Hentai Ryou
By Vada via cretino
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Kazuki Takahashi does. I don't own anything because I spent all my money on clothes and a new phone. And you can't have that! It's MINE! *Hisses*
Warnings: Yaoi. My weird 'sense of humour'. Perverted and sarcastic Ryou. Swearing.
Sorry! I've been busy with exams and coursework and packing for France. I'm going on Monday! Yayyy! So that's a week without being able to write any more on this. Again I apologize. I've been stuck on what to write forever. -.-;;.
Thanks to:
Sarina Fannel – Arigatou!
FiRe-AnGeL and Calvin – I think stunningly is a word? Oh well. I'm glad you think I'm funny. I got weird looks for pointing at the sky and yelling, "They're coming! There's no escape! We're all gonna die! Ahhhh!" in the middle of town. *Laughs all embarrassed like* I wasn't in a right state of mind, okay?
Yamis Girlfriend – I try to make it as cute as possible!
Dia – Hehe. I'm glad you think it's funny, too. ^_^
Sailor Comet – Thanks for correcting me. I agree. Stupid English language. I'm glad you like it.
phwee? yami hobo – Hmm. I might just add something to do with Bakura and Elmo in this fic just for you. Who knows? ^_~
Cat – I know. Bakura in anything just makes me swoon. In…nothing…even better. *Drools*
Wolfqueen821 – Hehe. It's okay. As long as you like it.
Tricks – Um…okay? *Laughs nervously* Well, more is coming right up!
Makora – A glowing toilet seat? Yay! I always wanted one of those! It'd go well with my glowing toilet. ^_^ *Ignores all the weird stares*
sandra – I agree. When I first read a Yaoi fic I was like "What the..?" but I love them! I really don't like straight pairs, Yaoi forever! Yay! Yup, it's definitely addictive!
Satoshi – Yes McDonald's does suck. So far I have done well in avoiding it. Apparently they're changing the colours from Red to Blue or something? To make it look more 'sophisticated'. *Snorts* I doubt it'll ever look sophisticated.
Kye – Thanks! I enjoy writing it, too! Yeah, Bakura and Ryou make the cutest couple. *Starry eyed*
Ranma Higurashi – Lol, I don't know what they were. They're all burnt and ruined now. ;_; *Whispers* I would have made them Blueberry for you, but someone else asked if they were chocolate so I'm not saying what they are!
Chibi ai – Hehe. Ryou does seem to be the type of person to bake. Of course. I couldn't leave someone as sexy as Malik out, could I? I'm quite the hentai myself. I'd say something and my friends would stare at me in shock. Actually, a lot of people seem to stare at me when I say stuff. It's quite unnerving. -.-
darkarc – Yeah, it's a lovely thing to imagine, isn't it? I even drew Ryou in leather pants with a top that showed his stomach. But he did have a buckle around his neck and a spiked bracelet thing on his wrist. Too bad I don't have a scanner to put it up. *Sniffles*
Dawn – I know. Bakura and muffins is a strange combination. And who'd have thought he could bake? Well, he didn't actually do that well considering how they're burnt to a crisp. ^^;
Queen of Eternal Darkness – Thanks for reviewing!
DogsruleW – Aww, shucks. *Blushes* I'm flattered!
Jimbiny Lupin-Wood – Will do! Thanks for reviewing. ^_^
VampssAmby10210 – I'm quite proud of it, too. It just came out of nowhere.
Unica - *Glomps* Omg! Yay! Thank you so much! I can't wait to see it! ^___^ And yes, I am Italian as a matter of fact. Only half Italian, mind you. And Vada via cretino in Italian means something along the lines of 'Get lost jerk'. Hehe.
Dark Millenia – *Shudders* No way! Poor Ryou! I'd never put him through something like that. But…he might just run into her in the near future. *Cackles* Maybe with Bakura near by this time?
