Chapter Six: In the Dark of the Night
Addie gasped, trying to stop laughing. It was very difficult, considering Gordon had his fingers expertly tickling her ribs while he sat on her knees. One hand went back and began to work on her feet.
"No no, stopit Gord, I can't breathe!" Addie gasped out, smacking him ineffectually with her fists. Gordon laughed.
"Say the word!"
"Nooo!'
"SAY IT!"
"Okay okay! Monkey poo!"
"Can't hear you!"
"MONKEY POO MONKEY POO OH GET OFF ME!!" At last Gordon got off and let Addie go. "You meanie, Gordon, that hurt!" She rubbed her ribs, elbowing him in the gut. Gordon laughed again.
"Sorry. But you asked for it." He flopped back on the grass of Addie's aunt's back yard, looking up at the stars. Addie lay down next to him.
"I never did. Monkey poo yourself."
"Aww, shuddup." Both lapsed into silence. Nothing was moving.
"Man, Gordo," Addie said at last, "We've sure missed you in the sub."
"Mmm."
"Why could you not come back?" She knew she was touching on a taboo subject, Gordon had made that very clear to her. But still the thought nagged at her, and the impossible question (to her mind)- was it me?
Gordon remained silent. Addie was about to change the subject, when at last he sighed.
"I wasn't aware of what had happened for two months after. I was just drifting in and out, seeing blotches, remembering little. I saw the faces of my brothers and father looking down at me, but it didn't register as to who they were. It was difficult." He paused. Addie remained silent, just listening.
"When I finally came to, the first thing that hit me was the silence. And the whiteness. And the numbness. I couldn't feel my own limbs. I now know it was a LOT of painkiller, but then I wasn't sure if they were still there or not. I was very very scared." He paused again with another sigh.
"I can imagine," murmured Addie. "Go on." She propped herself up on her elbow, watching his face. His eyes searched the stars, as if for help.
"I went under again for a while. The next thing I knew was pain, searing pain. I knew I had my limbs again then. I swear, my screams brought the entire hospital running. I must have scared all the patients." He laughed dryly. "My father was there in an instant. My older brother John was there too, in fact he was sitting right next to me at the time. I must have scared him out of his wits! He wasn't even aware that I was awake." He laughed again. "But he was a great support. He'd only just graduated from University, and come straight away. He didn't have a chance to celebrate. Scott was on some mission in Turkey for the US Airforce and couldn't come right off. Virgil was embroiled in some top-secret NASA project. Alan was busy trying to kill himself racing cars. They'd all come at first, but as I didn't wake for ages, they'd had to go back. But as soon as they knew, they were there. They were great. Even though all I did was scream and tell really stupid jokes to try and disguise my frustration. I couldn't move. My back was wrecked. I'd already had three operaions, but they couldn't do any more until I woke."
Addie examined Gordon's face. He looked far off, pulling up memories that he hadn't allowed out for a very long time.
"I didn't want to go on for a while. But the guys talked and talked, supporting me. Scott kept telling me about all the great things I could do once I was out, like I was going to get out the next day. I got really annoyed at him for that. Virgil painted me stuff and played music and talked. That was alright, since he only talked about what I wanted him to talk about. Alan kept telling me about his cars. John listened to me whine for half an hour, then told me to stop being so stupid and walked off and wouldn't talk to me until I stopped whining."
Addie laughed. Gordon turned his head towards her, a faint smile on his face. Then he looked up again.
"Then one day, after telling the same stupid joke to Virgil six times in half an hour, I realised, I want out! So I worked. You have no idea of the hours of intense physical work I did. I came out leaner than I went in, and that's saying something. I underwent six more operations, and walked out four months after I awoke. I felt great. On top of the world." Gordon grinned at the memory. "To be fair, I limped out, and I went straight to bed as soon as I got to the hotel, but still. I underwent physio for the next six months, but that was okay, because I was free." Gordon fell silent. Addie waited for him to continue, but he didn't.
"And then?" she prompted. Gordon remained silent for a little while longer.
"And then, my father said he wanted me closer to home for a while. So he gave me a sweet job, housed me, clothed me, and set me up for life. And I'm still there. And that's it."
"Oh. That's it?"
"Yes. That's it."
"Hmm." Addie frowned. "Why don't I believe you?"
"Believe what you want, that's it." Gordon shrugged and stared upwards resolutely. Addie, however wasn't satisfied.
"What aren't you telling me? It wouldn't end so abruptly, would it?"
"It would, and it did, okay? Leave it!" Gordon rolled away and sat up with his back to her, hating lying. Addie, however, thought he was mad at her.
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. It just- doesn't seem like you to just qive up everything only because your dad wanted you to be around. What about your dreams, Gordo? Your aspirations, your hopes, your-"
"Adelaide." Addie stopped. Something in Gordon's voice told her she had better stop or she'd deeply regret it. She slumped down.
"Yeah, well, still." She folded her arms across her chest and sighed, exasperated. Gordon frowned.
"My hopes have been adjusted. WASP no longer fits into the picture. It just- wouldn't work any more, Ad. Everything is so much- harder, more difficult, now. Its too complicated. WASP will always be important to me, but I can't go back now. I just couldn't. It's impossible."
"Why, Gordon? Jeeze, why can't you tell me??"
"Because-"
"Couldn't your father pull some strings and-"
"NO! ADELAIDE! STOP IT!" Gordon rounded on her, his face furious for one of the few times Adelaide had ever seen it. This was the first time his anger had ever been directed at her. "I can't, Ad! I CAN NOT! Alright? No go, nuh-uh, no way Jose, wrong way, stop, go back, halt, cease, desist! That's all! Leave it alone, PLEASE!" He frowned and stood up. Adelaide stood too. "I better go."
"No, Gord, I'm sorry, don't go because of me."
"Addie, I came on this holiday to straighten my head, not bunch it up even more! And this is not a joke!" Adelaide pressed her lips together.
"I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. I won't mention it ever again. Although the big secret will eat my guts forever." She tried on a tentative smile. Gordon sighed, then laughed.
"So it will. You never could resist a secret." Both fell silent. Finally Addie turned side-on to Gordon and examined the view.
"Sooo, when do you leave?"
"In three days."
"Did you do everything you wanted to do?"
"Nearly." Both fell silent again.
"When do you go back to WASP?"
"I've got another week."
"Well, that's great. You'll enjoy getting back into it?"
"Yeah." Silence again. Then suddenly Gordon seemed to snap out of his morose mood and he grinned.
"Wanna go swimming?"
"What, now?"
"Yeah, why not?" Addie looked up at him and laughed.
"Why not!"