Breaking the Habit
By: Rashalla Entalio

Rated R for YAOI and SELF-HARM

Pairings: Heero Yuy/Duo Maxwell (it'll get there, I promise) and allusions to Trowa Barton/ Quatre Winner (later)

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of the associated terms, characters or places. This was written for personal use and was not intended as copyright infringement. The within plotline is mine, or if it has been done before (which is very likely) then it is not meant as plagiarism. This story may be archived and downloaded with the author's explicit permission.

I also do not own any part of the song, "Breaking the Habit". Linkin Park wrote and performed this song. To see the full copyright information look on the back of a Meteora CD or contact me through e-mail

Don't steal, don't sue and every one goes home happy!

Warnings: This story includes R-rated material that may not be suitable for young children. The within story is based around the concept of self- harm/self-mutilation (i.e. cutting); it also contains yaoi (i.e. male/male relationships). If either of these things disturbs you, then please do not read this. Any anti-yaoi or anti-cutting comments will be deleted, as that is what this fic is based on. I will not be held responsible at this point for causing someone to squick because of the obsessive warnings I have out on this.

This chapter is dedicated to rocaddict! Thanks for the longest review. Also, if you haven't read her story, "Silence", it's amazing and beautifully intense. (Warning: it is a deathfic so don't read and then flame because you don't like deathfic's).

Also, if you haven't read fRuiTdevil's Innocent Cruelty, you really should. It's well-written and very intriguing.

Well, (takes a deep breath) without further adieu, let the show begin... (pulls curtains back as the lights dim)

Chapter Two of Breaking the Habit: "Memories Consume"

"Memories consume,
 Like opening the wound,
I'm picking me apart again..."
-- From "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park

When I woke up the next morning, I felt like I had woken up from a nightmare and a nice calm dream, both at the same time; I knew something was wrong, but at the same time I felt warm and safe. My mind was trying to piece itself together, when last night's events came crashing back, dragging me from bliss to reality in record time. The cutting, the confusion, the cuddling... Wait a minute, the cuddling? Did I really cuddle with Heero Yuy... as in Heero "I'm the Perfect Stick-up-my-ass Soldier" Yuy? Oh god, tell me it was all just a dream, but then again... it did feel kind of nice. Okay, so it was more like really nice... fine, alright it was wonderful beyond belief, and completely... impossible. There was no way in heaven or hell that Heero Yuy would have cuddled and comforted me, and for the second time in the past five minutes I went from euphoria to shit.

My thoughts were interrupted when Wufei walked in, his arm in a cast. He glanced my way before freezing and doing a double take. He gave me a look that was somewhere between "Well, you look comfy" and "You are going to be so dead when Heero sees you." That, of course, was when I realized that I was wrapped up in Heero's comforter, laying on Heero's bed, on Heero's side of the room, in the safe house that Heero had found...

Wufei and I both looked up from our thoughts when Mr. I-like-to-show-up- when-Duo-looks-extremely-guilty decided to walk in.

I froze, for the second time in the past day, a picture-perfect Kodak moment for the word 'guilty.' And here he is, Duo Maxwell, spokes person for Guilty, Inc.'s newest product 'Caught in the Act.' 'Caught in the Act' is suitable for people of all ages...

Heero cleared his throat and I kicked myself for letting my mind runaway with my attention and focus.

"Umm... sorry... I'll just... umm..." I trailed off, unsure of what I was supposed to do. Was this a morning after situation or-

My thoughts were cut off, this time by a snicker from Wufei followed by a grunt from Heero.

"Now that you're awake..." Heero started to say. I expected him to at least ask me me if I was alright, but instead he said with his usual tact, "Get off my bed and pack up. You have a mission. You leave for L-2 immediately."

Maybe God or fate or whoever was going for the all-time record of making Duo go from hopeful to feeling like absolute crap. Well, whoever was up there (down there, orfor that matter to the side of), was up to three times in the last ten minutes. But alas they wanted more.

