consume him. His fist clenched as best they could. "Jack had a great deal of potential...but by the time I could get to him, Irena was onto me and then well..."
"...And then?" Nanashi repeated quietly.
"Don't tell me he never told you." Adrian laughed. Nanashi said nothing, scolding himself for allowing himself to be baited again. "Hehehe. Well Nanashi, don't remember how Irena died?" Nanashi's eyes closed. He wished his hands were free so he could cover his ears. I'm not listening, I'm not listening, I'm not listening. "She longed to save you both. She was willing to do anything, even kill you both," Nanashi let out a small cry. "just to keep you both safe. But that didn't work well enough. It was very simple, her plan. A simple powerful poison, slipped into each of your drinks. The three of you were going to die together. All I had to do was slip the antidote to you both." He laughed then felt it, the quaking of Nanashi's weakening and bloody body. Adrian silence, listening, waiting for Nanashi's words.
"...Mommy..." Nanashi wept. Hot, frightened tears slid into his blood. "Mommy...how could you...why? Why did you kill yourself...oh Mommy..." His voice sounded so young, the child in him that had been deprived. Fingers played in the blood, smeared it along his back. "Mommy!"
Adrian didn't say anything for a long time. He listened to Nanashi's weeping, still etching the letter into Nanashi's back. His body had become very weak, he felt nothing but a vague pain every so often now. The skin was growing numb, his eye sight was fading more and more. More tears slid down his skin, mingled and danced with the blood on the floor.
"...Dad..." Nanashi said quietly. There was a small spasm in the officer, the hot iron had jabbed into him. "...Why..." Lifting his head slightly, he dared to ask, dared to know. "Why...did you do this...to me..." Nanashi begged. Adrian, his biological father whom he had now acknowledge, took Nanashi chin in his hand, still etching.
"Because, Angra," Nanashi felt shut away suddenly. "We needed you. We needed your skills...we needed a killer." The pain increased again. "Heh, so we took you." Nanashi whimpered again, feeling so very lonely and lost. He closed his eyes, and hung, a doll on its strings. The urge to be wanted came back very strong. Jack...god I wish you would sit beside me...I want to see you...I want to see Trowa. I want to feel Trowa again. I... He sniffled. I want my mother... "Y." "C.R.Y."
Something blared outside the room. Nanashi wasn't sure what it was. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. The pain left his back; he was cold, so very cold. Adrian said nothing, simply left. The room became quiet, suffocating. The music was soft still; Nanashi had forgotten it was playing. He listened to the cords and melody, trying to find some pleasure in it. There was none. No pleasure in his favorite melody. Nanashi let out a pain stricken sigh and fell, letting his consciousness shatter against the wounds and the reality, letting himself float between the light of living and the void of death.
No sooner had he fallen into that strange state was he yanked out of it. Someone cried out to him, a familiar someone. Whatever had been holding him up, be it chain or rope or his own weakness, it fell away. Nanashi's feet hit the ground. His weak legs crumpled instantly and he felt himself falling, about to crash into the hard, metallic floor. But gentle, strong arms caught him. A familiar embrace surrounded him. Trembling fingers skated along the blood and grime on his skin, along the remnants of his beating, his branding, and his humiliation. He could hear a faint curse, a small sob. A pair of soft lips caressed his blood covered cheek. Forcing his eyes opened, Nanashi looked weakly from his position, resting back in someone's arms. He looked to the owner's face, felt his heart leap as he fingered the familiar hair that covered the majority of his lover's face.
"T...Trowa...you're...ok..." Nanashi said. His throat hurt and his smile was weak. Trowa nodded, tried to smile at him but failed. It was hard for Nanashi to smile now as well. Tears started to well in his eyes again. I don't think I'll ever stop crying... Trowa brushed them aside.
"Don't cry Nanashi...I'll get you out of here. We'll...We'll get you cleaned up." Trowa's throat tightened as he spoke. He held Nanashi a little closer to him, in an effort to hold onto him and to warm him. "Everything will be okay then..." Nanashi wailed softly. He gripped Trowa's shirt and sobbed. "Nanashi...oh God, what is it?"