S. A. Bonasi – I know that Malik/Yami Malik isn't a pairing that made sense. But my whole fic doesn't make that much sense. Noticed the lack of plot? You're right, it is only a small part of the fic, that is why I didn't bother to explain how or why they got together. Ditto with Yami/Yugi. And I am more in favour of Malik/Ryou pairings, but this is a Bakura/Ryou fic, so that wouldn't work. Besides, it's a fan fiction, it doesn't have to exactly be in sync with the anime or manga. I suppose it would be better if it was, but I don't think it needs to be. Thanks for your opinion, anyhow. Besides, I might actually go into how Malik and Marik get together. It won't necessarily make sense, and they are quite OOC, seeing as they're supposed to hate each other. But I might provide some sort of get-together talk. Your first review did get through, I don't know whether Fanfiction.net showed it but I got it in an e-mail. Anyway, thanks for your review.
The Chaotic Ones – Lol. It took me a long time but I did continue. I'm glad you like it. But fat hippopotami (that's how it's supposed to be spelled *hits herself*) are scary, aren't they? *Shudders*
Evil Authoress of Doom – I'm sorry that you'll have to see this…but in this chapter you'll see the poor, mutilated muffins. You might want to look away.
YamisGal – Thanks! ^_^
rogue solus – Ta da. Updated just for you. ^_~ …And everyone else!
Yami Bakura – It's okay. I'm English and I never make sense. I can't even speak my own language properly. -.- Bakura is an evil little Yami, isn't he? But that's what makes him so sexy. ^_^
tenshineechan – Yup. Naughty and perverted and rude. Just the way he should be!
Escuro de las Lus – I'm glad my weird sense of humour is appreciated. Ah well, who can say what's weird and what's normal? Not me! I try my best to make the situations funny, and hopefully they'll stay that way throughout the fic. Thanks for your review.
*~*~*~*~*~*~* - Change of time and/or scene.
//Blah.// - Yami to Hikari through their link.
/Blah./ - Hikari to Yami through their link.
"Blah" – Speech.
'Blah' – Thinking.
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Chapter 5 – Ryou's Diary
What a complete and utter moron! Can't he do anything right? Obviously not. Since I've had to open the windows to let out the smoke that is currently inhabited in our kitchen.
I stared at the tray of smoking gooey stuff and poked one of the soot-black mounds with a finger. I watched it collapse and disintegrate with mild amusement before looking up at my flustered Yami and raising an eyebrow.
"From your shrieking I'm guessing these were supposed to be muffins?"
"Well if you hadn't attached yourself to me they wouldn't have gotten burned!" He snapped, glaring at me.
I blushed slightly but kept my eyes locked with his. "Well it's not my fault I got eyed up and sexually harassed all the way home, is it?."
His eyes widened in quite a comical way before narrowing in anger. Anger directed at me. I gulped.
"Well if you didn't dress up like a whore then you wouldn't get sexually harassed!" He barked.
I pretended to look hurt, deciding to use my 'innocence'. "So you don't think I look sexy?" I asked, adding emphasis to the word 'sexy' to remind him of the embarrassing situation he had put me in days before.
He flushed and opened his mouth to speak but shut it again. I suppressed the giggle. He looked like a fish! It was nice to have control for once.
I could have sworn his eyes just narrowed for a second. Hey, no fair. He's all calm and collected now. How does he compose himself so easily? Is it some sort tomb robbing necessity?
"Hai, Ryou. You look very sexy." He said, smirking.
I blink.
What happened there?
"Well, I've made quite a mess." He mumbled, more to himself than me, I think.
I looked around and scowled. There was flour everywhere. Not to mention what looked like failed muffin mixture attempts. I don't know what possessed me to look upwards. But I did.
"What the hell is muffin mixture doing on the ceiling?!" I shrieked.
Don't get me wrong; I'm like any other teenage boy. I can handle a simple mess. I'm not some sort of neat freak that has to have everything perfect. Just because I don't have underwear and porn magazines strewn about my room it doesn't mean I'm not normal.
The fact I have a blood thirsty, five thousand year old Yami and snowy white hair means I'm not normal.
The kitchen looked like it was the setting for some kind of enchanted winter wonderland. The originally green room was completely white.
