Once a Lifetime By: Nuriko & Jess
Chapter Three; Duo POV:
After what I call one of my usual catnaps, I turn my attention to Deathscythe. In all honestly, I'd love to shout out to the heavens that he's the best out of all five, but I know in my heart that he isn't. Deathscythe has a fatal flaw; a pilot who refuses to use everything he comes with. I've yet to see every little thing G's done to him, especially after the upgrade from Deathscythe Hell to Deathscythe Hell Custom. G seems to think I'll take after the perfect solider and enjoy every little toy he adds to my Gundam. I happen to love Deathscythe to Hell and back, but I don't like how deadly he's become. I liked him better when there was just a jamming system and a single bladed thermal scythe, capable of operating under water.
I shake my head and clear my thoughts. No use thinking about old times that could get me killed if I'm not careful. I make certain my black outfit is as tight and dark as it ever could be. I like being reminded of the past. I were the priest-like shirt in honor of Father Maxwell, who would possibly be turning over in his grave if he knew what I was doing with his last name in tow. He'd possibly become very upset. He died preaching peace, after all.
I pull out my cross and stare at it a long time. This was my memento of Sister Helen. She was still alive when I happen upon her, more to my ever-present nightmares. She tried to tell me to be strong, to do what was right. Guess I'm failing a bit in both. I look toward Deathscythe and gracefully climb up and into the open cockpit. I leave the door open and catch my reflection in one of his many screens. A frown and slight tears rest in my eyes. That isn't me. Not any more; I can't allow that happy mask to fall. I can't.
"I can't," I whisper as tears slowly make their way down my cheeks without me allowing them to. I frown harder and quickly glance toward Heero. He's so busy on Wing Zero Custom that he'd never notice my little out of character moment. Leaning back in my seat, I give in to the pain that fills me and I cry. I cry for the mess my life's become, for the loss of such kind people who had been in my life, but most of all I cry for the loss of a love I'm slowly beginning to realize will never happen again.
Oh, I'm not stupid. I've watched Heero when he thinks I'm not paying any attention. I even now realize his words to me before he got in my face. That wasn't nice of him to say I was gonna be marrying Relena. That pink hazard can stay as far away from me in that department. Maybe if I told her I was gay she'd never come near me again. That's always a possibility. While I feel unchecked tears fall down my cheeks, I make the necessary adjustments to Deathscythe for this coming mission. Stupid tears have never stopped me before, not when Heero's life was in the balance. One of these days, I wish he could share just one of the many flashbacks of our life. Then maybe he'd ease up on me some. I'll only be able to take so much more before I either ask for another partner or turn and walk out without a second thought.
Soul mate or not, I refuse to be hurting this much any more. I can't stand his glares any more. I'm used to his cold blue eyes, I admit, but the glares are getting a little too much. I can't keep watching his glares and think things have a chance. I wish I could see what made him tick in this time like I could in the others. Then, maybe, I could do what I need to to win his heart.
"Yeah, right Maxwell, and the Princess of Pink will show up at your doorstep and tell you she's backing off. Keep dreaming and it might get a little easier." I sigh and move to adjust other things on my Deathscythe when suddenly Heero appears on my screen. Great, now he'll catch me crying. Will wonders never cease?
"Are you finished?" he asks coldly. I paste my smile into place; ignoring the fact that one last tear is still trailing down my cheeks. If he wants to comment or make fun of me for it, so be it. I didn't really care at the moment.
"Almost, 01. Just have to make certain my stealth mode is in working order and we can get moving. I take it you've just been waiting on me these last few minutes."
"No. . .I was adjusting things as well," he answered, his voice skipping slightly. I look up from my work and turn my now dark eyes toward him. Did he just stutter? What was up with the perfect solider? He just admitted to not being done and he also didn't get it out as clear as he always did. Did my tears make him that off balance? If that was the case, I'd have to hide them better otherwise he'd threaten to kill me over killing his perfect rhythm.
"Oh, then I'll finish things as quickly as possible so that you won't have to wait on little old me, 01. 02 out for the moment." This time, it was me who ended our communication. If he wanted to talk at all, I knew he'd come over and speak to me personally. He did it often enough when we were working on our Gundams that I think he didn't even realize it anymore. Only when he was near Wing Zero was he ever willing to talk to me. Some times it was foolish stuff that he'd wanted to get off his chest. Other times it was things I never thought he'd tell me, moments about his past.
I know it was only dew to his hidden fear that he wouldn't live to see tomorrow that made he talk before a mission. I never minded that, though. It gave me insight on him. Let me into that head of his he kept locked up tight and allowed me a glimpse of the man I had always loved. The person I wanted to hold in my arms and tell I loved still. I couldn't though. Not now or ever at this rate. Instead I wrapped my arms around myself, had one last cry, which consisted of two tears, and then went back to work. After all, boys don't cry, and I was a boy, wasn't I?