"How could they?" Nanashi wept. "Mum, how could you kill yourself?" Nanashi hiccupped slightly in between his shudders and wails. "Dad how could you do this!? How could you do this to us, to mum, to Jack?! How could you do this to me!?"
Trowa said nothing. He didn't have to say anything, didn't have to understand. Tenderly, he pulled Nanashi closer. Nanashi could feel him rock him back and forth slightly, trying to calm him. Nanashi sobbed into Trowa's chest. Trowa's hands rubbed his back, his voice spoke softly, carefully. Suddenly exhausted, Nanashi gave into Trowa's request for him to rest. And he did, burying his tearstained face against Trowa and returning to his pained darkness.
Trowa sat in the middle of the metallic floor, cradling his battered Nanashi. There were still tears falling down his frail lover's cheeks. Trowa wiped them away with shaky hands, resting his lips against Nanashi's matted down, blonde locks. He felt Nanashi's blood soak into his clothes and spread across him. It made his stomach twist into vile knots. Oh Nanashi...what have they done to you? It seemed strange to him that Nanashi had only been away from him for a few hours and yet he was so injured.
Nanashi made a small noise, like another whimper. All he had been making was small noises. Small whimpers, tiny cries, soft words. He sounded so weak and tired but he was sleeping now. Or unconscious, whichever. Trowa continued to rock him slightly, to comfort him. He heaved a shaky sigh and sat in Nanashi's blood, holding him to his heart.
"...M...Mommy..." Nanashi whimpered in his anguished rest. Trowa hushed him and pulled him further onto his lap, hooking his arms underneath Nanashi's bloody back and his knees. Trowa watched his tears sadly. He knew what Nanashi was speaking of. "Mum, how could you kill yourself?" Nanashi had sobbed. "Dad how could you do this!? How could you do this to us, to mum, to Jack?! How could you do this to me!?" Trowa clung to the sleeping boy, listened to his lethargic and grief filled words, still somewhat confused by them. "D...Dad...w...why..." He sniveled in his rest.
"Shh...its ok Nanashi..." Trowa cooed into his ear, kissing his cheek softly. He lifted Nanashi off the floor, felt his head fall against his shoulder. Trowa staggered slightly. His chest was still hurting a bit. It hadn't been very long since Heero had pulled the bullet out of him. "But that doesn't matter...I have to get you out of here."
Trowa turned slightly. Far off, he could hear the vague sounds of violence and death. The plan had been entirely too simple for the lot of them. Heero and Duo were the distraction, drawing the fire from two different points. Wufei and Quatre were to take care of the security system, shutting things down from the inside out. And Trowa was to retrieve Nanashi. Which he had done. Now all he had to do was get out and meet up with the others. He staggered slightly, trying to adjust to the weight in his arms and the pain still making his body feel weak. We'll get out of here Nanashi. I promise and then you'll never have to come back.
The noise was deafening, the pain sudden. Trowa felt his body spin about, his legs giving way underneath the sudden weakness and pain in his torso. His knees hit the metal floor. Trowa spun himself slightly to not crush Nanashi in the fall. Nanashi's eyes opened frightened as they both rammed into the floor. Gasping heavily, Trowa's eyes closed, wrapping an arm about Nanashi's small waist. Nanashi whimpered and so did Trowa. Damn it! I feel like I'm on fire...god I can't move my leg...
"Trowa..." Nanashi whimpered, a few tears brimming. Trowa wiped them away before the footsteps began their cross. Pressing Nanashi against him, he rolled as far away as he could. He felt his back bump into the wall. Trowa forced himself up, gripping Nanashi's body and glaring at the blonde officer.
"I thought I killed you." he snapped. Trowa growled.
"And leave Nanashi for you? Bullshit." Trowa hissed. His arms snaked their way about Nanashi's torso and arms, earning a small noise from the boy who pressed closer to him. "I'll go through Hell to pry him away from you, you sick bastard." The officer started towards them. Nanashi's noises increased, he clung to Trowa desperately. Trowa looked to him for a moment. The officer was crossing the distance quickly. "I'll come back Nanashi..." He placed a small kiss on the shivering boy's lips and set him down on the ground. Ignoring the pain, Trowa forced himself to stand and face the officer.