My thoughts were interrupted as Bakura snorted.
\\Hn. How pretty.\\
"There's flour everywhere! How did you get muffin mixture on the ceiling and flour everywhere?!" I yelled, choosing to ignore him.
Like I said before, I can handle a simple mess. But this was going too far!
Bakura's rolled his eyes and snorted again. "Neat freak."
"Neat freak?! THE KITCHEN IS A COMPLETE MESS!" I screamed. To further get my point that I was overly pissed into his thick skull, I picked up what once remotely resembled a muffin and threw it directly in his face.
Ha. And Ishinomori-sensei had said I had a poor throw.
My anger seemed to ebb away as he blinked at me. His entire face was covered in black goo and only his dark brown eyes were visible. His anger, however, seemed to flare as a deep growl was emitted from low in his throat.
Despite the fact I was in deep, deep trouble I laughed at Bakura.
"You're going to pay!" He yelled, lunging for me.
I squeaked and jumped out of the way, not wanting to get my new, expensive clothes messy.
"You have to catch me first!" I laughed, running out of the kitchen.
It's more fun running away when I'm not terrified for my life. Though I think I'm supposed to be.
I suddenly find myself unable to move. Hmm. I don't think that's good. As hard as I try, my body just doesn't want to listen to me.
I heard a sinister chuckle behind me and I rolled my eyes.
"Well now. What can I do with you?" He whispered in my ear.
I squeaked and gulped. I tried to move again, but to no avail. He was now directly behind me. How did he get so close without me noticing?
"I'm a Tomb Robber, baka. I am trained especially to masterfully sneak around without people noticing."
I snorted and lifted my hand to muffle my laughter. "You were a Tomb Robber. And how are a bunch of dead Pharaohs going to be able to tell whether you're there or not?"
I blink and stare at my hand. Well at least my right arm moves.
Bakura snarled and stood directly in front of me. I looked up at him and smiled. Not sinister or evil in any way. Just a simple, polite smile.
Which means doom for him and he knows it.
I lift my right hand quickly and slap Bakura across his face, causing him to gasp and stumble backwards, clutching his cheek with a hand.
That's what was supposed to happen, anyway. I stared wide-eyed at my hand, which was currently in Bakura's slightly larger one, centimetres from his face. I slowly lifted my gaze to Bakura's to see him smirking sexily at me.
Bastard.
"Tsk, tsk hikari." He scolded, shaking a finger at me with his free hand.
I suddenly burst into laughter, and by the scowl on his face; I don't think that's the reaction he was going for. Hey, it's not my fault he looks so funny with burned muffin all over his face.
He dropped my hand and moved away, much to my disappointment, and sat himself on the couch.
I blinked and walked in front of Bakura, who was pouting – now that's something you don't see, well, ever – and refused to meet my gaze.
"Yami? What's wrong?"
He mumbled something and lowered his eyes to the floor.
"I'm sorry, but could you speak a little louder?"
"I said they were supposed to be for you!" He growled, his face bright red.
My Yami got up and stormed past me and into the kitchen. I stood there for a while before his words sunk in.
…They were for me?
They were for me!
I squealed happily and bounced into the kitchen after Bakura who was now…cleaning?
I quickly got over my momentary shock and jumped at Bakura, hugging him.
"Arigatou, Bakura-kun!" I chirped.
"What for?" He mumbled, "They were completely ruined."
"Hai, I know. But it's the thought that counts and that was so sweet of you! Arigatou!"
I looked up at Bakura to see his expression. His face was slightly flushed, but his mouth was turned upwards slightly. My jaw dropped in shock.
Yami no Bakura was smiling!
Again!
Twice in one lifetime for Bakura can't be good…can it?
I then noticed the position we were in. I had my arms wrapped tightly around Bakura's waist and we were very, very close. I squeaked and jumped back from Bakura.