I was finally convinced that last night was just a dream when Heero said, "By the way, Maxwell, I put the blades that were in your pocket on your bed. I didn't want you to accidentally cut yourself." I grimaced when he stressed the word 'accidentally' as he proved that last night really happened.

I swear I saw him frown when I muttered "Why bother avoiding cuts?" When I looked at him closer, all I could see was the mask of indifference that earned him the nickname "The Perfect Soldier."

I picked up my duffle bag off of the luggage carousel and slung it over my shoulder. It was two days after what I had dubbed "The Heero Incident." Not original, I know, but I really wasn't in the mood for a unique title, like The CCC Incident (a.k.a. The Cutting, Confusion and Cuddling Incident).

I sighed; I was now standing in one of the many space ports on L-2. My mission was pathetically simple: a basic search and destroy. My target wasn't all that interesting; he was some high-class businessman from L-1 who was manufacturing mobile suits illegally. The only thing that differentiated this man from the numerous other businessmen doing the same thing was that he was stupid enough to get caught.

I sighed, and picked my way through the grimy, rundown spaceport. Every once and a while I would notice Preventers stationed near exits or around luggage carousels. After the Marmaria Incident the Preventers took up the positions of city police, government soldiers and special agents like me. Lady Une, now head of the Preventers, had threatened to shoot me herself if I didn't check in with the L-2 Preventers immediately. Oh well, she'll live if I check in tomorrow, I thought.

Once again, I sighed, adjusting my duffle bag for the umpteenth time. I squared my shoulders and braced myself for the impromptu reunion with my home colony.

As I stepped out of the spaceport, my senses were overwhelmed with filth. The sidewalk I was standing on was literally covered in slime and garbage. The air was stale, and I could smell, not only the garbage, but also the less pleasant smells of old blood and fresh wounds. Everywhere I looked I saw dirt and grime, pain and suffering, hunger and poverty. Well, I thought, L-2 hasn't changed a bit.

I used to revel in the sweet smell of overripe garbage, used to thrive in the dark, dank underworld of L-2, had made a name for myself in this filthy, oppressive world, but now... now I was repulsed by it, disgusted that I had grown up loving this, and saddened that even well after my death children would grow up like I did, but most would meet Solo's fate(1).

Stagnant air brushed by bangs away from my face as if to say, "Welcome Home, Duo Maxwell..."

Well, all I could say was that it wasn't exactly great to be back.

Please review because that is what my muse and I live on. Flames will be used to cook yummy food (i.e. quesadillas and manicotti).

A/N: The reason I did not update sooner is because my old computer sucked and shut down every ten minutes, literally. Plus, the fact that was being weird and not letting me upload anything. But now with my brand new, extra spiffy Compaq Presario (yay!) I can update more regularly. Also, I know I promised longer chapters, sorry. Don't worry the next chapter is about tree times as long... unless I decide to split it in half.

Thank you to...

subzero13: I'm glad I caught your interest, Frozen Cranberry: yes, I agree long chapters are good. This one isn't exactly long, per se, but it's longer, Louise: Thanks, Kiyomi22: I'm glad you thought that chapter one was good. Don't worry I don't mind eager beavers. Thanks, and yes I did get more nice reviews, Rena Lupin: This isn't exactly soon, but blame that on my old computer and ff.n, depressionprob (Kristen): Glad you like it, Kristen. If you're interested I can recommend more fics to you, hails: Yes, I agree, "Jittery" is great, Solitaire: Thanks, I wasn't all that fond of the start, but thanks anyway. Again, "Jittery" is great, VamploverV: Sorry for the wait but my old computer sucked, Dana Archer: I agree, jittery is the perfect term for the feeling you get, rocaddict: "Breaking the Habit" is one of my all-time favorite songs. I'm glad you think that I presented cutting realisticly. Also, don't worry, not everyone has given up on Duo. You'll see (well, not in this chapter, but soon). And lastly, I never thought of it as a really long songfic, but I like that idea. So now all of the chapter titles will be a line from the song, fRuiTdevil: I'm glad you think that Heero is in character. That's what I was attempting. He's hard to write, but most of the time if you focus on his callous nature it usually works better.