The fight was far more one sided then Trowa had expected. Trowa found the old wound and the new one didn't help him at all to defend himself against the officer. True, it wasn't a complete and total massacre, but Trowa struggled far more than he had ever before. At one point, Trowa was completely on the defensive, finding it hard to simply protect himself. All the while, Nanashi watched frozen against the wall. Barely able to lift himself, he watched Trowa struggle but Trowa wasn't aware of his audience. Once, the officer went for his gun again. Trowa managed to force it away, kick it from his hands and send it across the floor.
"Son of a bitch!" the officer cursed. Trowa's breath was suddenly gone. He felt himself thrown into a table. He cursed himself for being so light. Trying to steady himself, Trowa managed to stand before something connected with his lower back. Trowa gasped. He fell, hand falling on the dial of the radio on the table, listening with an odd fascination as the music changed.
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure
Of walking in your shoes
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
"Trowa!" Nanashi called out as best he could. Before Trowa even had the chance to look to his young lover, he felt a swift kick to the side of his head. A white then red veil covered his vision. Trowa felt a strange tug of vertigo on his senses. Trowa's body slid against the floor through the blood. The cold metal scraping against his back as his thin shirt scrunched underneath him. "No...Stop!!" Nanashi begged. Trowa felt fingers clamp about his throat, squeeze it. Trowa bucked underneath, tried to pull away. Knees held down his stomach and legs, crushing them. Trowa's fingers pressed against the shoulders leaning over him, his vision fading in and out.
"God stop!! Please!!" Nanashi begged. Trowa could hear him trying to rise, could almost hear his tears splashing against the floor. "Adrian, stop...A...Adrian please!!" Adrian...Adrian Mullen? Trowa recognized the name from the disk as he struggled. Breathing started to become harder. "Trowa! Let him go!...Please let Trowa go!!..." Nanashi coughed loudly.
"Silence Angra Mainyu!" Adrian hissed and held Trowa's throat tighter. A choked gasped escaped him as he tried to breathe and failed. His struggling became weaker; Adrian grinned at Trowa's on coming submission. Nanashi cursed quietly, begging.
Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly
Afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is
Another mistake to you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
And every second I waste
Is more than I can take
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
Trowa felt himself slipping away. Sounds melted together but he could still hear Nanashi's screaming, his cursing, his pleading clearly. As though he was the one straddling him with hands about Trowa's throat.
"No! God no Adrian!" Nanashi sobbed. There was a strange rustling sound. "Please...Please Dad...don't take him away...Please!!" Dad? Trowa's eyes opened a bit, fighting off blindness. In the light, he saw the similarities. The same color hair, the same kind of thin, sculpted, almost angelic face. The same pale skin. But Nanashi's eyes were not as dark. Holy shit... If Trowa could speak, he would curse Adrian with everything he had. He'd break him if he could move anymore than he already was. That bastard, that asshole, that fucker! His flesh and blood!! God, you bastard, how could you!?
Adrian could see the rage in Trowa's eyes. He could see the hate and Trowa could see his own hate in the angry blue eyes that were starting to fade. Adrian cursed him but it fell on deafening ears. There was a brief pain but Trowa's senses were shutting down. D...Damn... He could've sworn someone opened the door, bathed him in a brilliant fading light. There was a fading shout. ...I'm sorry...Nanashi... The deafening noise startled him. Air rushed back to his lungs.
And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Something warm trickled down on Trowa's face. His eyes opened again. Adrian's back was arched, his fingers slightly wrapped around his neck still. Blood dribbled down his lips and splashed onto Trowa's skin. The blonde's eyes were wide with surprise, before drooping and clouding with death firmly holding him. The body begin to slump to the side. Trowa let out a hacking cough, shoving the body slightly. He stared at the bullet hole in the man's back, close to his heart. Looking to the door, Trowa watched Heero while panting for air. He did have a gun in his hand but it was down at his side. Heero wasn't even looking at the dead body, his gaze was cast to the side. There was a strange look on his face, 12almost of shock. Trowa followed his gaze.