I made up some lame excuse about doing homework and ran quickly out of the kitchen and up to my room. That was way too close for comfort. Well, not in a sense I didn't enjoy it, but in the sense I might have done something I would have regretted. I wouldn't have actually regretted it, though…Well, something Bakura would regret me doing….Um, yeah…
"Ryou?"
Ack, I swear he does this stuff on purpose. I scrambled to my desk as quickly as I could and made myself look like I was mulling over a complicated maths equation. Right before he enters my room, too.
"Don't you have some cleaning up to do?" I asked, hinting at him to leave me alone.
He grinned and shook his head, tapping the Millennium Ring with a finger. Pfft. Figures.
"You can use that thing to clean?" I ask incredulously, raising an eyebrow.
He blinked a few times before looking at me as if I was stupid and shook his head again.
"I just sent all the flour to the Shadow Realm."
"Oh, okay."
I read a question and quickly wrote the answer down, deciding to actually do work so as not to look suspicious. Though I should have learned by now that ignoring Yami Bakura does not make him go away. It seems to encourage him to stay longer.
"Need any help?" He asked, peering over my shoulder.
"From you? I think Jounouchi would get more answers right." I said, not looking up.
Okay, so that was a bit harsh. But can't he see I'm trying to do my homework?
Surprisingly, he just sends me a mental shrug and flops on my bed, lying on his stomach, and watches me work. Ack, it's so distracting. I can just feel his eyes boring into the back of my head.
I fidget in annoyance and thankfully he seemed to get the message and decided to look around my room instead. For some reason, Bakura jumped off my bed and lifted up my mattress. My eyes widen as he pulled out a light blue book with "Ryou's Diary" written on the front.
"Hmm, what's this?" he asked 'innocently'.
I jumped up from my chair and leapt at Bakura, trying to get my diary back.
Shit, shit, shit! He can't read my diary! It has personal stuff in there! Hell, it has perverted stuff in there! Personal, perverted stuff about him!
Bakura sidestepped at the last minute, causing me to lose my balance and trip. With a growl, I got up and glared at him.
"Give me it back, Bakura!
Grinning, Bakura opened the book to the first page and read through some things before sniggering.
He began reading aloud in a high, squeaky voice. Hmm. I think he's mocking me?
"I'm such a baka! I was blushing like a fool today. I shouldn't have a crush on my best friend! Baka, baka, baka! …But he's so smart and kind. He's such a bastard to everyone else. But with me Malik laughs and smiles. *Sigh* He's so beautiful, too. He has soft, golden hair that glows and his lavender eyes –"
With a loud war cry I leapt on Bakura again. Success! He wasn't expecting it this time. Ack, but he'd decided to be an insufferable bastard and refused to let go of my diary.
I can't believe he just read that! It's so embarrassing. At least he didn't see the things later on I wrote about him. But…how did he know my diary was there? He didn't seem to be looking for it; he seemed to know that my diary was under my mattress. But I never even told him that I had a diary. Why would I? Damn it! Stupid Bakura!
In extreme frustration and desperation – can you blame me? – I bit down on Bakura's arm. He let out a pained cry and the diary flew out of his hand and out the window.
I heard a "Hey!" and someone laughing out loud. I got up, ran to the window and looked out.
If I wasn't leaning on the windowsill to peer out the window I'm pretty sure I would have fallen to the floor in disbelief. For down there, on the pavement, with my diary at his feet was none other than Malik himself. Rubbing the bump that was forming on his head, by the looks of it. Marik was stood next to him cackling like the deranged Yami he is.
The gods truly hate me.
I stood in complete shock and horror as Malik looked down at the offending object lying on the pavement and bent down to pick it up.
"Hey, what's this?"
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Finally! *Dies* Sorry it's not that great but I wanted to get it done before I went to France. Sorry about that crappy little cliff-hanger, but the thought just came to me so I used it. I also wasn't going to put Malik or Marik in this again. But meh, I did.
Thank you again for all the reviews, you're all really great! ^_^ Keep being great, I like reviews!
By the way, as you can tell, it was the beginning of his diary, so it was a long time ago that Ryou had a crush on Malik. But can you honestly blame him? …Thought not!