Nanashi propped himself on an elbow, holding the still smoking gun in a trembling hand. There was rage and fear in Nanashi's dark and jaded eyes. He spoke softly, Trowa couldn't hear what he was saying but by the tears that were flowing from his love's eyes, he could tell that Nanashi was terrified. Dropping the gun, Nanashi gave into his weakness again. His head hit the floor. He shivered, arms wrapping around himself as he quaked.
Weakly, Trowa forced himself up, staggering slightly but ignoring the pain and lack of air in his lungs. He sat down beside Nanashi, who pulled away slightly when Trowa placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. Nanashi's body slid easily into Trowa's arms. He cradled him again, resting his tired head against Nanashi's.
"...I'm...so sorry..." Nanashi whimpered.
"Don't talk..." Trowa said, gaining a little more strength to his voice. Nanashi looked up at him. Trowa smiled down at him, forgetting more and more about the blood seeping out of him. "Rest..." Nanashi remained silently, curling in Trowa's warm arms. Trowa sighed somewhat. He wondered if he could even get up now.
"...He okay?" Heero asked. His voice surprised Trowa. Trowa's eyes looked over his face; Heero had been beside him for several minutes without him realizing it. Trowa didn't answer at first, merely held his Nanashi close to him, felt Nanashi's shaky breathe on his neck. Heero got down beside them. Examined Nanashi with his eyes, making mental notes of his wounds. Nanashi must have felt Heero's presence; he shrank further into Trowa's arms. "We should get him out of here..." Trowa nodded and finally tried to stand. He couldn't, at least not while trying to carry Nanashi. Trowa growled slightly at his own weakness. Damn, I can't carry him...
But Trowa didn't have to. Heero moved Nanashi off his lap and forced Trowa to stand. With a shocked look plastered on his face, Heero put Nanashi on his back. There was a small twitch in Heero's form as he felt Nanahsi's breathe on his shoulder and his blood staining his clothes. He spoke silently to Trowa. Trowa nodded slowly, following him out of the room with his hand over the wound in his torso. He found it very hard to walk in a straight line because of it.
"Hey, let me help..." Duo said suddenly. Trowa jumped a bit, unaware that he had come up beside him. Trowa thanked him quietly as Duo pulled his arm over his shoulder and walked with him. He let his legs give a little bit, let his body rest somewhat as Duo helped him back outside. The others were waiting, blood splattered and somewhat tired looking. Quatre smiled sadly at Trowa. Trowa returned it weakly. He walked among them, leaving the base behind. Heero looked back for a moment after they had walked a fairly good distance, stopped as the others continued on. Trowa could almost hear the click of the detonation switch. Sighing contently, Trowa listened to the explosions from behind them, taking a certain satisfaction that C.R.Y.P.T. would never get a hold of Nanashi again. Its over Nanashi, you'll be safe now...I'll make sure that you will always be safe...
Ok Author's notese
The song, the song is called "Numb" by Linkin Park. Like the other songs it has sgnificant meaning, plus it fits Nanashi's mood. He has never spoken out against Adrian and now he's done and its over and to end it all, he'll do whatever it takes...yeah sucky explination but still...
MeatBall surgery: ever seen M.A.S.H? ...ok well M.A.S.H. is a comedy about a mobil army surgical hospital during the Korean war. Meatball surgery is basically front line surgery. Its not neat or pretty, its fast and efficent so that the soldiers can heal fast and get back to the front lines. They use the term often in that series and I'm borrowing it.
Heero: I have no idea if Heero could do meatball surgery and I don't care! He's the perfect soldier so I wouldn't be surprised if he could. Heero can do anything -.-
And yes, Nanashi is suppose to be a perfect soldier like Heero, however not exactly like him since well...you can figure it out can't you??? hm...anything else??? i dunno...well RR please